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Freak out room for those newly updiffed after mc - Part VI

2383 replies

CollieandPup · 15/05/2011 10:32

Just found out you are pregnant after a previous miscarriage and too nervous to move over the to pregnancy boards? Freaking out about spotting, cramping, symptoms (or lack there of) and nervously awaiting your first scan? Here is a lovely place for lot's of support, hand holding and problem sharing.

Courtesy of owlbooty here are the Ten Commandments of the Freak Out Room.

  1. Thou shalt check thy knickers to the point of insanity until the baby actually arrives.
  2. Thou shalt also check the loo roll post-wipeage (sorry, gross, I know)
  3. Thou shalt bore thy physician and midwife to tears with the mentalling.
  4. And thy husband/boyfriend/family/neighbour's cat.
  5. Thou shalt obsess over the absence of symptoms.
  6. And the presence of symptoms.
  7. And the fluctuation of symptoms.
  8. Thou shalt pee on a vast number of sticks and keep ClearBlue and First Response in business.
  9. The day before any scan extreme mentalling is permitted without recourse to the Haddock.
10. Self-diagnosis with Dr Google is Forbidden.

The Haddock will be applied liberally to all transgressors.

See here for the old thread.

OP posts:
hairylights · 31/05/2011 12:13

Dachs still thinking of you every day. I hope Thursday at least brings you a little peace, I just can't imagine how hard it is for you.

Good luck today Bump

Doos :( Horrible isn't it. I'm also having a freak out today. I have a MC counselling appointment later, and as week eight looms (I'm seven weeks one day today - hopefully) I am getting more nervous not less about scanning.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like running away from it all. I desperately want the reassurance, but I don't want to face the scan, not even in a new hospital, if it's bad news.

Everything about me wants to run from it all, and i am totally freaked out today. I've done a very good job of pretending not to be pregnant, so far, except for when I've felt sick, which is a clear reminder. Sickness seems to have sibsided the last few days as has nipple soreness.

I am desperately tired and emotional - to the point of being unable to function properly - perhaps good signs - and I am desperately trying to take it all a day at a time, but it's so hard to stay positive.

I just wonder about not even going for any scans Confused because I think I am now totally phobic about them. I'm also worried that scans could harm babies :(

I find myself looking at my diary thinking 'now, what day should I go for my scan, as I will need to take the first dose of tablets that day and then have the pessaries at hospital 48 hours later'. :( and trying to fit it all in around work meetings and stuff.

Bumpwanted · 31/05/2011 12:14

Have thought of a positive for you Doos - if you have a bunch of mates all having babies around the same time then if you had yours now it would be "yay" but a little bit of "what's new?". I think its fate you are having your baby after theirs so your little bean can be centre of attention and get all the oohs and ahhs he/she deserves!

I am 8+1 today. I haven't put myself on any lists as I am too scared to temp fate. I thought I might after the scan if all is well tomorrow but now I am freaking out that it might be fine tomorrow but bad by the 12 week one. Hit me with your fish please.

xx

dooscooby · 31/05/2011 13:23

ok, been outside for lunch and got caught without umbrella in the rain - think a nice cold shower was helpful!

Thanks for the positive thought bump - I agree it will be nice to not be caught in the flurry of pgs, it would just be wonderful if we could have faith that it would all work out ok for us post-m/c, it leaves you with such scars doesn't it.

I understand your list dilemma bump - I didn't feel brave enough for the list until last week, for exactly the same reason that you say. See how you feel tomorrow after your scan - I think the post-scan elation/relief took over for me and I wanted to feel happy & proud about this pg instead of shit scared! Will be thinking of you tomorrow and lurking for happy news.

hairy what does the counsellor think about you going for a scan - or is she very non-directive/never wanting to pass opinion/give advice? The only thing that I'd say is that mine is a very keen advocate of the benefits of TLC in pg post-m/c and so she works closely with the usual staff in trying to advocate for the women she sees to get extra support/care. I completely appreciate the trauma aspect and that a scan for you might not be done with TLC though, so it's such a tough call. I'm doing exactly the same as you with the diary planning trying to work out when I might find out bad news and how I'll fit it in with everything else. Got the next scan (NT one) on 9th and it's our wedding anniverary a few days after....positive thoughts are required!

Thanks so much to you all for 'listening' (reading!) and helping me out today x

hairylights · 31/05/2011 13:59

doos I've only had one appointment with the counsellor. I explained that I'd refused a scan any earlier than 8 weeks, which she understood completely, and also that I felt in a real dilemma about whether or not to go ... she suggested trying hard to take things one day at a time.

I know she's attended EPU with people in the past so understands the process and she understood why I am traumatised by that particular scan room, and scans in general.

I think it would almost be better if I could go completely on my own. I can't bear to hear bad news with my DP again, I just can't. At least on my own I could just deal with it myself. But I can't deny him a potential opportunity to see a first scan of his child, nor the opportunity to support me, or the opportunity for him to have the news at the same time as me.

what a mess :(

I feel everso negative today... sickness and boob soreness has definately diminished, although I still feel everso tired.

Have just had to close my office door as I feel so sad. Wish I could just go home and be off sick for a while.

starkadder · 31/05/2011 14:23

Hi people - I just came along to say hello, and see that everyone is succumbing to paranoia again?of course I include myself in that - am 16 weeks today, have felt some movement in the last week or so but only a little - however, now it means that because most of the time I can't feel anything, I freak myself out. Grrrr. Ridiculous, I know. Also borrowed a lot of maternity clothes from someone today and am now scared I've jinxed myself and will be giving them back in a few weeks. Silly silly silly.

Anyhoo - I saw something on MN a while ago from a poster called Jollster, who always seemed like the voice of reason - she said, she kept repeating the mantra "Today I am pregnant". I have found this really helps - today, all of us are pregnant, and today everything is OK.

Hairy - my sickness and boob soreness also disappeared (temporarily) at around 8 weeks, and I spent a LOT of time prodding boobs in public like a crazy lady, but it didn't mean anything was wrong. I think it is quite common.

With your DH at the hospital for the scan - I'd say, don't try and protect him from the unlikely event of bad news. I know exactly what you mean and I am the same?it is so awful to see someone you love unhappy?but worse to shut them out, whatever happens. You have to share it with him. And chances are it will be GOOD news :)

dooscooby · 31/05/2011 15:11

Really nice post starkadder - I like that mantra and thanks for sensitively helping us to be more positive.

hairylights · 31/05/2011 17:09

starky what a lovely post. Thank you.

Have been to mc counselling and wept and wailed. Am thinking that perhaps next week I'll ring and book a scan for the same day ... Dint want days and days of anxiety building up to it, and for logistical reasons 8 or 9 weeks seems most "convenient". Alternatively I may just wait til 12.

CollieandPup · 31/05/2011 17:45

Hello everyone.

dachs I can't imagine how terribly hard planning the service must be. I'll be thinking of you and your family on Thursday.

Aww lots of mentalling going on today.

doo are you feeling better? lara is right, the mc threads are the worst place to go, especially if you're feeling fragile. But i've been there and done it too, and it sent me into a feeling of dispair. But as lara said, it's all doom and gloom on there because that's the place people go for support.

Also agree with bump that your friends are a bit insensitive to talk so much baby stuff around you, especially given they don't know you are pg again. But unfortunately that seems to be the way of the world, everyone but you forgets.

But please don't worry, I'm sure your bean is fine. I remember having these stats quoted at me and they reassured me. If you see a hb at 8 weeks your pg has an 98% chance of being successful, and a hb at 10 weeks raises to 99.4%. So, the odds are definately in your favour. Oh and my symptoms dissapeared around 10wk too!

hairy poor you. You sound so Sad and stressed. I really don't know what advice to give you as the thought of going for a scan stresses you, but then so does the uncertainty. My honest personal opinion would be to have a scan. But maybe pay for one privately away from any epu and hospital enviornment. Being so stressed and unhappy is not good for you. Maybe a scan will give you the reassurance you need. And, whilst it's awful to think it, if something isn't right, it's perhaps better to know earlier than later? Perhaps if you could get yourself to 8 weeks and then have one, you also know if the scan is ok, the chances of mc are significantly reduced (although I understand not gone). I'm so sorry you're having all this stress and worry. What about work? Can you take some time off? Sick leave? Or work from home? Symptoms do come and go, so try not to worry.

izzy how are you doing I know its around that time for you?

OP posts:
Velvetcu · 31/05/2011 19:09

wow what a lot of freaking out in here today!!

I completely understand how you are all feeling so I'm not getting the haddock out on this occasion except for doo STAY OUT OF THE MC BOARDS!! I made the same mistake at around 10 weeks, sobbed my heart out, got a good fish slapping in here and have never been back since.

hairy we had a scan at 8 weeks and it did help but only for a week or so. I couldnt hold out for 12 weeks because of mentalling and also because we had booked a holiday and like you I was planning bad things like my ERPC date so that I would be recovered enough to go still. We found out about the mmc at a private scan last time and then I had a pre-ERPC one at the epu and this time the stress of sitting in the same waiting room was almost unbearable but you can do it and you will find a way to get through it for your bean.

doo I was in maternity clothes by 15 weeks so you may well have a belly - what style is your dress?

As for symptoms - as many people have said they come and go and some people dont get any at all. I had so many well meaning women tell me that my pg was less likely to be healthy because I didnt have morning sickness that I could scream!

bump good luck with your scan tomorrow.

Joining the list will not jinx anything although again I know how you feel. It really is awful what mc does to subsequent pregnancies and I do envy my 7 updiffed friends (yes I'm surrounded too) and their naivity, announcing on fb at 5 weeks, preparing the nursery by 16 weeks etc etc but I am glad that I know what it is to feel this grateful every day for my little wriggler (I think s/he's too big to be a bean anymore).

I'm freaking out this week too so it's quite ironic that I'm giving advice! It's a year since my eprc on Thursday and I think baby must have been facing backwards for a couple of days because I couldnt feel so much movement. If I didn't have a Doppler I'd have been a proper state! Anyway s/he seems to have turned around again now. I can't believe that I'm 19 weeks - that's one good thing about the list, you can see the days/weeks going by.

Anyway I've probably talked too much and been of no help to anyone!

hairylights · 31/05/2011 22:27

You people really are fab. I was talking to my counsellor about how people that haven't had this happen really don't understand what it's like, but I always know you are all here and we all understand each other.

dooscooby · 01/06/2011 08:45

Morning-me again!

Today is a new day and as suggested I'm proudly adopting the mantra 'I am pregnant today-woopee!'

Thanks again for all your help yesterday ladies, you really helped calm me down and even though I don't really know any of you I 'listen' to you all more than anyone else in RL!

Good luck today bump.

Oh and velvet the bm dress is empire line and short so my friend has picked really considerately as it's quite tummy skimming, however the lining is much tighter and my hips/bum seems to have filled out quite a bit already. Here's hoping the bigger size will turn up ok (I had to send it to some US mailbox and then get them to post it over-I'm hoping it's not some big scam!)

starkadder · 01/06/2011 09:39

:)

Bumpwanted · 01/06/2011 10:24

Morning!!!

Doos glad to see you are feeling a lot better today and are adopting a tab mantra. I fear if it wasn't for the others on here we both could have worked each other up into quite a freazy yesterday!!

Hairy you are so right. People who haven't been through it really can't properly understand. I even found that my Mum didn't get it as its never happened to her and as nice as she tried to be she just couldn't really relate. Its so good to all have each other on here.

Velvet so exciting you are 19 weeks. That is so far along! I am so jealous!!

Dachs I have caught up on the posts and I am so so sorry you are having to plan tomorrow - no-one should have to go through this. We're thinking of you and sending you lots of love and strength to give Felicia and Alexander a beautiful service to remember them tomorrow.

Collie thanks for keeping us sane yesterday!!

Stark same to you. Thank you for keeping a control on our freaking out and your lovely post.

So, have been for the scan. Thought I was going to be sick in the waiting room I was so nervous! Anyway everything looks on track and I saw the bean (which looks like a dolphin!) and its little heartbeat. As it was an EPU scan they really rush you through so we saw the screen for about 5 seconds but at least we saw the little bean is there and we got a photo. SO, have allowed myself to feel a tiny bit excited this morning!!! Grin Grin

Only thing is by my period dates etc I thought I was 8+2 and they said by the scan measurements (which are apparently fine) I am only 7+4...ugh....if they are right it means even longer to wait to get to the 12 week milestone....has anyone else's dates gone up and down at scans???

xxxx

dooscooby · 01/06/2011 11:38

Great news about the scan bump. Even though I've had three scans now, they've all been with the consultant and so I've never really been measured properly like the sonographers do, the consultant just shows us the heartbeat and tells us everything is looking fine! So, on the 9th I may well be in the same position as you as I'm having the proper dating scan. I think it's pretty normal to lose or gain a few days though-shame it wasn't a gain situation for you but bean is well and that's wonderful! Enjoy your day x

CollieandPup · 01/06/2011 11:55

YAY bump thats GREAT news on the scan so pleased for you. Dates can easily be out - i think banana had hers changes again just the other day. I gained 5 days at mine - which is obviously the favoured direction as its a week stress free, but i don't think its anything to worry about. Your cycles could still have been out of sync after your mc and also beans grown at different speeds - according to my friend girls grow fast, boys slow!! Hmm Enjoy getting excited, its hard not to a little after seeing the little bean. And get yourself on the stats lady....they need updating today so you might as well do the honours!! Grin x

OP posts:
milkyway07 · 01/06/2011 11:59

Hi everyone, can I join? After 4 miscarriages since October 2009, I am pregnant again - currently 8w+3d. I can't bring myself to talk about my symptoms on the pregnancy forum for January due date, I feel llike I might jynx myself...Those 10 commandments are exactly what I am going through right now.
Not in a very happy place at the moment, and unfortunately doing alot of googling and looking at scan pictures and checking up on symptoms or lack of symptoms.

I had a scan last week and everything looked fine, but I lost my last baby after the 7 week scan, so this time even seeing the heart beat wasn't enough. Can I please join and just vent here?

Bumpwanted · 01/06/2011 12:02

Haha thanks Collie. Ok with a deep breath...here goes (apologies in advance if this is totally wrong but I have never done it before!)

Wednesday 1 June

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts 22+4 EDD 01/10/11
Lovemysleep 21+1 EDD 11/10/11
Tunnocksteacake 19+3 EDD 24/10/11
IreneHeron 19+1 EDD 23/10/11 next scan 3/6/11
CEP 17+4 EDD 5/11/11 - 20 wk scan 22/6/11
Hils74 17+0 EDD 8/11/11
Katherine2008 16+6 EDD 10/11/11 next scan 23/6/11
Haffertee 16+4 EDD 14/11/11
Ninunina: 16+1 EDD 15/11/11
delilahbelle 15+6 EDD 22/11/11
Mattsmama 15+6 EDD 17/11/11
Collie 15+3 EDD 20/11/11
Banana87 15+1 EDD 22/11/11
wombatinwaiting: 14+6 EDD 24/11/11 next scan 8/6/11
LaraMi 14+5 EDD 25/11/11 Next scan 20/07/11
IzzyWizzyletsgetbusy 14+2 EDD 26/11/11
Blackkat 13+2 EDD 5/12/11
Jigglebum 12+6 EDD 8/12/11
Lucky 11+2
Dooscooby 10+6 EDD 22/12/11 next scan 9/6/11
Harassed 10+2 EDD 26/12/11
Hadrian 9+6 Next scan - 13/06/11
Updiffed 8+4 Next scan - 8/06/11
Bump 7+4
Hairylights 7+2
Lily06 6+5 Next scan - 02/06/11
Pigletmania 6+3
Laylasmummy09 6+3

On the grads thread too:

Nickster 30+4 EDD 7/8/11
Orange 26+4 EDD 4/9/11
Wombat33 25+4 EDD 10/09/11
Daisybell 24+6 EDD 14/09/11
Pinkfondantfancy 23+3 EDD 25/09/11
Tiggersreturn (TTT) 23+1 EDD 26/09/11
mamapower 23+0 EDD 28/9/11
Emoo 21+6 EDD 7/10/11
Onions 19+2 EDD 24/10/11 Next Scan 07/06/11
Velvetcu 19+1 EDD 25/10/11 next scan 22/06/11
MummyAbroad 17+5 EDD 4/11/11

In our thoughts and prayers
Dachs whose beautiful little babies Alexander & Felicia left this world sleeping

Thinking of.... ladybee; digi; A&R; barbie; MumTum; Knitter, Kat2504

Bumpgrowing · 01/06/2011 12:05

Have also changed my name! xx

CollieandPup · 01/06/2011 12:18

Welcome milky i am so sorry for you losses. After so many mc i can understand your worry. I had the 1 mc in dec, hoping its my last but there are lots of women on here with varying experiences all of us going through the same thing so you are in very good company if your lookig for people who understand. Grab a bean bag and make yourself comfy.

Bump well done on adding yourself to the stats, remember jinx pixies are banned from in here! And yay for the name change, i love it - very cute. Grin

How is everyone else? harassed how is the house move going? blackkat and lara how are you? And Ninu wiw tunnocks daisy cep coconuts hardian and pink how are you, haven;t heard form you all in a while.

OP posts:
lily06 · 01/06/2011 14:23

Bump really pleased your scan went well. Mine is tomorrow and I'm so scared.

LaraMi · 01/06/2011 14:50

Love, love, love seeing the list grow longer - I remember when I was at the bottom of it for AGES! Excellent news re your scan BumpGROWING - there is nothing like the feeling of seeing your bean on the big screen.

Good luck tomorrow Lily.

Where is Blackkat???

How are you feeling Collie? I am feeling strangely normal although look properly preggers. Are you the same Collie? (fears Collie will say no). I put 4 huge bags of clothes in the attic on Sunday - nothing fits me any more. Is your pg obvious?

starkadder · 01/06/2011 15:03

Hello again all, thanks for the kind words Bump :)

Milky - poor you - I have had 4 MCs as well, but spread out a bit (2 before DS, 2 since) and that's bad enough. 4 since Oct 2009 is really horrible.

Have you read Lesley Regan's book, "Miscarriage, what every woman needs to know?" It's very good. Anyway, in that, she says (and I quote):

"We noted (in a recent study) that the live birth rate was always higher than 60% until we reached the women who had suffered more than 5 miscarriages, when the figure started to fall slowly. Indeed, this high likelihood of successful pregnancy, even after miscarrying on three or four occasions, leads some doctors to question whether detailed investigations and treatment are justified for this problem. I have never shared this viewpoint, but I do think the reasoning behind it can be a source of comfort on occasions!"

Part of the problem, as hairy and bump say, is that people who have never been though this are often so shocked and horrified at even one MC that it makes us, the people on this thread, feel like we're failures - abnormal and incompetent. We really aren't. Even my mum, who is otherwise lovely, doesn't congratulate me on pregnancy any more - this time I didn't tell her till I got to 13 weeks (after scan) and she STILL said, cautiously, "Oh, well, perhaps we can be optimistic this time? Although you do seem to have terrible problems. I can't understand it as I never had any issues". This was not exactly helpful or encouraging, but she really didn't mean to be hurtful, and is normally a very tactful person. She just didn't want to get excited if it was going to go wrong again.

ANYWAY - the great Dr Regan knows way more than my mum, or any of our friends and relations - and if SHE says the likelihood of success is better than not, even after 4 MCs, then I believe her.

Gosh, I am turning into a real poster and not a lurker...

CollieandPup · 01/06/2011 15:09

lily good luck tomorrow - how far are you? Don't worry (scoffs at self for ridiclous advice) it will be fine. Can't wait to hear your good news tomorrow - what time?

Lara yes i was just thinking the same thing the other day. I've never got this far so my only experience of pg is relentless sickess and exhaustion. And thats all gone - well, i still get really tired quickly but nothing like a few weeks ago. But i too think i look distinctly preggers. Its easily hideable by a baggy top but most of my clothes are snug fitting - especially my work clothes so there is no hiding it. The majority of my stuff doesn'f fit me anymore, i thnk i need to clear a lot out in the attick too. I'm already in so cheapie mat jeans i got off ebay and my normal skinny jeans are just way to tight. They are m&p under the bump jeans and i got them for 99p. They're in great condition too. I expect they'll only get me half way through as they are only small, but thats why i haven't wanted to spend lots on new stuff when i can't fit into mat clothes that will last me till 40wks yet.

When is the best time to buy a maternity bra? So far i have been buying a cheapie size up, as i don't want to waste money on one and then grow out of it..?

We decided on a new car at the weekend too. Decided against the 1 series after the advice of blackkat and others as deep down i knew it was a bad idea where i live. We've opted for a Nissan Qashqai which i actually really like but i'm going to be very Sad handing over my keys to my lovely 2 seater next week. They'll also be no hiding the fact that we're pg then as there is no bigger give-away than trading your car in for the family friendly version. Have actually debated parking it a street away to give myself a bit longer before telling the neigbhours, but DH thinks i'm being neurotic.

OP posts:
Blackkat · 01/06/2011 15:14

milkyway so good to hear from you and congratulations, I remember your kind words to me after my m/c so it's just splendid to see you here. Grin. These first weeks are so tough, but try and hang onto the fact you've had a scan and seen the HB and take one day at a time..easier said than done, I know. Smile

bump so pleased bump is growing and well done for adding yourself to the list. After being a refusnik for nigh on 10 weeks, it now does feel good seeing those days tick round.

I've started to feel better but some days I'm still knackered. Not posting too much bcs I'm trying to be "normal". Not so puky anymore and my tummy is sticking out a bit and has gone hard. Nuchal scan on Friday and then if all is well off to get some blimp trousers and industrial parachute new bra.

Harassed how did the house move go??

Izzy hope you're having a relaxing holiday

Thinking of Dachs and DH tomorrow morning, will have some quiet time at 9.30 to think of you all, I hope it brings you some peace. ((((hugs))))

to lara, collie, Cep, banana, Ninu, WIW, Hairy, Scooby Laylas, Hadrian, Lily, Velvet and to all those who brian means I can't currently remember ....speaking of which I went into town to do something yesterday, got there and then couldn't remember why I'd gone. When I finally remembered I realised I'd left the picture I'd taken to be framed at home, along with my mobile and my wallet. Ahem. Blush

leaves munching cakes, thanks Collie

Blackkat · 01/06/2011 15:21

Avoiding the 1 series was a good move Collie the Qashqai sounds like a good purchase, to sit alongside the campervan - the neighbours might suspect that you're not going to stop at one! Grin

Time to fess...we've been looking at a Tiguan, and I have to admit I've decided we'll be getting one, it's just a matter of time before DH agrees....is that bad?[slightly ashamed to admit getting my own way emoticon]

to honorary freakouter Starky

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