mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

Googled it and it said:
Aunt Flo (slang for menstrual period)
This term may be a reference to unwelcome family members who arrive unexpectedly and without prior notice.

Thanks for the explanation sister carrot.
How was your weekend?
No af today. Still not getting hopes up am really and too scared to poas.

Hi. Hope you all had a good weekend. Great weather!

Welcome Hallumi.

Caprihanas.. I looked at that dress, its really lovely. Always a trauma being a bridesmaid, as you never know what you will end up with!

Hope everyone is ok. LESLEY.. any news?

Hello all - just a quick one from me. Have now got a start date for our next IVF cycle (will start downregging in about a month) so need to pull my finger out and get my work up to date before then (as last time I just couldn't concentrate at all .... !)

Hope everyone is well. Sorry for lack of personals - but will just quickly ask Lesley if all is well ?

xxx

Hi BRIGHTSIDE. How are you?

Good you have a date for your next cycle. How you feeling about it?

Do you mind me asking.. are you going private or nhs?

Did you choose the clinic you wanted?

I'm a little behind you guys, but am hoping for a referral in the next month or so. Want to get this going before I'm 35. Am willing to go private if need be. Am so confused and if I'm honest.. bloody angry. (Am at the 'why me' stage at the mo!)

Hello all - hope you are all well.

Bumblejo We are on the NHS. Our PCT provides for two fresh cycles (so this is our second and last NHS go). We had a choice of two clinics - one of which is about 30 miles away and the other about 5 minutes walk away. So obviously jumped for the latter. As it happens we haven't been all that impressed with the clinic - and after our last cycle failed we decided that we'd defer our next NHS cycle and pay privately somewhere else (the other NHS clinic isn't a real option to us because it would be hard for me to get to work after appointments) But, whilst we could do this there is a time limit to going back to use the NHS cycle (consultant wasn't sure if it was 6 months or a year) so then decided that we'd just get on - use it - and them move somewhere else if it doesn't work .... !

As it happens this cycle is going to be completely different (in terms of medication) to the first - so that makes me feel a bit better about staying where we are. We've 'added' some private elements to what the NHS provide - have had my immunes tested and subsequently have to pay privately for the necessary medication (the tests and medication were £2k alone ...)

I've also got my 35th looming (in fact, it falls during our next cycle). I'm a bit of a misery guts about birthdays anyway - but this one feels worse than others as it's the age where all all fertility statistics go into another bracket ...... !

I'll join you at feeling bloody angry at the minute. Have some . I feel particularly miserable at the moment and not at all excited about our next cycle (although AF is due soon - that may be to blame !) I think it's since the nurse went through all the medication I'll be taking for this next cycle (there's about 9 different things - all taken at different times) and it made me feel really teary when I left. Up until now I've just gone with the flow - but now I'm starting to feel really angry as I find it so hard to accept that we need all this medication to conceive .... We've agreed we'll do up to three IVF cycles - and now (I know I haven't even begun the second yet !) the end of the road seems a bit closer than it ever was before ....... !

Anyhow - sorry - I didn't come on here to write about myself ! I'm not feeling very focused at work today ....... ! Nearly the bank holiday !

Hope everyone else is more cheery !

xx

Hi Bumblejo and Missbrightside

I'm feeling the same too. Am 35 in 4 months and having our first appointment with the IVF clinic in Sept - NHS. We'll only get 1 go with the NHS 1 think

I feel like the end is in sight now too - as in having to accept it might not happen as I can't see us paying for more than 2 goes, even though we haven't even started the 1st yet!

It's shit

X

Hi All,

It's gone a bit quiet in here, how is everyone?

Caipirinha - how was the dress fitting? Did you get drenched by the same rain that hit me in Lancashire?

sister Lolcbcb - getting really excited for you!!! Have you been tempted to poas yet? Weekend was nice, lovely countryside and MIL and I managed to get along for the duration.

missbrightside - how long does the IVF cycle take? Fingers crossed for you.

Still suffering from major work apathy but need to get back to it.... I suppose......

Nearly bank holiday .. YAY!

Hello Carrot - hope you and your allotment are well !

From the start of taking medication to the end of the 2WW it takes 7 weeks ....... ! (I'm on the long protocol)

xx

Hi,
Took me so long to write my last post I didn't see your updates.

missbrightside - do you have to have a break between IVF tries to 'reset' the meds?

My boss was ttc for 8 years before getting pg on her first round of IVF at the age of 40. She's been oddly supportive now she knows I'm ttc.
I'm 37 so all the stats are looking shit already. One of the girls from work came in to show off her 2 month old, she handed him to my boss who happily bounced him around for a while, then he got handed to me.
I know this sounds odd but, I'm not good with babies... I don't know how to hold them.... None of my friends have any, so I don't really get much experience if them. So within a millisecond he started crying and I handed him back like he was an unexploded bomb!
Really upset me, like it was some kind of omen that I just don't 'have it'.

When they left my boss asked me if I had found it hard to deal with and I just started sobbing. Really frickin embarrassing!

I've booked an appointment for Dr for mid Sept (first morning appointment I could get) hopefully I'll feel like I'm at least trying

Sorry didn't mean to babble on about myself. Can't wait for weekend and possibly some allotment time. Had figs and apples from it this week, so yum!

Hi sister carrot. Was beginning to thbk u left us
Af arrived yesterday so I'm out for this month. Was a bit deflated but at least I'm happy it's the end of wtf cycle and I can move on from mc.
I see what u say. I don't think I'm very good with babies either!
On the plus side I'll enjoy a few drinks this BH. What is everyone else doing?

Oh sorry to hear that sister Lolcbcb. I was really getting my hopes up that I might be an mn auntie.

I've been doing quite a lot of drinking this past week already, taking advantage of AF, but plan to get back on the wagon as soon as she leaves.

In a funny way I'm relieved af showed up as at least it's the end of wrf cycle. I was terrified it would take ages for body to go back to normal. Also shag fest will be around DH birthday so I'm hoping it's a good sign. Hopefully I'll be an MN aunty soon!

BFN from 2nd IVF. Gutted & terrified this is never going to happen. Sorry feeling very sorry for myself right now.

I'm so sorry Lesley. That's really shit.
Are you/can you do more IVF cycles?
My boss was telling me that her sister took ages to fall pg and nearly gave up after her third IVF try but then got up the duff on the fourth. Then fell pg naturally two more times after that. There is hope for us all!
Big hugs.

Sorry u feel like that Lesley. I second what sister carrot said. I know two couples who did ivf 5 times each and both fell pg naturally when they gave up!

Thanks carrot & strawberry! I just need to f*ck it & fight on. Really enjoyed a last night but am now such a lightweight I felt giddy and sleepy after just one! Going to take a month off then try again if clinic will let us. Hope you're all having good weekends? What are you up to?
Brightside - could I ask what immune testing you had& what meds they're prescribed? Is it a blood test or a biopsy from endometrial lining? My Dr had said he'd consider latter (although he thinks my problem is poor egg quality) but I don't really want biopsy as we'd have to not try this month as it's in second half of cycle & despite rubbish luck in 2.5 years I still want to try every month!!

lesley really sorry to hear it didn't work. Hope you're ok

missbrightside nothing from Red!

Hi to everyone else

Hope everyone's having a good weekend. We're camping which I like in the cold as we've got our duvet and can snuggle up!

Hello girls - this is about the third time in as many days that I have tried to write a reply - and each time it is lost ! Grrr !

Lesley I'm so sorry to hear that your cycle didn't work. You have every right to feel sorry for yourself. It's so emotionally exhausting. But am glad to hear that you are feeling strong enough to be planning to start again. WE WILL ALL GET THERE !

I had three immune tests - lupus, thrombolysis (sp?) and NK cells. First two came back clear. NK cells were slightly elevated. All tests were done with standard blood tests - although I have read that this isn't overly accurate as it doesn't reflect the cells that may be in the uterus (or something similar to that !) So a biopsy actually sounds sensible (and thanks for giving me something else to now obsessively google !)

The clinic have gone a bit medication overkill. Last cycle I had buserelin, menopur and cyclogest. This time I'm having buserelin, gonal f, aspirin, intralipids, predistolone, clexane, prostap. Really ? Do I really need 7 types of medication just to be in with a chance of having a baby ? I need to stop thinking about it too much and just go with it .............. !

Caiprihanas Hope you enjoyed camping. We usually go camping at least once - but haven't managed it this year. I always sleep so well in a tent !

Carrot & Lol Hello to the secret sisters. Hope you are both well and enjoyed the bank holiday. The only bank holiday excitement this end was that we managed to pull our finger out and have a car boot sale. Seemed to sell loads - but still have an identical pile of 'leftovers' dumped in the spare room !

Halloumi Your name has reminded me that we actually have some halloumi in the fridge that has been there ages. Really like it - just too lazy to do anything with it !!

Not Now Are you there ? Hope things with you are well - and that you have enjoyed the summer holidays from work.

Right - not typing anymore in case it's lost again .............. !

x

Ermm....I got a faint line today on an internet cheapie...!

taking a deep breath and can't believe this may have happened after we were approaching our year of trying and thinking about seeing the doctor. I'm not counting my chickens yet. But since we haven't had a sniff of a positive in all that time, this is at least one hurdle over with.

I'm so sorry others are still on this shitboat. I feel like I'm one of those awful people who doesn't sign up, then posts once and then gets a positive. I've seen it happen in the Jan 2013, Feb, Mar, April etc TTC posts. I've been monitoring these forums for a year, and this post since its beginning for all the advice, but didn't want to take the plunge and out myself before. So I have been struggling, tho not as much as some of you, I know.

Fingers crossed this is a sticky bean. and hope there is more good news for all of you.

Congratulations pugoff - at last, someone is getting good news.

I have been a bit quiet for a while, just being busy and enjoying the holidays. My 18 year old stepdaughter is moving back in with us today (she's been living with her mother for nearly a year) so am nervous about how it's going to go. She seems more settled and well adjusted at the moment but how she'll be when her mother has moved back to France and her boyfriend and best friend have gone off to uni, I don't know. Stress isn't supposed to be great for ttc, is it?!

My SIL is pregnant - 8 weeks - and told us at the weekend. They've already had one child while we've been ttc. I am frankly jealous.

I've just had a BFN this morning, so am feeling although I was not really expecting anything else. I guess that means I have to bite the bullet and ring the doc about an IVF consultation. Really don't feel I can face it, even though it seems the only way forward.

My other thought is that in 3 weeks it will be a year since my last miscarriage, so maybe worth going back to the NHS for investigations? I don't want to waste time but my private doc said a private lap and dye would be £1500 - maybe I could have an NHS one. However, I'm assuming that whatever the outcome of whatever test I take, IVF is going to be the answer to whatever problems they find. I'm going round in circles!

Very blue mood now I've articulated all the vague stuff going round in my head.

Lesley - very sorry to hear that your cycle didn't work this time. You must be so sad.

Brightside - do you think you could talk me through the very first stages of the IVF process? What sort of things do I need to make sure I find out from the (very expensive and quite inarticulate) doctor to get the most out of the appointment?

Hope everyone else is doing well. Still plugging on keeping fingers crossed for you all just in case. Because that appears to be as effective a strategy as anything else.

Congratulations Pugoff !

Glad you've been enjoying the holidays Not Now . Hope moving day for your stepdaughter goes well. Teenagers scare me these days (well, not literally !) The girls all act far too old for their years ...... ! I usually want to shake them and tell them to enjoy being young and carefree !

£1500 for a private lap & dye ! (Don't get me started on the pricing of anything fertility related - It's like the wedding mark up - £10 for a fruit cake - £500 for a wedding cake ...... ) I could have had one but chose not to because - as you have said - irrespective of the outcome we would still have been referred for IVF. I suppose it depends why they think you need it (in my case it was only to investigate the cause of my allegedly blocked tube - there are no suggestions of anything else eg: endometriosis).

As for the initial IVF stages - we had to attend a 'group' evening where a consultant went through a presentation outlining the procedure and answered general questions. This was shortly followed by a 1:1 appointment with the consultant who went through our history and confirmed what protocol he thought we should follow. Shortly after this was an appointment with the nurse who went through the medication and how to take it - and that was that - off we began. That was all NHS - but can't see what they would do additional to that if you were paying privately.

With hindsight I wish I'd followed my gut instinct and had the immune testing before our first cycle (our history of two early miscarriages and immune issues in my maternal family makes us a good canditate for it) - it may not be the answer we are looking for - but I now feel that we 'wasted' our first cycle by not doing everything we could. The tests were just under £1k (and the subsequent medication for it about £800).

Anyhow, I'm wittering away and now I can't remember what your original question was (and I can't scroll down to it) !!!

Had my second session of accupuncture last night. I'm going to stick it out for the duration of this cycle - but so far I'm not convinced it does anything !!!

Must get on but as per usual really not feeling very work focused today ....... !

Hope everyone is well.

xx

Meant to say - I'm sure you've already looked at 'Fertility Friends' - but if not there is a mindfield of IVF information and shared experiences on there.

xx

Congrats pugoff - keep us posted

Hi everyone else, nothing new from me and slightly tipsy too
X

Hello ladies. I couldn't help but notice your fine thread title, which describes me pretty exactly. Do you mind if I loiter in your midst for a while? I must say, as if the whole no baby after 2 years thing isn't bad enough, it doubly sucks how hard this all is to talk about without friends (all fertile! So very, very fertile!) and whatnot. I feel such a barren leper.

Nevermind, I am cheered by pugoff's news - ccongrats! And by Caipirinhas' name - is that what you were drinking last night?