mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

Hello Fabio - Hope you are well.

It depends if you are having a 'lap & dye' or a HSG. A lap & dye is done under a GA and so you will need time off. I had a HSG which is far less invasive. It essentially involves pumping dye into your fallopian tubes and then x-raying the area to see where the dye moves to. The actually procedure itself takes no more than 5 minutes. I doubt that they would do it there and then as it needs to be done in an 'x-ray lab' and is only done at the beginning of your cycle (as you will need to sign to confirm that you aren't pregnant - there is potential for they dye to 'flush out' any embryo if you were). You can see what is happening on a screen (so in my case I could see that they dye wasn't going down one tube).

I took a little over two weeks off for IVF last time. I haven't helped myself as I really don't want to tell my boss what is going on - so have been using holiday to 'hide' some of my appointments (having already had tons this year ... !) The final week or so involves constant monitoring scans and a lot of the appointments are made at short notice. So you can get an idea of what is involved it went something like this :

Wed - Scan

Fri - Scan (I took from this day off as holiday)

Mon - Scan (It was only at this appointment that they confirmed when egg collection would be)

Wed - Egg Collection

Friday - Embryo Transfer (this was brought forward and we were told to come in at short notice. It could have been as late as the Monday).

I then had the following week off 'to rest' !

Next time I think I'll have to make excuses at work and will only have from egg collection to a couple of days post transfer off.

(Sorry - what a long boring post !!!)

Right - I'm working from home today "because of the Olympics" (I work in central London) - but really it is to 'hide' my blood test appointment ..... !! I really feel for you with your comments about your job because I feel exactly the same about mine ....... !

Have a good day all xxx

Hi missbrightside

Thank you for your reply! It's really good to hear what will happen next from someone who has experienced it. Im really hoping the third month of Clomid works as neither the HSG or Lap and Dye sound like the most pleasant of experiences. But either way all the prodding and prying will be worth it in the end when we have our babies. Positive thoughts and all that.

A friend of mine was telling me yesterday about a conversation she had with her sister. She told her that she had been TTC for two years (she has a little one already) and was having difficulty getting pregnant again. Her sister told her not to think about it. Why is that always everyone's response? If we could 'just not think about it' then we would all be Mum's by now. Some people just dont have a clue how hard it is TTC. Right, rant over.

CaipirinhasAllRound - hope you have been getting in the mood this week, fingers crossed for you this month. How many months have you been on Clomid? You on 50mg or 100mg?

I had better get on with some work and hopefully they'll put some of the olympics on later (there is a massive tv right behind my head) to lessen the pain of this awful place I work!

Speak soon

FabiOne xx

Hello all, I've lurked on this post for a while, and posted occasionally. You all sound so amazingly positive that is shames me sometimes,....... But it sounds like you're all planning/having good summers.

I've just had a difficult few days. Last week I got 3 positive tests, done on days 33 and 34. Spent all weekend in absolute amazement and denial. We've been trying for 3 years. Then on Monday (day 37) I did another test, just to confirm before I went to the Drs. And it screamed negative. And thinking about it, I KNEW. Last week I felt very different (my breasts were very very tender) and I could tell something was going on. And yesterday, when I tested again, I realise that all those feelings had gone. :-( Absolutely devastated, more so that my body is playing these tricks on me than the fact I'm not pregnant.

I now feel like I'm going to get a stinking period, feel very crampy and knackered. It looks like I've had a chemical pregnancy where the egg is fertilised, temporarily realises hcg, you think you're pregnant one minute and before you know it the egg has failed to implant properly. Just gutted.

Starting clomid next month. I'm not being monitored, just sent home with it, 50mg, for 3 months. They're not monitoring because all our tests (bloods, sperm, lay and dye) have come back ok.

I'm also in limbo job wise. I've been in my current job for 5 years and am bored and fed up. But keeping thinking it's perfect for when I get pregnant (great maternity rights, could reduce hours, blah blah). Just feel trapped and like my life is on hold.

Sorry for the moan. Any advice re: clomid and what to expect would be appreciated. Luck to all.

Hello Lou P

I'm so very sorry to hear your news. It really is gutting. Make sure you are kind to yourself and have some from me.

I had what I would also call a chemical pregnancy a couple of years ago now (where does the time go to ?) and I know how unbelievably disappointing it is. I actually wish I'd never taken the pregnancy test as if I hadn't I may just have thought I'd had a slightly late but very odd period. It has, however, stopped me from ever testing early (well, almost ... !).

Am afraid I know nothing about clomid - but other girls on here have used it so I'm sure they will have something useful to say.

I had some blood taken for immune tests earlier. Was having three separate tests done - so assumed they would take three vials. Oh no, they took about 15 ! I was [shocked] (felt fine I hasten to add). Get the results in a couple of weeks.

Fabio I HATE anyone who thinks you should relax. It's nonsense.

Although that said, I do sometimes have a nagging voice that maybe I should relax a bit more ........ ! I just don't get on with things that most people find relaxing (yoga, accupuncture and the like). And don't get me started on massages ..... (I can't bear them. Get off me !)

(Err .... that only applies to strangers by the way. The reason I'm not pregnant isn't because I constantly tell DP to get off me !!!)

Right - I'm not very good at working at home. Too easily distracted. Just don't have the discipline ....... !!

xxx

Thanks Missbrightside, I've spent most of the day lurking on here and I appreciate everyone's support.

I've now been told I've got to wait for another cycle till I can start the clomid. Plus I've been told that this period may take up to a week to appear. So I might not be able to start the clomid until mid September. Just feel like someone somewhere doesn't want this to happen for us.

Oh, and I get the relax comments ALL the time. One of my close friends is forever telling me the reason I'm not pregnant is because I'm thinking about it all the time. And I feel like screaming every time she says this. It's got to be the most unhelpful thing anyone can say.

LouP19 - so sorry to hear things haven't worked out for you this month. Our bodies can be so cruel sometimes. Is this the first time you have tested positive? My heart goes out to you and really hope you get some good news with the Clomid. I am the same as you in terms of Clomid, was given three months at 50mg and told to come back if it doesnt work. I am on month three so far. Side effects haven't been too bad except for this month I have had awful headaches and been a bit grumpy. Have they said what the next course of action for you will be if the Clomid doesnt work?

missbrightside - can't believe they took 15 vials of blood! Hopefully they left you with some! What are they testing for exactly? Did you hear about the lady in the news a couple of years ago who miscarried about 30 times and when they checked her blood found that her body was attacking the embryo and after giving her a drug to stop this happening she got pregnant. Is this a similar test?

Hello FabiOne. I did get pregnant 18 months ago, but had a mc at 9 weeks. So it's the second time I've had a positive result. I'm just annoyed at my body messing me around so much, and delaying us! There always seems something to delay us!!

Next step at our fertility clinic is IUI. No IVF on the NHS where we live. Two years ago we moved from Nottinghamshire, which has one of the best IVF clinics in the country. Plus you get one free round on the NHS. We didn't even think about that when we moved, didn't think we'd have to. :-(

Sorry to hear about your side effects on clomid, hope you're feeling ok.

hi guys.

Time has flown by and ive realised ive not checked in for a while. How is everyone?

I see we are all pretty much in the same boat.

Ive been ok recently, plodding along. Today i get a text from a girl i worked with. She is 1 of only 2 people who know that I am trying for a baby. The reason is because she used to cry on my shoulder daily because she wasnt getting pregnant and was going to have ivf. We confided in each other.. it was nice. Anyway- she got pregnant naturally, i am overjoyed for her. The problem is that since the day she concieved, she never once asked me how i am getting on. We no longer work together, but she calls and text regularly telling me EVERY detail of the scans, due date and tells of how fabulously wonderful it all is. The text i recieved today made me cry.. not because someone else is pregnant, but because i never knew someone could be so insensitive. This person used to cry on MY shoulder every time someone got pg.

Sorry for the moan!! just feel down today. Its kinda hit me that maybe ill be the one who never gets pg and always has to pretend im happy.

Anyway i read all your posts and feel selfish for having a moan, we are all feeling the same, i know.

Moan over, i am booking a holiday and will probably face the fertility clinics when we return.

Hi to the new people and hi to the girls who have already chatted with me. I feel better just for having a moan. xxxxx

Hi Ladies

oops - will have to go, DH has just presented me with dinner!

LouP19 - sorry to hear this isnt the first time you have had bad news. Hoping the clomid does the trick though and you dont have to worry about IUI. Is IUI available on the NHS then?

bumblejo - sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down today. Moan away! I certainly do! That's what we are here for. It's a shame your friend has so easily forgotten what it was like TTC but dont let it get you down. Id just tell her she's getting nice and fat! Dont give up hope that one day you'll be pg and will be able to rub her nose in it (although Im sure you're a much nicer person than she is and wouldnt dream of doing that).

CaipirinhasAllRound - wish my lazy sod husband would present me with dinner

done

FabiOne I'm on my 5th month of Clomid. I was on 50mg for the 1st month but I didn't ovulate so have been on 100mg since. Not having any tests now that they know it's making me ovulate.

LouP really sorry to hear your news, I can imagine I'd be gutted too.

Nothing at all new to add here. Just carrying on having sex...... which I am so fed up off now. I can't imagine wanting to have sex again if there was no need to!

xx

Sex is so over rated. I have never had so much sex in all my life over the last couple of years. Sod this 50shades kinky stuff malarkey, I can barely force myself to do it 'vanilla style'!! Think I will be celibate in my next life ... Or a man.

Goodnight xx

Hello everyone. I can second the sex is overated feeling too. When I got my 2 lines on Friday (which quickly faded by Monday), on top of the sheer elation at thinking the miracle had finally happened, my second thought was 'Thank god, no more pressure sex with my husband ever again'. I know he feels the same - we try our very hardest for it not to be this way, but after all this time it's inevitable.

Hi all!
Sorry to hear your news LouP hope you're being kind to yourself & will keep all crossed that next month is luckier.
bumblejo your friend sounds infuriating! This whole thing is so bloody hard sometimes. My relationships with a few friends have definitely changed as they literally all have kids, some are great, some are thoughtless & others I swear avoid us as we can't fit into their smug baby/kids chit chat
Fabione I hear you on the sex thing!! I might write a book called 50 shades of functional sex. Sigh.
notnow hope you're having a fab holiday!& that your two eggs are working some magic.
missbrightside when do you think you might try another ivf round? Did you get any frozen embryos? I started shooting up on Tuesday so kind of holding my breath, scared to death this cycle is worse or reveals any nasty surprises...
Surely it's should be the weekend already?!?

LouP19, FabiOne..I agree! Vanilla sex, swinging from the chandelier sex.. when your trying for a baby its just functional sex! We aim for every other day. This month we will try and be less practical and try having more fun. It's difficult when you do it every other day religiously!! We have decided to not use preseed this month, not watch what we eat and drink and just do it whenever we feel..can't remember the last time that happened! I bet we don't do it for the whole month ha ha! X

Lesleyknope.. we both posted at the same time! Good luck this month. Ps.. please write the functional sex book!! x

Hello all

Vanilla sex ? I'll have to read the book (am I the only person in the world that hasn't read it yet ?)

I'll join you being fed up with sex. We've had more than one month where we can't be arsed with it other than around the 'fertile window'. Both too tired and moany and would rather lie on the sofa watching crap telly !!

Bumblejo Moan away all you like ! (people who are happy all the time are also usually creepy !)

Lesley Congratulations on starting. Hope you aren't having any side effects from the medication yet. All being well we should start next cycle (so in about months time). But I'm having immune testing done - so I suppose the results of that (due back in a couple of weeks) could possibly delay things. No frozen embryos so starting right back at the beginning. Sigh. I too am worried that this cycle could go worse than the first (the first all went quite smoothly save for the fact that it didn't result in a baby !)

Lou Hope you are ok today

Caiprihanas Hope your dinner was nice !

xx

Evening ladies

bumblejo - Im impressed with the 'every other night' sex you have. We usually try every 2-3 days and once Im a few days after I've ovulated we lose interest in each other and wait for AF to appear and then the cycle starts again! Does worry me that we might be giving up too soon but there's only so much sex I can pretend to be in the mood for!

missbrightside - I'm not sure you're missing anything in 50 Shades. Im only on the first book and got to be honest, I CAN put it down. (Maybe it's because Im having so much sex myself that the last thing I want to do is read about other people having sex!)

Apologies, for the amount of times I've used the word Sex in this post (SEX SEX SEX SEX lol)!!

Hi. Missbrightside read the book! The sex parts get quite repetative in the end.. blah blah.

Fabi we do normally stop once we feel we are over the fertile part. It worries me that we stop too soon, but blimey, how much sex can you have! One of our gps said we must do it every day.. we actually tried this and it almost put us off sex for life! EVERY DAY! .. and it didn't work!! All that effort when we could have been watching tv!!!! :) x

Woah! Sex every day?! To be honest - I'm happy if we manage a few round fertile time. Ttc has killed any spontaneity! I am desperate to get pregnant so a) we get our longed for child and b) our sex life can go back to normal!
I'm currently on the sofa watching Olympics & cheering on team GB! Not telling Aussie OH but I'm secretly loving the fact GB's beating Oz in the medal table so far . Roll on the weekend!!

We went through a phase of sex everyday,was awful and I am not doing it again! It became purely about the transfer of sperm from A to B in the shortest time possible which got longer and longer the more we did it!
I've DH recently that if nothing's happened by Christmas I'm having a month off and he said 'ok, we'll just do it when we want it instead of having to do it at certain times'! Fine as I am sure I won't want it at all!!

We've got our first appointment at the Oxford fertility unit and we also have to attend an IVF presentation - both in mid-September.

Miss Brightside and FabiOne - I hadn't thought about needing to take holiday for IVF. My boss (lovely bloke with kids) and his boss (my age and also trying, we constantly compare Clomid notes!) both know and so I'm hoping I'll be able to take time without needing my holiday. I hope so as the central America trip we're planning for Christmas is our consolation prize if IVF doesn't work!

Right, I'm going back to bed. I had no intention whatsoever of being up at this time (a bonus about not having a baby!) but the damn cat woke me up and used his usual trick of threatening to scratch our new wardrobe until I got up to feed him.

Have a good weekend everyone, I will be glued to the TV watching the Olympics! x

Olympics is so addictive! V proud of team GB too, with their crazy medal haul.

As for holidays & IVF, I'm lucky the clinic's close to work so I can have scans/blood tests before work. Last time egg retrieval was over Easter weekend & then I just skived off (claimed food poisoning or some such) for egg transfer day + day after for good measure. Juggling it around work isn't great as I find I'm totally distracted & struggle to focus on work instead of random googling but I guess that happens during trying naturally months as well!!

Hi I been trying to conceive for over a year and a half now and getting very frustrated as I'm heading into my mid 30's, been having investigations at hospital, Seacroft, Leeds, and have found out I have grade one damaged tubes so awaiting NHS follow up appointment to find out more but rubbish NHS taking forever so going to book private appointment speed things up, I was on implant before trying which was taken out March 2011 when we decided to start trying so everything should be OK now but doesn't seem to be, the minute I think my body is going back to normal my periods decide to mess up, was due on last weekend but every time I been having sex I been getting bleeding but no period, done test was neg so I'm at my wits end what's going on, guessing my hormones messed up but all bloods were normal to my memory so god knows, all my friends now have children and have had no problems conceiving which makes me feel horrible

Wow, what a weekend of Olympics! I have official caught Olympic Fever!

ruthieruthuk - Welcome! Sorry to hear you're in the same situation as us lot. It is very frustrating and very depressing that it hasnt happened naturally and help is needed. But at least there is help available. That's what I keep telling myself. If we were women born 100 (or even just 50) years ago we would have had no help whatsoever. How long after the implant being taken out is everything supposed to return to normal? Is this the first month where you have had no period and bleeding after sex? Were periods normal and regular before that?

LesleyKnope - When are you starting the 2nd course of IVF? Why does it take so long in between courses?

CaipirinhasAllRound - glad to hear appt has come through. Mid September will be here before you know it. Fingers crossed you won't be needing the trip to America. Sounds like you have good working relationship with your boss' boss and wouldnt be a problem telling her why you need time off. We had a 'month off' about a year ago and basically meant a whole month with zero sex - it was fanastic! lol. Was nice to know that there was zero chance I would be pregnant and didnt notice any aches and pains in my stomach leading up to AF arriving.

bumblejo - cant believe GP told you to do it every day! The GYNAE consultant I saw said 2-3 days was more than enough given there is a 5-7 day overlap between release of the egg and sperm survival. There is no way me and the DH could do it every day. There was an article in DH's magazine where a couple had to have sex every day for 100 days. I think I would fall asleep half way through a session if we had to do that!

LouP19 - hope you're ok

missbrightside - Are you still 'working from home' this week? Hopefully you're not being distracted by the Olympics on the telly.

Anyway, it's Monday morning and a three day week for me (wedding on Thu which I foolishy thought I would have to buy a maternity dress for dickhead) so I had better get on with some work, for a change!

Have a good week ladies

xxxx

Room for another one on this thread? Feeling pretty miserable, but reading your posts has cheered me up and made me feel less as though am the only one who can't get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

Have never posted in Conception before as been trying to pretend that DP and I are very laid back about the whole thing, but after 13 months of TTC, this thread really rang a bell. There's only so much functional sex you can have without losing heart with the whole thing.

Have tried all the non-medical options - reflexology, acupuncture, "just relaxing and not thinking about it too much (yeah, right!) but no joy. Have now had prelim tests, and I seem to be ovulating, DP's sperm is "normal" (much to his disgust - he expected it to be "outstanding"!). Next stage, scans, and tube check.

Was doing ok with it all, but exH announced yesterday that his wife (woman he had an affair with when I was pregnant....) is due in October. I know it's irrational but I was devastated - they've only been married 8 months, and seems to have happened so easily. Just feels so unfair when we're plugging away with no joy.