TTC 6+ months plus, part 2

[skeletonbones]

New thread as the old one was getting to 1000. So, 4 BFP's in the last thread, lets see if we can up the total considerably on this one :)

CD 1 waves of empathy pout I hate CD1-3. But don't really like the week before either! Hope you're ok, it is a let down feeling when you think you might have felt differently and that finally this month might be the one. If my phone app is right, my fertility apt is on Cd1 - I pity them, as I will probably be a snotty, weepy mess.

Hurray for two eggs MrsD! Go for it, more targets for the little indiana sperms.

Losing track of where everyone is up to but a big hello - I agree that this thread is so helpful and supportive and yes - we know a lot about conception! I really do hope that we all get pregnant over the course of the next 18 months and manage to stay in touch. Whilst I too used to think of ivf as being for 'other women' (and probably still cling to that) I don't think it matters how we get there in the end. Im sure whe we all look at our baby, we won't be able to imagine them being anyone else or getting to us in any other way. Because for al, that this is a bag of shit, it's made me grow in some ways and appreciate what this feels like, making me more sensitive?

Ovulation's slow this month for me, CD 15 and no particular signs to speak of. But I do feel calmer. Ask me about that on CD 27 :-)

Evening all,

Have just been babysitting for best friend's wee ones. I felt quite proud of myself managing to soothe 8 week old to sleep whilst feeding 3 year old and managing toilet training routine. I am so ready for this child-rearing lark . Two hours might be a bit different from doing it day in and day out though......

Sorry about AF pout. CD1 sucks but I agree that there is a real sense of relief to be free of the obsessive worrying and getting your hopes up. The days before AF starts are absolutely the worst for me.

I agree with you, mrsd, that it's important to both go to the appointments together. My GP was really clear that we should both be coming to everything together from now on, since "it takes two to tango" - I hate that phrase but it is true!

Izzy sorry about your diagnosis. pcos definitely seems to be much more common than I would have imagined. You're definitely doing the right thing trying to be positive and thinking that now you have something to focus on and something to treat.

peace I agree that this whole experience has taught me a lot about myself and my relationship. It has also made me much more sensitive to others' feeling about conception, miscarriage, infertility, the lot. Hopefully we'll all end up with a lovely BFP to go with all of this enlightenment :)

Hello to everyone else that I've missed!

mrsd that is so cool about the two eggs! I am now visualising mr d's super swimmer warming up in a gym downtown, doing a bit of light sparring with the Rocky music playing in the background :)

I completely agree that it takes two to tango and hate it when infertility is seen as the woman's problem. I was just a little taken aback when I had expected a gynae referral for me and told I had an appointment with the fertility clinic. I was expecting my gynae to refer me there at some point down the line as that is what has happened to other friends in the area.

I agree that this thread has taught me so much. Thanks 6 month +ers!

Evening all,

Sorry to hear about AF Pout. CD 1 is probably when I'm at my lowest, though strangely I often become quite proactive in the days afterwards & find myself catching up on jobs - very peculiar.

Glad you're OK Izzy. There do seem to be quite a lot of people around here with pcos. Fingers crossed that they can sort you out soon.

Eggsellent news about the 2 eggs MrsD . Have fun!

No ovulation here just yet, I'm still hopeful an egg will make an appearance before I enter the "no swi zone" before DP's appointment. Fingers crossed.

Hi to everyone else!

Hi ladies! Just quickly checking in - once again way too many posts to comment on! But lots of soul-searching and plan making by the sounds of it.

I am revisiting an old theory based on the chat on this thread. If a) you need chemistry and b) you need to orgasm then I think it's time to revert properly back to my TTC roots. The thread I joined when I first started TTC was the "Just shagging" thread. I've mentioned it before I think, am still on it, but the ethos basically is to just do all the stuff you normally do, not get too hung up on opks or diets or giving up wine, and just have as much sex as you can be bothered with. OK it's hard to do that when you have been trying for as long as all of us, but I reckon as next weekend is my birthday and should be in the run up to OV, I am going to get rip-roaring drunk, have filthy wild sex with my DP who will have been away for a week, and lo and behold, a BFP WILL result. Oh yes.

meanwhile it's CD4 so still very much in the BFD camp :(

Hello all!

This is slow with a more apt nickname...

I have been on hols and took two whole evenings to catch up, DH thinks I have gone even more insane

Right sympathies for a last couple of pages: Pout for AF, Fatima for the results from OH's SA. But exciting news about mrsd 's twin eggs. And above all biscuits's BFP.

As to taking DH with you to appointments euro I totally agree with mrsd ! It is so much easier to be able to discuss all you've heard (or in my case failed to hear) afterwards. At my HSG I was particularly grateful for his presence as I was wonky with nerves (not I hasten to add with discomfort!!)

We have another fertility appointment today, it's our evaluation and results moment, but as they told us the partial results as we went along, I already know we fall into the unexplained infertility class, which means try longer (we're only on 14 months now). On hols I had a true BFD (on the campside loos ) which I found failry upsetting, but since we come back I seem to be rather even keeled. About to ovulate though, so it can't last I am on CD12, I think, in synch with about half the lovely ladies on here...

Massive well done for baby sitting duties madness . Sounds like a challenge. I have nephews in that age range and I can deal with one at a time...

And I forgot the sympathies for izzy I also have heard that PCOS is treatable if that is the problem, so fingers crossed some clomid will help!

I agree about learning lots of (thankfully good) things about our relationship, Peace. DH put it succintly on holidays, it is the first challenge we've faced (so lucky in many, many ways, also a thought to hold onto) and we are doing ok!

And Nelly I wish it was true about the chemistry - I do have very few issues with SWI, chemistry etc, but still... If it was in any way related to how much you enjoy yourselves, I reckon we would have had a child by now It does make the journey and the you-must-do-it-now easier. Although everyone keeps telling us that every other day is best

A friendly hello and wave for everyone I have missed - there was too much to catch up on!

Thanks Joycep for thinking of me. It's odd isn't it but I often find myself thinking of you and the ladies on here. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be chatting to people on the internet and being really fond of them I would have laughed!
I love the fact that we can still wonder even when in the grips of full on AF. I too have occasionally daydreamed about suddenly going into labour in the bath or something & having to put the baby in a drawer until we bought a cot. I reckon I've read too many of those God awful real life magazines
About a lap, I'm seeing my GP on Monday and will talk to her about endo and IVF waiting lists. I'm not holding my breath that she'll be that helpful though because she's already done probably as much as she can.

Euro I'm so glad that your appointment has come through and that you haven't got a long wait. I too would take along your DH. Sometimes I think it's useful to have someone else there to prompt you and to remind you of things you wanted to say.

Mrsd Is two eggs the norm or is it the case that only one of those "ripens" and is released?

Peace I wonder whether it might actually be a good thing to have your appointment when you feel all fired up because of AF (which of course FX it won't come!). I reckon me and DP came across as too non-plused in our appointments which might explain why we were told to bog off so soon!

Pixie I agree that I get a rush of energy once the initial shock of AF has subsided. Maybe it's because it's the only time of the month where I know that I don't have to SWI or be preoccupied with cycle days or imaginary symptoms.

Hello Slow LovesLemon. I hope that you enjoyed your holiday. I had wondered where you were! Good luck with your appointment.

It's so odd that the issue of finding TTC difficult making a relationship stronger has come up on here just now. I was thinking today how it is driving a wedge between me and DP. We had another massive row last night because his response to me being upset about the arrival of AF was, and I quote, "that's life, s**t happens". Of course after I reacted badly to it he tried to backtrack saying that he was trying to make me feel better but Jeez I reckon that is just about the worse thing ANYBODY could have said to me yesterday let alone him. I know that life sometimes gives you lemons but the implication that TTC for this long is the norm and I just need to take it in my stride really bothered me. Sorry rant over!

Morning everyone,

pout me and DH probably are stronger than ever now because it is really the first very tough and emotional thing we've been through together. But we do argue more than usual, I think because I am feeling more emotional and most of the fights are probably started by me reacting to him saying things like "we will get there eventually" which bloody irritates me. I'm sure I'd actually hate it more if he were as pessimistic as me but all of the "oh it will all be fine" stuff gets interpreted by me as him not really caring about it as much as me which I know isn't true.

Re. the two eggs. The gynae explained that often 2 eggs are prepared but then one takes over at an earlier stage and the other one stops growing and is never released. But she said it looks like both of these will probably be released because they are both the same size and both at the right size for ovulation. The uterus lining wasn't quite thick enough so she said they will be waiting for that before setting off. It's amazing isn't it? Of course this is how non identical twins start out, I think it's quite common for two eggs to get released because the chances of one let alone two getting fertilised is quite low. I'm just hoping that the two do get released and then DH's sperm have double the chance. But as DH pointed out last night, when someone throws two balls it's harder to catch either of them.

loveslemons hope your holiday was nice and relaxing despite the BFD.

I've just noticed the pregnant after sterilisation thread is near the top of the conception board. Why can't those BFP's come our way?

Pout a big hug for you and a kick for your OH. That was useless behaviour (to put it mildly). The last thing you need on CD1... Grumble!

To add to discussions on relationships changing, DH and I agreed that it can go both ways: also easily deteriorate. And it is something we're both worried about so are trying to avoid. We decided on all sorts of (cheesy) keep us happy and together strategies for the next 6 months of trying (which we are expecting from now). We decided to go for some salsa classes, for instance, to have more things we share besides TTC. And talking about it all a lot. Hmm, not sure how this helps you now, but I just wanted to emphasise that it is not "this is shit, so we get stronger", but more like "this is shit, so we want to (and need to) ensure we remain strong and together".

Aside from BFD and the consistent rain, the hols were fab! I just had a manic few days at work before we left, so I forgot to say goodbye .

Cross-post with mrsd! Sounds similar. Especially the more emotional part. And I just don't look anywhere else on conception I don't need more BFPs of people who I will be jealous of. One of my friends just asked me on fb (I am still on, but at 32, not everyone is pregnant ) for my email. Now I am convinced she is about to announce her pregnancy by email, how sad is that? Me even-keeled?

Hi lemon welcome back. Glad you had lovely hols. Let us know how the appointment goes today, good luck.

pout I am sorry about af. I hope you are feeling ok. I usually allow myself one day to wallow. After that I often weirdly get an urge to do loads of housework so I try and make the most of that! Generally though, I find the time about a week before af when I know its on it's way to be the worst as it's just so disappointing.

izzy how are you doing after the pcos diagnosis? I hope it makes you feel like you are moving forwards and getting some answers.

Hi to everyone else.

Can someone give me a slap? I can't stop symptom spotting. Am 6DPO and my boobs are killing me and nipples look massive (sorry tmi). This is not usual for me. I know I won't be pregnant but I am getting my hopes up and it is going to result in a huge disappointment in one weeks time.

Morning ladies,

Many of you are telling me to take my husband along to the fertility clinic appointment. There was no question that I would! I wasn't planning on taking him along with me to see a gynae, which was who the GP told me he was referring me to, so it was a bit of a surprise when I was told the appointment was with the fertility clinic. I've never felt the need someone with me when I see a doctor. I just take notes so I don't forget the things I want to ask. A big part of my job is interviewing people to get the info I need out of them so I feel quite at ease with that. But obviously a fertility clinic is different because that involves both of us.

pout that was insensitive of your OH. They just really don't seem to get it, do they?

lemon I am glad you had fab hols.

Actually Euro I think in my post I actually suggested that I take your DH along to my appointments. I am usually (mostly) literate!

Mrsd Me and my DP seem to have lurched from one crisis to another for the last couple of years so maybe we are just a bit jaded by everything! He is just so emotionally shut down and I am fed up of feeling like I am carrying all the emotional baggage and he seems like Teflon Man & totally unmoved by it all. Maybe the problem is that deep down I blame him for this mess. He didn't want children for years and refused to discuss it, now I fear we have left it too late and I guess I am angry with him about it. I think that makes me over sensitive to his level headed response to our troubles conceiving and I see it as him being cold and not caring whether we have a child or not.

I think that you are right though when you say that it would be awful if he was pessimistic and all woe is me - that's my job! That said I wish he would think before he says stuff. He doesn't say much but when he does he still manages to put his foot right in it!

Lemons I might suggest a Salsa class and watch DP's face. It'll be a picture

I have started to avoid the threads with titles like "Faint BFP" or "I am 65, have been sterilised, have a coil, am on the pill, slept with my DH on CD 3 and he didn't ejaculate and I think that I may be pregnant". I'm so glad that I'm not the only one, I was beginning to feel like a right cow!

Popcorn Ah gawd. You can't symptom spot at 6DPO, you'll have driven yourself mad by 14dpo! I really ought to take my own advice. If your boobs don't usually hurt it is a promising sign though not helping

Okay, so I am not at all literate. Me and DP Tuts at myself and marvels at how I ever got a GCSE in English

pout I just LOL'd in the office at the "I am 65 and just got a bfp" thing. So true, those threads make my heart sink. Another variety that does my head in is "me and my DH are 23 and we've been ttc for the last two weeks and I just got a bfn. So disappointed, what shall I do" etc etc. am being a bitch now but it really riles me!

I'm sorry it's difficult with your DH. I think lots of men just shut down when it comes to fertility issues. Me and my DH had a massive row about a month ago because he just couldn't understand why I was upset and he said some pretty shit things to me. I'm not sure whether it's because he doesn't grasp the implications or whether he does grasp them and he can't deal with it. Or maybe im just mental :) I wonder if your DH feels guilty about putting children off but he can't/won't express it.

Since our row I've tended to confine our ttc conversations to the practical stuff like tests and appointments and this thread has become my outlet for the emotional side! :)

Pregnant after sterilisation just made me spit out my drink! No way I'm reading that thread, my head might explode with rage . I can't imagine ever needing to be sterilised!

pout not the best thing for your man to say, but I think sometimes the 'edit before speaking' has a total malfunction on boys.

Hello lemon I am new and yet feel like I've been on here forever. Said in a nice way because of all the lovely folks on here but also recognising that TTC time is like super slow time.

I am on cd16. I have done a few opks in spite of thinking I wouldn't bother, but I haven't seen two lines. Maybe I missed it. Or maybe this a freak month of no ovulating? Temp still low, all quite unusual for me. Things feel right in the egg white department. Dunno, every time I try and veer away from the regimented away, I regret it because I don't feel like I know where I am, or if we covered all bases. Pah.

Speaking of which, isn't it annoying that there is no agreement on when you should actually shag? Every day, every other day, sperm meets egg plan, when you feel like it, 2-3 times a week - I just want to know! That said, I've tried the lot, to no avail. Any opinions (low morphology makes me think not every day to 'save it up'?)

Other question - first fertility investigation apt at hospital, do they have access to your existing tests from the gp, or do you start from square one again?

Cross post popcorn - I'm also trying to save it all for here, expect the more practical sides of things. Trying not to talk to much about mucus either! I must say DH seems a lot happier. I should probably go and live somewhere else from CD24 - CD2.

pout and popcorn you are so right about those threads. at 65 and pregnant. I hate them because I'm jealous, not because I want to be pregnant in those circumstances (when they don't want to be) but because I want to be pregnant. I find it really amazing that people can beat the odds and get pregnant while using protection when DH and I are trying so desperately. The unfairness eats away at me a bit.

The other ones I hate are the do you think I'm pregnant thread? Have those people not heard of POAS? How would we know whether they are or not?

pout my English is getting so bad because I have two languages in my head. I only really use English with DH and family, and friends in the UK and also on internet and watching some British TV. And I am finding it harder and harder to find the right words these days. We speak English with the gynae for some reason, I think because I was so nervous the first time I saw her she assumed that was all I could speak. Anyway, since seeing her and writing and reading all this stuff on conception I'm worried that my English is going to end up confined to words related to ttc.

peace this is what I've learnt about when to SWI. If you are not sure when you ovulate then the best thing to do is SWI 2-3 times per week throughout the whole cycle. This means that you will cover all bases and it won't matter when you ovulate. Obviously this is fine advice if you've only been trying a couple of months but pretty hard to do if you're a long term ttcer.

If you are certain when you ovulate (and this is pretty hard to be sure of really) then you need to SWI in the 6 days leading up to and including ovulation day. If your DH has a morphology problem then he should not abstain for too long and actually a regular clear out is good because morphology worsens the longer the sperm are left hanging about. This might mean that numbers are lower in each ejaculate but it's the total over the 6 days that matter. So, because I have had scans this month so know that I am about to ovulate my gynae told me that we must SWI every day up until Friday.

pout I know exactly what you mean about those threads. I just roll my eyes when I see them. I can't face clicking on them.

peace my GP's admin woman says she is sending over my blood test results and my husband's SA results to the hospital. I am expecting them to run them again though. And after the debacle of them losing the referral twice, I am taking along my own copy of the test results!

mrsd that sounds like good advice. We try to do every other day or every day leading up to ov and then just when we feel like once a temp rise has confirmed ov so we can do the deed when the mood takes us rather than when the calendar says we should for at least part of the month.

Oh Blinkin' hell. I don't like the sound of low morphology chaps benefiting from a regular clear out & SWI everyday until ovulation Mrsd. My new tactic was SWI every third day until things erm totally dried up.

Peace I'm toying with temping again this month because I don't like relying on just the cervical mucus method of identifying ovulation. It totally flies in the face of my now frankly risible new "relaxed" approach but there is no way on this earth I still want to be shagging DP every other day for the whole cycle this month!

About the test results and hospital, my gynae had the GP's test results. However I reckon Euro is right about taking them yourself on the day if you can.

Popcorn I'm sorry that you have had a few arguments about this with your DH too. Maybe we are mental they can't totally understand because they don't have the biological urge and the deafening body clock. I think you could be right too that my DP feels a bit guilty. Maybe I should cut him some slack.

Talking of threads, I get very jealous of the ones where they POAS "live" online. They are nearly always positive. It's never a case of "hey wait while I run up to every room in the house and squint at it in different lights" or "wait an hour and I'll fish it out of the bin and have another look". Pah!

Mrsd I can't imagine not using English all the time. at the thought of you getting to a point where you will only be able to speak and write English in Mumsnet conception speak.

Hello all,

Sorry been a little quiet but I've been packing up my bachelor pad (it completes on Friday), I'm a little sad:(

I agree about those threads, especially the 'we've been trying for 2days and I've got a bfp but it was a cheapy test from pound land, am I pregnant. ' urghhh!!