Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

[Whatevertheweather]

“Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counter balance of color, energy and hope.

Yes, I'm fine. 31 weeks today and knackered, most of the time. In 6 weeks I'll have my baby! I hope 5 weeks of work to go...counting down for that almost more than to the birth at the moment. I keep nearly falling asleep after lunch. Got a growth scan on Tuesday and then will be seeing the consultant again on Thursday, so at least the week will be broken up a bit. I think Bean spent most of yesterday transverse, because my pelvis stopped aching and my hip bones and back ached instead and I didn't have any heartburn for once.

I need some hand-holding. Bean was quiet for two separate 20 minute periods 2 hours apart and after the second one I lost it and cried noisily into my pillow (was lying on left side drinking cold water in an attempt to get her moving). She is now wriggling normally.

I know she needs to sleep some of the time and there's nothing abnormal about her having short quiet periods, I just seem to have tipped over the edge today and started panicking at the least little thing. DH is out at the moment so missed the second episode (I didn't tell him about the first one until it was over and she was moving again) and the crying fit. I don't want to freak him out too. I have been trying to do some housework which makes it harder to feel movements, but all I want to do is lie still and pay attention to every little twitch. I also need to take the dog out. How do I stop panicking and carry on with my day?

Here for hand holding Too xx I can imagine how scary that must have been. You know Bean will have quiet times but I know those quiet times must send you crazy with worry. If you think it would help reassure you maybe pop up to the hospital and get a long ctg down. Just for peace of mind. You are doing all the right things and you are nearly there xxx

Know where you re coming from Too how about hooking up your Doppler? Phebs or Georgie never moved much so I didn t count the kicks or do any of that stuff I depended upon my Doppler. Go in to hospital for a trace if you re worried.
Best piece of advice I ce got " today you are pg & when today is over you re a day closer to meeting your baby"
Take care xxxx me & Spilt have made it through & you can & will too. Xxx

too oh hun, how scary. Im here as always for hand holding. And angel has given you the best advice. I do think though you should be telling DH when your scared, even if it does freak him out you may help each other through it. And stuff the house work! lol, youve got better things to be doing, sit yourself down and watch a nice movie, or your favourtite tv show, get some chocolates in or a nice hot chocolate drink and do bugger all you deserve it.

Thank you, Wtw, Angel and Fan for all the kind words. Bean spent much of the afternoon kicking me in the cervix, which hurt! It did make me feel better, though. I told DH about it when he got home and spent lots of time snuggled in bed with the Times jumbo crossword, a mug of tea and a giant slab of chocolate. Bean seems fine and is wriggling as much as usual. Scan on Tues, so not long before we get checked out again. I think part of my panic is because it's nearly 4 weeks since I was checked by MW or consultant so I don't know for sure that everything is ok. I was due to see the community MW last Friday but she cancelled because her mum was ill and hasn't been back in touch since. I'll hang on until Tuesday's scan and then give her a ring and arrange a time to see her. Still, I think Bean has grown, so FX everything at the scan will be fine.

Thinking of you Too hang in there! We're all here to hold your hand! Sounds very relaxing way of spending the day

oh too big hugs for you. It is so so wearing. I remember times of sobbing under the duvet in terror, so scared because Freya wasn't moving, and yet too scared to "confirm" my fears by dopplering or phoning the hospital to go in for monitoring. Somehow that would make it "real". DH had one heck of a job at times to calm me down. I remember being late for work numerous times because I refused to get out of bed until I was certain I'd felt her move that morning and knew we'd got through the night ok. Was so glad to stop for mat leave and be able to give all my attention to the pg!

You're so nearly there, it won't be long now. But nothing we can say will stop you mentalling all the way to the finish line. Just know that it's very normal to feel like this and it will soon be a distant memory, I promise xx

too I have had lots of scares like that, but deep down I kind if knew I was just worrying myself. Pregnancy after loss is so difficult but I just know our little ones will be more than worth it. I panic when scans are due, my midwife has now agreed to see me every week so maybe that's something you can discuss with yours? We are all holding your hand x
spilt I could have written your post, I have called in late to work too just so I can make sure he is moving ok before I get up. I began to resent work because I just wanted to concentrate on my baby. I have now finished for mat leave! So I can just sit and concentrate on him whenever I like now.
Hi to everyone else, anyone testing soon?

Spilt and Ciwi, I have had mornings where I refused to get dressed until Bean kicked too! More earlier on when I couldn't feel her very much - luckily, she seems to be fairly active around 7 am, so it doesn't happen too often.

I was seeing the MW every 2 weeks and the consultant every 4, but because the MW cancelled the last session I haven't seen anyone official since 28 weeks. I will call her on Tues and set up an appt to be going on with. She has offered in the past to see me every week if I need her to, so it might be time to step it up a gear.

of you having finished work, Ciwi! Only 5 more weeks for me and then nothing until the New Year.

Oh too I so no where you are coming from as I have just returned from 2 hours monitoring on labour ward after having a few quieter days then no certain movements from 4am this morning. Panic set in but I kind of felt similar to spilt and was so nervous to go to hospital. They were fab with me and the ctg picked up lots of movement that I couldnt feel.....bloody anterior placenta. Anyway, he has given me a few boots now. So glad that bean is back to her active self, the relief is enormous Im sure.
fan I hope that you are feeling a bit better. I wish so much for a bfp for you and of course all the other brave ladies that are still trying. It really must be so hard.
angel I hope Ant gets some good news this week re a job. My dh has some interviews this week too so Im praying for a good outcome.
ciwi how fab that maternity leave is finally here for you, put those feet up and smile as your time is nearly here, wonderful.

Thanks Razz good luck to u re hubby too xxx glad alls ok & your mind has been put at rest. Take care xx

Too I think upping your antenatal appts might be a good idea. Take all the reassurance there is.
Razz sorry you've had a scare today as well but very pleased that every is okay and bean is active again
Ciwi yay for mat leave Do you have any nice plans?
Blizy any sign of the witch yet??
Angel fx for Ant this week.

My last week off work next week. Back on Feb 6th. Think I might ask to see my boss next week and tell her. I'm driving myself demented worrying about her reaction. Seem to be alternating between being starving hungry but then horribly full and nauseous when I eat at the moment. Roll on 12+ weeks....

Oh Razz, you poor thing. I'm so glad that the ctg was good and that you're now being booted again. There's nothing like that horrible soul-destroying panic. How often are you seeing the MW? FX for both your DH and Angel's with the job search.

Wtw, hope your boss is okay with it. Mine were touchingly delighted to hear of my new pregnancy, but I know it depends on the boss and the business. It sounds like a good plan to get the news out before you go back - one less thing to worry about on Day 1!

Blizy, hoping for you with all my might! Fan and Blue, you too.

Cheese, how are things with you? Any news of DS2? You and Ciwi are getting so close now!

whatever don't worry I'm sure your work will be happy, they won't want to seam heartless by complaining, and I think dachs very unfortunatly has the exception in a boss!

Hope its going ok dachs remember if you need some heavies to come up there and sort her out get me a pm!

I'm doing ok, had a nice day out with dh yesterday, he got a new tattoo. I should be oving today but we shall see when I test later. I feel like I will though. Even though its bloody cold I am boiling, so got to be a good sign!

Hope everyone has a good day.

Razz and too, I can imagine how frightened you must have been! I am so glad all is ok.

Whatever- enjoy your last week of freedom!

Well, fecking af is here . Dh and I were away with friends at the weekend and we found out our friend is pg with her second. God it was so hard not to cry when she told us..

Hope everyone is ok? X

xpost

blizy I am so,so sorry for AF arriving and with your friends pregnancy it must have felt like a double kick in the guts. I will light candles this week for all of you ttc xx
Thanks to everyone for their good wishes, hopefully we can race on to the end!!
Hope you all have a good day......I am off back to bed for a bit as really struggled to sleep last night and working the night shift tonight which KILLS me!! Wo is me and all that

Boooooooooooooo blizy that sucks! And aldo that you find that out as well all at the same time. Boooooooo that's all you can say isn't. Have a big bar of chocolate and roll on the next months cycle.

Waves madly back

Oh Blizy Boooo for AF and the double whammy of your friends news. Be kind to yourself xx

Blizy xxxx sorry xx roll on this month xx

Hi everyone, I had a late miscarriage at 22 weeks on Dec 20, 2011. I lost a beautiful baby boy. There are bad days and good days - this morning on my run I started crying. I try and distract myself with work or something else but part of me wonders if it only makes the grief and sense of loss fester. Other days I have cried and cried and feel physically ill as a result - the days following I seem to bounce back as if my body and mind can only do so much grief at one go. And then there are all the reasons for being positive and looking to the future and all the excuses and explanations - I read in a blog yesterday that God shows us death so that we can appreciate life and I thought to myself - what rubbish / how can we not appreciate life when pregnant... Much of it sounds meaningless and just some words that sound pretty or deep... I know before the miscarriage I too believed these views and explanations but now I know different. There is no discounting the darkness that is always there with the light - there are no reasons for why some of us go through that darkness. In my case, the miscarriage was sudden and out of the blue. My cervix opened and there was no warning of it - all the scans and tests were normal. I feel horrible for letting down my baby and yet my body did that and I had no control over it on the day. How I prayed through my 24 hour long labor for the contractions to stop but they did not.

I have been reading some of the stories shared on this thread and hope to join you. I would like to have a child and also find peace with the loss of my son.

womanlytales I'm so sorry you had to find us here! Did you name your little boy? I had a late miscarriage at 20 weeks 4 days last June. We named our little girl Sterre (which means star in Dutch). Much love to you x

blizy booooooo for AF...

fan glad you had a good weekend! Now get on with it...

razz how are you feeling today? little one kicking about a lot?

Same for you Too, everything ok?

wtw enjoy your last week off... and good luck with telling your boss! I'm sure they will react fine! :)

spilt how is your gorgeous one doing?

Hi womanlytales I'm so sorry you find yourself here, and so sorry for the loss of your son. Did you name him? I lost my DD Bobbie at 20 weeks pregnant in Oct 2010 due to an infection. We went into the 20 week scan thinking everything was fine, only to be told she had died. You are so early on in your grief, I remember the terrible rawness of the early months. You will in time find that the raw agony softens but the sense of loss will never leave you . I can't speak for anyone else but I haven't found peace yet, I don't know if I ever will. I hope we can be a support to you here, talk as much as you need to about your son and your grief xx

She's getting better thanks blue, doing lots of sleeping and comfort feeding. Hope Ella's feeling better too?