We are all jolly well going to smack the rat this month and grow a baby and we'll brook no argument. And probably eat some cake too.

[Imps7]

Ladies....begin.

Nope, not mad at all! The need to know what the hell is going on with our bodies is very strong. I don't know how pushy re: IVF they would be, but you'd have some more information with to work with.

I've already told DH that if nothing happens in ths or the next cycle, I'm off to the GP to demand a barrage of tests. Luckily I know exactly which GP will be the most sympathetic to my plight, and she's definitely worth the three week wait for an appointment.

With which to work.

Sigh. One of those days...

Definitely not bean! I'd have been months ago if it were my sole decision! :o

I don't know if they'd be pushy - but if you at least had the tests, if the results were unfavourable you could take them back to your GP to push for a referral.

I'm a great believer in the NHS, for any number of reasons, but think that if we get to the point of wanting tests, we might well go private. Whilst this would be in part because I'd feel I wanted them straight away, I also think that I've used up my (self imposed and entirely arbitrary) NHS allowance. (My husband was very ill a couple of years ago, and in intensive care for weeks, which must have been very expensive!) I don't really need any more children, so tests would be an extravagence that I wouldn't feel the NHS need be obliged to pay for.

Obviously this comes with usual disclaimers about everyone else (esp those on here...) being entirely entitled to NHS care.

Hi both Scrambled and Popcorn - thanks that's really helpful. Test and find out, and then we'll see what's next. I don't think GP will help much even with results (unless good, in which case they may agree to SA for DP, especially if he requests). As I have one DC there's no chance of any treatment unless it's to remove dangerous obstacles etc . But there may be a way to sort things out with the private clinic anyway as they do offer meds too. I have no clue about any of this - presumably there are meds you can take even if you won't be going for IVF? I only know (a bit) about clomid but suspect that it's not helpful for someone who is facing age-related infertility (which is my most likely scenario)... Still - these are exactly the questions I'll be able to ask when I get to the clinic. Waffle, waffle.

Popcorn is your OH actually putting his foot down re' tests or feels that you have to go the full 12 months before you can do anything? I seem to recall that you are still quite young so not in the 35+ bracket... or have I mistaken you? I hope that he comes round if BFP isn't imminent (which of course it is).

Thanks again, Brookers.

BTW Scrambled - if no BFP then go for it. Great you have the right kind of GP. Brooking for you hugely on this front, and hope that you get some results that will help you get to BFP as soon as. x

bean from what little I've read, I think if you have 1DC already the NHS will still send you for investigations and even pay for things like clomid, it's just IVF they won't fork out for.

No, he hasn't categorically said no to paying for tests......... tbh I discuss ttc very little with DH. Because, largely, every time it's brought up he doesn't think "it's the right time" because of job/house/the state of world affairs/he's a bit tired (I kid you not) -- this despite coming off contraception in March by mutual agreement. (and there was no nagging at all - it was more him than me at that point)

I think he is just happy with the russian roulette that is ttc - he would be delighted if I got pg and has always wanted children, but is equally happy muddling through day-to-day life with little thought for the future. But I'm not. I want a baby now, please. and life looks a bit bleak without a family of our own.

But this is representative of our relationship tbh -- he works shifts and is rarely around at the weekend to realise we're missing out on a lovely family life, iykwim. I see our siblings going to the beach and picking up shells and fingerpainting and visiting father christmas with their little families and feel sad that we don't have that. But he just doesn't think about it because he "would have to work anyway" iykwim :(

Ok, enough of the psychoanalysis... you can tell I'm married to a psychiatric nurse...... :o

Oh, and I'm 27, DH is 31.

Oh Popcorn - really feel for you about watching everyone around you so happy with their kidlets. What can I say - it hurts!

And I hate this platitude but you are both young and it's hard for DH to see it as you do. He works hard - as I'm sure do you - and like a lot of the men in our lives, he probably doesn't like planning... but also totally get it that you feel sad and frustrated and need something good to happen - BFP, and nothing less - straight away. I really do believe that it is coming - it's ready and waiting, but is taking you a bit longer. If it turns out you need some assistance / treatment you are young and so that is all on your side. I'm brooking for you.

In a way I am uber lucky - I didn't realise I wanted children until I was bereaved at 35 then it was like being hit by a 10-tonne truck. And after that I found the right partner and conceived DS in the space of 2.5 years - so I really do have to count my blessings.

You are doing the right thing for now - not making too big a deal about it with DH (even though you are prob screaming on the inside). You should get to the GP and get the tests done (just fib about the 12-month TTC). Your DH is on board he's just not v good at talking or making changes bt sounds of it.

You WILL have a family of your own, Popcorn.

xxx

Hello just a v quick one from me to say that I haven't abandoned you, have just been v busy.

I will catch up with you all properly later!

Bereaved at 35, what a sh*t, that must have been horrendous I can see how that would put things in perspective for you...

I know we will get there eventually, and I suppose I have to just think that I've gone from being a bit ambivalent about kids to knowing that I will really, really appreciate them when we do have them.

I had to see the GP about coming off some other meds in Jan before we could TTC, so they have Jan down in my notes as being a year, despite it actually being March (I wanted them to be well clear of my system). So it won't be too much of a fib :o

Well, Popcorn January isn't too far away. Without deserving a slap, could I suggest you just try and have a (mental) rest from TTC until Jan and then get the tests done if no BFP. Of course no rest from rat-smacking, dear friend. I know it's impossible, it just sounds like you need a bit of a break.

TTC is a hard way to find out just how much you want a sproggles, poor Pop - but you have got years to sort out the bugger that is mother nature if needs be, which I'm sure it won't.

I have a lot of regrets at the moment - mainly about not grabbing DP about 5 years earlier and extracting him from the witchy grip of a v unkind woman who treated him badly but he wouldn't have trusted me if I had, methinks. I also have a termination story from a young age (despite using condoms ATT) and that really gives me bad dreams considering the situation now... But you can't live like that - so I'm doing my damnedest to kick that one out.

Keep the faith, keep the GSOH and keep up the rat-battering.

x

You're right bean. I want to lose some weight (though I'm technically in the "normal" category, albeit at the upper end) so maybe I should throw myself into that for the next 6 weeks and just forget about ttc. It's starting to get really stressful

You can't live with regrets - changing any one of those teensy decisions might have meant not having your lovely DS at all! :)

Afternoon everyone. We got back from our Honeymoon on Sat, but have been relaxing/looking through wedding photos/doing the laundry. Then off to the docs this morning for my D21 (well, actually D23) bloods. I'm 9DPO with no symptoms at all. Ovulated on my wedding night, and luckily wasn't too tired to DTD. We managed to SWI every 2 days leading up to Ov too, so I'm hopeful.

I've made a few notes while reading back, it's amazing how much goes on in the brooking world in just a week. This is mostly just recent stuff, didn't want to be referring to things from too long ago.

Munkii so sorry to hear your news, lots of love and hugs being sent your way. Hope you're doing ok.

Solars sorry your BFP didn't materialise, but I'm sure you'll get the hang of the clomid side effects soon, and get a better idea if you're coming or going.

Biscuits glad your scan went well.

Far I really hope this is your month for a BFP. Though the timing doesn't sound great, I'm sure you'll manage with the injections. Every AF symptom is a BFN symptom, so I've not given up hoping.

Bartlet so sorry to hear your news, the waiting and not knowing must be terrible. It might not be what you want to hear, but I spent many years looking after disabled children through summer play groups. They were all wonderful children, so loving and a real joy to be around. My brother is deaf and has learning disabilities, so I also know it can be very hard on the family. I hope you get to see the consultant soon, fingers crossed for you.

Welcome to raspberry, and the other newbies.

Thanks for a bit of Homer-wisdom - ideal. Never had regrets before - they grept up on me. Ho ho. [hmmm]

Have a nice break Popcorn - think about pampering yourself and enjoying Chrimbo as well as squeezing down your BMI (really, before Christmas?!) Stress is so self-defeating (says I, of all people). And if needs be you can get thee to a GP in the New Year.

Just read an interesting post btw - someone who's OH had low motility spermies and despite advice to smack a lot and IVF treatment (TTC for 6, yes 6, years) she realised they should only smackarat on ov day while abstaining for 5 days before - and lo-n-behold they have conceived naturally twice since.

Might try a new approach myself except of course I am already preggo.

Hi Stasi - how amazing you are a MRS now. Well done. And well done for lots of SWI, even after tying the knot - impressive. Brooking for you. When's testing time? About a week?

Yes I read that too bean, might be worth trying for next month as we always start smacking our rats too early iykwim, as I figured (going on DH's "we just need more sex" motto) that it won't matter as long as we keep going regularly up to OV day.

No xmas parties this year - our families are too broke from having so many young children and maternity leave etc (sob), my work's is an £80 train fair away so I won't be going, and DH's work's doo is staff only. So over-noshing will be confined to xmas day and MILs soggy roasties :o

I'm very impressed you smacked the rat on your wedding night stasi, I was too knackered on mine owing to the fact we couldn't get rid of MIL, who enjoys a good party, til the wee hours. Very well done

Congrats on becoming MrsStasi - and again, admiration here for SWI on your wedding night. We were both far too knackered, especially after DH had spent about half an hour getting all the hair grips out of my hair!

TBH we were both knackered too, and DH had had quite a lot to drink. However, I had forgotten to pack anything for our night at the hotel. So, we ended up both sleeping naked (which we never do) and viola, DH wasn't soo tired after all.

Luckily I had a mobile, so arranged a mercy mission from my sister to deliver underwear and clothes so I didn't have to wear my wedding dress to breakfast...

Ha ha Stasi - that's hilarious - quality packing! Did the trick with DH though

I would have loved it though if you'd had to go to breakfast in your wedding dress the next day! You could have claimed to have been getting your wear out of it?

I have spent the afternoon so far sorting out a better energy tariff deal and am now tackling my car insurance renewal premium.

Still, things are looking up, I have the ironing to do next

bean the rat smacking timing you mentioned from another post, I am confused. doesn't take much According to that poster should it be done on the run up to OV or only on OV day?

Hats off to Mrs Stasi on rat smacking on wedding night. Loving the mercy dash by DS with clothes, would have been funny to have to wear wedding dress to breakfast though.

I am also reasonably recently married and had to put DH to bed at 9.30 on our wedding night!! fingers crossed it isn't a sign of things to come

Ha ha! Triumph. I saved Two Hundred of your English Pounds off my car insurance!

Might celebrate with some chocolate :)

Wow! Two hundred english pounds!
Mmmmmm chocolate...... I have had nowt but cereal, fruit and veg today bloody diet

Sorry to confuse you sweetie! It's normally best to SWI over several days before ovulation. In this case, the poster's DH had problems with his sperm motility, meaning it was best if he stored it up and used it as close to OV as possible. I suppose we're just thinking if one approach isn't working, maybe the other will! :)

I know - I was surprised to say the least! It means though that effectively I got my garage shelving for free that I also had to buy today - sometimes shopping can be fun, but sometimes not so much.

I could really have spent all this money on something so much more worthwhile than car insurance and shelving :(

Good evening my lovelies. Phew, nice to have a sit down for an evening.

Welcome back from honeymoon Mrs Stasi!! I guess that with your huge long to do list the day before the wedding something as obvious as clothes was bound to get overlooked wasn't it?! Glad you had a lovely time and have a gold star for your wedding night SWI and egg popping.

Sorry that you're feeling the TTC strain particularly badly at the moment Popcorn. Men, eh, I think that they get more scared about things than they would ever let on. It's particularly harsh when you feel like you can't display your feelings for fear of freaking them out even more - have been there, done that and got the t-shirt (to the extent that although we agreed in January that we'd TTC, it was only actually in June that we managed to have proper TTC-intended shags...nightmare (that said, for 2 cycles OH was away on business during the fertile bit so I can't blame his sensitivities for those 2 wasted months!). Good idea about focusing on something else until January, and good idea about going to the docs in Jan - off-loading to a medical professional may be the un-bottling of your emotions that you need.

Re: work - Oh. My. God. They are making SUCH a shambles of it. The process has been going on for 4 weeks now...and they haven't even selected which one of us will be made redundant yet . Partners in my team are still ignoring me and the other girl...oh what fun! If I'm not selected for redundancy I cannot WAIT to shove my resignation letter up their arses in their faces. HA!

Where the flippity-flop is Maybe?? Maybe?? Maaaaaybeeeee? MAYBE?

Oh, and hello Raspberry - I think we crossed paths a couple of times on the First Time Frolickers thread! Welcome to this thread and congratulations on your automatic pregnancy!

Bean, your calmness and ability to look at the bright side is inspiring. Excellent idea to try a new tactic this cycle. One never knows what it will take to smack that rat.