Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

[Whatevertheweather]

“Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counter balance of color, energy and hope.

Fan- I'm glad you are having the afternoon to yourself.

Too- thank you, of course I remember. At the time I just wanted to help you, we were both stuck in the horrible dark days of new grief. I just couldn't believe how common and prolific stillbirth is.

I'm glad you had a good weekend. The end is in sight for you, just 3 weeks to get through my friend. I know you can do it and Thea is looking out for you and bean. X

angel My Sis is due 23rd of July! Looking forward to it... she hasn't asked me yet, but I think I will be a godmother :)

spilt I know, they are so tiny and so perfect at 17 weeks! I had a look at her pictures the other day when my MIL had asked for her funeral booklet, as she wants to use it and share it with other people (she is training to become a priest)

fan so sorry! I hope you feel better soon tomorrow! CD1 is crap :( ((hugs))

Too not long now! :)

I'm doing ok! working today and Friday this week, having the other days off to spend some quality time with DD and DH! Well DH only has Thursday off and I do need to tidy up our office still...

Im at home with my DH, he always makes me feel a lot better, he bought me some yellow tulips (ophelia's flower).

he said we are going to get there and we shall love this next baby so much because of the journey we have been through, and we dont know how long that journey will take but we are going to give it a good crack this month.

Bless him I do love him loads.

Hi everyone,
fan I am so sorry it's not your month, it's really not fair. I am glad your oh has made you feel a bit better. You will get there and like your dh said, your baby will be all the more special for it x
wtw my sis is due anytime now, it is nice to have someone to share things with x
too we are certainly getting there, I am happy every Friday when I get I week further on. Am doing ok, got the big consultant appointment tomorrow, he promised me that we would discuss a date at this one fx.

Hey I hope your love ones have appreciated you this valentines if you mark this day.

I'm feeling very upbeat today, really want to get stuff sorted and get stuff done! Always like this day 2 or 3 of AF.

Fan, glad you're feeling happier today. Did you have a nice Valentine's Day? DH and I skived off work early, bought beef Wellington ingredients and chocolate brownie pudding and are currently in bed watching the Big Bang Theory with cups of tea.

Ciwi, Fridays are the day I reach a new week too. 34 this time, hurray! How did the consultant appt go? Do you have a date now?

How is everyone else?

Happy valentines day all. Ant's at a footie match so we re not bothering today. ( though he took me for a meal at the weekend) he was very good bought me a card & sweets but I didn t get him anything!!! He didn r get me a Xmas card & normally my birthday cards are late as to him cards aren't important.so I ve adopted the same philosophy & it's been nice not to have to bother!!! Also after 13 years together we re past this now!!!!
Love to all xxx

fan glad you are feeling better, like the others have said earlier, cycle day 1 is always the worst.
too I must be 2 weeks ahead of you then, I am 36 weeks on Friday. I didnt see the consultant today but saw his reg so a bit cross at that as it was my last appointment. The reg wouldn't budge from 38 weeks and even said 39 when I first went in. I got really upset and said you can't just add a week on like that, a week is a lifetime to me right now. In the end we agreed on the 29th feb so 2 weeks tomorrow. I feel ok about it now it has sunk in but is wasn't happy at first. I suppose it's the best thing for the baby, it's just me that will be going mental. On the plus side, my blood pressure is better and the protein is no worse at 1+. just going to focus on one day at a time now, I have managed 35 weeks, surely I can cope with another 2. When will you get your date? Are you having a section or being induced?

Hi angel x posts. Dh got me a card and is cooking tonight but I didn't get him one, he said he didn't want one. Tbh I am more bothered about spending time together than cards. Happy valentines day x

ciwi 29th of February! That's going to be a special birthday

DH didn't buy me card, I did and a bar of toblerone for him... he came home with a bunch of roses this afternoon :)

We are having our usual Domino's 2 for Tuesday deal, but fell for their Valentine's deal that comes with chocolate melts for dessert! Yummie! looking forward to it! :)

DD and I had a nice afternoon baking biscuits and cupcakes!

Hi everyone. Ella is doing really well and we're hoping to bring her home soon, she's now 10 days old and we're itching to have her here with us. She's off all her wires other than an ng tube and apnea monitor. She's been feeding really well from me the past two days but when they tube feed her she isn't tolerating it as well and is throwing up so we're going to talk to them tomorrow about bringing her home which will hopefully stop the issues.

Depends on her weight too though as she's lost a bit since birth, keeping my fingers crossed that she's gained in the past few days. Really knackered as we're spending all day at scbu and coming home for the kids about 6ish plus expressing every 3-4 hours and during the night, feel run ragged. Would be so much easier with her at home!

I have no photos on my netbook but I'll try and sort that another day, I've put some on fb from my phone as that's where they all are at the moment! Hope to get some on here soon. It all still feels really surreal to me, I can barely believe she's here and alive.

Ciwi glad you have your date but I'm surprised they are making you wait longer, I was 34 weeks exactly but they made the right decision as my blood sugars were so low and she was hypo (low blood sugar) at birth. I'm not sure how much longer she would have been safe inside me so I'm hugely grateful they decided to deliver her when they did.

blue we didn't bother with cards or anything this year, too tired! Your evening sounds lovely :)

Too tea in bed sounds bliss! I'm about to stick a pizza in the oven and relax.

fan sorry af arrived :( glad you're feeling better though xx

blizy (hugs) the anniversary is a hard time. I found it harder to cope with on the run up to the actual days and surprised myself that I coped better than I thought with it. Still bloody awful though and I'm thinking of you xx

whatever lovely news about your sil, are you going to tell them about you pregnancy yet?

razz it's great that you have bought lots of baby things, I ended up doing the same after thinking that I wouldn't; it felt right too jsut throw myself into it and try to believe that everything would be ok!

Going to try and keep up more, I'm sure it'll be easier once she's actually home! Feel so tired all the time and stressed but obviously so very worth it. Worked out her weight the other day and she was actually 5lb 12 at birth and not the 6lbs they told us; she's gone down to 5lb 1 now so I'm really hoping she's gained now. Hope everyone is well xx

cheese so happy Ella is doing well... still sounds a bit strange knowing someone else with an Ella
take it easy! you are doing great! I hope she can come home soon and you have more time to rest when she is having a nap, and that the other DC can see their little sister too! :)

Cheese, so glad to hear Ella is doing well and I hope you get to take her home soon. I have been reading your posts out to DH to encourage him. Hope Ella has gained lots of weight tomorrow. You are a star dealing with commuting to the hospital, giving your other kids lots of love and attention and expressing all at once! Can't wait to see photos when you get around to it.

Ciwi, yay for a date! Not long now. It is annoying to be fobbed off with the registrar, though, especially when they threaten to add on a week! You can do another 2 weeks, even though it feels like a lifetime now. It is weird how different trusts have different rules, though - I've had my date since the 28 week appt. It is 9 March, 37 weeks exactly. This is because 38 weeks would have been 16 March and Thea's birthday is the 13th. In fact, the consultant first suggested that it should be the 12th or 13th of March and I asked if we could avoid that date because of Thea and she agreed and volunteered to do it earlier just in case I went into labour on the 13th. It's a section. I have forgotten what yours is . Memory like a sieve.

Angel, we don't do cards either - just food! Sometimes presents but not this year.

Cheese so lovely to hear an update on gorgeous Ella. I hope you can sort the feeding issues and that she can come home soon. It must be exhausting for you xx

Ciwi yay for a date And what a special date it will be. It must be hard when they start moving goalposts. You are so nearly there xx

Blue your cakes and cookies look yummy What a clever girl Ella is.

Blizy how are you doing?

Fan very admiring of your positivity xx

Lovely red roses from dp today bless him. Just booked a week in center parcs in May, can't wait we so need the break and Katie will adore it. Still be very very sick, getting used to it now! 11 weeks tomorrow though so fx it will ease off soon.

cheese great to hear that Ella is doing so well, hope you can take her home soon. They say there is no indication to induce me earlier but they are still keeping a close eye on me and that might change if my circumstances do. At least I know it will be 2 weeks tomorrow at the most. Just going to take it one day at a time now, every day is one step closer.
wtw a little break will be lovely for you, you seem to have got to 11 weeks quickly, I bet you don't feel that though!
blue enjoy your dominoes, thanks for your post on my other thread, looks like I am going to have to speak to someone about dh staying with me, I can't stay overnight alone.
Bedtime for me now, just watched gypsy weddings, love that programme

Cheese it's lovely to hear about little Ella, hope u get her home soon x

Even though me and dh had a take away curry tonight I couldn't eat much but now I'm lying in bed starving! Gosh it's annoying wish I had one slice of choc orange at the very least!

Sorry long bit coming up!

I spoke to a specialist foetal nurse from the hospital today and she is organising a dating scan for me in the next couple of weeks. She is also the person who is organising the combined scan and the cvs test.

I had a few questions for her whilst on the phone and I'm now feeling a bit more nervous than perhaps I was before.

1. The cvs is likely to happen when I'm 12 weeks but if for some reason my placenta is on the back wall then I may have to wait till 15/16 weeks.
2. The results are likely to take upto 2 weeks so potentially 14 or 18 weeks preg.
3. If the worst happens and there is a positive result and we choose to end preg, they can only give oral drugs for this and don't do anything under general so id have to go through some of the motions ( have no idea what this may be like as not had to do this before)

I know that the benefits of having the tests (to make sure all is well) totally outweigh not having tests but I'm still scared and shitting it really. In my logical mind there is nothing I can do and what will be will be but it's always there at the back of my mind. I don't really wanna think about it and will cross that bridge when the time is right but I needed to share my feelings with others who most likely can understand or may have gone through anything remotely similar.

Oh my goodness so sorry for longest post ever!! I am and will remain positive and I'm also v excited too so its a whole mixture and roller coaster of emotions right now xx

cheese* fab to hear you re doing well? Love to you all xxxx
Ciwi 2 weeks my word!!!! Nearly there ..well done xxx

Love to all: we re fine here .Phebs truely adorable ,eating,sleeping & the other well !!! She is gorgeous.
Winnie with regards to your post ....I never had the nuchal test with either Georgie or Phoebe as it can t give you a definitive risk , that result is not 100% reliable and I knew ultimately i wouldn t terminate.you quote ( paraphrasing) you know you should test , it's better to test but only if you know what you re going to do with the results.we knew because of my age my risk would come back higher .why is it better to test if you re not sure what to do with a " positive" result???
Good luck with your decision xx

Thanks Angel,

I know what we would do if the results were positive for the main test as we are looking for a specific genetic condition that our son Toby had. He died aged 2 years 9 months and only after the pm did they diagnose the syndrome. He had a good life and was able to smile despite being severly disabled and lack of any real development.

I think I just found it hard when they mentioned that the test may have to be done later in preg ie 15 weeks if my placenta is at the back and they cant get to it.

They will test for other more common syndromes too, which me and dh will discuss if and when we need to.

Oh I see! Xx

Its been a bit quiet on here this week.

I'm a bit annoyed with my mum, she said some very strange things yesterday like asking when do you have to go to the doc's when I havnt conceived? And not making a lot of sense about some of u girls getting pg already. I had to tell her straight that I've told her already we are trying but I don't like talking about it with people in RL coz it stresses me out. I think she thinks we've been waiting for something, she got a bit hysterical actually and I had to nip it in the bud. I thought afterwards that it was a bit insensitive of her, to make out I needed to go to the doc's after 9 months of trying. They would laugh in my face anyway, I've already been pg its not like I can't get pg, I just have fibroids that make my uterus bumpy which makes it difficult sometimes.
I ended up ranting to DH about when I got in, he wasn't happy either. I think I know where it stems from my SIL has said a few times that my nephew might be an only child and so my mum is worried that he won't have any cousins either.
I hate this pressure, don't they think its pressure enough for me already with out questions from people at work asking about whens the next one coming and you are trying aren't you. And then they are always looking at my belly, with a look on there face trying to work out if its a bump or just the spare fat tyre left over from the last pg.

Anyway, wtw I hope you don't mind but I found your Erins grave and I placed a little flower on it, I was in the cemetary doing work and just happened to be in the childrens area. Her little windmills were going round a treat.

Hope everyone else is ok?

Oh how sweet Fan! I love the idea that you and Wtw are so near each other. Mums can be v weird sometimes. I'm sure she was trying her hardest and it just came out wrong. Would the docs be able to do anything about the fibroids, or is it just a case of letting nature take her course?

Winnie, how many weeks are you now? I hope the CVS goes well and am praying that nothing untoward will be found. How soon will they be able to tell where your placenta is? I had an amnio with Bean as the Down's risk came back as 1:10. They discovered this at 13 weeks and I had to wait until 16 weeks for the procedure, but the results came back very quickly and luckily were clear. Waiting for the amnio to come round while worrying about what to do if the results were positive was horrible. Razz also went through something v similar to you with waiting for genetic testing. I know it's hard, but post on here as much as you need to and we'll try to hold your hand.

Wtw, hope your sickness has eased a bit.

I had another consultant appt today - no particular news, just getting closer! I'm not getting another scan because Bean seems to be growing well - measuring between 34 and 35 cm today at 33+6. Next appt at 36 weeks, which will be the last time I see the consultant until the section. Getting there, slowly but surely!

DH has been having nightmares where I die during the section. Bean doesn't, and he has to raise her himself. I'm not sure it helped to hear that they take a sample of my blood and keep it in the lab in case they have to do a blood transfusion due to excessive bleeding during the section! I'm a bit worried about how he'll be after the CS, and how he'll get on having to go home on his own. I think my mum and stepfather will go stay in our house, though, so at least he won't be completely alone, and he won't get kicked out of the hospital til 9pm.

fan ttc is stressful enough without people putting extra pressure on you. I am sure she was just trying to be helpful though, just got it a bit wrong x
too you really are getting there, glad bean is growing well. It must be hard for your dh thinking like that, it is routine for the vast majority of operations to store your blood like that so don't let that worry you. I think when you have suffered such a loss like we all have it does make you worry more about the people closest to you x
Winnie I hope you can get your testing done as soon as possible, it must be hard waiting like that x
No real news from me, just trying to keep myself busy. Every morning now, dh and I do a high five to celebrate being one day closer, silly I know but it puts a smile on my face.

Oh Fan that is so lovely thank you It's not looking the best at the moment because of the weather. I can't wait until spring when I can make it look pretty again. Also her headstone should be finished in March. You could probably tell the random selection of small toys there are things K has collected for her.

I'm sorry your mum is being so insensitive. You really don't need that. Fwiw I think you are coping beautifully and as positively as you can. Hugs xxx

Ciwi and Too it really is the home straight for you both now. Your poor dh Too I think mine is a scared of the c-section again as well.

Winnie fx all your tests go well and come back clear.

Nothing to report here really, 2 weeks today until my scan. Still being quite sick but I'm taking it as a good sign that it means the bean is still doing okay in there. Enjoying having K home for half term very much. One of my close friends text me yesterday saying she thought her waters were leaking (she's 37 weeks) and I realised I was excited to meet her little boy. Not scared, or jealous or sad. Big step forward for me as even a month ago I remember thinking how am I going to cope with seeing him. It all stopped anyway bless her so still a while to wait!

Ciwi, I love the idea of doing a high-five every morning! I might pinch it. 34 weeks today, so you must be 36, wow!

Wtw, I think it is a huge step forward not to be jealous of other people's babies. I know I was, at least at first, and I still have a pang when I'm watching something like OBEM when there are easy water births - I wanted that!

Razz, how are you getting on? How many weeks is it now?

Angel, Spilt and Cheese, much love to the rainbow babies.

Blizy, how are you getting on with this month?