mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

Hi Lesleyknope I know what you mean, all I do is think about my cycle and keep looking for signs during the tww :( I did try not drinking for a couple of months but after so long of trying I just think f**k it I need some enjoyment in my life!
My OH has been pretty rubbish the last couple of months and seems to get really pissed when I get upset when I get AF. I never used to be like this and I really don't like how it's made me act :(

Think ttc is really difficult for the men, we can pretend we are in the mood whereas obviously they cant. I have resorted to bribery.

OH 'can you iron me a shirt?'
Me 'only if you shag me'. Works a treat! Try it!

pomatron I'm doing IVF at the oxford fertility unit
My DH is so chilled out he doesn't appear fazed by any of this and gas been great. I do tend to talk a lot to anyone who'll listen but am not so good at letting on how I'm really feeling, I like to sound positive!, but DH has been great whenever I've had the occasional meltdown. I see an acupuncturist which is great for offloading on someone else

missbrightside hope you're ok xxx

Hi lesley I used to be fun too. If this cycle doesn't work we are definitely going on a big holiday. Maybe still Honduras but at the moment I'm thinking of going back to Brazil and getting hammered on caipirinhas!

Hi to notnow, fabione and everyone else

Anyone doing anything fun this weekend? Painting and DIY again here
Xxx

My DH is great to me - very supportive - but this whole thing has affected him pretty badly. He's nearly fifty (I'm in denial about that) and the thought of the whole thing dragging on and on makes him quite twitchy. He's also the kind who gets quietly angry when he's upset, although it doesn't take it out on anyone. We were talking about it the other day and he was saying how he can't bear it when other people talk about being pregnant or having babies (he was not a barrel of laughs at the christening we went to a couple of weeks ago) and really struggles to be happy for people. He says (this makes him sounds lovely, I know - he is a nice man really) "I don't want to hear about other bastards' happiness."

We're both pretty low at the moment. My private gynaecologist has disappeared - just stopped working, no word to anyone, can't get in touch with him at all, very mysterious - so we don't know how to get my notes to give to a new doctor. DH's father has alzheimers and DSD is very grumpy around the house. We were due to have a 'date night' tonight, but my best friend, whose bastard husband walked out on her and the kids recently has just begged to come round for a bit of sanctuary this evening. I worked out yesterday that we have not had a day just to ourselves since August. None of which is to do with IVF, which we haven't even started yet, but there's a kind of primordial soup of pissed-off-ness that we are constantly swimming in.

I'm going to spend a bit of time this morning on the Mysterious Case of the Missing Doctor and try to get us booked into an IVF clinic. I don't care which one anymore. The bastards all clearly look at my school website and schedule their open evenings on my parents' evenings and don't want me to come and have a look around.

On the bright side, I did loads of marking diligently instead of going to the after-school pub club yesterday and so should only have to work for half the day tomorrow instead of all day, which feels like a huge relief.

PS: also, I appear to have ovulated yesterday and managed to get a shag too

Feeling a bit ashamed now: Mysterious Missing Doctor might well be seriously ill/dying doctor. Have managed to get hold of his secretary who says there's no telling when, if ever, he will be back to work. It's a good time to be going private, I think as although I was seeing him privately, he's the only gynaecologist the NHS refer to in my area, which means that anyone who is on the NHS for fertility treatment or investigations is basically buggered. New clinic, sharpish, I think.

Evening all

Caiphirinas - sounds like you have a good DH. When you say you talk a lot about things, do you mean ttc related? I have regular chats with about 5 or 6 people (most of them are also ttc) but now I'm wondering whether this is not a good thing. It helps to know I'm not alone in the RL too but if I ever, by some miracle got preg then would be hard not to tell them first before my family and would feel bad for my mum and dad.

Think I'm worrying about something that is a long way off since AF arrived today. First month of clomid since lap and dye and removal of endo and after plenty of shagging AF arrived three days early. What is that about?! Has anyone experienced shortened cycle with clomid before? I have consultant appt thu and will ask him about it then.

notnow - sorry you and DH haven't had quality time together since August. Hope you manage to change this soon. Any news on the case of the disappearing doctor (sounds like a Miss Marple episode!)?

pomatron, lesley and missbright - hope you're all ok

Anyway I'm about to go back to obsessively checking fb which today has revealed two preg 'friends'. I am slowly feeling more and more bitterness towards anyone preg, especially friends!

Night all xxx

Hi fabione
Most people we know know we're doing IVF to be honest, but I don't talk to them about how I'm feeling about it. I do think we should have kept it quieter as if it doesn't work we'll have to tell people but it's such a massive thing and has been going on for so long there's no way we'd have kept it to ourselves as we'd have had to lie and cover up loads
X

I agree, after a while its easier to just talk about it. Rather than trying to think of reasons why you haven't got kids yet. Plus I think does make it easier if people know as you often find other people have gone through similar experiences

Xxx

Hello girls

Just a quick one as I really should go to bed !

Hope you are all well.

Fabio No symtom spotting in the 2WW !!! Symptoms are the work of the devil ...... ! (but will be keeping my fingers crossed for you nonetheless).

NotNow I'm so annoyed with everyone and everything right now that not a dead or dying doctor would get any sympathy from me ! The bloody cheek of it !!

Caiphirinas Hope the downregging is going well.

Lesley I too have developed the same aversion to drink on the basis of crappy eggs - and I too used to be a quite a party girl. It's like it was another life .....

Pomatron Sorry that your DH has been a bit rubbish. Funnily enough the only 'good' thing that has come out of this really horrible year is that I have been overwhelmed by how totally loyal my DP is to me. We're not married (just never really wanted all the fuss of a wedding if I'm totally honest) and in fact this has made me even less inclined to ever bother. Would a ceremony and a certificate ever equal the commitment he has shown to me ? Definitely not !

Right - must go before I start getting all emotional ..... !

Night all xxx

Hi all hope you are all ok.
After symptom spotting all last week and secretly getting hopeful this may be the month, AF arrived on Sunday :( my OH to be fair was pretty good on Sunday. Just feeling bit rubbish at the mo.
Notnow hope you having more luck with the doctor.
Caipirinhas DIY is a nightmare isn't it, I've got loads of glossing to do and keep putting it off (using cat as an excuse not to... Cos she will brush up against it!)
Anyway Im gonna go have a cuppa (herbal) instead of the wine!

Bit more luck with the docs today - have been referred for hsg or lap and dye on NHS. I just want to get that bit out of the way before we start spending our life savings on IVF, in case there's hitherto-unsuspected endo or anything else in there. That'll save me about £1500, hurrah.

Good vibes to all of you. Sorry about AF Pomatron. Sucks, as we all know all too well.

Hi all,
I've really enjoyed reading all of your messages on this thread and have taken great comfort from the fact that I'm not alone! I saw the title of this thread and thought it could have been written by me as it sums up my feelings beautifully!

I am 33 and DH is 38. We have been ttc for 2 years and have joined the very frustrating club of people on the NHS fertility clinic waiting list. My GP has run 21day tests, DH has had SA and all seems OK so far. My consultant has ordered an ultrasound scan because of suspected PCOS but the waiting list is 3 months long so now I'll just have to be patient. The only problem is that I'm probably the least patient person around. When I've set my heart on something, I'm not very good at waiting so I'm trying to fill the next few months with thoughts about Christmas instead!

Hi Dreamy. It's weird, isn't it - I enjoy this thread too, despite the fact that we are probably the least successful conception group ever and most of the time we're posting about feeling a bit shit. It should be depressing, but it isn't. I think it's the down to earth tone and the lack of symptom spotting etc, as we're all past the point of thinking that this month is magically going to be our month so there's more of a long view approach. Anyway, join us - you'll never leave...

Hi dreamy, notnow, missbrightside, fabione, lesley, pomatron and everyone else!

Anyone doing anything exciting this weekend? My parents are coming later and staying so I'm on housework duty. It's a good job they feel the need to come and see us every few weeks as with our house the state it's in at the moment (building work and ever ending diy) it's the only time I ever bother. Man is it boring

Dreamy - I like this thread too. We're not always the chattiest bunch but do like a good moan now and again!

Xx

Ps good news about your latest appointment notnow x

Thanks for the welcome everyone.

Not having a very exciting weekend really but just what I need- Hubbie is away all weekend so I'm having weekend filled with Location, Location, Location, wearing pjs on the sofa and a . Even everyone on my TV seems to be pregnant at the moment. These couples are having to buy a new home because they keep having children and need more rooms! Aarghh!

Have a good weekend everyone x

Hi all hope that you are all having a good weekend.

Im at work all weekend boo :( still at least it keeps me away from the wine and the DIY!
Notnow hope that your appointment comes through soon.... also it is worth phoning the fertility unit because if they get cancellations they may be able to fit you in sooner....
Im a little like Dreamy33 in that I have zero patience and once I was offered the HSG just wanted to get it over with asap and luckily managed to get in pretty quick. I ended up having to have a lap tho as they couldnt do the HSG and again I only had to wait about 3 weeks because I said that I would take a cancellation and they phoned and offered me one real quick.
Enjoy the weekend ladies :) x

Hello girls

Just a quick one as really really need to try and concentrate on work today. All I can think of is that I have 24 working days left this year (not that I'm counting or anything .... !).

Welcome Dreamy. I like a bit of Location Location Location too. Although my partner has now banned me from recording anything with Kirsty Allsop in it (after a series of Kirsty's homemade home clogged up the space on the sky box for months - I never ended up watching any of it ..... !)

Pomatron Hope that if you worked at the weekend that you will get some time off in the week !

Notnow Really good news on the appointment front. Don't get me started on how they even think they can justify a charge of £1500 (My HSG took about 10 minutes !!! 15 max !!!)

Caiphrinas How are you ? Hope all is going well. You must be starting stimming soon.

Lesley I'm sorry if you have already told us (I can't scroll down and my memory is shot to pieces at the moment !) but how did your hysterescopy go ? I think I'm going to try and get one arranged (and at the moment I'm going to try and pursue this under my health insurance. I get it through work. In the last 10 years the only time I've used it was for an ingrown toenail !!!!!!) It's now one of the few investigations I haven't had done ..... !)

Fabio Dare I ask how your 2ww is going ?

Right - After much deliberation our notes from the last clinic are currently in the post on their way to ARGC. I've convinced DP We've agreed to at least go for a consultation to see what they could do that the other clinic didn't. We can emotionally do this one more time - and so we need to give it our very best shot. I currently work in London - but (won't bore you with the details) think my job is under threat - so we need to get on and do this now whilst I can. Don't really have £10k+ to gamble on this (does anyone ?) but luckily we love baked beans and hate expensive holidays ......... !

xxx

I can't concentrate either, but mainly because I'm so bored of my job and I'm in sales so I'm only as busy as I make myself.

I've got 2 and a half more weeks before a week and a half off for egg collection/transfer. Start injections next week, it's really dragging

I love location location location too but am addicted to emmerdale!

Hope everyone's ok xx

Wow, Brightside - ARGC! I'm jealous and respectful. Let me know how you get on.

Well, we'll go for an initial consultation to see what they say. If they don't blow us away though we may have to think otherwise.

But I have spent this evening applying for a Tesco credit card. 16 months 0% on 'purchases' (If only it was that simple) Just in case we go for it .......... !

(It's DP who is unconvinced at the moment. Thinks we may just as well fly to Vegas and put £10k on red. He has a point but I'm going to ignore it .......)

xx

That's a great idea - I may steal that one from you. The stats from ARGC really do speak for themselves though; I really hope they come through for you.

I love a 0% deal. Have had a few over the years to buy 'big' things. Have never paid a penny interest in my life !

(And if it doesn't lead to a baby I'll at least get some clubcard points .... )

Although DP and I keep arguing about it. To put this in context I am never bossy or want my own way (honestly !) and will normally just go with the flow to keep the peace. But on this occasion I AM RIGHT.

DP thinks we should try for a bit naturally and then look for a cheaper clinic. Ordinarily I would agree. But, we have now been trying for four years and all we have to show for it is two miscarriages and two failed IVF cycles. I now just want this nightmare over one way or the other. As much as I love his positivity I now just can't even envisage a natural pregnancy anymore (I mean - I didn't get pregnant when they put an embryo exactly where it needed to go FFS). We have been to an 'alright' clinic and there is no logic in us going to one that has similar statistics and will follow the same protocol. If we are going to spend £5k (which is already a significant sum) in an 'alright' clinic then we might as well bite the bullet and pay that bit more for a 'good' clinic. This will be the last time I go through this so we really do have to give it our best shot .......... !

Truth is do have some savings hidden away which would cover it - but it's money saved for moving. However, without a family we have absolutely no need to move from a flat to a house ..... ! (Yet another aspect of our life that has been put on hold. Couldn't bear to look at houses at the moment).

But if the cost is spread out over several months then it won't be such a shock ..... !

Another big factor is that I currently work in London so can get there easily. There have been redundancies where I work recently - and it's quite possible that my team may be in the firing line next year (and right now I couldn't care less !!!) We really do need to go for this whilst we can !

Anyhow, not sure why I'm wittering on to be honest. But feel much better having had a rant !!!

Night night all xxx

You've convinced me! Go for it!

No idea what we'll do for a second go if we need to but I think I'd struggle to convince my DH to spend much money...

How is everyone?
I had an internal scan today after 3 weeks of down regging and was expecting to start injections tomorrow but apparently i've had a flare reaction as my lining has done what its supposed to but I've also got about 8 follicles which have grown
So now I'm waiting to hear if my pct will extend the funding given the circumstances - I'm 35 in 3 weeks which is the cut off - so that l can stop and try again in the new year. If not I'll have to have the cysts drained, a couple of down regging injections and then start the injections I was meant to start tomorrow.
If I get to start afresh in a couple of months they think I would do a short protocol version which they do if you have pcos

The worst bit was when they said I should do a pregnancy test as for a moment I thought, what if I finally got pregnant but didn't know and then started down regging. The voice of common sense - DH - was quick to remind me that it would have required immaculate conception!

Hope everyone else is having a better dayxx