Freak out room for those newly updiffed after mc - Part VI

[CollieandPup]

Just found out you are pregnant after a previous miscarriage and too nervous to move over the to pregnancy boards? Freaking out about spotting, cramping, symptoms (or lack there of) and nervously awaiting your first scan? Here is a lovely place for lot's of support, hand holding and problem sharing.

Courtesy of owlbooty here are the Ten Commandments of the Freak Out Room.

1. Thou shalt check thy knickers to the point of insanity until the baby actually arrives.
2. Thou shalt also check the loo roll post-wipeage (sorry, gross, I know)
3. Thou shalt bore thy physician and midwife to tears with the mentalling.
4. And thy husband/boyfriend/family/neighbour's cat.
5. Thou shalt obsess over the absence of symptoms.
6. And the presence of symptoms.
7. And the fluctuation of symptoms.
8. Thou shalt pee on a vast number of sticks and keep ClearBlue and First Response in business.
9. The day before any scan extreme mentalling is permitted without recourse to the Haddock.

10. Self-diagnosis with Dr Google is Forbidden.

The Haddock will be applied liberally to all transgressors.

See here for the old thread.

nix I agree, list is but better x

nix that is a beautiful way for us to acknowledge and remember dachs and her beloved Alexander & Felicia. Thanks

As I've been mainly lurking and also on grad's for quite some time just updated the list and moved me to the grad's list.

Monday 23rd May

Tiggersreturn (TTT) 21+6 EDD 26/09/11
ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts 21+2 EDD 01/10/11
Lovemysleep 19+6 EDD 11/10/11
Tunnocksteacake 18+1 EDD 24/10/11
IreneHeron 17+6 EDD 23/10/11 next scan 3/6/11
CEP 16+2 EDD 5/11/11 - 20 wk scan 22/6/11
Hils74 15+5 EDD 8/11/11
Katherine2008 15+4 EDD 10/11/11 next scan 23/6/11
Haffertee 15+2 EDD 14/11/11
Ninunina: 14+6 EDD 15/11/11
delilahbelle 14+4 EDD 22/11/11
Mattsmama 14+4 EDD 17/11/11
Collie 14+1 EDD 20/11/11
wombatinwaiting: 13+4 EDD 24/11/11 next scan 8/6/11
Banana87: 13+4 EDD 24/11/11 NT
LaraMi 13+3 EDD 25/11/11 Next scan 20/07/11
IzzyWizzyletsgetbusy 13+0 EDD 26/11/11
Blackkat 12+0 EDD 5/12/11
Jigglebum 11+4 EDD 8/12/11
Lucky 10+0 Next scan - 19/5/11
Harassed 9+0 EDD 26/12/11
Hadrian 8+4 Next scan - 13/06/11
Updiffed 7+2
Hairylights 6+0
Lily06 5+4 Next scan - 02/06/11
Pigletmania 5+1
Laylasmummy09 5+1

On the grads thread too:
Nickster 29+2 EDD 7/8/11
Orange 25+2 EDD 4/9/11
Wombat33 24+2 EDD 10/09/11 next scan 25/5/11
Daisybell 23+4 EDD 14/09/11
Pinkfondantfancy 22+1 EDD 25/09/11
mamapower 21+5 EDD 28/9/11
Emoo 20+3 EDD 7/10/11
Onions 18+0 EDD 24/10/11 Next Scan 07/06/11
Velvetcu 17+6 EDD 25/10/11 next scan 22/06/11
MummyAbroad 16+3 EDD 4/11/11

In our thoughts and prayers
Dachs whose beautiful little babies Alexander & Felicia left this world sleeping

Thinking of.... ladybee; digi; A&R; barbie; MumTum; Knitter, Kat2504,

how are you, lovely? Hope you're not working too hard; I've had a look at your website and it looks fabulous! Things are ok here, heading off to Spain on Friday, volcanic ash cloud permitting!

Morning all!
Just to give my take on the scan thing hairy. I really freaked out before I was due for my first one this time and decided I didn't want to go. To be honest, I think I just needed to feel in control and that it was my decision and that DH accepted that. He told me to just wait and see how I felt on the day, and although I was petrified I decided I wanted to go.

It really helped me that I wasn't scanned in the EPU for the same reasons you said and so I think of you decide to go for it then private might be the way to go?

I'd say it also probably depends how successful you're being at 'ignoring/denying' your pregnancy. I was rubbish at this, I thought about it all the time and felt very 'pregnant' so for that reason I decided I wanted to know if things were heading in the right direction earlier rather than later. Given with my MMC I eventually m/c at nearly 12 wks (but baby stopped growing at 6), I felt like I didn't want to go along thinking things were ok for 6 weeks if they weren't. I also have this thing where I remember if I was pregnant or not at every occasion, so I felt like I didn't want to be at any more events or whatever, secretly thinking I was pg only to find out it wasn't working.

Anyway, I've babbled on here but I think the most important thing is that you do what you feel is right for you and don't feel any pressure. You're feelings may well change over time and there are others on here who havent been scanned until 12 weeks. The trauma associated with repeated bad experiences at the epu is very real and you don't need to endure that again if you don't need to. X

Morning all. Hello Mamap good to see you!

Good luck today Silver! Good luck to any other scanees too.

Dachs I hope you are doing okay lovely and you and Mr Dachs are managing. One day at a time. Sending all my love xxx

Forgot to say, thanks for the advice about the spotting ninu and wombat, very reassuring to hear that others have had similar and its been ok. Next scan is Friday-eek.

Thinking of silver today x

Thanks Nix. It was bugging me too.

A me, me, me freak out post......

I'm 9+1, and my all day sickness seems loads better. I thought I'd be happy when this happened as I've been so rough.... but it's freaking me out . Is it normal???

Yes it is normal Harassed - your placenta takes over about now which is why you suddenly start to feel human again!

I wore my first outfit today that actually makes me look pregnant (stretchy black dress). Looking forward to when the podge will be replaced by a hard bump.

Did anyone else feel decidedly "inbetween" at this stage? Many of my first trimester feelings have gone but I don't look or feel "properly" pregnant now. And of course it's way too early for kicks etc. Anyone else at about 13 - 14 weeks felt or feeling like me?

Hi all - had scan this morning and both hearts still beating away and fluid levels look normal too, massive relief but dont think I am going to be able to relax at all for the rest of this pregnancy.

Hairy and coconuts - totally with you on not buying anything, silly but feel like I would be jinxing things.

Dachs - hope you are ok.

silver great news on your scan, so glad both little beans are doing well.

dachs hope you are holding up as well as you possibly can be. You're very much still in all our thoughts.

harassed yep, normal. Like lara said, placenta kicks in. Mine eased at about 9 weeks. I'd have nothing for days, then the odd random day of feeling like shit again. That lasted about 2 weeks, then it was pretty much gone- although I do feel a bit sick today.

lara I very much feel the same. I'm wearing my largest work trousers today and they are killing me (realises this might be the cause of me feeling sick). Got a bump that makes me look like I've been scoffing too many pies. Think I'm just starting to feel the baby. Had been feeling bits for a week or so but kept putting it down to wind. Anyway, we had the doppler out on Sunday and pup mustn't have liked it bcs it felt like it kicked me out of the way. I'm sure it was just moving, but i definately felt it! Used the Doppler since and managed to find pup straight away based on where I think I can't feel it. Just feels like a bit of and ache with the odd bit if movement. Still don't feel pg though.

Actually having my own little freak out today. Been having pains in back and stomach. I know it's probably fine, and I dished out the good advice myself to banana yesterday.... Why is it do easy to give it, bit not listen to it when it's you??? Not helped by getting news this morning from one of my best friends that's she's pg too. Due the day after me. Totally thrilled for her, but now that's 2 people very close to me that are due within a day of me, and I just have the dreaded fear that it'll all go wrong and I'll never be able to cope with having them around me.

Desperately need new clothes but just can't bring myself to buy them. Still not told anyone at work either..... And yet DH has!!! < @ the irony>

Silver am massively pleased for you - that's fabulous news. Hope the little 'uns go from strength to strength :)

Lara yep - that is exactly how I felt around that time - slightly fraudulent! You wait. Before you know it you will be the size of a small cottage.

Collie - delighted your DH has come round! It is amazing how different things feel for me after announcing it to the world last week. It is amazing how obsessed I was with the whole subject of miscarrying, something that 90% of the outside world seems oblivious to. At work, colleagues are making jokes about me being pg and soon being with child (in a nice way, not a malicious way) but I still feel like a fraud cos I can't imagine the day when Baby will actually be here. They just talk about my pregnancy like it's so normal whereas for me, mentalling is an obsession.

Collie - are you sure your pains aren't due to your trousers being too tight? Yesterday I thought I had a UTI as I kept feeling pressure on my tum, pain, needed to wee but only a little came out. I realise today that it was just my skirt and tights being too tight . Today I discovered I had two lovely loose, but stylish stretchy black dresses (one of which I am wearing) and combined with low rising knickers (that don't put pressure on my tum), I am 100% comfy and am in no discomfort.

Totally relate too to what you were saying re. friends. I am petrified something will happen and everyone around me with have their babies and I will be back at square one. Plus, after seeing scan, I feel so attached to this little bean.

Well done on finding Pup! Would love a doppler but am too scared. I want to invest in a Dream Genii pillow though as sleep is hell at the mo.

Great news, Silver - hope everything progresses smoothly....

coconuts & others who've mentioned dopplers - yes?I hover over the button on ebay quite regularly but given that my tactic with getting through this is denial (!) I am not sure how I'd cope with a doppler?I know I'd get obsessed with it and if I couldn't find a heartbeat I'd go completely crazy. So I don't dare to get one.

Silver - great news on the scan :)

starkadder - You'd be surprised. My argument for not getting one was that I'd be using it every day and go mental if I couldn't find it, but surprisingly I haven't. It has been really easy to find and I only allow myself one or two goes per week. One time I couldn't find it and I didn't panic eventhough I thought I would. So I decided not to get one but then I saw one on ebay going cheap, second hand and I couldn't resist! so I paid about £8 for the angelsounds one.

Still thinking of Dachs and DH xx

silver thats wonderful neyws i hope you will be able to relax soon and enjoy your pregnancy as scary as it is,
my appointment with the midwife has been changed to tomorrow afternoon but if i dont have it by her calculation i will be 13 weks by the time i can see her as shes off on holiday for a few weeks,
has anyone got any tips for long car journeys with nausia and a 2 year old dd? we are off to a wedding thursday and its a 4-5 hour drive then a ferry and another hour drive, i can safely say im not looking forward to it at all, i hope everyone is having a good day x

lara omg, people taking that around me would totally freak me out. It was my nices birthday on Sunday (sil little girl) so we had a family gathering including sil's partners family-his patents, sister, brother abd his 2 teenagers. And mil just kept asking/making comments about my ms and such things. All very well intended but all I could do was bury my head abd mumble. I just wanted to run out of there!! I felt like a shy 5 yr old all over again!

Funny you ask is it bcs of my trousers. Don't think so as I had them yesterday and last night and I spent the whole day in my baggy jog pants. But I have walked around on my lunch wondering if I have a uti as I've also started with a tender fanjo, but in reity I think it's my pants rubbing. Cabt wait go get home and throw on my jog pants. I've probably got a boulle of dresses that would fit nicely and be comfy, but they'd certainly out me/get people staring!

stark I think a doppler would def not help with ignoring being pg, but it might help make it feel more real if you changed your mind and that was what you wanted?! It really made a big difference to me even after a good scan at 11wks. So far I've never not found the hb. I'm relatively slim thought which I think makes a difference early on.

Sorry for crap typos

Totally relate to you Collie - I am sooo embarrassed when people make jokes. Our office is probs 70% male and most of my sales guys are young, brash and make comments that would make most people blush. Since I announced my pregnancy they have been making all sorts of jokes and I am even embarrassed to go to the water machine as my pregnancy is bound to be a conversation starter . Then earlier this morning, my well-meaning colleague said "wow, you really are eating for two" as I ate a rice-cake. A RICE-CAKE? Hardly what pg binges are made of!

I am also conscious when I walk past people's desks that they're looking at my stomach thinking "is she, isn't she" as at this stage, while the bump is def there and pg-shaped, they might just think I've been eating too many pies.

Have decided that I will smack anyone that tries to touch my bump though... two friends already tried this week. Why is pg a licence to fondle?

I'd urge you to tell work as soon as you're comfortable and then you can wear lots of uber comfy things to show off your bump.

Oh lara I want to tell people, I'm just scared. And for some reason I feel totally daft actually doing the act of telling people. I even told by best friends via text (which I got shouted out for) to save the embarrassement!! God I'm a wierdo!!

I'd have thumped the bloke who said you were eating for 2. Cheeky sod! I hope nooner watching my eating habits as that would be a sure give-a-away.

Belly touching!!! I'll probably watch to smack people bit instead will smile through gritted teeth, imagining how much I'd like to poke them in the face!

Omg I need to learn to preview before pressing post

Silver that's wonderful news .

Collie glad dh has told work..... come on, be brave! It'll make things easier for you, honestly.

Lara god if a rice cake is a binge then I'm in big trouble!!

Thanks for the reassurance re: the ms. I do know these things, they just don't seem "right" when it's for myself iykwim!

Urrgh I hate the whole bump touching thing.....

I told my boss over the phone (was working from home that day and had to in order to give them enough notice to sort out Dubai trip) and I then sent an email to 9-10 of the people I work with directly. I then left it to the magic grapevine to do the rest of the work for me! In fact, I only told my neighbours face to face so I also ducked out of most of the embarrassment. It does feel good to have the cat out of the bag now - it feels more real.

BTW - I am seriously body conscious and am dreading comments from well-meaning colleagues / friends like "wow, you're showing early" etc. (most of them come from other cultures / countries and often are therefore more "direct" / less tactile than us Brits).

Hello all. Thanks for all the good wishes. I may not be posting but I am lurking. Your support is appreciated! Heading home from the hospital tomorrow. No idea how I'm going to cope, but I'll have to try.

DH and I are going to go away for a little holiday together to try to work through some stuff, so I'm trying to focus on planning that at the moment.

Giving birth to babies I knew wouldn't make it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Definitely harder than my earlier loss. We had a naming ceremony for them yesterday and they are being cremated some time over the next few days. they were beautiful babies. Alexander looked just like his daddy and Felicia was going to be a very pretty little girl.

The doc thinks we should give ivf another go but right now I have no idea whether I'm ever going to be able to find the emotional strength to try again. I may have to face the fact I'll never have one.

I have everything crossed for all of you, and I'm looking forward to hearing all about all your babies.