finding things so hard

[amandabear]

Hi my names Amanda im almost 12 weeks pregnant , i have a 2 year old son and i also had an awful 20 week loss in may this year. This pregnancy is really hard, iv been scanned and all ok with baby so far , but think im gonna carry on worrying!. i havnt really told many people so far as im so cautious this time, my best friend knows and just keeps saying i should be excited and doesnt really understand how im feeling, im also struggling with my son, im a full time mum and the terrible twos have struck! anyone else been through something similar, id love to know how you get through a pregnancy after a loss.Amanda

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy :)

I'm very sorry about your loss. I have no idea how hard that must have been as I have only had early losses and even so, I still worry every single day about my current pregnancy (14 weeks now). It is natural to be cautious. Some people are only anxious up to the first scan, but with your history I am sure you will feel like this up to, and perhaps beyond, the 20 week scan. It doesn't mean you are not excited or happy to be pregnant again, of course you are, but you are quite naturally worried about having to go through such a terrible heartbreak all over again.

I'm glad everything seems to be going well this time around and hope it continues that way. You may benefit from asking your midwife for some help if your anxiety is severe or you think you are at risk of antenatal depression.

You're totally right you know. You will not relax properly till your baby is born and safe in your arms. But at least you do have the distraction of your toddler son being a two year old monster (as they all do).

All I can say to you is that take it a day at a time. Stop often for cake/tea and a rest and remember he will grow up and so will this baby.

Have you considered writing a diary so at least you have a way of expressing all these fears? Or talking it through with your midwife. Or the miscarriage association? Just so you can get it out. You will feel it anyway, churning up and keeping it inside will make it worse.

Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way. I hope you have a very uneventful second and third trimester. :)

Thankyou both so much for your messages , i think i will be very anxious until my 20 week scan , and thats gonna be hard , my bleeding started at 18 weeks so that will also be a scary time. Im considering going to see a counsellor as i dont really have anyone to really talk to about all my feelings and emotions regarding my loss and my new pregnancy. I have a consultant looking after me this time which has given me some reassurance and il be scanned every 4 weeks. I was having a bad day yesterday and my little boy was being very difficult!. Think im going to try and get my husband to take over looking after our little boy a bit more at the weekend, as i dont really have any space or time to myself.I think a loss at any stage of pregnancy is devastating, its just very different later in pregnancy. Who moved my chocolate, how far along were you when you had a loss if you dont mind me asking? x

Katandkit i wish you all the best for your pregnancy :0)

thanks! There are a few threads going for people who are supporting each other in pregnancy after a loss, there is the freak out room on the conception board, and one other I have seen which seems to have more people who have had later losses and are either pregnant or ttc again. And there is one called grads on pregnancy where everyone has had prior miscarriages. It's hard to talk to people in real life who often don't really get it.