Feeling annoyed when sister mentions "she might just have another baby"

[Raspberryjam]

Nearly 41, clock ticking. We are very lucky to have DD nearly 4 now, ivf success. Now had failed frozen cycle and this week disastrous fresh cycle - 8 eggs none fertilised properly.
Sis just gone back to work as DD nearly 1 and she is nearly 10 years younger. Couple of times recently has flippantly said she might just have another baby straight away and not wait.
I know I have to be grateful for what we have, but starting to feel is end of road for us and not sure getting on the ivf rollercoaster again is good idea. My dad has been very supportive but has also told me to "count my blessings" - why do I feel like telling them all to piss off ? - except I don't - I just agree and smile. My mum is not around anymore - she died 8 years ago and I often wonder what she would do.
Any thoughts? Maybe I am being selfish to want another and I should just stop and be grateful for what we have ?

thanks CookieRookie - you made me smile!! My sis fortunately isn't insensitive - it is just my own reactions i need to sort out.Wishing you every luck too.

There must be another section of MN where the OP can find people to talk to who will understand how she feels. Can someone point in the right direction?

lelainapierce WTF?

In which post did the OP explain how long they'd been trying for her 4yo or a second child? I obviously missed the psychic newsflash that you got.

FGS, if you were so desperate to have two children, you'd have started in your 20s. That you planned so badly is not your sister's fault. Sick of people bitching at younger (read: normal aged) mothers for not being rich when it's obviously just as irresponsible to wait until late 30s to have children.

Ooh another psychic poster. How exciting!

Maybe she did. I have several friends that started TTC in their 20s and kept trying for years.

Panda1234 - the first time we did IVF we didn't tell anyone the dates and I was 6 weeks pg before anyone knew. Second time frozen cyce didn't tell anyone we were doing it. This time close family and friends know - partly all the juggling with clinic appointments with DD and also wanting to include them. Sis has been supportive -but during this cycle has mentioned about her having DC2 a couple of times - it does coincide with her going back to work full time however and so she does need extra support now too.She is thinking ahead to the future too as it is a time of big change for her too.

It is entirely understandable to feel annoyed.
it is unreasonable to resent your sister's fertility , but you can't help the way you feel.Feelings come unbidden and are opften unreasonable.

OP - I am not being thread police here but maybe ask to get this moved to conception because AIBU is not the place for this. The nasty, bitchy psychics might not follow you there.

Some people have no idea......what about those who don't find a partner till they are 30? Or who then try for 5 blooody years with no luck before the doc will do any referral........and then have to do all the IVF stuff??? which amy then fail......
Os should we all go out at 20 and grab any old bloke off the street????

Started TTC aged 33. Met DH aged 31.Wished we had met earlier but very lucky to have him..............

Bloody hell some nasty people around this morning! I could see myself ending up in similar situation, am 26 and no children - 2mcs and 1 dd born too soon. I have no man atm, not sure how people are supposed to "start early" - go out and find anyold man who agrees to have weans?! Or is the Liz Jones method the way to go?

OP - could I suggest there might be a reason for your DSis mentioning her plans - it could be that she's heard what a shock and hard it is for woman in your sistuation to hear of others who are pg, so she's trying (in a clunky way) to prep you so that news that she's pg in 6months or so time won't be as much of a shock as you'll be expecting it?

YANBU. If people know your situation they should be more tactful, and not flippant about the subject. You can support your sister but she should be supportive in return and not just ignore how her comments might make you feel.

You are not selfish at all in wanting to have another child, and it's not up to others to tell you to "count your blessings" or cheer up or why didn't you start sooner? These comments are always from people who never had any problems having children.

Could be.LW ..............

Raspberry - I think I can see where you are coming from.

It's not the fact that your sister wants another baby, it's the way her casual comments are making it seem so easy when you know it's not always like that.

I lost two babies in second tri before I had my son, our first son was stillborn and our daughter was premature and died shortly after her birth. At times I struggled to understand how something that happened so easily for other people involved so much pain and grief for me.

I always tried not to show it, but sometimes it was easy for me to listen to pregnancy talk and sometimes it was anything but easy. When BIL and SIL kept their fourth pregnancy from me I was very upset though.

And when I was using the baby loss support forum on another site this same issue kept cropping up, why is it so easy for other people, why don't some of them realise how lucky they are, why is it so hard for me to be happy for her?

I would love another baby but we have made the decision not to try and I think it's the right one. We absolutely could not cope with another loss. We lost both our babies in the space of eleven months and when our daughter died I was so ill that I almost died too. My third pregnancy was complicated, I had to have a lot of medical intervention to ensure my son was not at risk of premature birth and we still had the unexplained stillbirth risk hanging over us so there were no guarantees. Labour was long and complicated and it took me a long time to recover and it stirred up a lot of memories and grief.

But sometimes I still do think "but what if..." and wish it was as easy for us as it seems to be for a lot of people.

And I don't think you are wrong to find it hard to listen to your sister making plans as though having a second baby is the easiest thing in the world to do. You would be wrong to treat her badly because of it, but it doesn't sound like you are doing that to me.

lelainapierce - you have no idea what you are talking about, there is nothing to suggest the OP left anything late through choice. IVF can be a long battle that starts at a young age. You owe the OP an apology.

Raspberryjam I couldn't read these posts and not say congratulations for the incredibly mature way you are ignoring some of the posters. You're obviously able to focus on the positive which is brilliant and your sister is lucky to have you. You're going through a very rough time and her comments probably do sound insensitive, however unintentional they are. I hope baby two comes through for you x

Is there some sort of twat klaxon that goes off when a sensitive thread appears on AIBU? Are you nasty people unable to moderate your tone according to subject, or is it all just a big pile on to show off how 'straight talking' you are? You weirdos.

thanks last 3 posters - have been through tears to now laughing during this talk. All the posts help give me a sense of perspective though..........

Wibblybibble how disgusting of you. I hope that you never suffer the sadness of infertility, it can happen anytime, even to younger people you know . Yes get the thread moved to conception, they are lovely there and there will be no nasty psychic posters

WibblyBibble and Lelainapierce wow! Two nasty people with no empathy or life experience on one thread. Maybe you ladies should meet up? You sound as if you were made for each other.

Infertility can strike in childhood too if the child has an illness which makes them infertile or difficult to conceive later on. What if the op waited to have a child, her circumstances may not have been such when she was younger, to bring up a child and therefore would be highly irresponsible. My goodness the 2 Witches of Eastwick