TTC for 10+ months, part 4

[eurochick]

Time for a new thread as the other one is just about full.

Fingers crossed for lots of patiently-awaited BFPs on this one!

Cake Googling IBS and Raynauds in relation to TTC is depressing. I would suggest that it is not a happy weekend pursuit!

LadyGee The more I hear about accupuncture the more I want to give it a whirl. Gold dots? Your DH is very game, mine would just bitch that he only wears black or red! More evidence about poor circulation being no good. Damn!

Joycep It's funny, I don't have a problem with pregnant long term TTC'ers either. I'm only jealous towards "normal" people! Living less in the sticks now and very close to Ikea - happy cinnamon doughnut stuffed days! I have visions of opening your kitchen cupboards and them being crammed full of honey!

Euro I did the low GI diet for a while and I lost weight but because I didn't get pregnant I ditched it. In fact I have ditched pretty much everything baby productive lately because I've been really despondent about TTC.
Glad to hear that you are feeling better.

wine I think you have summed up this lark when you say it feels more like a lottery. I was thinking this afternoon how when we started TTC it didn't cross my mind at all that there might be any issue. I thought it would pretty much be instant and to order now I reckon I've more chance of being struck by lightening at a Bugs Bunny convention.
Incidently, I looked up yantra mats on ebay (my new obsession) and in related searches it came up with bed of nails

Started spotting and have got cramps so I'm out this cycle. No surprises there then!

Happy weekend

I agree too, Wine it's a complete lottery It definitely crossed my mind during my pre ttc years that not everyone gets pregnant & maybe it wouldn't be me, though I really didn't have a clue how hard, sad, frustrating & unfair it would be.

I'm not sure the prospect of starting Clomid next month is making me feel more hopeful Pout. Some days I think more oeufs must mean more chance of a positive outcome, but I also feel that the pressure's going to be on as the consultant seemed to be of the opinion that if Clomid doesn't work after 4 cycles, then we should go for IVF & that feels scary.

Anyway, maybe I need to go off & buy some ginger cake. DP's not back from work yet & I'm hungry & therefore grumpy Then again, maybe I'll open some wine

pout I'll take your advice and stay away! Sorry to hear about the spotting. I don't know about you but I've almost come to expect my AF every cycle, although it does not stop be being pissed off and then getting pissed myself!

pixiepops I love ginger cake- I am ashamed to admit I one ate a whole one in one sitting!

On a very bright note I've just been shopping and have bought some very pregnancy inappropriate clothes for going out tomorrow night. Going to try them on again now and decide what shoes to wear with them (very sad I know)! DH is on a stag do and I cannot cope with two nights out in a row anymore.

Hello everyone,

Af arrived yesterday, not hugely sup rising. I'm trying to use sanitary towels rather than tam ax as they are supposed to be better for ttc, but they just seem so unhygienic in comparison.

And I've got a cold :(

Karbea, I have been using a mooncup for the past few months. I always felt v dry in the days after my period when I was wanting to start the swi so I thought it might help and it does. I can't get used to the moist feeling though. Although mine has only leaked at night, I am still wearing a safety net towel for the heaviest days. At some point I will manage to convince myself that it doesn't leak! They sell them in Boots now.

Hello everyone. Once again the thread is going like a fair, so will be very unlikely to namecheck everyone. Good to see the list being updated - in general I hate the lists on the buses etc, but as others have said there are quite a few of us so it's nice to have a reference point.

karbea and pout sorry about the spotting/AF. I'm rarely surprised to see mine anymore, yet somehow it still makes me angry and sad and snappy and downright nasty all in equal measure. I am somewhere like 3 or 4 DPO today and I had the odd rumbling period-like pain, which I've had for the last few months (maybe just never noticed them before) and I can't put my finger on what they are. Surely too early for implantation, but I think I read somewhere that you can experience mittelschmerz after ovulation, I guess as the ovaries revert to "normal" status again? Then again, despite 17 or 18 goes at this now, I'm still a bit vague around the actual science

I love the idea of Pregnancy Inappropriate clothes thecake.

To clarify - does Ginger Cake include Jamaica Ginger cake??? That is one of my all time favourites. Sliced and spread with butter, of course

Glad you are starting to feel better wine and also that we collectively helped a little bit.

I have a very comedy image of you lying on a bed of nails in an attempt to get up-duffed, pout. I wonder just how far some of us would actually go to in our attempts to win this rather unbalanced lottery?

I've just had lots of lovely wine. And very soft unpasteurised cheese. So not being pregnant has the odd advantage .

I'm home alone tonight and am bored so wine have taken a peak at the yantra mat. Have you found it helps your sleeping? Thinkng i may get one for my brother for xmas as he gets insomnia and get hubby one for his bad back - then i can borrow it! They look pretty cool. And what is meditation like? I was meant to go this week but never made it, i.e too lazy. Good luck with hypnosis!

Pout - booo about the spotting. How annoying but hopefully it will relieve the pmt a bit. I'm a bit of a secret hoarder with all my weird honey stashing and pills and thermometers. I did have to confess to DH that the honey was to oxygenate the womb (or whatever it is for) because he found it and kept putting it on his crumpets and he couldn't understand my possessiveness over it.
Sorry about af karbea. crapadoodledoo.

hopef everyone has a good weekend.

Jamaica Ginger cake is perfectly acceptable Nelly, not sure about adding butter though it sounds delicious

I'm impressed with your commitment to the cause Cake, a whole cake in one sitting - it's not quite lying on a bed of nails, but well done anyway!

Umm I really wanted it for DH this month, he is really down that he has been told he can't give me a baby

I don't trust the towels enough to wear them at night so i've used a tampax then, but wearing towels during the day, it's such an odd feeling. I've nearly given up a couple of times. We are away in my next fertile time, and I want to give it the best chance possible.

Hi everyone

Im back from my holiday. Have read through the thread but cant possibly comment...far too much going on!

Good to see pout back though!

Im on cd bloody 81 now!!

Didnt take my metformin as much on hols as its upsets my already delicate stomach (have ibs). I did take noristherone to postpone a period just in case as cos of pcos periods are a nightmare and i have a bad prolapse so tampons no use. didnt want period on hols. Hoping the noristherone will induce a bleed too now i have stopped it.

Nothing else to say!

Probably a first,, pleased af arrived yesterday. Didn't help my day3s tho which I had done on Thurs when I was still spotting :(

Thanks for your kind words on the sperm situation, ladies. Have decided not to think about it too much and instead focus on getting me and Mr Kitty into good shape (not easy at this time of year and I can already feel myself getting waylaid by mulled wine, stodgy puddings and dark evenings on the sofa ? is fun though). joycep and mrsd how are the health kicks coming along? I am going to get on board with the ginger this week I think ? why the hell not - bit of cake and tean can't go amiss :)

Booo and muchos sympathy to those who are dealing with the ERTD and/or PMT related rage.

ladygee am glad your first acu session went well. It?s good isn?t it? Although it hasn?t got me a BFP as yet, I think it is definitely helping me to stay a little bit more sane. Thanks very much for posting the link to the article about IVF having better results in spring, I read it with interest.

euro am really glad you are on the mend.

wine I get really grumpy around ovulation time as well, I thought it was just me. In fact I often get PMT-like symptoms, cramping, bloating and feeling generally on edge. I?m not sure how that is supposed to be attractive to men :) DH is still taking Wellman conception, pine bark and vitamin E. I need to get him to chill out more, which is proving difficult ? he has a stressful job. How did the hypnosis go? Did a creepy man wave a watch on a chain at you? :) It?s on my long list of things I?m vaguely thinking about doing in relation to TTC, along with Chinese herbs and reflexology.

I?m feeling weirdly chilled out about ttc at the moment, which is very unlike me. I wonder if it?s because we?re having a month off. I was talking to the acu lady about it and she was saying that she recommends her patients who have been trying a long time to have a month off every now and again. She said she thinks it?s good for your mental health. I can see why but personally I think I would struggle to do it if it wasn?t out of necessity. I?d be too worried about wasting the magic egg.

pout about the Bugs Bunny convention.

pixie so agree with what you said about how it crossed your mind you could have fertility problems but you never anticipated how miserable it would be. I was exactly the same. I hugely underestimated what the reality of unsuccessfully ttc would be like. I worry now that I have been offhand or unsympathetic with other ttc-ers in the past, without realising.

thecake love the sound of the preg-inappropriate clothes and I can?t do two nights out in a row any more either :(

karbea I?ve started to use towels again recently, horrible aren?t they. I will investigate the mooncup I think.

izzy I am sorry about yet another mega-cycle for you. I hope you enjoyed your holiday though.

cakes will you have to go back to get the day 3 tests done again? Annoying.

Sorry for TMI but just wanted to ask...did any of you who have had a HSG get a bit of, ummm, gunk coming out afterwards? I?ve had quite a lot of dark brown stuff coming out, is gross but I quite like the idea of having a good old clear out inside.

Big waves to nelly stasi lemons and anyone I have missed. Hope chilled Sundays are being had by all.

kitty I had absolutely nothing coming out after the HSG - no dye, no spotting, no nothing. I think most people do though. It sounds like it might have dislodged something which is a good thing if it was a minor blockage.

I couldn't contemplate going back to towels. Eugh. They bring back memories of embarrassing teenage leakage episodes (my early teens were the last time I used towels - my mum was reluctant to get me tampax for the first year or two of my periods). I much prefer the mooncup although it does require a degree of non-squeamishness as you end up seeing your period blood up close and some pelvic floor muscle control to get it in and out (no bad thing I guess).

Pout I was trying to eat low GI even before ttc as it makes me feel better in myself when I do and apparently the insulin highs and lows caused by a high GI diet can wear out the pancreas and lead to type II diabetes. I'm quite worried about that. No worried enough to go without the odd sweet treat though!

Thanks for your kind words. I am almost back to normal I think. And we managed a bit of swi this weekend, which is just as well as I am on CD13 now! It sorted itself out in just time!

euro I'm with you on the towels. I went back to towels this year on the advice of my old acu and hated it! I felt just like I was a teenage again, they just feel awkward and in the way. There is also nothing worse than going to bed feeling like you're wearing a nappy! Sorry karbea that probably isnt going to make you feel any better. And I'm sorry af got you. I keep thinking of the mooncup as tampons aren't prob very good for the planet or my fanjo, I have just felt a bit by them!

joycep the yantra mat is, for me, a total revelation. And it is called a bed of nails! I don't know how it does it's thing but after 10 minutes on it (5 front and 5 back) I feel all toasty warm and have been sleeping so well. It makes my face flushed. I thought at first that the heat was a co-incidence, but it happens every time. Also, after weeks of feeling poorly crap from the glandular fever, with a nice flare of ibs thrown in for fun, I'm feeling so much more like my old self. But then, I am having acu too or I could just b getting better. Also, I have, on the acu advice, cut out sugar for a while, in case it was candida in my gut. Within two days of that, my tummy felt so much better. I don't have too much of a sweet tooth, I'm more a crisps and cheese person so it hasn't been too hard. But I was eating a lot of dried fruit, fruit juice and dark chocolate is a weakness. I also have honey in my herb teas and ribena (and not the silly tooth kind version!). I i could just tuck into something sweet though. I need lemon to bring me something nice

The hypnosis was an hour of counseling followed by 30 mins hypnosis. I've ummed and ahed about counseling for ages. Heck, with the anorexia recovery process, I've had enough therapy for a lifetime - or so I thought. It was actually very helpful though in making me think about how I think about the whole ttc process and why that might be. From month 3 of ttc I have been convinced I will never get pregnant, whilst I know that isn't how other people experience things. It got me thinking about things in a very helpful, if not slightly painful way. By that, I mean, having to take a good look at myself. She was very nice, but talking in that way to someone is always a bit of an unusual experience. The hypnosis was about looking at the feelings I have about not being pregnant and 'releasing' them. It felt very powerful (sorry a bit woo there) but also made me feel a bit teary. I didn't cry though and left feeling calmer and lighter. And also £60 worse off. I know this is a good rate for the time. But I am scared at how I'm draining my money on this. Especially with xmas pressies to get. And because it is coming from savings that I might need for treatment. But I'm trying not to think about that. There was not a ticking watch in sight kitty! Although Mr Wine took the piss out of me all morning. In a nice way. I'm going again next Saturday for a 30 min talk/30 min hypnosis. We shall see.

Mm.I have lost track of what everyone else has said and my computer won't scroll upwards as it is trying to update my iphone and can't possibly cope with doing anything else - each letter is taking 5 seconds to type and I give up! Loves to you all though.

kitty I had a sanitary-towel's worth of reddish brownish liquid after my HSG, then a little bit more when I wiped the day after (hope no-one's reading this as they eat their Sunday roast). It was a hospital-issue ST as well - one of those gloriously thick ones which I started out with in the early 90s. Yeuck.

Um..I wondered if could share a bit more...

In the counselling, I ended talking about my ex (of 10 years). I don't think about him v often, it's been 5 yrs since we split - but it was a v abusive relationship. And how the thought of getting in touch with him if we wanted to adopt was just sickening and then, about how the relationship had been. It felt as of a lot of things 'clicked', in terms of my anxieties and self esteem - but it also feels weird to have bought him up at all. I feel guilty almost, for talking about him. It felt funny meeting dh after. Does this make sense?

And, today I had a little cry on dh after seeing my best friends fb photos of her weekend with 9 month old and her new circle of parent friends on a big winter walk and picnic. I feel like we have drifted quite a bit and she has new mates and a very different life. I miss her and Facebook does shove things in your face doesn't it? All the couples and babies and buggies were in a big group photo and I felt

Sorry for using the space as a confessional. I've actually had a very lovely weekend and we have just made a mushroom and bacon dauphinoise all baking and bubbling happily. There's been lie ins, a lovely day in the city with tasty lunch and a glass of wine, I've read and lazed around today after a nice walk and I've had no work to do. Ive had the kind of weekend that, when the baby does come, I'll drool after. The human condition of wanting is most contrary!

wine big hug to you xxx from my limited knowledge it is totally expected for counselling to bring things like that to the surface. It sounds like the thought of your ex and the adoption process has been nagging at you? If this is a worry it's probably better to get it out in the open and deal with it, rather than having it kind of lurking around the corner.

I have a vaguely similar thing in that I had a termination when I was young (with an old BF). Our difficulties TTC have brought memories, and thoughts of what might have been, to the forefront of my mind. It's something I have discussed with my acupuncturist and at first it was really weird talking about it, but since airing it I've felt SO much better about it all and can see it in a much more dispassionate light. I no longer think of the termination as something that's impacting on current TTC. I dont know whether to believe stuff about mental blocks impacting on fertility but I definitely reckon that if there is stuff going on in your mind, it's better to deal with it.

Re facebook - I logged in yesterday, the first three posts were baby related (inc an announcement) so I just logged out. Seriously contemplating leaving - it's the 'in your face'-ness of it, as you so accurately put it.

Am glad you had a lovely weekend, mine was remarkably similar! And I agree that we will lust after these relaxed, civilised and indulgent weekends when were are running around after snotty toddlers! Enjoy your dauphinoise, yum xx

Oh also - FWIW I was looking at some stuff about adoption on t'internet the other day and I looked up the rules about previous partners - I read that they only contacted them if you had had children together? I was curious because my previous relationship lasted 8 years and I wondered if he would need to be involved - and I no longer have any idea where he is or how to contact him. And it seemed that it wouldnt be neccessary anyway.

euro and mrshy thanks for post-HSG info. here's hoping some blockages have gone away!

The thing I love about this thread is that you can have one post about how much yucky brown gloop came out of you after HSG, immediately followed by a heartfelt emotional outpouring about some of life's greater traumas; and they are both as welcome and important as each other!

wine per above, this is exactlythe place for a confessional, I hope it's cathartic for you (the acu, the hypnosis, and the MN virtual ear/shoulder) and that you start to feel like you are moving forward. Certainly you are giving this TTC lark a fair shot - if you do get pregnant this month, we'll all have our work cut out, and sales of Yantra Mats may rocket! I think re the money, it's perhaps best to look at it like investment in your own emotional wellbeing, rather than a specific TTC course of action. Frankly, I think we would all benefit from investing a little in ourselves once in a while :)

Thanks for this kitty and for sharing. I don't know, ttc has made me think about all the choices I've made in the past, and not always in a very positive way. I guess we have to remember, that all of our decisions have taken us to where we are now and I do believe that things are playing themselves out the way that they should be. I'm glad the talking has helped - I do wonder about the impact our 'monsters under the bed' can have in terms of fertility. It feels like tosh to think that there could be mental blocks, but I wonder? I know when I'm anxious, my ibs is awful, so could it affect our baby making bits?

You've made me feel rather uplifted about the adoption regs. I will do sone digging. Although fostering draws me a lot at the moment, if it doesn't happen.

X post nelly aw I really love this thread. The ttc experience has been made easier because of you lots.

ah wine - this is exactly the right place for confessionals, it all goes hand in hand with ttc and if we weren't in the positions we are all in, I expect these sorts of things wouldn't be raising their head. The counselling sounds really good actually. I know it is a lot of money but mental health is just as important as physical health and if it's bringing everything out in to the open, it is only a good thing. Hopefully the nasty ex won't ever have to be contacted again and just steering you down a more positive track...you won't be needing adoption agencies either .
Love the sound of these yantras - i'm going to get some very strange looks this xmas when people unwrap their bed of nails!

kitty - the health kick has already gone down hill. The weekends i find very tough to stay healthy - DH bought a big chocolate cake which he just presented as pudding. I could hardly say no . I'm going for the 80/20 thing though, i don't want to deprive myself too much. Oh and yes, I did have that gunk after the hsg.

and i keep saying it but god i am glad i'm no longer on FB. I don't know how you ladies cope seeing those in your face comments. Hope you all had lovely weekends.

kitty and wine I'm definitely a believer in the notion that getting things off your chest is helpful (despite the fact that I can bottle things up myself) I always, always feel better after a good cry, a good rant or just saying what is bothering me, it's all helpful.

I've had a lovely day today with my DH, my friend and her 1 year old son. He is so cute, but I did feel sorry for her as she had a hangover and had to get up with him whereas I can just lie in bed!

Really cannot be bothered with work tomorrow, roll on the Christmas holidays!

Just a quick "Hi" before bed. Missed out on so much news, I did read through everything but I'm a bit too tired to take it in.

Glad counselling/hypnosis was good for people. I asked my oncologist about counselling following the cancer. I don't really feel like I "dealt" with everything, and instead have just carried on as normal. I'm sceptical that it is possible to deal with something like that, or anything, and that a counsellor will just be teaching you how to ignore it and take the sting out of things. I'm giving it a try to see if they can prove me wrong though.

Sorry to those for who AF turned up. I'm just starting the shagathon for the month. I actually find this time almost relaxing.. I just have to SWI every 2 days. Which is at least something I have control over.

I have to go sleep now, stayed up way too late last night. Not even for a good cause, I was just knitting!

Hi ladies! Just back from hols and having a quick browse whilst MrG is engrossed in match of the day [yawn]. Lots to catch up on, so sorry not to name check you all.

wine and kitty sorry to hear how ttc is bringing up difficult things from your pasts. I can honestly say that these past 16 months have been the hardest thing I've been through. I seem to be able to deal better with other crap that's happened but not this, so I totally understand why it would make you think about other stuff. I think it's all quite stressful and makes me stressed about other stuff too, esp when pmt arrives in my case. Hope you are both feeling a little better. Sharing is ALWAYS good!

Anyhow now on the glorious 2 week wait. Can already feel pmt setting in..

Good luck with the shagathon stasi!

Better get to bed or I'll be super grumpy tomoz back at work, boo.

Hello,

It's quiet on here today. I hope you're not all working too hard on a Monday. I had an early finish today so I've decided to treat myself to an afternoon of bathroom and kitchen cleaning. I'm procrastinating hence posting on here.

wine I think it's a sign that the counselling is doing some good if you're able to bring up painful things to talk about. It probably means these thoughts have been spinning round your head and it's better to get them out and talk about it. I wouldn't stress about the adoption thing. Firstly you're so far from that and also I don't think it's standard to contact previous partners. Maybe you could ask on the adoption board if it something you're worrying about.

I have another positive post eating disorder story. My friend suffered very badly with bulimia for most of her teenage years and while at university. She has been ok for the last few years but she still struggles and she always says that every mouthful she eats is a battle for her. Anyway, she gave birth six months ago to a gorgeous baby boy. And as far as I know the bulimia had no impact on her fertility.

joycep I fell off the health kick wagon this weekend too. I blame you lot though because you forced me into baking a ginger cake yesterday. It was so yummy, I used a recipe I found on the BBC Goodfood website. I can highly recommend it. It has dates and apples in too so it must be good for us. But it's certainly not low GI and has an awful lot of sugar in it. I was impressed that it turned out ok because I can never find quite the right ingredients and I have to substitute lots of things in British recipes but this one was ok.

I'm wondering if maybe I did ovulate after all. My temps have been highish for the last couple of days and I thought my boobs hurt when I went jogging this morning. If I have I would expect them to really obviously hurt in the next couple of days so I'll wait and see.

I'm sorry I haven't done the full name check, I hope everyone is ok. I feel strangely happy today :)