To wait, or not to wait?

[MadMonkeys]

We have one DD (2yo). I worked up the courage to ask DH about TTC a second child last week. My sister told us a couple of weeks ago that she is expecting her first child. She is very early on - only about 5 or 6 weeks. DH feels that we can't start TTC as we should give them space. I think it would be lovely to have children about the same age, and I don't think my sister would think we're trying to steal their thunder at all. We conceived DD in 3 cycles last time, but we're 2.5 years older now and I don't really want to wait very long before trying. It's just bad timing I guess. What do you lovely ladies think?

Hmmmmm.... well my gut instinct is that that's a bit of an excuse (mainly because I think "giving them room" is a silly reason to delay ttc - there will always be someone pg in the world - unless it's a difficult pregnancy or she's had multiple mc's and tact is required.)

I think you should talk to him and see if there are other concerns (space? money? is he ready? does he want more at all?), or if he really does think you should give them room and why on earth that's the case.

Xx

I suspect you've hit the nail on the head Popcorn. I'm going to leave it for a few days then talk to him again. I think it's an excuse too, but i just wanted to see what other people thought about it - I don't want to spoil things for my sister, and I wondered if I was being insensitive.

My response was also 'what a lame excuse'. Assuming you don't share a house with your sister?! I'd talk to him again and ask him what his real reason is as most people would jump at the idea of having cousins the same age or a sister who's going through similar things.

Also you don't know how long it will take to conceive - maybe he's worried because he may feel life is just getting easier now that your DD is a growing up? He will probably need a bit of time to get used to the idea

Thanks Senorita and Popcorn. No, we don't share a house with my sister, and she has no history of mc's or anything like that. It was the first time I'd mentioned a second child to DH so maybe he just needs some time to think about it. Thanks for your replies, you've reassured me that I'm not going mad...

No way would i wait for that reason. To be honest, the SECOND my sister got pregnant, she was on at the OH and me to hurry up and do likewise. Your sister might well be delighted were you to get pregnant again! Even if there was a tiny dilution of your sister's big news due to your pregnancy (which there probably wouldn't be) it would be far outweighed in the long run by the niceness of having kids the same age, surely?

Also - let's say you left it and there was a problem conceiving/it took longer than last time. If I were your sister, I would really not want that to be somehow linked to me IYSWIM.

Husband is just procrastinating I reckon. Men!

Why did you need to work up courage to talk to your DH about TTC?
Did you suspect that he wasn't going to be thrilled?

piprabbit - I really didn't know what he would think - and I'm feeling so broody, I knew I would be very upset if he said no. So I guess I'd been putting off the subject to avoid having to deal with that. DH is a fantastic daddy and DD adores him (as do I!) but he does tend to over think things and put off making decisions.

Definitely sounds like a delaying tactic then.

Sounds like another chat is needed. Good luck.

I am pg at the same time as my sister and its lovely (she is 4 weeks ahead of me) I agree with the others, sounds like a bit of an excuse to me. fx you can talk him round.

Thanks for your replies, ladies. We've had another chat about it and I feel much better now. I definitely think it was a delaying tactic, but now he's had time to think about it and I'm glad we're discussing it openly. He's not terribly keen on another child but thinks DD needs a sibling. We're both thinking things through and haven't made a decision yet - I long for another child but don't want to make DH unhappy. He did struggle when DD arrived on the scene, so I can see his concerns. I'm glad to have got to the bottom of it.

Thanks for coming back to update us. I'm so glad you have managed to talk to your DH about this. Perhaps, knowing the problem, it will be easier to find him some extra support if/when you do decide to become pregnant.

Good luck.