mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

Hi Caip I've just been looking at the HFEA site - the best place by a mile looks like the ARGC in London, but they seem to want you to come in daily for up to two weeks, which might push the boundaries a bit. I've put a thread on Infertility to ask if anyone's been treated there and what it's like, so hoping that there will be some knowledge from the MN hive-mind.

How's it going for you? Not long to go now...

Wow daily is a bit much.
I'm just waiting for my next cycle now, currently about day 12, and then we can start. I'm not known for my patience and so just want to get on with it!
Keep us posted x

Hi all! How are your weekends going? Two friends of mine went to ARGC - both successfully - they said it's a bit chaotic, bit controversial as they're quite gung ho about using lots of drugs & treat natural killer cells, but they have v good success rates. I think the daily checks are because they are a bit more aggressive with drugs so they need to keep close eye on how you respond. I've been for third opinion and he reckons I have a slight septum in my uterus (which can cause recurrent miscarriage & failed implantation) - how the others could have missed it is beyond me but I'm going in for hysteroscopy & laparoscopy on weds and keeping fingers & toes crossed this proves to be the magic cure! Meanwhile the slow road to renovating our house continues... Hoping we may even have a kitchen soon! X

Hi Lesley

Snap! We haven't been in our lounge for about 5 months and have had a new front door in the shed for weeks waiting to be fitted. I'm hoping both will be done by Christmas as we have a really cold house, hence the new door, and I want to be back in the lounge all cosy with the fire lit! I have a very exciting day of painting skirting boards planned for today....

Fingers crossed for Wednesday. I always kind of hope when I'm having ascan or test that they find something wrong so that they know what needs fixing so hopefully this could be the answer for you!

Our trip tp central America is on hold. we thought we might do it over Christmas but looking at dates it's likely that implantation will be mid December so a holiday in the New Year will be our consolation prize if IVF doesn't work.

I found out on Friday that a friend who had a failed attempt at IVF a few months ago is now pregnant naturally

MissBrightside - how are you? Am hoping all is going according to plan x
Notnow - any response on the infertility page?

Hi all everyone else, you've all gone quiet!

xx

Hello girls !

Agghhh ... I keep typing and losing this post ! Is it just me this happens to ?

Caiphrinas I am fine - thank you for asking. Really pleased that things are moving on quickly for you. Exciting. We are with you on the holiday plan. If this cycle fails we are going on a blow out holiday. If it works we are going on a blow out babymoon (I've done things in life the wrong way round and haven't managed to get married and have a honeymoon yet !)

Lesley Good luck to you for Wednesday. I also hope this gives you some 'answers'. I love decorating/renovations (although it's easy to say that if you aren't actually doing any yourself !).

NotNow I'm sure you've already looked at Fertility Friends - but if not there is a whole board dedicated to ARGC. Every question (and more !) that you could have is on there. If we end up having a third cycle (please no !!!) then this will be our 'last chance saloon' choice. As Lesley says they provide a much more tailored service - but you end up paying for this (I think the average cycle ends up being around £10 - £13k due to the daily visits and medication). Although their statistics aren't totally 'fair' as they won't treat everyone and so their success rates can't really be compared with a clinic that does.

As with Caiprinhas time just seems to be going so slowly at the moment !! I really don't know why as I'm busy all the time ... ! I am still downregging. Admittedly we have extended this by a few days (as we wanted egg collection to take place on a Monday) - but even so, I feel like I've been doing it for ages (the last cycle just flew by !) Start stimming mid week with egg collection in (hopefully) two weeks. Have been fine about everything up until this weekend when I suddenly feel a bit more pressured that this cycle has GOT to work .......... !

In other news, I saw Warhorse yesterday (the play not the film). Excellent. If you havn't seen it - go !

Take good care all xxx

Can I join this club?

In my 30's, DH and I have been TTC for just over 2 years now.

We've had all the tests and nothing obvious is showing. I'm due to go for another scan at the end of this week to rule out polyps. My periods are VERY regular and "normal".

Was due to start on Saturday but got some cramps on Friday. A little discharge but nothing major, what's I've been having since isn't "normal" for me. Very light and not really bleeding at all. I've got really sore boobs too. Tested on Saturday and it was negative.

Still not having a "normal" period and boobs aching. Any ideas? Should I test again?

Hi MorayRose and welcome aboard. Quite often we can go for days without anyone logging into this thread but it's definitely a good place. No one blinds you with too much information and there aren't many of us so it's easy to get to know everyone. Hope your 'not normal' period never really got started and you are in fact pregnant, but if not I guess you're in the right place.

I'm on the laptop today rather than the phone, which means that I can keep reading all of the recent posts while I'm typing mine. I expect that most of my posts have been a bit me me me because I can never remember exactly what anyone has said and you can't check it back on the app.

Congratulations on all the decorating, everyone - I am very impressed. We did most of our house about 5 years ago now and everything is starting to look knackered at the same time, but we really can't be arsed to go back and sort it out.

I've taken a day off work today due to the conversation-with-my-mother-and-weeping-induced headache that meant I hardly slept at all last night. I feel like a right malingerer, but my left eye is all droopy so I couldn't really get with the programme at work properly. Sometimes I find myself getting so upset and feeling so pressured with just the idea of IVF that I don't know how I'm going to be when we actually get around to doing it. I am a big old drip at the moment.

I had some replies on the infertility board about ARGC, but it sounds even worse/better than I thought - one of them said you have to go in daily for the first two weeks of your cycle, but for the second week you have to stay in the clinic all day and you have to go in daily again for the third week too! That would add £840 to the whole cost for train tickets alone. Researching it has made me think that anywhere else would be rubbish and wrong (which just can't be right) and that actually going there would be practically impossible. I don't know what to do next. I feel like going to my current doc and saying 'okay, we'll get on with it with you,' because at least he's near for the stimming and monitoring. BUT he sends you up to the London Fertility Centre for egg collection and all the technical bit, and their live birth rate is only about 16% for my age group (35-37). The Agora's is quite a lot better (about 31%), so that would be a compromise option, I suppose.

Brightside has your experience been better second time around? I'm really really keeping my fingers crossed for you this time. Do you mind my asking what this cycle is costing? I think I will need immune testing too, so include that. All of the clinics seem to roughly have the same costs on their websites but it's becoming clear that I've been underestimating what a cycle would cost. We've saved up about £9000, which I thought would cover two cycles - I guess that's wrong, is it?

Anyway, I'm off back to bed to try and catch up on my sleep. Hopefully have blurted out all the whizzing thoughts and will able to actually rest now.

Hi MorayRose
any updates since your post? I have my fingers crossed for you!

NotNow It's permantly in my head too, I'm a nightmare already and we're not doing anything til next cycle so no idea what I'll be like then. I'm at work at the moment but hiding in a meeting room supposedly making calls.
I'm planning meetings etc at work and constantly having to check the diary to see if I think I'll be able to go or will be lying on the settee after implantation. The latest is the Christmas party which I just found out will be on my birthday and that is likely to be the week of implantation or the week after so I doubt I'll be going

I know I've asked before but which side of London are you? I always thought IVF would be £5k ish - the prices you've mentioned are scary! If we get any spare decent embryos (a big if) our NHS funding covers freezing them apparently which would make the next cycle quite a bit less but I'm not sure how common it is to get spare good ones.
I don't know why but I'm not expecting IVF to work for me this time. I haven't had a single BFP in 3 years and spot for a few days before my cycle starts which my acupuncturist thinks is because my progesterone levels aren't high enough plus I only keep hearing stories about it not working for people, or it working on their 3rd go. Need to banish those thoughts and be positive

Hope your droopy eye gets better and you perk up
xxx

Thanks Caipirinhas
I'm sorry you're finding it tough too - but of course you are! Which of us can honestly say we're delighted with the way things are going? I will have all my fingers and toes crossed for you in a couple of weeks time. For what it's worth, you keep up a very cheerful tone on here, so you must be managing in real life too.

Moray Rose Welcome. You have probably tested again by now - so hope you got the result you wanted.

Caiphrinas My little diary has become my best friend this year ! I'm constantly looking at dates and working (usually rediculous) things out. Funnilly enough we got our Christmas party invite this week and the first thing I did was work out how many weeks pregnant I would be if this cycle works (which it will - POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE !!) to decide whether or not to go or not. I think I really have gone bonkers now .... ! (It's a sit down meal ffs !)

They will prescribe you progesterone to take following embryo transfer. Last cycle I had cyclogest (which is a suppository !!) - but for reasons unknow this time I'm having an injectible version. Apparantly it has to go in the buttock so you need your partner to do it. As mine goes quite squeemish when he sees needles I'm not to sure how that is going to work out ....... !

Not Now This is our second (and last) NHS cycle. I do know, however, that the average "standard" cycle at the Agora is around £5k. Most IVF prices quoted at clinics (I think the Agora's is just over £3k) don't include the medication (which will be the best part of £1k depending on what you need) or blood tests.

We did pay privately for the immune testing and treatment. It's cost just under £2k (£900 blood tests - £800 medication (this includes an intralipid which is £350 alone) - and £130 for a consultation to discuss the immune results).

I'll reserve judgement on how I've found them this time round until it's over ! To be honest other than the immune testing which I had in August time I've only been in twice (once to run through the new protocol and last week for a scan). With your second cycle you don't have to repeat some of the initial tests etc that you had with your first so there are less appointments. All the 'fun' starts next week as have a scan there every other day with egg collection/transfer the following week.

If I was you I'd go to a couple of open evenings to get the 'feel' of a clinic before making a decision. At least then you can also see what the jorney to each of them is like. I've heard good things about New Life in Epsom or Create in Wimbledon which - although a long way - avoid central London and so are potentially drive-able for you ??

Take care all - WE WILL GET THERE !!

xx

blimey I'm struggling today.....

Thank you so much Brightside - very useful information. I talked about it all briefly with my husband this morning (he refuses to talk about things in the evening because I get upset and he doesn't get enough sleep! It sounds rubbish but it's actually quite sensible, I guess) and we have almost decided to give the Agora a go. I will look at Epson and Wimbledon though - hadn't heard of those before and yes, could drive there. There's an open evening at the Agora next Wednesday so I might try to get us into that so we can find out more. The costs definitely sound more do-able. One lady told me that her single cycle at ARGC cost her £20K and the average is £15 so that's basically it for that option. Think I just have to grow a pair and get on with getting on.

Caipirinhas I'm so sorry you're having a hard time with it. I'm sure it will get better for you. x

Right, I am being more proactive (if you can call looking at the internet proactive) and have been doing more research. I have started a new notebook (moleskine, no less) and have made notes on four clinics within a get-at-able radius with reasonable success results: Agora in Brighton, New Life in Epsom, Wessex and Complete in Southampton. I feel a bit better, actually. Thinking that maybe I might ring one or two of them tomorrow. The good thing about New Life is that Mr Shehata the miscarriage man works there some of the time so there might be a chance to get checked out by him first. Otherwise they all sound much the same. Southampton is nearer for us, by a tiny margin, but is quite a lot closer to work, so that might be good. All of the price lists look reasonable, but after finding out about ARGC, everything now seems like a bargain to me!

Telly time now. Smug in the knowledge that I have at least started what I've been putting off (and that I haven't done any work and will have to blag it at school tomorrow, but hey ho).

Hope you feel better tomorrow Caipirinhas - tomorrow is another day.

Thanks notnow and well done on your research and note making. Ooh get you and your moleskin! I think going to some open evening sounds like a great plan

Feeling better now, mainly due to the fact I called a recruitment guy earlier and am meeting him in a couple of weeks with a view to looking properly if the IVF doesn't work. He's already sent me a job spec for one which sounds really interesting but they're interviewing in Nov and so I'd be doing it knowing I could well be pregnant at the time of starting. Oh well, they'd cope.

Also, I've just been to the chippie at the end of our road which has reopened this week after being shut for months!

xxx

We've made it to the weekend !!! (well, nearly !)

I'm glad the notebook has come out Not Now. My little diary from which I do irrational calculations is a Moleskine (at least I'm going mad in style !!!)

Caiphirinas Good on you for contacting an agent. I really should have done the same a long long time ago. But I'll just hang on a bit longer ....... !!

Right - hope everyone has a good day xxx

Hi all. Wanted to join the gang please. Have read all your posts over the last few days and its been a revelation. For once felt like people were talking my language, feeling my pain whilst seeing the funny side of the situation. Amazing. Blessed relief from being told to "relax" and not think about it by the rest of the world. Our story is 20 months of ttc, one missed miscarriage at 9 and 1/2 weeks which wasn't discovered till 14 weeks due to various NHS blunders. Have done it all it feels - doctors, acupuncture, reflexology, yoga, drinking, not drinking, relaxing, doing loads. Feel no closer to understanding why our path is so different from super fertile friends. Now with a new doctor doing new blood tests so who knows.

The real me is/ was a super smiley person who loves life and people, has a great job, a fab partner and a lovely flat. I'd just love to get her back!

Hope that's not all too depressing to post. Would be great to hear more words of hope from people who understand!

Hi hereinhope
You don't sound depressing at all - positively chirpy compared to the tone here lately (from me, woe woe and thrice woe). Welcome to the gang. Whereabouts in the country are you?

Thanks for thinking I sound perky! Approaching time of AF so feeling anything but. Hate this week of hoping. Plus my hormones always go bonkers and make me cry and rage at drop of hat.

Thought it might amuse you all to share my "wtf has my life come to" moment from yesterday. Went to new acupuncturist who comes recommended as working miracles. Was actually very relaxing but shortly after telling me to slow down (not my style) and eat more spicy food she started tugging at my ears. That went on for about five minutes whilst I was lying down with needles in me. Honestly though she was going to pull them off. They're big enough anyway so wasn't really sure I needed any more stretching!

Any way off to cook curry with loved one (I will take any advice now!). Happy and hopeful weekends to you all.

Oh and I'm in London btw!

Welcome Hereinhope ! Hope that by now you are enjoying a curry !

I've got an accupuncture session tomorrow. I had some sessions a long time ago and didn't really get on with it - but have taken it up with another lady for the duration of this IVF cycle. Really like the lady I'm seeing - but so far I'm not convinced it's doing anything than relieve me of £50 a time ... !! If she tugs at my ears tomorrow there will be words ..... !!

Anyhow - DP is out tonight - so I'm having a wild Friday night on my own watching Miranda (Such fun !). Gone are the days when I used to buy a bottle of wine on the way home on a Friday - tonight it was a bottle of organic semi skimmed milk ..... (for the protein !!).

Enjoy the weekend everyone !

xx

One of our friends had kindly just texted me a pic of their 3 month scan to announce their news. Am sure they have no idea of the pain that causes but really which they hadn't. They've been trying for oooh 3 months! Was having a good morning till then - had been for a golf lesson. Now having a melt down :(

hi herein
I know that feeling, I found out about 2 friends yesterday. One I only hear from max once a year but she still felt the need to send me her news, even though I haven't seen her for 5 years which was at my wedding. Incidently, we got married on a budget as then went travelling for 12 months and so we didn't invite +1s. I had to chase for her RSVP and she asked if she could bring someone as she'd started living with him, so I reluctantly said yes and then come the day of the wedding she showed up with a completely different guy who was just a friend as her and her boyfriend had split up. She did that to another friend of ours too. Grrrr
The other friend is 40 and she finally met a nice guy and got married last year and by the sounds of it they've had loads of treatment. She was about to start IVF she got pregnant naturally so I'm really pleased for her, but still....

how was your acupuncture missbrightside? I've been seeing mine for a few months now and although I don't think it's doing anything I like her and like being able to chat to someone about it all and not feel guilty for going on about it. Plus it's really relaxing which can only be a good thing. Never had my ears tugged though....

Hope you're all having a good weekend
xx

Thanks missbrightside and caiprinhas for the kind words. Hope you've both had a good weekend and that your acupuncture was good missbrightside? Know what you mean caiprinhas about it being easier to be pleased for people that have struggled a bit. Feels awful but I think I want people to understand a bit what it's like on our side of the fence.

Anyway, had a lovely Sunday in the end. Went to a talk by Edmund de Waal on tact (my reflection being sending scans of your baby is not tactful!!) then went for dim sum. Delicious spicy crab and pork balls. Hope others had fun.

Hello ladies, I was wondering if you had room for a small one to join you? I feel like finally there is a group of women out there that I can relate/rant to about just how rubbish this whole trying to get pregnant malarky really is! I'm 36 (nearly 37), other half is 39 and have been ttc #1 for a year now.. I know that isn't quite as long as many of you, but I hope you can still let me board your boat?!

Despite jovial joking early on between me and the other half about 'firing blanks' and 'dodgy eggs' we never in a million years thought that we would still be here a year later, with friends that started trying at the same time as us just about to start maternity leave (as they keep reminding me) grrr...

Had an early mc in June which convinced us that everything must be fine and it was only a matter of time. I recently had all of the relevant blood tests and a pelvic scan which was all OK. Discovered last week that OH has an extremely low sperm count though, which we think might be due to medication he took for years for Crohns disease. We have to wait 3 months for a 2nd test but in the meantime we've been referred to the local fertility clinic.. 'given my age' as the doc so nicely put it.. several times (!).

We are now thinking of paying for a 2nd private sperm test in the meantime just to get the chance to speak with a specialist that knows what they are talking about rather than just the GP. Appreciate that the referral to the fertillity clinic will probably take quite a while and they might come back and insist that we keep trying for another year, though we're hoping not given my advancing years. Have any of you had any experience of mixing private and NHS tests? I'm not sure if doing anything privately takes you out of the NHS loop which we don't want to do obviously. I'm also going to start acupuncture which I figure can't do any harm apart from make me skint...;-) I'm hoping if nothing else (and it doesn't miraculously make us pregnant) that it helps with my migraines!

Can completely relate to everything else that has been written in this thread.. bored in current job but too scared to leave / have tried every type of ridiculous theory there is going, pineapple, grapefruit juice, cough medicine, pomegranate juice etc, etc / starting to avoid my friends that are pregnant or just had babies as it makes me feel so awful. Feeling rather like 'whats the point' each month at the moment given our chances of concieving are apparently so low. Must plod on I guess though. I am soo fed up with it all after only a year that I have to say I completely admire all of you that are near or approaching the 2 year mark!!

Anyway I will shut up now, that is my story (novel!) so far.. Thank you for letting me vent, I feel slightly better already just writing it down! :-)

Hi Madmutt, welcome on board. We're having a quiet few days, it seems. I'll be back when I have anything useful to say! It's all about the work this week for me.

Hello ladies

Long time no speak. Welcome to all the new people.

I have been keeping up with what's been going on on here and gutted that ten months after this thread started we are all pretty much still here :-( fingers crossed for some positive news for everyone by Xmas.

Well that was a depressive start....sorry guys! Need some advice from you lovely ladies if i may ...... Since I last posted I have tried four months of clomid given my periods aren't too painful and consultant thought it unlikely I had 'endo' (his term not mine, imagine said in very strong valleys welsh accent!). Anyway convinced I was going to get pregnant with twins on the clomid I gave it a go....and failed miserably, no twins, not even one!. Went back to doc month ago to find out next course of action....lap and dye. Had that two weeks ago and never felt rougher! Ended up having week and half off work after getting infection in one of the wounds. Doc found severe endo which he removed 95% of and said we had zero chance of conceiving before. now the clock has been reset and should now be like a 'normal' couple. AF due yesterday but nothing yet. Wondered if anyone who's had one had same problem with af being late? Zero chance I'd get a BFP given we haven't shagged (at all this month.....it's been great having a month of!!!) so think the lap has messed things up. This is the one and only month in the last two years I have willed AF to arrive! Any ideas?!

Sorry for such long post all about me, me, me.

Missbrightside, I love miranda! DH doesn't feel the love though so I sit in the lounge on my own laughing out loud at how ridiculous she is sometimes!

Mad mutt, sorry that you're in the same boat as us all on here. I have no idea about mixing private and NHS tests I'm afraid. Why do you need to wait three months to have the test repeated on the NHS? I would think it would be fine to get tests done privately then carry on with the NHS treatment. The clinic will just send any results to your gp anyway so that you can pass them on if you need to. Had my Lap and dye privately and then got copy of letter in the post that had been sent to my gp.

Bedtime for me, got to get up early and drag myself out of bed to go to work I suppose. Night all xxxx