mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

Sorry to butt in but been lurking for few months on these sites and this is the first one that i can actually relate to. Had a good few laughs while reading through which makes a change from a new angle giving me something else to worry about!!! I too have been bumped back on nhs cue for having m/c how rude!! Just started seeing consultant privately so no hols this year!! Like the idea of tempting fate tho so off to bootcamp in the morning.

Hi sillymoomoo what rotten luck. Miscarriage is bad enough under any circs, but the nhs really do kick you when you're down with that one. Good idea about the bootcamp (well, maybe for you - would kill me). I've spent a lot of time over the last few years saying, ooh, can't go skiing, might be pregnant by then, etc. and it's all bollocks. Tempt fate as much as you can! So far on this thread, the evidence of it working as a strategy is minimal, but at least we're trying to keep living our real lives. Take care of yourself.

I'm going on holiday tomorrow!

We've just had another appt with our NHS consultant and have been referred for IVF. We had to choose a centre so went for Oxford as it has slightly better success rates than the other one near us.
I've got another 3 months of Clomid to take as we probably won't get our IVF appointment for 2-3 months
Had a mild panic when she said I had to be under 34 not 35 but we got her to check and it says 34 inclusive which definitely sounds like as long as you're still 34 it's ok.

She smirked when I told her I was going to an acupuncturist and was charting! I showed her my last month of temps as she completely dismissed the idea that you can have a short luteal phase (as did the other consulant we saw last time). She said you always ovulate 14 days before your period (assuming you are ovulating) but it may take a few days to affect your temp etc which is why it can look like a shorter amount of time. . I'm not convinced but now that 2 consultants have said it......

Anyway, must get packing

Au revoir et bon chance tout le monde!
x

Have a great time!

Have a good holiday caipirinhas so jel! I've been there too not now, love skiing but last 2 years didn't book til really last minute just in case ha! This year didn't go at all so gutted. Been looking at places to go this year already lol. Wishing all on here the best of luck in getting the elusive bfp but just enjoy being young and carefree in a couple of years we will all be on here moaning about sleepless night etc lol x x x

Oh God oh God oh God - pube disaster!

I am going for follicle scan and injection today, so dutifully decided to tidy the lady garden for the doctor. Turns out that since last time (last visit to doc), the 'trim' setting on my shaver has stopped working. So instead of a tidy, I have managed to shave off all the pubes - had to, as my first move was a big baldy strip right down the middle and looked ridiculous.

I'm instinctively opposed to the baldy porn star look, so am mortified. Particularly as I haven't actually achieved 'baldy porn star', which now seems infinitely desirable compared to 'hastily plucked chicken'.

I have to leave the house in 5 minutes and show a stranger, who will think I did it on purpose .

In addition to pube humiliation, I have only managed to grow one egg despite quite a hefty dose of clomid. No wonder we haven't got (successfully) pregnant naturally. The doc started talking about when we should have the ivf chat and the nurse said she thought we were wasting time. Seems like they've almost written us off already.

Can my one egg get a bit of encouragement? Let me hear a whoop whoop...

Hi. I am new to this, so sorry for butting in! After reading this I have laughed and cried! It's a relief to be able to be honest instead of pretending I'm ok all the time. I want to say thank you for making me laugh about something that is slowly taking over my life and to know that lots of other people feel the same. Hopefully this will be our year. X

Hello bumblejo... Welcome aboard the shitboat.

Thank you for the laugh about your pubes not now !! God, I now don't give a s* what any doctor thinks about my ladygarden ! I live in the belief that whatever mine looks like they will have seen worse !

(Just for the record though - it's absolutely fine and very well looked after !!!!!!!)

Whoop whoop to your egg ! Don't be disheartened by the nurse's comment (as you'll see below I'm also dwelling on a comment made by a nurse .....) From what I now know about IVF there can be huge differences as to how one person reacts to one type of medication as opposed to another - so maybe Clomid just wasn't right for you ? Hang on in there xxx

Bumblejo Welcome to the shit boat. As you can see you are certainly not alone .. ! I too am also hoping that this is all of our year !

Right - ended up having embryo transfer on Friday afternoon instead of today (short version of the story is that went out for the day to a town half an hour away and then got a call advising that they wanted to do the transfer in 2 hours as two of the embryos were developing much better than the others. Frantic drive home later it was done ... !) We could have had two transferred but took the gamble of just going with one (as much as we want a baby the thought of two at once is a little bit ) So am now in the 2WW. All went absolutely fine until we were just about to leave. The nurse (who incidentally has been great and I trust her judgement) wished us well and said that there were lots of factors in our favour for a cycle (this one or another) to work but what she thought our main problem would be was me maintaining a pregnancy . She only said what I've already thought - I just wish I hadn't left the clinic on a negative note. I've felt really flat ever since ....... ! (although I don't think all the drugs in my system are helping that)

Althought I did have a dream last night (I don't often have dreams) about going to chose fabric to make a baby quilt !!!!! (God, my dreams are getting as boring as my real life at the moment !!!) I'm not interested in dreams in the slightest - but the night before I had a miscarriage I had a dream that I had one and woke up with a jolt. I (obviously !!) later googled this and apparantly lots of women report this. Something I read suggested that maybe there is a chemical reaction shortly before before which meant that your brain knew it was going to happen before there were any physical symptoms (or something like that !). So am hoping my dream was the reverse !!!!!!

Take care all xxx

Thank you for the whoop whoop, Brightside. May I return the compliment with a holler to your two embryos!

Ha ha! I am now officially aboard the shit boat. X

Missbrightside I just read your post, its such a shame you left feeling negative. After all, aren't we always told to keep positive blah blah! Maybe your dream does mean something. Good luck..

A whoop whoop to your one egg not now and a holler to your embryos too bright side! Will keep everything crossed for you both x the dreaded af arrived on Sunday and even though just had lap and dye and not really expecting anything still had my usual monthly horrors! Appointment on 16th so we will see what that brings. Hi bumblejo I'm a newbie too but felt the same as you about this thread really made me laugh ( and cry). Really did lol at pube incident not now, I had to go for last chicken in the shop look too for lap sure the dr was smirking when I came round!

Sure you will all be pleased to hear that the pubes have started growing back but pleased to know my humiliations are mostly entertaining (and that other people have done similar, sillymoo )

How are you feeling, brightside ? Hope you are feeling brighter. Guess you'll just have to take things one step at a time.

Hello all

I do feel a bit brighter not now and thank you for asking. Likewise, I hope you are ok. Have another whoop whoop for your egg !

Although not entirely sure what to be thinking at the moment. Have had no real dramatic symptoms to note (why is it that ALL women on the internet have an instant metallic taste in their mouth, heightened sense of smell, big veiny boobs etc etc). Aggg ... why can't I wake up with big veiny boobs !! Ever the optimist DP and I spent most of yesterday evening discussing what we'll do if it doesn't work (Holiday followed by trying again in case you were interested !!) What will be will be etc etc (although maybe don't remind me I said that if it's a BFN next week .... !)

Right - have had this week of work and totally wasted the time. Started to make some curtains. Not the best thing to do if your mind's not totally on the task. So far they look a f**king mess ! Oh, and been on an ebay mission. If I haven't looked at it/used it/thought about it in the last 6 months then it's got to go !!!

Sillymoo & Bumblejo Hope all is well with you.

Caprihanas Good holiday ? Hope so !

Right in a rush and got to go out so must get off this computer !!!!

xxx

PS : Good news about the pubes !!

x

Thanks! Just thought of something quite cheering (once you dig beneath the surface) that my consultant told me: clomid has a 5-10% chance of success; IVF has a 25% chance - but so far our natural success rate is about 0.5%, so it is in fact much better!

Hi. Loving the pube stories!

We are still trying naturally, so I haven't been poked & proded yet! Have had all the blood tests and they seemed to think a very underactive thyroid was the cause of not getting pg. After regulating that for 6 months, we were able to try again. Great news! I decided to be v positive this time round, but.. nothing!

A friend told me she's pg yesterday. I got my period yesterday! Big slap in the face for me! On an upnote, she had ivf and it worked twice for her.

Missbrightside I hope you are ok, shame about the curtains!

Hi sillymoo. Good luck with your appt on 16th. Have you just started fertility treatment? Excuse my ignorance, but ive been avoiding it! Gonna give it another few months & then get a referral.

Hi bumblejo, no not started any treatment yet. Was on nhs waiting list then got pg! Was such a shock but unfortunately ended up in mc at 7 and half weeks. This put me back to start as nhs don't consider me infertile although was trying for 2 years before mc. Tried again for 6 months but now gone private and just started again. Consultant recommended lap and dye - where they check for any blockage in tube endo etc but all fine. Hopefully will start some sort of treatment on 16th.
Hope everyone is doing well and looking forward to some good news on the shitboat - one of us will soon i just know it! Having few glasses of vino tonight cos I think f* it i will enjoy having a lay in 2moro. Make sure you see someone and get the ball rolling I put it off for way too long ( in denial) take care everyone x x x

Brightside when are you testing? Actually, do you even need to test with IVF? How do you know if it's worked? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you whenever I think about you. I will test next Monday if there's no sign of AF before then, but trying not to hope too much. Have bought next month's clomid, so am ready if/when there's nothing doing. Interesting side effect of the clomid (well, that's what I'm blaming anyway) is the rage! Have been particularly shitty and liable to fly off the handle for two weeks now. Children of Hampshire, fear my wrath!

Thank you Not now. Your crossed fingers are very sweet of you and very much appreciated. In fact, I've just had a funny moment with a woman at work (see below) and am feeling a bit emotional. Knowing someone is crossing their fingers for me has almost made me sit and cry at my desk !!! (really must pull it together !) Likewise I will be whoop whooping for you that AF stays away ..... !

I test tomorrow (Just a bog standard test is taken after IVF - some clinics offer a blood test but ours doesn't - the official test day is 14 days after egg collection which is, I suppose, the equivalent of a natural ovulation). But to be honest, I've resigned myself for the worse. I did a secret test on Sunday (never tell DP ! I promised I wouldn't ! But he was out at golf ... !) and it was a BFN (god, I don't even get evaporation lines to fool me !) Arguably it could have been too early (would have only been the equivalent of 11dpo) but in my heart of hearts I really don't feel like it's worked. But will see what tomorrow brings and will let you know ..... !

Anyhow, was just chatting to a woman at work. Don't really know her - we just tend to go to the coffee machine at the same time (we must have the same boredom threshold !). She was telling me that her 20 year old daughter has just got enganged and wants children. I made a jokey comment back in an exaggerated silly voice saying "Nooo ... far too young. She needs to be at least 35 before she gets married" (failed to respond to the baby bit) and in response she stroked my arm - looked me in the eye - and said "it will happen for you, you know. You will have a baby". WTF !!!! Absolutely no one at work knows of our TTC woes (including one girl I class as one of my best friends !) and least of all her !! I can only assume that I have looked so miserable once a month for the last few years (I've worked at the same place for over 9 years) that people have started to put two and two together !!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's all I need. People pitying me at the coffee machine !!!

Take care all - (and sorry for the me me me post !!)

xxx

PS : As for rages - I'm just naturally bad tempered !!!!!!!!!

xx

hi all. Still on holiday and havins a fab time but just happened to check mumsnet on my phone at the same time as being a bit pissed... My DH is unaware but - probably due to alcohol - i am feeling a bit emotional. There are kids running round this campsite and i want one! I don't want the precocious one playing a violin though. We're having a fab time and i'm not day counting which is great but pissed i feel down... Miss brightside - i have everything crossed. Everyone else, fingers crossed for you all you. We get back on saturday and i'll be checking for updates then! Xxx

oh dear just had a full on melt down with dh. Fortunately he's good at stuff like that. I want to be a mummy! Full stop. Right, going out for cocktails. Out of curiosity, where are you all? I'm normally south east x