mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

Hello. I'm usually just a lurker, but what the heck...

The important stuff: I've got a job I enjoy, lovely husband, spectacularly stupid pet cat and we've just got back from an amazing sailing holiday. Favourite drink is sloe gin & tonic (yum).

So just like Caipirinhas, I'm struggling to get back into work this week.

The sad stuff:
We've been ttc for just over two years, I'm 32 (but nearly 33) and so far we've had:
3x clomid
3x IUI

• metformin for the past year.

The only hint at success we had was with the first IUI, where I had a BFP, but then two days later AF arrived and it was all over. Nature can be very cruel sometimes...

caiprinhas hope the witch is staying away & your holiday has brought you a longed for sticky BFP. Fingers & toes crossed for you.

Hello mrs door!
Sorry to hear of your miscarriage. Nature certainly can be v cruel. Hope you're ok. Are you planning to try some more treatment?
Where did you go on your sailing holiday? I'd love to try a sailing holiday (never sailed before).
I live in Oz so it's Friday already & I couldn't be happier it's here - think I might treat myself to a large tonight - I've been trying to follow acupuncturist diet (no sugar, caffeine, booze, more protein...) for last 3 months but falling more & more off the wagon of late...

I see an acupuncturist too and did no booze and coffee for about 6 weeks and then had a big 'sod it' moment and have been guzzling down both every since!

Still no AF but did a test this morning and nothing. I can guarantee AF will this weekend when I'm on a hen do....

Where in Oz are you Lesley?

Hey Mrs Door
Sailing sounds great! I'm still struggling and am waiting for the post man to deliver the central America guide book I've ordered to start planning the next escape.

x

V glad to hear that I'm not the only one to have the 'sod it' approach! Ttc is bad enough without losing all life's little pleasures!
I live in Fremantle in western Australia but I'm from London. Moved here 2 yrs ago. About 5 years ago, I went travelling for a year - I highly recommend central America btw - ended up picking up an Aussie hubby en route! So we moved here cos his family etc are here & work situ is better than uk cos of the mining industry. Added, unexpected bonus has been fertility treatment is much cheaper here than the uk! But hoping to have a miracle baby then move back - I miss the uk (if not the weather!)

I've got a British friend in Fremantle, we stayed with him for a couple of days when we went to Oz. Then hired a camper and went south for 2 weeks, going as far as Albany
We went travelling for a year 5 years ago too - as our honeymoon. Didn't do central America then but LOVED south America. The Oz trip was part of that year
My DH would move to Oz tomorrow but although I had a fab time, I can't see myself living there. Rio on the other hand.....!

Hello girls - and welcome Mrs Door.

I am also struggling with work. My concentration levels have plumeted to new lows ..... ! I'm amazed that no-one has pulled me up on it. I also HATE my job and was ready to leave years ago but have been 'holding on' assuming that maternity leave was just around the corner ...... ! Can't complain too much though as beacuse I've been here so long I can get away with appointments etc without any real questioning. Do feel totally trapped though ............ !

Love that lots of holidays have been - or are being - planned. We tried to book a weekend in Madrid the other evening and because of the school holidays/olympics/bad weather etc it was going to cost about £1k for two nights (that was flying at the weekend, central hotel and spending money). So we have put that on hold and will do something later in the year ...... !

The nurse at our IVF clinic was adamant that the occasional coffee and alcohol wouldn't make any difference whatsoever - even during IVF treatment (she also said that she would like to strangle Zita West for suggesting otherwise !)

It was DP's birthday in the week (he was 41) and after an afternoon drinking we had a total heart to heart about age and how bitter we feel about the last few years (good god - don't come and celebrate your birthday with me if you were planning on heaving fun !!!) DP's view is that this is now 'last chance saloon' for him - his argument being that he is now going to be a pensioner with a teenager which he doesn't think is fair on anyone. It was our initial plan that we would have three IVF trys (our next NHS cycle and then one private one) - but we are now seriously considering dumping our NHS cycle (we haven't been happy with our NHS clinic since day one and feel like we are wasting time we haven't got with them) and going straight to ARGC (I know nothing is guaranteed with them - but at least we will feel like we have given it our best shot). We can afford (both financially and emotionally !) one cycle with them - but that would be it .... ! After that I think we will seriously have to stop and concentrate on the other areas of our life we have ignored for so long. We have our review meeting on Tuesday to see why our last cycle failed but unless they blow us away with what they can do next time then I think we have already made our mind up as to what we will do ...... !

(Sorry - I'm wittering on now - I am feeling particularly sorry for myself as I also feel full of cold and have been up all night coughing !)

Hope that everyone has something nice planned for the weekend.

xxx

How cool you've been to Fremantle! Noone ever seems to come west. And what an amazing honeymoon! I've travelled a bit but not much with my husband (we didn't meet till i was 31 & we came back and forth btwn oz & uk for a bit) but I like to think if we never have kids, that we'll travel heaps. Of course I'd rather have both!! I've never been to Brazil - would love to go. I stayed in Guatemala & really loved it. Where are you thinking of? How long have you got to play with? I love daydreaming about travel & other cities I'd like to live in!

missbrightside sorry to hear you're having cr*ppy time at work. What do you do?

1k for a weekend in Madrid? That's nuts! But really sounds like you deserve a weekend away. Are there any cheap deals around or has everything gone crazy priced?

I think your nurse is totally right about coffee & booze. I only really got into a stricter diet after the Dr at our review meeting suggested we consider donor eggs - desperate times call for desperate measures! Dr thinks it'll make no difference but acupuncturist thinks it will so I figured it was worth a go before next ivf round but my discipline is definitely on the wane - scoffed a mountain of choc & a large red wine tonight

I can really relate to your dilemma about how many rounds & your DP's perspective. But do remember at your review meeting that it's just one opinion. Our Dr was really pessimistic & suggested donor eggs etc, so we went to see another Dr in same clinic who was realistic but more hopeful. I plan to start 2nd ivf in a couple of weeks - v nervous that it won't work or my egg quality is even worse - but on the other hand I'm not ready to give up yet so i figure i've got to give it a go & then take it from there.

Apologies if these stories don't help or make things worse but this one helps me heaps...I have a friend who did 2 ivf cycles - one her eggs, the second donor eggs - both failed & then she fell naturally twice! 2 healthy girls at age 36 then 38. I guess what I'm trying to say is, try to stay hopeful but also try to stay true to what feels right for you & your other half.

Ooh, how exotic to have an Aussie friend! And hello MrsDoor too.

I've not been to an acupuncturist - firmly of the opinion that they should all be burned as witches, using homeopaths as firelighters - but have been laying off the booze and caffeine too. It really pisses me off that there are so many vested-interest people and groups trying to tell us that we're doing something wrong and that's why we're not getting pregnant - it all seems a bit, well, sexist somehow. And that Zita woman can fuck right off.

Brightside, is there any way you could hold off your 2nd nhs cycle so that you could go to the posh clinic once and then back to the nhs if it doesn't work out? Hoping of course that you don't need to come back. If you find out more about ARGC please could you share? I'm fully expecting the clomid to fail again so starting to look ahead to the next step. We definitely can't have any nhs treatment so will go wherever is good, if we can get recommendations. It sounds as though the Agora hasn't been brilliant for you.

I've just taken my last clomid tablets for this month so waiting for the rage to start in a few days (or maybe that was just last month - loads of people were being genuinely annoying).

Caip, was just going to say that I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that AF stays away, but actually that really annoys me' when people try to be optimistic in the teeth of the evidence, so cynically offering a gruff but cheering punch to the arm and a 'tomorrow is another day' instead.

Have a good weekend all.

Caips, Lesley, sailing sounds great because it is great, and very accessible too - you can sail nice stable little boats, exciting racing boats or stylish yachts on holiday somewhere tropical (just not Sudan, OK?).

notnowImreading - I was very, very cross on clomid, and kept getting hot flushes. Because it was winter I loved the hot flushes, but the moods were hard to deal with. Just make sure you have a punch bag and remember that its all in a good cause. Also, I'm with you on the bullying we get from vested interest people. It's clearly illogical - if booze and fags and caffeine prevented people from getting pregnant, how come there are so many "happy accidents" out there? In fact, I'm almost tempted to go on a several week binge and see what happens.

My next step is probably IVF, but I don't feel that everything has been done diagnostically yet so we're off to see the consultant next week to review and decide what to do. I feel quite strongly that I just need a break. Planning some low-cost outings to lift the mood might help - anyone got any suggestions for something weather-proof and silly?

Hope that the fact everyone's been so quiet all weekend means that we actually have lives... I in fact don't have much of a life but I did buy new shoes (v pretty grey converse with multiple pastel coloured tongues).

I had a fab girls weekend in Hamburg but now full of cold and feeling sorry for myself.
AF arrived on Sunday and was talking to one of friends (who has a baby) about it all and said that tests suggested I hadn't been ovulating pre-clomid and she said that it's almost like we only started TTC 5 mths ago when I started clomid. I know she was trying to say the right thing but I hate that, it's like belittling the 2+ years we were trying before that

Hello girls !

It's (sort of !) nearly the weekend again ! Where does the time keep going to ?

Caipirinhas Hope you are feeling better. You have my full sympathies as I've had a cold and REALLY annoying cough for the best part of two weeks now ! It's made me feel really run down and made me far more moany than I usually am !

Not Now I've only this year got my first pair of Converse and can't believe I've never had them before ! I'm converted !

I'm really conscious that I am putting you off the Agora - which I don't want to do as I know we are all limited to the clinics that are accessible to us.

We had our review meeting there this week in relation to our failed cycle - and when compiling our list of niggles - the reality was that none of them actually had any bearing on the treatment outcome (they were mainly 'customer care' issues and just general winges about the fertility industry in general if I'm honest !)

The most likely cause of the failure was the quality of our embryos. They are graded 1 - 4 (1 being the best) and ours were 2's and 3's. We went in the consultation feeling really angry and intending to do our second cycle elsewhere - but the consultant was great and answered all our concerns really well (although I'm sure he's said the same things over and over !) - and we surprised ourselves by leaving feeling a bit more optimistic about them ! (Possibly just getting our moans of our chest helped !) We now think we are being a bit too hasty in going somewhere else so will do our second round with them as although you can defer your NHS cycle there is a time limit to doing so. I'm going to have my immunes tested by them first and - subject to this - looks like we should be able to start again in September time.

Mrs Door I have no good ideas of what you can do at the weekend. It has been a harsh realisation recently that most of what DP and I do is either drink related or weather dependent ! We really need to assess this !

Lesley It can't be long until you start your treatment. I'm not sure how I'll feel when I start for the second time. I was quite excited for the first one - but don't think I will be for the second .... ! I think I'm going to adopt a more 'sod it' approach this time .... ! (although easier said than done !)

Right - must get on !

Anyone doing anything exciting at the weekend ? If it doesn't rain I will be hitting the car boot sales. Haven't been to one for weeks due to the weather ! I need to look at more JUNK now !

xxx

Helloello!
I've just come back from my mid-cycle scan and I have TWO eggs this time. My sad-face consultant then burst my bubble by giving me the prescription for next month's clomid and a massive pack of information about IVF. Doesn't seem as though he's got a lot of faith this is going to happen through shagging for us, so I guess we're about 6 weeks away from talking IVF. The clinic we go to refers patients to the London Fertility Centre, so I need to find out about that one (and bulk up the savings account). I'm glad your consultant was more forthcoming Brightside, and that you're feeling more optimistic.

Off to gird my loins for weekend shagathon (I'm so not in the mood!). Take care ladies.

Whoop whoop for the TWO eggs !!!

x

Hi MissBrightside, so glad you left your appointment feeling more optimistic. With the first IVF they never really know how people will respond. Did they say they would change your protocol next time, or is it just a case of different eggs may well have different chance? September will come round really quickly. x

MrsDoor if you can get yourself to London, the National Portrait Gallery is amazing. The Tudor portraits are really compelling and the cafe upstairs is one of the nicest I've ever been in - spectacular views for the price of a cup of tea and piece of cake, with which you get a cup of tea and piece of cake thrown in. They suggest you give a donation of something ridiculous like £7 to go in but bugger that - we own it. In some ways it's cheaper to go to fancy London at the weekend than try to go out locally (as long as you don't live far far away, that is) because all the good stuff in the middle is free and you can walk around it. I might do that soon, but unfortunately have to go up north to see elderly demented PIL.

Hello Carebear - do hope that you are well. How is you treatment going ?

The consultant said that whenever there is a failure he will always change the medication to see if that produces a different result - so in my case I will swop Menopur for Gonal-F. Plus - if there are any immune issues (which I really won't be surprised if there are - I'm annoyed with myself that I didn't follow my instincts and have the testing done for the first cycle !!) then there will be additional medication for that. Yes, it's really not so long until September. This year is going worryingly fast. And because we've got appointments in the diary for the immune tests - and then a consultation to discuss the results - and then a nurse booking in appointment - I sort of feel like we have started again already !!

On a random note I counted in my diary how many fertility related appointments I've had this year. 21 !!!! And there are plenty more to come .... !

Right girls - hope you have all got something nice planned for your Saturday night.

xxx

Morning all

notnow fab news about your 2 eggs!!

miss brightside - I'm waiting on September too, have it in my head that that's when we'll have our appointment in Oxford with the IVF clinic, just waiting for the letter to come through but as it's NHS swho knows how long it will take....

Lesley - we're thinking Guatemala, Honduras or Nicaragua at the moment but I don't know enough about them to decide yet. We'll only be going for 2-3 weeks, and to do 3 I'll need to sweet talk my boss into letting me take more days than I'm due

Nothing to report here, just plodding on with clomid - this is month 5 - and waiting for our IVF appointment

Enjoy sunny Sunday x

Hi!
I'm waiting to start IVF 2 any day now, but not feeling v optimistic as my protocol is basically exactly the same - only change is adding in low dose pregnyl.
But on a more cheerful note - we're in Margaret river, a wine region, with friends this weekend & I'm planning to drink red wine & eat good food & try to forget about ttc till the ivf rollarcoaster begins.
Caiprihinhas - I love Guatamala!!! I didn't make to Nicuragua but heard all good things. Sounds like a magic trip! We're in the process of moving house, so annoyingly that scuppers any travel plans as new place needs total renovation so we'll be using all our leave & spare $ on that. But hopefully should be a 'fun' project ( remind me of this when I'm swearing the damn place!)
Have a fab weekend all!

Enjoy Margaret River (and the food and wine!)!
We went to a food and drink festival on at the local football club when we were there and met up with a French guy we'd stayed next to when we slept in a car park in Prevelly - really good memories!

Hi all
We seem to have gone particularly quiet recently - hope all is well with all of you.

I've been staying with the in-laws for a week (over ovulation, so that was logistically tricky). We're off on our proper holiday at the crack of dawn tomorrow so will not be posting. As far as ttc is concerned, I don't have much faith in the clomid and have been looking at the big pack of ivf info with a view to making the first moves when we get back. I'm keeping my mind on that and certainly am going to be doing my best to ignore the approach of AF while on holiday. I'm currently on cd21 and don't 'feel' pregnant (as per bloody usual) so will be partaking fully of the poolside beers.

Take care, everyone.

Have a great holiday Notnow and enjoy those beers. Where are you going?

I'm on CD 15 today so got to try and get myself in the mood later...
We're still waiting to hear from the fertility clinic about our IVF appointment, it's been about 5 weeks now and I'm not known for my patience!

Hello girls

Sorry for my absence. Been trying to catch up on all the non-ttc things that I've let go by the wayside ....... !! (including work !!!)

Hope that by the time you read this you have had a great holiday not now. I'm v.jealous ! We will book a mini break at somepoint - but all my annual leave has been used up by the last - and the next - ivf cycle ...... ! I'm holding out for a babymoon

Caiprinahs Am jealous of your holiday plans too ! Sounds great !! Why are all clinics so SLOW ? !!

Lesley Hope you are well - have you started yet ?

Nothing very exciting to report here. Am having blood samples taken for immune testing tomorrow - and then go for a consultation to discuss the results in two weeks.

Other than that, managed to get some last minute athletics tickets. Had a bit of a 'sod it' moment - ignored the price - and booked them ! (Once on a lifetime and all that ......) So go on Friday night !

Have a good day all xxx

Hello Ladies

Sounds like lots of trips/holidays away are being planned/being gone on. Really jealous as we went away in June and have zero annual leave days until the start of the year. Hope you all have lovely times away and the relaxation will do you good cycle wise.

I am on my third and final month of Clomid (after AF reared her ugly head on Friday night) so will have to go back to the specialist and try the next course of action if month 3 fails. They say next thing will checking for tubal damage. Sounds like most people on here have already had this investigation and was hoping someone could tell me what's involved?? Will they do it there and then at my appt? Will I have to stay in overnight? Depending on the results of this will either be IUI or IVF next missbrightside - you mentioned you had used annual leave for IVF, how many days have you used (might need to bake this into next years holidays)? PS Good luck for your blood tests tomorrow.

Really struggling at the moment with work. Im pretending to be writing code (I'm an analyst) but instead I'm writing this! oops. I just cant get motivated and feel like I hate my job so much that I have to drag myself out of bed every morning but cant move to a new career as Id have to put TTC on hold. Moving teams soon though and hoping that a change of scenery will help in the short long term before I miraculously fall pregnant and a baby is the answer to all my dreams #Iliveinhope! One of the girls in my department is pregnant and over the last week or two her bump has boomed! Trying really hard not to feel pangs of jealousy everytime I see her and her bump . It's so hard though and there's only so many times I can tell myself that I dont know what she has gone through to get pregnant herself.

I was so relieved to find out that my friend I told you about a couple of weeks ago who thought she was pregnant on day 14 of her cycle turned out not to be pregnant. Was pleased disappointed for her but feel like every woman should feel a little of the heartache that we feel. Doesnt seem fair that some get pregnant first month of trying or by 'accident' whereas others like us go month on month of feeling hopeful it might actually work and then getting the disappointment that it hasnt. And again the cycle begins.....

God, I really shouldnt go on here during work time I could write a load of depressing stuff all afternoon but dont worry I won't, I'll drag myself away now!!

CaipirinhasAllRound - enjoy your hols

missbrightside - enjoy the athletics

I'm still hoping for someone to have a BFP soon. Fingers crossed to you all xxx