mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

South central for me. Don't blub over the freakish violin-playing kid, Caip - at least save the drunken clubbing for a properly desirable baby! Or, as I did, find yourself entirely put off the whole enterprise by a particularly disgusting one. An ex-pupil (17) brought her baby in to school to show me and offered him for a cuddle - it was the first time in my life I haven't wanted to; he was head-to-foot covered in snot and lumps of matter. I could practically see the bacteria multiplying!

Your lady at work sounds nice, Brightside. It's a shame that nice people just DON'T BLOODY HELP, isn't it. Maybe you can milk the coffee machine pity for all it's worth? Or, just BE pregnant tomorrow and tell them all to fuck off. Here's hoping. X X X (crossed fingers, not kisses)

Enjoy the end of the holiday, Caip - make the most of it.

BFN.

Totally gutted.

I'll write you all a personal post when I feel less like sobbing into my desk in front of everyone ................. !

xxx

I'm so sorry. That is rubbish for you.

Missbrightside, so sorry to hear that. Been keeping an eye on this thread but not posted for a while and was really routing for you with the IVF. Hopefully you made it through the day ok.

CaipirinhasAllRound - hope you're having a fab holiday and making the most of sun, sea and sex! We've not long come back from Ibiza and the hotel was full of kids and about six women who were pregnant PLUS had other kids. Now that's just selfish. One woman was really slim except for an obvious pregnant bump but also had a baby of about 6 or 7 months! Talk about greedy!

Anyway, thought this month was our month. First month on clomid, nice relaxing week in Ibiza with lots of shagging followed by lots of positive thoughts....and bloody AF arrives on Saturday while Im out on a hen night drinking cocktails. Oops! But you cant put your life on hold (plus I did a pg test beforehand and got a BFN, as usual) Absoluely gutted. Now im convinced Im defective. This is 20 or 21 cycles of unprotective sex and ZERO pg's. Anyone else in the same boat with zero BFP's? Starting to think Im the only one.

Got my letter telling me I was due a smear and even thought I'd have the dilemma of not knowing whether to book one or not cos I'll be pregnant. Yet again what a fool I am! Anyway booked in for Friday and also having a chlamydia swab done at the same time. notnowImreading - after reading your pube story before, I decided to tidy up the lady garden within plenty of time of the appt just in case I over 'mowed'!

One other thing, went out for dinner with a friend a couple of weeks ago and she told me she thought she was pregnant. I asked her how late she was and she said that she was only on about cd 14 of a 28 day cycle but felt different and was sure she was pg. First month of trying for no 2. Green eyed monster was defintely out that night and I was even secretly hoping she wasnt so that she could feel some of the pain and sadness I feel each month (i'm such a bitch!). Anyway tonight she texts and I cant help but ask her if this was indeed her month. She says she hasnt come on yet but due this Sat. Now Im secretly hoping AF makes an appearance this weekend. Is that seriously mean???

Anyway, have been re-reading all the threads on here again this eve and looks like only one BFP since the thread began in Jan so think it's definitely time for some more!

Fingers crossed ladies

FabiOne xx

Hello girls

FabiOne You are right. We definitely need more BFP's on here !! Hope your smear went ok today and that your nurse/doctor was sufficiently impressed that you had taken the time to think about your lady garden in advance !!

Not Now Fingers crossed that AF stays away for you this month X X Hope the rages have improved.

Ciapriahanas Hope you had a really lovely holiday. Funnily enough I had a bit of a crying fit at a campsite in cornwall a couple of years ago (it's obviously campsites - brings out the emotions in people !). It was fueled by afternoon drinking and watching a couple with their young family turn up in their extra smug campervan ..... !! (I was jealous on all counts - the family and the campervan !) I'm also in the South East - Brighton.

Right DP and I have made a very thoughtful 4 point plan which goes something like this :

1. Get pissed. We haven't got drunk together since Christmas . It's DP's birthday next week so we've both taken a mid week day off work to ... err ... go drinking !

1. Go away. Because of 3 will probably be a long weekend somewhere. Maybe Madrid or something.

1. Get immunes tested. (It was the Maldives or immunes ..........)

1. Start all over again ............. !!

Right - hope you've all got something nice planned for the weekend.

Take care all xxx

Looks like I'm out for this month: spotting today and cramps, so expecting AF tomorrow.
Think I'll join you on the get pissed plan.

Not now Quite frankly - that's shit !

all round !

x

Having a bad day today.
I know that usually on here we're all about being a bit pissed off but basically keeping our spirits up, but today I'm just sad and scared.
It's the first tine that I've really confronted the idea that it may just never happen - I'm usually pissed off that it hasn't happened yet but now I'm starting to think about what we will do if it doesn't happen at all. Really haven't come up with any answers, either. My experience of being a stepmum hasn't filled me with enthusiasm for adoption - loving someone else's child is just not the same. I want to be pregnant, I want to give birth, I want to breastfeed. It's quite a normal thing to want. It really doesn't seem fair that it's so hard and uncertain.
Sorry to bring the tone down. I will cheer up again soon.

I'm sorry you are having a bad day not now - have some .

I really would like to say something constructive - but to be honest I'm actually more inclined to come and join you in feeling . There have already been tears today when that god awful Lady Antebellum song came on the radio. It has the same effect on me as the Military wives song did at Christmas (I'm not even a military wife FFS !!)

DP and I have limited ourselves to 3 goes at IVF. And then ... I don't know what either. I too am not so sure that adoption would be for us.

Right - I'm getting morbid now. I'm off to start knitting a jumper (yes, really !) I made my mum a (wonky) scarf as a child - and that's when my knitting career stopped. I know I should have started with something smaller to practice knitting and reading a pattern - but, what the heck ! I do have a habit of getting very enthusiastic about something - starting it - and never finishing ...... !!

(As a bit of a disclaimer I would like to point out that I never used to be so boring !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

xxxx

My husband, bless him, doesn't know what to say to cheer me up but he has bought me a box set of Spooks series 6 and a curry, so if not cheerful, I'm at least distracted. I'm going to watch the Jesus Christ Superstar programme and Henry IV part I so that's one-third of the day weeping and reading and two-thirds watching telly and eating! I'll stop being so self indulgent tomorrow.

I really feel for you, brightside - it's even harder for you. We can be misery buddies this weekend, then get on with it together.

I'm not religious at all, but I like Julian of Norwich's prayer/mantra: 'all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.' Hold on, buddy. X

Hey all

we're all allowed (and are bloody well entitled) to have a bad day now and then. It's such an emotional time and if you're anything like me it accounts for half your waking thoughts!

Notnow - I've had those what if thoughts and we discussed it on holiday. I'd like tot hink I would consider adoption but my husband isn't as convinced as me. We've decided that we'd look into to get a better idea of whether it's a route we'd want to go down and if not we are going to focus on travelling whcih is what we love. We have a huge list of places we want to go, Antarctica being number 1!, and so this would become our focus.
I can't imagine being an old lady with no family though.....

Miss Brightside - we've had our letter confirming we've got funding for a round of treatment but I'm not expecting for us to get an appointment to discuss anything for another couple of months yet. I like your plans! Getting pissed sounds like a fab plan to start with! We drank everyday on holiday and it was lovely not worrying that we shouldn't. Loving your long weekend idea too. I haven't been to Madrid but my parents went a couple of months ago and as we're really not into art galleries, they said it's good if you like art but if not there isn't loads to do.

FabiOne - never had a BFP either.... Pregnant friends are tough. One of my best friends who started trying at the same time as me is celebrating her baby's 1st birthday today. Surely one of us should get a BFP sometime soon.....

On a more cheerful note, we had a great holiday, ate and drank way too much and completely chilled out. We moved around loads, camped for half of it and did hotels the rest, including a couple of nights in Barcelona. We had lots of sex but didn't count days and other than my emotional break down which was the result of too many damn caipirinhas, I didn't worry about things too much!
Now we're back we're going to plan our next holiday for Christmas. We'll plan it now but won't book anything until October on the remote chance I get pregnant, so we'll either we over the moon as I'm pregnant or we'll be going to central America for a couple of weeks!

try to stay sane everyone
xx

So sorry to hear of all the upsetting news :( Been really looking foward to my appointment in the 16th but now think I have a long road ahead of me. Damn you missed placed optimism! However, I know so called inspirational stories don't always help, I will share mine. My Sis in law had an awful realtionship which she stuck with for 10 years finally seeing the light and ditching him at 30. She then met a lovely guy got married and started trying for a baby with no luck. Many investigations and treatments later things were looking bleak. OH low sperm count and depleting eggs etc. At the age of 40 she gave birth to a healthy and (I am biased) gorgeous baby boy! Chin up girls, I know it's hard. I love the keep sane advice! Really feel like I'm teetering on the edge sometimes especially just before af is due!
OH out on town tonight whilst me an the dog watch million pound drop, how sad.
Two of my best friends have just had baby's and face the rather daunting prospect of visiting and fixing fake(ish) smile on face for few hours 2moro. Wish me luck x

Can I join? I'm 36, started ttc 2.5 years ago - 3 miscarriages, 3 iuis, 1 ivf but still no kids - only explanation seems to be rubbish eggs (out of 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilised but only one made it to grade b blastocyst). Meanwhile surrounded by people on to their second or third kids - so tired of thoughtless remarks and pitying looks. Over it!

Just a quick one as I'm about to go to the gym :

Good luck Sillymoo. Go round and drink all their wine !!

Welcome Lesley. Please do join. I'm actually now wondering if I have rubbish eggs too. We had 10 eggs - 6 fertilised - 4 made early blast but none suitable for freezing. We've got our review appointment next week so I really should wait for that rather than googling and diagnosing our failure myself ....... !

I'm not at all religious either not now (I can't even bear singing carols at Christmas !) and - quite frankly (and apologies to anyone who is) - if I had been I would have lost my faith a long time ago. Someone up there is having a f*ing laugh at all our expense !!!!!

Glad you had a nice holiday Caiphrianas. Thank you for the Madrid info. Need to have a better look at what else there is to do there as - quite honestly - can't bear art galleries !

Right - the next time I post on here I won't moan.

(well, I might do !!)

Enjoy your day all xxx

Sorry that makes me sound pretty nuts & bitter!

Nuts and bitter: I'd say you've just passed the entry test!

Good luck with the smiling Sillymoo. Hope it doesn't make your face ache too much.

Miss bright side - 4 blasts sounds fantastic to me! But google is definitely our friend (except when it takes you to a great group like this which reminds you, you're not alone). Hope your review meeting goes well.
Madrid is a lovely city. If only every failed cycle came with a free mini break, I think that would be way fairer

I meant to say google is NOT our friend! Sorry just getting the hang of this - never posted before!

Not a 1st time TTC here, but trying with a new husband. DDs are 14 and 16 so it's been a while since I've TTC... Been trying for 18 months, nothing so far

After discussions, we've decided we don't want to go down the test for problems route, I'm 35 DH is 48, so we're resigned it it either happening or not. Not sure if this is the right thread but thought I'd ask anyway - how on earth do you cope with people asking regularly if you're pregnant yet? No one asks DH - they all ask me, and as I'm still a bit weepy about it, and I find it really hard. They're all nice people - family & friends, but when I'm honest, people tell me to "stop worrying and it'll happen" or tell us to start with testing, even if I've explained we don't want to go down that route. Does anyone here have a polite 'please stop asking me' line that they've used to any effect...?

I've found that mild aggression and a snarly face or a tragic thousand-yard stare works better than being polite. Mostly though, I just tell people the truth. It shuts them up faster.

notnow love the steely stare approach! I wish I had witty retorts but usually, if pressed, I end up saying 'I can't" & shuffle off for a cry! Leaves them feeling v awkward but I figure that's their problem for asking personal questions!

Hi guys. Not been here for a little while. Seems lots has happened.

Missbrightside hope you are ok?

It's so frustrating. Why can't we have what we want for a change. I also spend endless amount of time congratulating people on being pregnant or giving birth. I am genuinely happy for them, but am struggling to hide my disappointment that its not me pg as well.

This is the start of the month for me, so will try and be positive this month( until a week before my period, where I tend to crack up!)

Wishing you all luck.. few drinks this w.end I think! x

I'm alright Bumblejo - thank you for asking. To be honest I'm so behind at work due to recent appointments and obsessive googling that that is keeping me quiet at the moment ........ !

To be honest Gilb - even if it's with good intentions - I do think that asking someone if they are pregnant is the height of rudeness and I am quick to shoot down anyone who dares to ask. Don't think I mentioned this at the time but we went to a wedding a month or so ago and a friend woman I've never realy got on with asked me to my face if I was pregnant as I wasn't drinking (unbeknown to her we were in the middle of our IVF cycle). I knew the question was coming as when I refused a drink her eyes immediately went to my stomach (by the way I was wearing a relatively tight fit size 10 dress - I did not look pregnant in the slightest !). Ok, it was a bit over the top when I harshly snapped back "No I'm not - and quite frankly I find it quite inappropriate and vulgar of you to ask me". She went really red and flustered - and it did make for an awkward hour when we were sat at dinner together immediately after - but no, I will not be apologising !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully she'll now avoid me when our paths cross (we have mutual friends !)

bumblejo I know the feeling - v happy for others but surely it's our bloody turn?! Will keep my fingers & toes crossed this will be your month.
missbrightside good on you for telling that woman at the wedding what's what! I figure any awkwardness is their problem for asking such dumb questions!!

Hi all, old and new
I agree, people should no better than to ask such a personal question! I was asked by a stupid male colleague in front of others if I wanted babies. I just laughed and said 'not sure you're allowed to ask me that' and walked off.

I had a meeting with a client this morning who is probably my age and got back off maternity leave in April. Was very surprised when she appeared with a new bump! I told her after the meeting that we're TTC, don't reckon a bit of sympathy will do sales any harm!!

I've been spotting a bit for the past couple of days and am waiting for the pain to kick in but it's actually day 26 and my cycles are typically 24/25 days... Am convinced AF is on her way but a slightly longer cycle is good

Hating my job this week, really struggling to get motivated post holiday

Xx