Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

[Whatevertheweather]

“Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counter balance of color, energy and hope.

Hi Ladies, sorry I've not been on much. I have been reading but feeling a bit low and withdrawn. Things not good with DH - he just doesn't seem to accept that I am pg, well he accepts it but it doesn't seem to mean anything that it's me who is physically carrying the baby and feeling all the physical changes or that I feel anxious and frankly terrified that something will go wrong as I don't know how I could cope. He's just really optimistic (in a bit of a "burying head in the sand" kind of way) and when I've asked him how he can be not even a little bit worried, or whether he's concerned for me at all should anything, god forbid, go wrong, he just says that I am "dooming the pg with negative energy" and that if something did go wrong he would also be losing a child.
It sounds a bit spoilt but I need him to worry about me, to show that he's concerned, and he just doesn't. It feels like I'm completely alone with my fears (present company excepted of course - don't know where I'd be without you lot). Sorry for the rant. I just feel so unhappy and don't know what to do as I can't get through to him. I've got my 12 week scan tomorrow.
Too that's absolutely wonderful news about bean :)
Fan good luck, all f are x
Cheese what a rollercoaster you're on, I feel bad complaining now. I hope you and your family are all feeling better soon. What's a ctg by the way? (sorry for being daft)
Angel really hope Ant gets what he deserves, in the nicest possible way of course
Hi Spilt and Blue and Blizy and anyone else I forget...
Also, hi and welcome womanlytales, so sorry you lost your boy. My DS3 Jacob was stillborn last August (12th) at 35 weeks pg. We don't know what happened to him, only that I had SUA and there had been a lot of fluid - I was measuring on 90th centile but he was small for dates when he was born. I hope we can help you get through these next few days/weeks/months/years.

wtw didn't mean to miss you out. How are you?

wtw what's your midwifes name? Its not lisa is it? If it that was my midwife. There's no chance that I will get her again as I'm in a different town.

august so sorry your finding it tough with your dh, I can kind of understand his feelings, also I'm sure he's trying to think positively because he can't comtemplate losing this baby too. I guess its just a time to deal with the pregnancy in the way that helps u the most. I hope it gets better or you both find a rhythum with each other to get through this pg. Its such a shame that none of us now can enjoy a pregnancy. Good luck with the scan I shall be sending good vibes your way,

too so glad bean is doing so well. Not long now and she will be here in your arms, I'm so excited for you all near the end point. Can't wait to hear the good news from everyone and the birthing stories.

August, hope your 12 week scan goes well tomorrow. I wonder if your DH is just trying to hide away from the fact of your pregnancy at the moment, to try to protect himself? The scan might actually help - he'll see the baby looking like a baby and not a bean-shaped blob as at the really early scans, and it might just bring things into focus for him a bit. It's still really early days in the pregnancy - I'm sure he'll come around and be a lot more supportive as time goes on and you start to look obviously pregnant. In the meantime, hang in there, sweetheart. It's sometimes very hard for DH to give me the support I need because he's struggling with his own demons. Two grieving people aren't necessarily the best support for each other at times. I hope things work themselves out soon for you two.

Wtw, my dates are almost the same too. Thea was born on 13 March and Bean will be born on 9 March. I hope I'm not still in hospital on Thea's birthday - I want to take Bean down to the cemetery to visit her.

Oh, I meant to say, Angel, hope Ant gets a much better offer than that! If he's owed 3 months salary and 4 days annual leave then that's what he should get. FX for your holiday!

fanjo I want to get a dragonfly tattoo, we've had a few signs from Scarlett of dragonflies so they really represent her to both of us now. Your tattoo, and your dh's, sound really beautiful. Hope the seducing went well

whatever I was still low again last night, dropped a lot after dinner, so much so that I had to eat again before bed or I'd have been a lot worse in the night. As it was I woke up with another hypo but the scary thing now is that I can't feel them. I used to be able to feel when I was low or high but now; nothing. I'm having to just test a lot more frequently. I'm hoping they'll have some advice on Friday as the diabetic nurse didn't get back to me today. Might give it until after lunch and then call the mdau.

I hope your booking in appointment goes well. I'm not sure how I'd feel about having the same staff again this time. We changed hospitals though as we both feel the care was substandard.

Too that's wonderful! So glad all went well and a really good weight already :o I'm hoping it's just because I'm ill but I'm not sure how long I can keep this up for, I'm having to eat so much to keep from having hypos and it's still not really working as I'm going into hypos a lot.

Angel I swing between just wanting her out now and being terrified about having her out this early and of course I'm worried again about labour or a section now too. I still cannot believe I'll actually bring a baby home this time, it just doesn't seem real. That was a decent settlement offer, shows they know they're wrong, hopefully you'll get a lot more.

spilt my dates are a couple of months away from Scarlett's, very close to dd1 though as her birthday is Feb 26th and she was a month early too!

August I wonder if your dh is trying to be positive for your sake? Mine has been like that. He sees how worried and anxious I get and so puts on a front to try and make me feel better. He worries just as much as me but just tries to keep it inside. He's not always successful though! I hope you feel less anxious soon, unlikely I know but worth a try. I think I'll be worried even after this baby is born. Ctg is the trace they put you on to monitor the baby's heartbeat and any contractions that you're getting. They're really reassuring as you can get a good idea on how the baby is doing at that point. Obviously things can and do change rapidly but it's just one more thing to help get through it.

Morning all. Having a lazy day today and watching my sugar levels, hoping they start picking up. This cough is getting on my nerves now so I hope that goes soon too. Really wish things would happen naturally, the worry of deciding what to do gets me down. At least I don't have to decide to let them induce me and face all the possible complications of that or a section. I wish I had a switch to turn off my brain sometimes, I could do with a break! I even dreamt about testing my sugars last night, I woke up lots and had the same dream every time...Just kept testing and sometimes I was really low and then really high. Sigh. Hope you're all having good days :) xx

cheese seducing didn't happen, as he jumped me lol. Then he has told me I have to go home at lunch to swi before he goes out just to be sure that we have caught ov this time. Bless him, he really has stepped up this month, I'm not stressed at all about ttc which is so relaxing. And has to be good for me

Fan my midwife is Sarah. My appts will be at the community hospital in PG and also in the children's centre in NL School. Hope the seduction went well

Cheese I really hope the hospital can help you today. What's your gut feeling on what you'd like to happen? It must be so stressful xx

August big hugs lovely. It's really tough isn't it. My dp still won't talk about it or really acknowledge I'm pregnant. I think they must be trying to protect themselves which i can understand but it doesn't make it any easier for us. Hope your scan goes well today and it helps you both. I can't wait to get to 12 weeks!

Wow Split Freya and Erin's birthdays really are close.

Too I know it's far away for me but I feel the same I really want to be home for Erin's birthday so I can concentrate on her day.

Blue when are you due to test?

Been very sick this morning, bleugh!

X post - well done your dh Fan

Hello lovely ladies
too fantastic news about beans scan, you must feel so relieved and what a fab weight, excellent.
cheese I really do feel for you. What a time of it you have had and are still having. It really must feel like you are running against the wind all of the time. You are doing a fab job and your baby girl will be here very soon x
womanlytales welcome to the thread. As the others have said I too am sorry that you had to find us here but now that you are I hope we manage to offer you the support that you need. I lost my baby boy, Thomas, to a genetic condition last April also at 22 weeks. I am currently 29 weeks pregnant.
angel fingers and toes crossed that Ant gets a better payout and you get your holiday. My dh has an interview today so positive vibes much appreciated.
WTW I can understand your feelings about having the same mw. I have had many similar thoughts about this pregnancy, wanting everything to be so very different. Not wanting scans on the same day and so on. My dh sat me down and said it is not the day of the week that made things go wrong, it was always going to happen. So, I booked a private scan on the same week day at the same place that had given me the bad news about Thomas and all was well. Strange thing to do maybe??? This baby is due on the 20/04 and Thomas was born on the 21st. I have a section booked for the 30/03.
fan hope you had the fun you were planning on last night . My dh is not so keen at the moment which makes me sad in a strange way, just miss the closeness though he does cuddle me all the time.
august hope all is good tomorrow. Dh's can I think find it really hard. Mine still doesnt talk about this baby very much as his priority is that I am ok.

I have a 4d scan booked for friday, it will be the first scan dh has been with me for. My daughter said to me last night as I tucked her into bed "mummy, I really hope the baby is alright and that it won't die like Thomas" . It brought back to me that my dc have suffered the loss aswell and I felt dreadful as I was reassuring her that all would be well when I cant possibly no that.......I guess I just need to comfort her now, what else could I say??

Hope all is good in the house of blue, where are you in your cycle now?? Is it running similar to fans??

Lol, it took me so long to type that I crossed posts with quite a few of you!!
Now even more envious of the seduction going on in the house of fans

Fan, of all the swi! Your DH sounds so sweet.

Cheese, sorry for being thick, but what's a hypo? Is it when your blood sugar drops really low? I think you should call the MDAU and chase the diabetic nurse - you need to know what's going on.

Razz, good luck with the 4D scan! What your daughter said was so sad, but you're right, what else could you say? She just needed some reassurance.

Wtw, poor you being sick. Hope you feel better now.

fanjo Ah even better then! Good luck for today too :o

whatever deep down I think it would probably be best for her to come out but the thought really scares me, I'm worried something will happen during labour if they want to induce me but I'm worried that she'll be so early too and probably need special care. That's still preferable to what happened last time but I find it hard to separate real and imagined risks now. Hope you feel better soon and that the sickness stops.

razz I really hope she's here with us soon, I keep half hoping I'll just go into labour or my waters will break to take away all of the uncertainty and choice from the matter! We had a 4d scan this time and it was really amazing, we have some lovely photos from it, I'm sure you'll love it :)

My ds2 (just turned 5) says similar at times, he says that we've nearly got this baby and we don't want her to die too. He also blows kisses to Scarlett in heaven and kisses my tummy too. I tell the dcs that the hospital are taking very good care of us and that should anything start to go wrong at all then they will deliver her right away. Dd1 worries a lot but she's a bit older (almost 10) and while I don't guarantee that everything will be fine I make sure they know I feel confident that she will be coming home and how good the care is. It's very difficult at times trying to balance it.

oh razz children have a way with words don't they ((hugs))

wtw bleurgh to the sickness, poor you, pg sickness is so miserable. Hope you're feeling a bit better now. I found keeping snacking helped, esp orange juice.

cheese hope the dau can advise on the sugars for you. What a lot of stress

Its a gorgeous sunny day here and I was supposed to be going to yoga but the car is kaput which is a right PITA. Think it has a flat battery so hopefully can get that sorted soon.

I told a new mum friend yesterday that we'd lost a baby before Freya, her sister. And I was very matter of fact about it. Sometimes it seems like I've become desensitized. Other times I want to rip people's heads off because they think it was something sad that happened in my past and all is fine now, grief is finished.

Too crossed posts, yes it's when it goes too low. I used to feel them and get shakey and feel really ill but I'm not feeling these at all which isn't good. Going to see where I'm at after lunch and take it from there. I was a bit higher after breakfast but not anywhere near what I usually am so something is up, they put it down to me being ill yesterday when I was in but I want to be sure. At least I'm being scanned on Friday again and seeing both consultants. They may well think that delivering quickly is a better idea after all this.

I threw up this morning :) couldn't have breakfast, just had and when I was getting dressed had to run to bathroom...
I would like to test, but I know it's way too early...

fingers crossed blue
Mad isn't it when vomming makes you excited! Don't test, you need FMU anyway as it's early. How many days post ov are you now?

I'm CD25, 8DPO :)

I do tend to get signs very early on and negative tests, so I will have to wait before hopefully getting a positive...

too he is sweet some times. Just got back from lunch time! Lol and he says to me sorry that the swi isn't that good! I told what are you talking about. He's worried that the sex was so quick and I didn't enjoy myself. Bless him.

Havnt had a chance to catch up on the threa will do tonight.

Waves to all

Oooh, Blue, sounds v promising! How long were you planning to wait until testing? Another week or so?

Too yes indeed! although that Clearblue Digital that expired yesterday is calling out for me!

LOL blue, why is it I get the feeling that you will cave and take the test Good luck x

Razz your dh sounds a wise man. Thank you for sharing - he is so right. I am going to keep his words in my head if that is okay. Your dd sounds a lovely girl - how old is she? I know Katie will be coming out with similar. It must be hard to hear. Children are so matter of fact though. We're holding off telling her as long as we can. She said the other day 'please have another baby mummy. This time I don't even mind if it's a boy as long as he comes home'. I hope you really enjoy your 4d scan on Friday.

Blue I'm with Razz. I give it til Sunday before you crack the test Bleurgh for sickness though. To be honest I quite welcomed my bout today I've been feeling ominously symptom-less but there was no mistaking it was pg related sickness today.

Fan your dh sounds just so lovely

How did the 12 scan go today August?

Well I'm off to work tomorrow for my return to work meeting with my boss. I'm going to tell her even though I'm only 9 weeks it feels the right thing to do and I can only hope she appreciates the honesty. I cried charging up my laptop and blackberry today as they've been in a cupboard since August and I never expected to need them in February. I'm blaming hormones

Razz hope your hubby got on ok today? Enjoy your 4D scan. Xxx
Too glad you re well.Ant's work don t officially owe him anything as he's only been there 14 months ( apart from 4 days AL) he recieved an e mail from the financial director today stating " they had offered him the money as a goodwill gesture" bollocks more like a sweetener. We ve got legal cover in our house insurance policy so we re ok there to pursue a case through a tribunal. The e mail stated there were no 2 options ; 1: to enter in to an appeal about the decision (ie; getting his job back) or entering in to negotiations re:settlement. Guess which we choose!!!!
Blue oh, I m so excited for you. Xxx
August hope alls ok with your scan?
Hi all hope everyone else is well.xxx
Oh & Cheese breathe.... Nearly there from someone who's been there breathe " 1 day at a time" xxx
Love to all xxxxx

blue that does sound promising. I agree with the others try and stay away from the test till at least the weekend. When will af be due? I told DH that we are not allowed to buy any tests till im late. (lets see how long we can hold out)

wtw i think its a good idea to tell your boss whats going on, Im sure she will understand. They cant discriminate as we all know but then again we all know what a terrible time dachs had and is still having. FX it goes well for you. I went to my midwife appointments at NL and also saw my consultant at FCH in LH.

angel its unbelieveable what they will try and pull isnt it. I really hope it all works out and you get that holiday.

razz your DH sounds similar to mine, he would say a similar thing. And its that optimism that has helped me get through things. 4 D scans sound so special.

cheese hang in their sweetie, soon she will be here and this will all melt into the past. I know its a struggle to get there, and it seams like it never will. Waiting is never easy especially with all our history. I guess its the same for all you ladies in the last weeks.

blizy thinking of you, hows it going. Have your thought of how to mark Zoes day?

Im having a night in by myself, Im a bit knackered really (wonder why ) I might have an early night or at least tuck myself in bed with a book and hot chocolate. DH is out on the lash so I better get some sleep in now before he rolls in and starts snoring! Makes me laugh that I end up with the bads night sleep when he goes out, tomorrow we will both be falling asleep in front of the telly at about 8, him due to being out late and drinking and mine because Ive been telling him to roll over all night to stop him snoring! The tww starts now, I should be due AF the day before valentines day, so if all goes to plan I will be testing on the 14th. What a good valentines pressie that would be.