Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

[Whatevertheweather]

“Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counter balance of color, energy and hope.

Razz good luck for tomorrow.know exactly how you feel but you re within touching distance the end is in sight but I know it's horrible. Hold on in there xx
Whatever Ant started a " tempary" job last week . He's enjoying it but not sure how long it's going to last. When he first started we were led to believe it was for 10 months now however, it's been advertised for the same period & he ll have to apply for it!!! He's got another interview tomorrow with our local council. The pay is slightly less but location excellant 2 mins from my work &5 mins from Pheb's nursery so ... we ll see. Would just like some stability now. Thanks for asking. Is your scan soon? Xxx as with regards to pg signs & symptoms I very rarely have any , very little sickness. Take care xxx

Next Thursday Angel am counting down the days Weirdly 1st March 5 years ago was the day I went in to be induced with K. It's her birthday on the 3rd and despite my initial thoughts on waiting until 20+ weeks to tell her I'm now wondering whether to tell her if all is well at the scan. On one hand I want to shield her from it 'just in case' but on the other I know she will be so thrilled and it seems mean to keep it from her when she'll be so happy.

Dp is struggling a lot at the moment. He has been very very moody and shouty for about a week now and this morning he woke up late for work and started stomping round the house in a foul mood then burst in to tears just as he was leaving. He was distraught, he just kept saying he's not coping with what happened to Erin and he's feeling very angry about it. I just gave him a huge hug and told him to call in sick. We sat and had a long chat about Erin but this pg still wasn't mentioned. I'm at a loss how to help him, he refuses to try bereavement counselling. It's so hard seeing someone you love in that much pain. I think it did him some good though and he seems less tense tonight than he has for a long time. I tell him all the time I will listen if he wants to talk about anything but instead he seems to bottle it up and then explodes like a pressure cooker.

Also meant to say - just a gentle heads up if anyone watches One Born Every Minute this weeks episode features a mother giving birth after her son was stillborn at 22 weeks. There is a video of her talking about her son here (links to obem website). It's very moving. A kind friend just 'alerted' me to it. I haven't watched any of this series though I just can't.

Sorry won't hijack thread anymore tonight

Sorry to barge in, but I just wanted to say congratulations to CheeseandGherkins I was so thrilled to learn of Ella's birth and wanted to send my love to you and your family. Hope everything's going well x

wtw after my breakdown when AF arrived, decided not to watch OBEM anymore...
feeling better now about it!
hugs for you and your DP! x

I will be giving up FB and MN during Lent.
I will miss you girls though, as you are a great support, but I do spend an awful lot of time, wasting my time on here
I would like to stay updated about births and BFP's too, please?
You can always email me! :)

Aargh just re-read - to be clear this is her subsequent pregnancy they don't show the stillbirth. I am presuming this is the safe delivery of her rainbow baby.

Right I really will go now

Whatever my DH never had counselling & he bottled it all up became quite depressed. A few nights out , more time at the gym & seemed ok. However, I don t think he has grieved for Georgie as when Scottie was put to sleep ( in June , had taken anti-freeze, was only 12& we had had him since he was 2 months old) he was so terribly distraught & I think everything started to hit him then.
He still hadn t fully grieved for his dad who died 15 years ago I fear it ll all hit him at some point.
Men are different aren t they? Which is what I had to learn & let it go instead of trying to get him to talk about Georgie all the time. He will mention her now though so that's good.
I had seen the link re : OBEM so glad they're addressing the topic., people need educating. Life Ian t that simple if seeing those blue lines then 9 months later a baby is here. Wish they had of veered 10 miles up the road & asked me I'd have told them!!!!
At least this mum will have genuine worries & complaints instead of all the triva & crap that's normally on there. I can only watch this series because of Phebs I didn t watch it last year.
Blue take care xxx
Whatever not long to your scan xx
Love to all xxx

Just re- read my post Scottie was our cat!!!! ( I hadn t said!!)

THanks for the heads up wtw, I've just watched Sarah's video with tingles down my spine as every word she says I could say. As angel says, very glad they are addressing this but also glad for the warning.

blue bye my dear, will miss you, see you soon and good luck for the ttc!

Just read the last page

cheese fab that you are all home now, that must be so wonderful . Hope DH is loving it too xx

razz those measurements are really dodgy. I was still measuring 29 weeks at 34+4. Got sent for growth scan. Freya was then born at 40 weeks, 7lb7oz so totally average, not small at all. Easier said than done, but please take a deep breath and try not to panic too much. Hope your scan today is reassuring.

blizy and blue big cuddles for yesterday. How are you both now?

It's Bobbie's due date on the 25th. Last year that was total meltdown day for me, but so far I feel ok about it this year. Her real birthday in October feels like the more important date now. The due date comes more with a sense that we should have been in the run up to her 1st birthday now, but in itself doesn't mean anything. I thought the date was wrong anyway!

I'm ok today! Got my first high reading this morning, so in SWI mood! :)
Who shall I email to update you if I get a BFP in a few weeks time?
DH was very pleased last night when I told him about giving up FB and MN

Blue- I wish the best of luck and pray for a bfp. I will miss your chat, speak to you soon and take care. X

Spilt - I'm ok I think. Just been keeping myself busy. The hard dates will be next week. It will be a year since Zoe died on Sunday and her birthday on Tuesday.
Hope Freya is good?

Big waves to everyone and thanks whatever for the heads up about obem. I still watch it every week, I think I like to torture myself.

blue will miss you but hoping that giving this up for lent will help with your ttc. You can email me if you like. PM me and I shall send my email to you.

spilt I dont think it ever gets easier, my MIL has a little break every anniversary of her two girls, my big and little SIL's would be 32 and 14 this year.

thinking of razz now, hope they are running on time x

blue I think maybe your rules should allow you to run in and post if you get a BFP Hoping for you!

Glad you and blizy are feeling ok this morning. Sending you strength for the coming days blizy. Are you planning to do anything on Sunday or Tuesday?

Freya's fine thanks. 6 months old tomorrow. Currently lying on my lap munching away mid doze. She's really rolling now and can make her way all across the room . I have padded the hearth with blankets (everytime she goes front to back her head goes thunk on the floor), and have some foam hearth edge strips on order!!

Came down this morning to a lovely present on the kitchen table. Copious piles of cat sick. Nice! Freya watched on happily from the sling as I used half a kitchen roll and masses of antibac to clear it up. Appalling creatures.

spilt I was thinking that too

spilt 6 months wow! Thanks for making me boke with the cat sick
On her birthday we will visit the crematorium with some balloons, I think we will also make a cake and have her birthday candle burning. I don't think we will do anything on the Sunday, I dont want to remember that horrid day.

razz hope everything is ok?

Oh blizy I really feel for you. To me the day it all ended was far worse than the day I delivered Thomas. That was the day that all hope was gone and the dreams of the future totally changed. I hope that you manage to do something on Zoe's birthday that can make you smile somewhere within the tears.
wtw your poor husband, it must be so difficult for the men in our lives. They grieve inside yet try to be strong for us and protective. For what its worth my dh still doesnt talk that much about this pregnancy, only if I have brought it up. It does get to me sometimes.
spilt I so can not believe that Freya is now 6 months, it is so lovely to hear you enjoying her so much.

My scan went well. I do have an increase in fluid when it should be decreasing now but it is not a dangerous level. Baby is measuring on the 75th centile. They feel that I am now going to need regular growth scans (he was only just over 50th centile 3 weeks ago) but it will be up to my consultant when I see him on thursday. I think they believe that my glucose levels are going to be involved in the sudden increase. He is still breech. I do feel better about things now though. They switched the machine onto 4d briefly and it was lovely to see him again, even I could see that he had chubbed out from 2/3 weeks ago

blue I agree that you should have a clause in your absence that says you can drop in with BFP news!!!

Razz, so glad to hear that it's nothing too worrying. Extra growth scans sound great, just for a bit of extra reassurance.

Blue, you must come back if you get a BFP! Will miss you.

Blizy, that sounds like a lovely way of remembering Zoe. I don't want to remember the day Thea died either. We will do something to mark her birthday but I don't know what yet.

I watch OBEM too - I can't help it and nor can DH, even though it usually makes us both cry. Thank you for the warning, wtw - that would have been a shock.

Spilt, ew to the catsick, and yay to Freya learning to roll, even if it is scary.

Your poor DH, Wtw, and poor you too. It is horrible to watch someone you love struggle so much. I hope you don't mind, but I told DH about it and he was going to post some advice from a man's perspective.

Ciwi, you must be counting down to Monday! Good luck!

hello all...it may be obvious from my name, but i am too's dh...and as she asked me if i had any advise for whatever, i thought i would post myself...

the obvious thing to say is that everyone, both men and women, react to this sort of thing in different ways, but i do think that i went through what i think your dp is going through. I think, as men, the idea of counselling goes against the grain for a few reasons:

1. "talking about it" is essentially revisiting a scenario in which we had no control...we felt helpless both for partner and baby...this is obviously a very humbling/frightening experience and reliving it is not, in my view, something that men like to do.
2. it is exposing vulnerability to another person...and having gone through something like this, that has prob happened a lot stripping ourselves back is a difficult thing to do.
3. for me, there was always the underlying feeling, that no matter how much counselling i received, i would still do/behave/think the way i thought was best, and so counselling was essentially pointless.

A few ideas about supporting him...

1. don't pressure him...(not suggesting that you are or would, but sometimes an innocent "i'm ready to listen whenever" can sound like an expectation
2. if he has a hobby (ideally something physical)...encourage/facilitate it...i did some serious gardening in our immediate aftermath and it really helped to be "doing stuff"
3. don't be worried about the not talking about new pg just yet...part of the "man-thing" is to build up protective walls in our minds to help us cope with difficult situations - i went through, and still am a little bit, a phase of not allowing myself to be too hopeful/become too invested in the idea..."just in case"...i recognise that that is sad, but it's something i needed to do to retain some semblance of normality/sanity.
4. ask him to help you with stuff...physical or emotional - it helps men to be strong if they have to be strong for their partners.
5. give him time (bit cliched....but valid)
6. ask him to consider that he might be depressed...irrespective of what some people say, it is a medical condition, and can be treated...my gp was really understanding and basically let me determine my level of treatment, and i stopped when i felt better able to cope with life...i was also signed off work for a while which allowed me the time to deal with things in my head....it's not something to be ashamed off, and it is unlikely that any sensible colleague/manager would grudge that time....

i hope my rambling (and admittedly long-winded) post is of some help....if you want (and can cope) with more male views, let too know...

love to you all and be strong!

justmat thank you for your words from a mans point of view its very interesting and insightful.

wtw I just wanted to say that my DH has had periods of crying, and well it is tough to deal with, he feels that he needs to be strong for me, and hasnt really thought of himself. The other night he went out and well I think I remember postin gon here that he well had a cry when he got in, it was over what someone had said at work and well he wanted to end it all. He went out with his mates after work to get away from it all. I felt awful as I had a go at him when he got in, but then he started to cry and said that he is only here because I am, otherwise he would have topped himself. Really hard to hear, but also good in a way as I knew I wasnt the only one having hard days.
I understand what justmat has said, I dont approach DH with questions about his feelings, but when I feel hes down ad try and let him know that Im here for him and will listen if he wants to talk, I dont verbally say this to him and I cant say how I let him know, asI think its a couple thing with us I just know and he just knows.
I do talk about Fi alot to dh, I say stuff like Fi would have been a little girl who would have loved this..... or do you think Fi would have liked this?.... or Im so glad she had your hair. I find it really helps us, and also it leads to questions baout the future and future DC's. Im not sure how your relationship goes along and what works for us might not work for you.

razz Im so glad the little one is fine, cant wat to hear more about him.

spilt yuck at the cat sick! why are cats so prone to puking where you dont want them to, why cant they be sick int he sink or the toilet or at least on the wipe clean kitchen floor! mums cat is always sick under the table or partly on the curtains!

I dont really watch OBEM, used to when I was pg, but havnt watched it since, I remember in the first seris they had a lady on there who had lost 2 baby boys I think, so sad, they were a lovely couple and wanted lots of children but they only ended up having two boys including the one she was pg with in the programe survive. They showed her memory boxes and also I remember she wore one of those ashes lockets round her neck. I remember thinking you poor couple dont know how you deal with that, and now I know.

blizy me and DH are thinking of you and yours xxxxxx

oh just to say I am the one who will deliver the news to you guys if blue gets her BFP this month! oooooo how exciting!

Oh MrToo thank you so so much. Your post is massively helpful. A lot of it rings very true for my dp. He is such a wonderful man and I know the anger/temper is not him. Your suggestions are perfect. I do say 'I'll always listen when you want to talk' He said himself yesterday he feels he wants to do more physical exercise but he can't seem to motivate himself to start. I have encouraged him and there is nothing stopping him so hopefully he will.

I will stop worrying about his reluctance to talk about this pregnancy; it's just such a marked difference from his reaction to K and E's pregnancy. But then I guess it is different, we are different. He said to me this evening he worries everyday that something is going to take me and K away from him and he is scared Thank you so much for taking the time to post this for me. It really has helped.

Thank you all for your lovely advice. You are all such a support. I sometimes feel totally put of my depth going through this so it's nice to 'be' with people who understand.

Razz so pleased things went well today. Consultants Thursday is it? Glad you will be getting some more scans for reassurance.

Fan I do remember you posting about your dh You two seem to have a fabulous relationship.

Blue can't believe you're giving up mn and fb!! Is your ban on just posting or reading as well??

Hope everyone enjoyed their pancakes tonight

I made lots of pancakes, and stacked them with chocolate spread in the middle and served them with ice cream, DH loved them lots!

talking about physical exercise it does help, DH does lots of cycling and weights, and it helps you feel good. Hoping your dh feels better soon, or finds out how to deal with his grief better. Hugs to you and yours wtw

wtw I am... big challenge! DH is going to change my FB password at midnight...
It is both posting and reading... I spend an awful lot of timing reading through lots of threads

I thought of something else that might help your DH, Wtw - helping him to relax physically. For instance, massage/back scratching, hot baths and, ahem, whatever else helps him to un-tense, as it were . I can't think of any other examples right now, but there must be some. Exercise! Exercise, like Fan says.