TTC for 10+ months, part 4

[eurochick]

Time for a new thread as the other one is just about full.

Fingers crossed for lots of patiently-awaited BFPs on this one!

Wine - what a massive shock for you and all just before Xmas. I know the thought of this op is scary but here is the reason why you haven't been getting pregnant. I also know someone who had a fibroid removed and got pregnant after. So with a bit of luck you can screw ivf. We are here to hold your hand. Take it very easy over Xmas and I know it's not great news , I di think it gives you an answer. Big hug.

joycep cakes and Ladygee thank you. I spent ost of yesterday crying and sleeping and slept twelve hours last night. It feels like a lot to get my head round and xmas seems a bit oddly placed this year. Bt today I'm in a lot less pain, it's just the cut that hurts now and there isn't anything I can do til I see my consultant next month. Mostly I'm worried that my womb will be damaged and unable to sustain a pregnancy. I also want to get to a stage where I know what's happening next, and I just can't seem to get there. Also, is it just the fibroid, or sperm, or eggs? Hoping that this is the miracle answer and that 2012 might actually see me pregnant.

Hope I'm not lowering the festive tones! I feel like I will be an observer to you lot trying over the next few months as it will be summer I think before I get back to being in with a chance. But I'd like to echo all of the sentiments that this thread has been a lifesaver to me in a difficult time - thank you for being there. Merry Christmas to you all! Oh and I'll still be here - I just won't be bringing a bfp!

Ps dh made the gingerbread stuffing yesterday - we are amazed by it!

Merry Christmas everyone. Just a quick post from my phone. Things in the Stasi household have been hectic but good. Scan came back all clear and totally normal. The next morning my nephew arrived and I've been run off my feet since. 3 year old little boys are hard work! Been lots of fun having him here though. No time for swi or sff though, we're both so tired by bed time. Have the whole family staying till Wednesday next week, so very limited time for internet.

wine so sorry to hear your news. I know it must seem like such a long time to wait until you can try for a bfp, but at least you know what the problem is now. It's obviously been causing you problems for a while, but know you know what it is you can take control and get it fixed.

pout so sorry you had to cancel the wedding. It's not the date that makes it special, but the family and friends you have with you. Your day will be wonderful, even in January.

Sorry not to catch up with everyone else. I have read through, but it's hard to write much on the phone. Christmas love and hugs to all.

Hi ladies, just a quick hello to say a slightly early Merry Christmas . I am in pregnancy/baby chat hell (made the mistake of getting on the car with SiL, (no escape route) so consoled myself with a vat of gin .

Good mews is at nearly 10 DPO no spotting which is better than last cycle; plus Mr Nelly's SA came back "all within normal ranges" again so all is good on that front. So just 24 hours of pregnancy chat/it's so special/everyone should have kids bla bla then we can get back to normal!

Stasi all your family???? Wowser .

Last to the party to say it, but a massive thank you to you all for the company and comfort. And in the nicest possible way, I hope so much that next Christmas we will be somewhere very different. Festive Mwahs all round xxx

I should add, the typos are phone related, not Gin related

Happy Christmas lovely ladies! Nelly, I think it's me who's last to the party. Wanted to wish you all a lovely christmas and a huge huge thank you for all the support, words of wisdom and giggles this year. You have been truly fab and this journey is so much better because of you all.

Anyway there has been loads of stuff I want to reply to but I'm on brunch duty, so will write properly soon. My PIL have decreed that we are all going to the pub later which I am very excited about, as normally we don't get let out of the house Hope you all get some nice pressies! Hugs xxxxxxx

OK ladies... Firstly - I am a millions times sorry that I haven't posted on here in well over 2 months (hello euro joycep and others). I was going through such a tough thing (explain in a min) that I sort of buried my head in the sand and I also feel bad to post now what I'm going to, but I hope it gives people hope.

Anyway whose thinking 'who's this wierdo' (people think this a lot - hmmmm), I was on this board for quite a few months, basically got the diagnosis of unexplained infertility after the usual tests on DH and I came back normal except for a fibroid which Doc felt would (probably) not cause problems. Anyway, a few of you probably know that this diagnosis sucks! We were offered chlomid and chose to delay it until Jan.

Then the thing that I had dreaded most - my SiL fell PG 2 days before AF got me. I fell into such despair and misery, as did my mother as she felt so bad for DH and I. This made me feel guilty as she should be enjoying being a Grandmother, but conversely the thought of he being excited about being a Grandma brought me to tears. I felt so selfish and evil.

In the past, our DTD has always remained (relatively) fun but this month it was awful - even DH has been miserable and we sort of thought of England. Work has also been stressful. I thought this was a wasted month - Imagine my shock then when this morning I got my first ever BFP, 18 months into trying with no answers. I am totally shocked and I can't believe it, but I am also so so happy. I just want to bring you all hope, that after 18 months it can just happen, like that, when all hope seems to be lost. And also - it disproves all that 'relax and enjoy it' b0l!%ks that they spew on us, which makes me very* smug. I particularly can't wait to point this out to my step-FiL who has said such unhelpful things as 'you are clearly too wound up so it won't happen' and 'if you are doing it just to have a baby then it won't happen'. Grrrrr.

Another thing. I will never, ever, ever under-sell how long this took me and am going to point it out to anyone who hear's about my pregnancy - I got so fed up of infertility being something to be ashamed of, when it is in fact a medical condition. I send my heart felt love, hope and wishes to all of you xx

Purple what a wonderful Christmas present for you! And yes, it does offer us all some hope. It's particularly good that the circumstances allow us to stick two fingers up at the "just relax and it will happen" crew! I am really, really happy for you. Thanks for coming back to let us know.

Happy Boxing Day!

Hi all! Hope you've had a fab Christmas.
I've not had a good few days with 'D'H, well really the last few weeks. He's obviously got things playing on his mind but instead of talking about them, he's just been drinking himself stupid on a regular basis. Including last night.
It's really getting too much for me so I'm going to have to sit him down and make him talk.

Will probably post more about it later but may name change for it.

Got boxing day at my mums today so I'm looking forward to that

Oh wow purple that is amazing!!! Many Congratulations and i hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy. Merry Christmas!

Thanks all - I will be waiting in the other thread...

Oh purple what amazing festive good news! I am very happy for you, sorry you had a tough couple of months but hooray for getting there, and it just taking time. This has given me renewed hope so thank you for posting . I think (hope) I speak for others when I say feel free to hang around for a bit if you like!

Sorry you and OH are having a tough time Fatima. Can't offer any advice other than give him time. Hope boxing day at your Mum's was fun and you and DH find peace soon - Christmas can be a very stressful time of year I find .

ERTD due on Thursday for me. No sign of spotting yet which is good (cycle a bit more predictable this month) and had a couple of period like grumbles, but concentrating on my SiLs lovely pregnancy/children stories kept my mind off symptom spotting whilst resisting the urge to pour cranberry sauce over her head

Home now, phew! Hope Santa brought everyone lovely presents, and the BFPs are just stuck in the bottom of the stockings still .

Actually one thing to add that might be of use - I had my first reflexology session 2 days before I ovulated. She was incredible and even knew that I had earache in my left ear just by pressing on my foot! She also knew that I was constipated (TMI sorry) and that I needed a wee. When she felt around my female bits (of my foot!) she said that nothing there seemed imbalanced (which fits with my unexplained infertility). Then of course I got my BFP. Now I've always thought that reflexology was a load of mumbo jumbo (I only went because I like foot massages), but I must admit that I really can't explain why this month over any other month was the one that worked. I can't recommend it enough - but also for you DPs as she made a point that both partners benefit from the therapy.

I know a few of you are in the Manchester area so if you want to see her contact details PM me...

Just nipping in to say hello to everyone and to wish you all a (slightly belated) merry Christmas.

And to say many many congratulations to Purple. I'm so pleased to read your news and am still keeping my fingers crossed that the rest of you aren't far behind.

Lots of festive wishes all round xx

Hi All
Hope Christmas has been good and first days back at work aren't too hectic.
Congratulations Purple I had reflexology in November and I thought it was brilliant she found the two points that I have issues with (reproduction area and sinuses)

I have a general conundrum,, I don't temp or anything I just look at ewcm and worked out a few months ago that af arrives 11/12 days after ewcm or at least the spotting that has started coming before af arrives and since I started doing this I have been accurate. This month I worked out that af was due either Christmas day or Boxing day. I'm still trying to do my day 3 bloods so with the hols I booked my blood test just in case for today, assuming and hoping I would be accurate again.
Also the last time I got hopeful cause I was the latest I had ever ever known and then af arrived, my Dr said that maybe I had been pg but my body changed its mind for whatever reason. (although I do think she was just being nice and I never got a BFP then.)

As yet nothing, so have I jinxed it or,,,

Hmm Cakes I guess your doc was suggesting a chemical pg or a very early MC? Only one way to be sure really. If you think you are about 2 or 3 days late, I would be POAS by now, but if you think there is some leeway and perhaps you ovulated a little bit later, I'd leave it a day or two?

Fingers crossed though, 2 BFPs in quick succession would be amazing!

In my case, I am due ERTD tomorrow. Have just started a tiny bit of spotting, which is depressing (I normally get 3 or 4 days so was also allowing a small amount of hope to creep in there); but I suppose 1 or 2 days is much better than 3 or 4 days.

Hope everyone is recovering from Turkey overindulgence!

I think I was being a bit optimistic and jinxed it by booking my blood test in advance, then cancelling it this morning, cause I think now either spotting or af proper has started. Ah well at least once its af proper I can arrange my blood test and HSG.

I didn't want another Aug/Sept birthday in the family to buy for anyway!

Thanks for replying nellysorry af is heading your way too.

Hi i'm 6dpo if ff is accurate, had 3 days of positive ovulation tests but , no peak on cbfm.

In the early hours of this morning i had some bleeding, less than the start of a period but more than just a few spots.

Why would this be? My cycles are usually ridiculously long and i' m only cd30 today?

Help!

Hello ladies. Lots to catch up on ? hope everyone?s Christmases went well!

Firstly huge congrats to purple, fantastic news-a Christmas miracle in fact. I had wondered where you?d been-sorry you were having some difficult times. Is it sinking in yet? Thanks for posting that about your reflexology as well ? I am definitely interested so will PM you for your lady?s details. Was anything different in the 2WW or were you expecting AF as usual? Very pleased for you.

cakes I?m really really sorry for the dashed hope, I hope the spotting goes away again but if not, it sounds like there?ll be lots of other things to get moving with next month which is always good.

wine how are you feeling lady? I hope your post-operation recovery went smoothly and you have been being well looked after. I also really hope you are not feeling too down about everything, it must have been a weird Christmas with that news sinking in. Just think though this time next year you could well have had your post-op BFP once that big ol? fibroid is out of the way :)

stasi so so pleased your scan came back clear, must?ve been a huge relief. Am sure you must be thoroughly cream crackered from playing with your DN but it sounds like a lot of fun.

nelly glad you got home after dealing with SiL?s non stop baby/pregnancy chat ? I am not sure how you coped with that over Christmas as it sounded awful, well done. Sorry about the spotting - I really hope the ERTD stays away for you. But that?s excellent news on the normal SA results ? yay.

fatima sorry to hear things have been difficult with your DH. Mine drinks too much as well, he just loves drinking and socialising and I really struggle to get him to cut down so I sympathise. I hope you manage to have a sensible discussion with him.

biscuits hello! Hope all is well with you lovely.

pout yes that woman with the 8 kids is totally ravaged as you say. Im not sure how old she is but she looks horrendous, like she has smoked 100 fags a day her whole life (come to think of it she may well have done that too I hope things have not been too difficult with your mum.

euro Sorry you couldn?t take your trigger shot. What does that mean for your cycle, will an egg release itself in that situation? I took your advice on the joint health kick idea for DH (thank you, it was a good way to tackle it), but it did turn into a TTC conversation. Anyway he is quite up for it. Don?t know how long it?ll last, but I have purchased a superfoods cookbook and am determined to take some positive steps with diet, alcohol intake and exercise. Feeling quite positive now Christmas is over and am just about to sign myself up for a new Iyengar yoga course (got that idea out of the Inconceivable book). Just feeling that this should be the time we give it all we?ve got. Also I told DH that I didn?t want to go for IUI or IVF until we were both in good shape, which we?re not at the moment. I said it was a lot for me to go through, physically and mentally, and I needed to know we were on the best place possible before we started. And, amazingly, he agreed with only a minimal amount of arguing :) can?t help hoping that if we do a pre-IVF health kick we might get an ironic natural BFP.

I think I am ovulating about now. Managed a couple of goes at SWI but not much as we?ve been staying at PiL. Back home now so should probably do it tonight even though all I want to do is get into bed and fall asleep in new cashmere socks

Oh-that insensitive guy who upset me with the baby-quizzing before Christmas texted my DH to apologise and said he had obviously upset me and was sorry he?d put his foot in it! I must have looked really peed off for him to have noticed - but at least he got the message. I felt a bit bad that we hadn't been honest with him, but that was DH's choice

God this has turned into an enormo-post, really sorry. Will just finish with a massive wave to everyone I haven?t namechecked

x post izzy ummmm - if you are 6DPO would it be tempting fate to say implantation bleeding?? I've never used a CBFM, sorry, so no idea on peaks, highs etc etc.

Checking in after Xmas.

Firstly purple congratulations! So lovely for you to come back and give hope that time is sometimes all you need. And me too, I'll be pm ing a out reflexology. There isn't any chance it will get me a bfp anytime soon, but i do need relaxing!

nelly oh poo about the spotting (and to cakes) But less spotting and a more normal feeling cycle is to be celebrated also.

izzy dare I mention the headfuckery that is implantation bleeding?

Fatima there's no doubt ttc is a little testing on the relationship at the nest of times. Did you manage to have a chat?

kitty I have done the healthy kick with me and dh with various tactics. It has waned this month but I will be back on track in the new year to get surgery fit and to keep boosting that old sperm health. He had to arrive at some decisions without nagging (cutting down coffee/beer, swimming, man vits etc) but I bought a blender and juicer and got juicing and smoothie making. He doesn't love them, but if I've made it, it does get drunk! I also do the packed lunches. I found a website called just bento. This is very twee but it did give me some good ideas for getting little snacks in like brazils, dried fruits etc in various tubs and packages. dh used to snack on crisps and chocolate form the vendng machine every day but now he has other things. I also loved the 101 cookbooks website and books for healthy but nice looking things.

As for me, well it hasn't been too pretty this end. I know that moving from the unexplained to the big fat explanation should be a good thing but, it hasn't felt like it. I've been relatively good at maintaining the hope that we just needed time because all looked ok on paper. Now that has been taken away and the problem rests with me. Perhaps Xmas wasn't good timing, I felt like I've just been faking through the festive motions. I've had a reaction to the anaesthetic leaving me with a nice rash and it's only today that Ive started to feel like myself. I've been shocked at the size of the cut, about 5cm, I thought it would just be a hole? My belly button is wrecked. Not a procedure to take lightly. I feel in even more limbo because at the moment, I don't know if the fibroid will be operable, if it will leave me still fertile and so forth. Against all advice, ive done my google research and know that the op is risky indeed. I've become one of the 5% that wouldn't get pregnant in two
years and it feels horrid.

My follow up came through today for the 9th Feb. Aghh! He promised 3-4 weeks but he is on leave. I rang today and there is a space on the 12th Jan but first I need the ultrasound..I'm wondering if I could pay for this privately? I just can't spend another 6 weeks mentalling that I'm a barren old has been. It is nice to know though that the pressure I've had in my bowel (v odd sensation), tailbone and bladder isnt just ibs. I hate having ibs, the gp blames it for everything! I'm also angry the ultrasound missed it. But cons said it was perhaps due to rapid growth. Anyway, I've cried a lot (understatement) and feel very worried.

I'm sorry I might be gloomy for a bit.

Oh wine I am so so sorry you feel so down. It's to be expected and you're probably still a little in shock after that news (and especially after the upsetting and confusing way it was delivered which was bound to make it worse). Like you say it is an explanation and a half and combined with the weirdness of dealing with bad news at Christmas it's not surprising. Also the cut sounds horrible, hope you are getting a lot of rest while it heals?

I would be worried too. But honestly, it's not all bad. As others have said, it's a relatively common problem and procedure, they are going to deal with it quickly, and there's every chance that they'll remove it and your fertility will return to normal quickly. Complications are possible of course, but it's much more likely that the op will go smoothly, they'll get rid of the fibroid and your body will heal fine. Our bodies are strong and resilient things and it sounds like you will be in capable hands. Whilst it's an awful thing for you to be going through, for the surgeons and consultants it's probably pretty routine.

If I were you I would definitely push for that appointment on the 12th and pay for a private scan if neccessary. It has to be worth it for your mental health.

Anyway don't apologise for feeling gloomy. I would be exactly the same and that's what we're here for. But if you get that appointment that's only a couple of weeks away so not too long til the next stage will be over. In the meantime we're here for you and hopefully can provide you with some virtual hugs and a bit of reassurance if possible. XXX

Oh - and I totally get you about the IBS thing; because it's so vague it covers bloomin everything to do with your stomach/pelvis area! And thanks for posting about those websites, I'll have a look, they sound really interesting.

kitty hopefully I will just ovulate naturally without the trigger shot, but it is day 18 and I don't think I have yet. When I was scanned on day 12 my consultant thought it would happen on day 18 (well after my regular days 14-16 ov) but I don't feel like I have laid an egg today. I will be very annoyed if the Letrozole means I don't ovulate this cycle when I do by myself, particularly given all the tricky stealth shagging we have been doing while the MiL has been staying over Xmas!

I'm glad the joint health kick suggestion seems to have gone down well! I do think it is frustrating that it is difficult to get some of our menfolk to look after themselves properly to get their swimmers in tip top shape given all we all are putting ourselves through.

I've had masses of sugar over Xmas which I am sure isn't helping my PCOS but I have otherwise not done too badly (particularly on the alcohol front), and I suppose it it is only one week a year!

wine I am sorry to hear you have had a tough time over Xmas. I think I mentioned that I had a reaction to the GA after my lap on another thread - it sounds like the same thing, a skin rash that came up about 2-3 days after the op. My belly button looked like the surgeon's toddler had had a go at sewing it up, but it did sort itself out. My scar is probably about a centimetre and a half now, off to the side of my belly button.

Yes, you should be able to pay for the scan privately. I reckon it should be between 100 and 200 quid, based on my own experiences. Most private hospitals should be able to do it, or fertility clinics. I know there are some on Harley St if you are in London. It might be worth asking your consultant's office if there is any scanning centre that he likes to work with? I think in your shoes I would do it and take the 12 Jan appointment to get things moving. Knowing you have a plan of action in place might make you feel a little better. I hope so, anyway.

Just a very quick post from me for wine I'm on my phone, in bed, but wanted to give you the only advice i feel qualified to give - try not to worry about your scar. Buy some Bio Oil from the chemist and put it on as soon as the cut has healed enough. Use it morning and night and the scar will look loads better. I used it on my operation scar, and at my 6 month checkup the nurse commented that it looked like a scar from surgery 2 or 3 years ago. I'll find my photos and upload them if you're interested.

Its also great on old scars, and for stretch marks when you do get your bfp. I used mine every day for about a year, and still have 3/4 of a bottle left. Its expensive but worth it.

So sorry you are felling down. I would go for the early appointment if you can, just for the peace of mind. I found once i knew something was wrong i wanted it fixed asap. The old 'usual' aches from it started to feel sinister and just remind me constantly a out what was causing it. So if you can get everything sorted sooner I'd recommend it.

Big hugs. Waves to everyone else. Will catch up tomorrow, promise.

Just a quick post. Bleeding is definately AF :( which means I had a 6 day lp which is obviously useless!!