TTC 10 plus months, part 6

[mrsden]

A friendly, supportive thread for those of us who are taking a bloody long little longer time than average to conceive.

Wow hy grapefruit ovaries I've seen a photo of mine, they are the size of hazelnuts, so small. So thats a pretty big swelling! Sorry for being grossly inquisitive but what cones out - fluid? Is that what makes them big? You need a proper rest no mistake.

Lisa so glad you're feeling better.

princess of course still welcome! I'll be loitering on here throughout the next months of abstinence. Sorry about the preg announcement. I do not like the sound of your cleanse diet. Lately I have lots of pooing which I'm optimistically attributing to the broid. I think those pills would send me over the edge! Diet is such an unknown thing. Theres always that hope that one more alteration will do the job. And in many cases I think it probably does. But it does feel as if everyone should have to embark on the ttc diet to win the prize!

And joycep these are not ok on the 10 plus scale! As if you get cross when it happens straight away! Ha! Hen dos can be a strange affair in my book. I think critter you described my experience of them spot on. I refused to have one as most of my friends were pregnant. I wasn't even trying then!!!!!!!!we went out for a sedate meal. That might have also been because I'm old

Well my news is that I got my appointment for my op today, it's The end of July I have been colossally pissed off about this because they said it would be the end of may and def weeks not months. Im so so annoyed! Apparently he's had some urgent cases come up, which I guess can't be argued with. I want to be urgent! But must remember it isn't life threatening. So, there we go. This technically gives us another shot at it, but mr wine doesnt want to, he doesn't want a risky pregnancy and we have been taking a bit of a gamble. I'm also not sure I want yet another let down although I'm resigning myself to it being highly unlikely anyway. somehow, a painful risky preg feels better than no pregnancy. I don't know. I also feel I need a break from temping and trying. But I don't think ill be able to give it up!

Other news is that my period still hasn't come. I'm now 15dpo and all I have is very light spotting and lots of ewcm but I did have a drop of proper bleeding this morning and have had cramps all day. My temp dropped just below the cover line this morning so expecting it any minute and keep going to the loo to get the Tampax. It's odd. If my temps had stayed high I might be wondering now, but temp drop + spotting, I know how that story ends. So tonights worry is that I'm going through the menopause! I hate these slow starts.

But at least it's sunny. Right then, Im ready for another bfp on this chapter, get those tails waggling!

Evening lovely ladies,
Sorry that it seems to be more of a crap time in the generally crappy experience of ttc for lots of us. Last time this happened though I'm sure we then had that run of 5 BFPs? That finger has to be hovering and waiting to point soon!

mrshy you poor thing- what a horrendous experience. I really hope that the pain and discomfort dies down quickly. 9 for FET sounds very promising.

wine I'm gutted for you- your symptoms did sound promising, and not in my mad prod my boobs way, but it sounds like something did happened. I really think once they spring clean that womble it will be your turn.

euro I'm sorry that the iui was unsuccessful this time- glad you're feeling better now CD1 has passed and you are ready to move on to next cycle. Don't worry about the IVF last chance thing. I think this is a place we have to air all our worries and you can pretty much guarantee that some, if not all of us, have the same worries over the same things. Although what lisa said about her colleague made me think- imagine having such limited options and no Dr Google! I think I'd have lost it!

lemons hope the 2ww isn't too tortuous and that you're keeping well.

becks good luck for the scan tomorrow. I hope whatever happens that this is the means to a very short ends for you.

Welcome jo- sorry to hear about your situation- hope you're stay here is short and sweet.

Ugh princess and joy for your preg announcements- sounds like they need to go in mine and DH's 'Pregnancy Room 101', along with Jeremy Vile DNA test guests, women who eff and jeff to their other 7 kids in ASDA and Kerry Katona (although she's not been pregnant this year- yet).

joy I hear you on hen do hell- the same for me this weekend. I actually cried upstairs in the bathroom because...wait for it... whilst taking bird sips of champagne and abstaining from the PCO aggravating cake, one of my many preggo friends was talking about how dry her hair had been so.... she used Aussie 3 minute miracle and it did the trick!!! I just wanted to scream and stamp my feet because ttc has just taken over everything! And she hasn't had to consider any of it! Gah- the unfairness! Pulled myself together but then decided that I might just get sloshed... so I did and felt very guilty yesterday!

Otherwise I've been mad busy at work, trying to squeeze scans into my lunch hour. Hopefully the iui will happen at some point this week.

I've missed loads of you but this post is still massive! Waves to gin, pout, artemis, beryl, critter, ladygee et al. Lots of love xx

wine sorry about the appointment, its crap that you have to wait so long, this journey is long enough, big hugs x

x post wine- absolute bummer about July. Would you be a priority for cancellation or is that their only offering? You've been waiting so long, no wonder you're . Maybe see how you feel about trying or not a few days into your cycle when you've got over this shitty bit. Lots of love x

Thanks Lisa and frannie - my period has finally had the decency to turn up. With sleep depriving pains I prefer my usual 12 day luteal phase thanks! The op will actually be on my inevitable July period so that might push it even later. I might have to do some enquiring as I'm mightily peeved.

pout I think it might be your lap tomorrow. All the best and let us know you're ok as soon as you can. All over soon and thinking of you

Oh and frannie I'm liking room 101!

Hi ladies

mrshy - oh my god that all sounds very unpleasant and pretty scary. How are you doing today? i?m pleased you have lots of embies for a FET (check out the things i know) though so that is very positive news. I think part of this process is trying to take any positivity you can find even when the shit has hit the fan. I do hope you get better soon.

euro - i am so sorry about your AF. When in a dark mood and bad place this is the best place to come and vent. And at being in the office on Saturday...you lawyers work too hard.

nelly - being put to sleep probably wasn?t the best term of ref to use! I can?t believe you have had to wait 12 wks for your first appointment ? that is truly awful. your post did make me laugh when you referred to your DH as a twat and then the itching powder in his pants hahaha. These men can come out with insensitive comments though.

wine - sorry about your last best friend being pregnant. Infertility hell is a very succinct but accurate description of all this. And sorry about the spotting as well...you did seem to have lots of symptoms so I was really hoping this was your moment. I hope AF has stayed away and that spotting is some else.

pout - you mean to say you didn?t buy a pair of joggers with ?babe? on the bum? Remind me when you?re going in for your Lap...isn?t it this week?

Welcome jo - sorry you find yourself here but you will find lots of support.

Beware a tirade from me...went on a hen party this weekend and was surrounded by pregnant women. Yippee. Luckily i didn?t know all the pregnant ones but one preceded to tell me how they were cross they got pregnant the first month as they wanted more practice and she was finding going cold turkey from drinking, fags and weed smoking really difficult. That peed me off. Now I have just found out that DH?s friend has just given birth...he had neglected to tell me they were pregnant in the first place and to be honest when I was thinking about people we know who i thought my struggle to conceive (yes weird the things i think about) - these 2 were at the top of my list. I have never met such big and unhealthy people. Dh?s friend is around the 30stone mark and the girl is around the 20stone mark and the amount they drink is just extraordinary. 2yrs ago when we were trying & before they were married, I was sitting in the park with the guy and watched him eat 4 big macs washed down with a litre of beer. I know I am being unpleasant but it is so bloody frustrating and just makes me worry even more about would could be wrong with us. Rant over. No doubt I will continue to seethe about this news all day

A smiley, happy wave to everyone else. Very quiet on here, I hope that's because everyone else is not thinking about TTC !

What the hell? I have copy and posted yesterday's message. Hang on a sex

wine* - i?m furious on your behalf. Ok it ?s not life threatening but a 3 month waiting list, can this be for real? Urggh and arggh. I am sorry. And i?m sorry about AF. It just all sounded so positive especially as your 12day lp was 15 days. So something is happening. On that note, I think as soon as you get the blighter out , you?ll be getting that well deserved and long awaited bfp...i?m just sorry you are having to wait so long.

frannie - i am sorry you had to go through hen horror too. I would have much preferred to have been curled up by myself on the sofa rather than listen to moaning about all the things you can?t do when pregnant. The most annoying thing is i have been acting pregnant for the last couple of years with all the things i have given up. I want to drink vodka again and not eat peas without feeling like i have blown it and i am desperate to stop those pre-conception well woman tablets that nearly choke me every night when i try and swallow them. good luck with the IUI!

lisa - so what happened with your 50 yr old colleague? Did she have kids in the end? We are lucky that we do have all sorts of treatment i guess. My friend?s mother took 4 years to conceive each one of her 3 children as in those days they couldn?t do anything but just wait. It sort of gives me hope that it can just happen though even after an extremely long time.

critter - well done on the celeb spotting! I know nothing about her politics but have always felt a bit sorry for her after what her hubby got up to with ?that woman?. I certainly wouldn?t be allowing my hubby back in to the bed after those kinds of office shenanigans even if he was the president. Yuk.

princess - i?m sorry about your friend . you can banish them to room 101 along with my DH?s 50 stone friend. It seems totally unjust that friends who lead toxic lifestyles are the ones who fall with no problem. I expect i will be banging this drum to my grave. I hope you are feeling chirpier today.

mrshy - i am glad you are on the mend and look forward to hearing how you get on once the frozen beans are thawed and put back.

Right i am off to acupuncture now. Bring on the needles.

Heh@"hang on a sex"! Are you in shag weeek by any chance?

Ok so had my scan today..... No problems with my uterus or ovaries, I have one 20.3 mm follicle and the nurse said I should ovulate in the next 24hrs. Unfortunately my mucous was very thick and acidic. Many of DH swimmers were dead or not very motile. The nurse said there was one or two swimming well and as it had been 10 hours since SWI there would have been more that made it through. They've suggested a sodium bicarbonate douch 30mins before SWI and they are going to start me on clomid and oestrogen next cycle, if that doesn't work they'll consider IUI. I'm glad I've got a plan now and really hoping we might just be lucky this month.
Sorry for the long post but it's made it clearer in my mind.
Hello to everybody, hope were all having a good day.

That's interesting Becks. Did you have a post-coital test? I wasn't offered that but I do wonder if I have incredibly unfriendly mucus or something*. It's good that everything looked fine with your womb and ovaries.

*I wonder about just about everything that the tests haen't covered so far!

Hello everyone

becks that is fascinating - I had no idea they could tell you so much information from a scan! Sounds like you're in excellent hands. Why are they giving you oestrogen as well as Clomid? Is that common, and do you know why/how it will help?

joyce I know what you mean about acting pregnant even when you aren't, having to worry about what you're eating and choke down burp-inducing horse pills. I hope that your acupuncture session is relaxing and you get a little snooze. It will happen for you soon, I'm sure of it.

wine from me about your July appointment. Seriously, I would kick up an almighty stink and see if you can get it moved - it's a bloody cheek to make you wait so long after everything you've been through and how long you've been trying. Grrr. As the Americans say, it's time to open up a can of whoop ass.

frannie good luck with the IUI this week. Fingers (but not legs) crossed!

lisa that is sobering to here about your colleague. My mum had a rotten time of it trying to have me and my sister - she says now that it was the worst three years of her life. Thank goodness for modern medicine and Dr Google, as frannie says!

mrshy bloody hell, grapefruits - that sounds horrendous! Please look after yourself. You poor thing.

princess you are hilarious! at the constant shitting tablets. Please don't go anywhere, your tales of adventures in nutrition are comedy gold. Three months will fly by before you know it, and then you'll have the most perfectly nourished, shiny sleek reproductive system all ready to go. And ooh about the underfloor heating and limestone - lovely.

Another inspiring tale... my cousin and his wife just had a baby after 5 years of trying. He had chemo when he was little, so we weren't sure they'd be able to have children, and she had PCOS. They had a miscarriage about a year into trying and then nothing for four years... she finally got pregnant with injectibles and IUI. The baby was born very, very premature (24 and 1) but is healthy and growing. I'm sure it was total hell while they were going through it but they got their baby in the end. And we all will too.

I have my doctor's appointment today - going to ask him to refer me as it's CD 30 and no period and not pregnant either... chart is up and down and up and down so it looks like Clomid 150 didn't do the job. Don't know what comes next, but assuming it may be the fertility big guns.

Hi ladies!

Critter I hope your doctor?s appointment goes ok. I?d be pretty peed off with my AF for not showing. Loving your cousin?s story though. I hope the little baybee is doing well.

Becks Pleased to hear that your scan was ok. How interesting about the mucous. Has your other half had his swimmers tested too?

joy at choking down the vitamins ? me too! Although I?ve given up with acting pregnant until the next IVF round. It just feels like a big bloody waste of time! Speaking of which, euro are you back on the wine yet?? I drank a whole bottle of Sancerre to celebrate my return to booze. It was over 3 days though, so that?s allowable right?!

wine so sorry re the nasty AF. Did you do a hpt in the end? Might it have been a chemical one that couldn?t implant due to the fibroid? And at your appointment date. It?s taken them so bloody long to find it, they really should prioritise getting it out for you.

frannie and joy so sorry about the crap hen dos. I?ve got one in July and am dreading any pregnant ladies on it/being asked about when we want kids etc, which inevitably seems to happen when groups of ladies get together. I?m planning on getting hammered with my single friend and ignoring everyone! Hope your scans are going ok?

lisa your colleagues sound lovely! I too have wondered what happened in the olden days. I know sperm donors have been used for some time, so maybe that would have been our option...Although it was also a lot easier to adopt in those days.

mrshy so sorry to hear about the OHSS. Ouchy! I think you made the right decision delaying transfer, as being pregnant can make OHSS worse and it sounds like you need to look after yourself and get better! Great number of embies though and I?m sure at least one FET will work for you. Take care of yourself.

Princess Please don't go anywhere! We need stories of your brown diet to keep us going! Your new floor sounds verrrry nice. Underfloor heating Oh and I LOVE viognier too. One of my favourite wines, nom nom.

Welcome Jo

Pout If it is indeed your lap, I really hope it all went well and you are now recovering, in your lounge pants. And at your DH?s bathroom activities ? that?s exactly what mine does with empty bottles, pubes and water everywhere.

Nellie Did mr nellie have itchy pants in the end?! Presumably not something you?d want in shag week.

I think ladyg is on hols and euro is about to go ? hope you both have/are having nice times. And hello to everyone else - artemis hope the tail feathers are looking good.

Thanks for the apricot tips ladies. Everything is now, er, moving in that area again, thank god. We had a nice, quiet weekend, during which I didn?t cry once, wohoo. Although I did have a bit of a melt down on Thurs evening at Mr Gin when he got in at 12.30, grrrrr. I?m still feel very sad about our poor little embies and whatever happened to them, which I know is stupid and they were nothing more than a couple of cells, but I am generally feeling a bit better. Non-ttc family shit has been difficult bloody awful recently, but that and a stupidly busy work has been distracting me nicely. TMI alert, but I?m wondering when I can have sex again, esp as I?ve read that you?re meant to be more fertile the cycle after IVF (I?ve certainly been having some odd ovary pings), but I can still feel the delightful tears in me... Hmmm, may give it a go at the weekend, lucky Mr Gin...

Oops euro good guess, It is shag week but i have no one to shag! And i don?t think it was a Freudian slip as i?m not missing it

becks - that?s interesting about your acidic thick ewcm...did she just analyse it then and there? Can diet help loosen it up?

critter - your cousin?s baby was born at 24 wks? That is amazing that the babe survived...i didn?t think that was possible to survive when that premature. But amazing news, congratulations them. and what?s the story with your mum taking 3 years? Do you know what i just crave positive long term ttc stories. I lap them up and i find they give me such a boost of encouragement to think that it can be possible.

gin - a bottle of wine over 3 days is allowed and is very much deserved. I?m glad the bowels are on the move again. Also, i want to say that It is not stupid to feel sad at losing your embies. I think a failed ivf is like an early miscarriage but compounded by the fact that you have had to go through a horrible process just to get to that point. They were your little beans and I can very much believe how heartbreaking it is to think about them. I am pleased you are feeling better though.| you have been amazingly strong. I ?m very sorry about family shit ? why does everything hit at once? How come you can?t have sex ? does it hurt down there?

becks I'm glad womb and ovaries look fine. Sorry to take an unhealthy interest in your mucous but is that how it presents to you? The iui would certainly be a good step if that is a problem.

joy I find the magnesium pills the worse. I can't swallow then without them disintegrating into a chalky nastiness first!

gin I read that thinking 'a bottle in one night-good girl!'. Over 3 is positively showing restraint! Oh for the days when the only drink dilemma was how bad I could bear my hangover to be...

pout GL with lap x

critter great to hear a hard won ttc story. Bless them now going through another distressing situation. What a special baby! Think we need some more + stories at mo! particularly iui in me me me mode GL with doc apt.

So the deed is being done tomorrow morning. Eek. Feel grateful to lemon for the heads up on stirrup and strip lighting situation. Will be glad for the first one to be done but am scared about the 2ww. My nurse said to try to see this as a 'further investigation' so not sure she's holding out too much hope either!

joyce it was his sperm so they suggested sperm donation but they decided that it wasn't for them, (i think egg/sperm donation is a scary area to enter) and they decided that adoption wasn't for them either so they have no kids :( shes a super person and would have been a super mum, she is close to her sister and her kids.

frannie good luck for tomorrow :)

becks glad your scan went well, thats a good size follie it is comforting to know they have a plan as well

gin glad things are now on the move again

mrsh how are you feeling ??

critter it took my parents a bit to have me, their is 4.5 years between my sis and I, we never really discussed it and nor will we now. Wow to your cousin, my bosses baby was born at 26 weeks.

Well I went for my scan and the good new is they don't think I need a hysteroscopy but the bad news is there were no follies, so its a dud month on 80mgs of Tamoxifen. He did say that I could have ovulated really early but i'm doubting it. So critter its onto the big guns which is Gonal F here. Not sure if I can use it next cycle as I'll be on my hols so hoping AF comes early this month

Well my very nice colleague at work brought me some flowers today

joy you've totally hit the nail on the head! One of the things I ranted at mr gin about last thurs was exactly that and about how it felt like an early miscarriage. You ladies are so great - you get it and it makes me feel soooo much better and like I'm not nuts (well not too nuts).

frannie good luck tomorrow!

Ok so to those who asked, I cant say I've got the hang of checking for ewcm yet, maybe because it's thick. DH has done a SA but they have asked for a repeat as the motility was on the low side of normal. They gave us the results there and then. She said they had to thin out my mucus quite a bit to see the swimmers. I don't think diet can help with the acidity but they recommended a sodium bicarb douche 30 mins before SWI at the time of ovulation. The oestrogen is to help with the production and thickness of the mucus as is the clomid. Waiting for them to call now to say I can have the drugs. Fingers crossed the consultant agrees.

'gin' the bottle of wine over three days is totally acceptable, that's only one glass a day really. Hope it was enjoyed!

Hi becks, I post here once in a while and just saw your post. I am well read on the CM deal due to my own issues, thought I?d let you know what I had come across. There is a ?famous? American doc called Sami David , I don?t know if you have come across this guy. He addresses both acidity and thickness in a book called ?Making Babies? which is written together with doc of Chinese medicine. He recommends the douche in cases of identified problem of acidity but also talks a lot about the importance of an alkaline diet, avoiding antihistamines and excess Vit C etc. Outside of that book, there is a lot written about the use of Robitussin cough meds to thin CM (including a thread on MN). Anyway, perhaps this is all obvious stuff, but it?s fairly new to me and more than happy to share details if you like.

Hi purple I'm always interested in more info about TTC. How does the cough mixture work? The nurse did not say anything about diet but I'll definately look into that. I'm willing to give most things a go so am off to buy some bicarb today!

Hello ladies, just a quick one to say hi and to say that I had my lap yesterday. I will catch up properly and read through everybodies posts over the weekend when DH isn't around.

Anyway it all went okay, had a massive long wait and got quite fed up especially when one of the healthcare assistants was grilling me about why I don't have kids & telling me all about her marriage issues! No endo was found which I am surprised about but I have a quite big subserosal fibroid. The surgeon quickly spoke to me but I was a bit dazed to take it all in. She said that they would probably remove it in another lap Sadly she said that it is unlikely affecting my fertility which is a bit gutting and they couldn't see anything that might be affecting it either. However the fibroid is probably why I am getting such bad period pain and all the other strange pains and bladder problems. Feel a bit sad that after all this I don't seem to have any answers to my lack of baby status!

Anyway am sat in my lounge pants feeling a bit sore but the pants are very comfy!

BTW wine and euro did you have problems weeing after your lap? I can't seem to empty my bladder properly. It is slowly improving today but last night was awful.

Anyway hello and love to all

pout I'm glad the lap went ok. I don't recall having problems weeing but mine was a very long time ago. I wonder why they didn't remove the fibroid there and then? Take care of yourself (and make sure Mr Pout takes care of you too!).

Becks the cough mixture works in the same way it does for coughs - by thinning the mucus, apparently. I haven't tried it. I have tried evening primrose though, but that doesn't seem to be making much difference. I find it odd that they are putting you on Clomid to help when that is well known for having a side effect of drying up CM! I wish I knew the magic answer to making EWCM. I used to get loads and loads of it. Around August last year I just stopped getting it and haven't really since.

Morning ladies!

Just thought I'd drive thru to say hello and to let you know how it's going in the Princess household. Firstly, the brown diet is going along quite nicely. I'm supposed to be feeling at my most rubbish today / tomorrow. This is because all of my old toxins should be making their way into my tummy, including old estrogens apparently. As they may be live I may get some spotting. As it's CD16, I may get my mid-cylce bleed, who knows!! Good news is that I'm not feeling that rubbish at all, I think I did a lot of the hard work a few weeks ago when I banished alcohol and I've been dairy free for almost 2 weeks. I think I started to see a small glint of a halo above my head in the mirror when I stepped out of my shower this morning...

On a separate note, I've started to check my CM on a more regular basis and I've noted that the last few days have been 'lotiony'. This is promising because I didn't think I produced any. I have had to kinda reach in and push down to get some from the cervix (sorry if TMI) but I definitely had some. I also found the nose tip of my cervix yesterday morning, which I was particularly proud of. I told DH with great gusto who kinda laughed and looked grossed out in a, "I wish my wife wouldn't let me into all of her bodily functions and habits, why can't she be mysterious and demure". It's just too hard to keep these mini triumphs to myself!!!

Oh and it's super busy at work (we did a mailing to 1500 client's so I'm being inundated with enquiries) which is great because I think it's the distraction I've needed for a little while. I allow myself little breaks to write my posts because I don't have any one to talk to in my home office. I used to be quite chatty at my old work and miss it quite a lot.

I don't think I've told you all that we are off to a wedding this weekend. It's outdoors and there is a fancy dress theme, woodland creatures. Yes, I am being totally serious. Given that it's in a field I have yet to buy said costume cos I reckon it's going to be torrential rain and I'm not up for being soaked and sober. So may need a big waterproof poncho or something and weather reports will dictate what I wear. However, the plan is to go as a chicken. So I'll be hunting down a cheap cheap (ba-boom!) yellow dress from a nearby vintage shop to go with brown wooly tights and black wellies. DH may make me a chicken headress with cute feathers or I may just buy a rubber monstrosity from the fancy dress shop. DH is going as horse (brown tweed trousers, white shirt, braces, horse head and possibly tail). I think it's going to be the most random wedding I've ever been to....... Oh and there are loads of babies and pregnant women going. I'm not looking forward to being in amongst the coven dressed as a chicken (oh the irony...). Still it will give me a chance to practice the fertility dance in full regalia.

JoyceP and Gin - at the choking on vitamin tablets. I've had my 7 supplements to kick off the day. One of them looks like a eraser (large, pale bluey-green and rounded edges). Quite terrifying! I showed by best friend yesterday and she was like "OMG! That's like a horse tablet". She isn't wrong! Plus it tastes, well, interesting. I made a bit of meal on the first day of taking them, i.e. gagging after each one, much to the amusement of DH. Now they seem to go down ok. Luckily none of them disintegrate in the mouth so I haven't had a full on puke.

FrannieAnnie hope all went well this morning. Fingers crossed for success.

Gin I can imagine that what you've been through felt like a miscarriage. There was a time after my first miscarriage when every period felt like a miscarriage. I think ultimately, it's the disappointment which is so crushing and hormones amplify everything. You sound like you are coping amazingly well. And a bottle over 3 days, I think that's more than acceptable given what you've been through and is a smidge compared to what I used to drink before my teetotaling brown dieting ways!

Critter and Lisa sorry things are escalating to big guns territory. However, hope that the next steps bring the pitter patter along for you both real soon.

Becks great news on your scan and a decent plan of action. Fingers crossed for success soon!

Waves to Euro, Lemons, Lady, Purple, Artemis and anyone else I've missed. Back to my heavy work load!