Freak out room for those newly updiffed after mc - Part VI

[CollieandPup]

Just found out you are pregnant after a previous miscarriage and too nervous to move over the to pregnancy boards? Freaking out about spotting, cramping, symptoms (or lack there of) and nervously awaiting your first scan? Here is a lovely place for lot's of support, hand holding and problem sharing.

Courtesy of owlbooty here are the Ten Commandments of the Freak Out Room.

1. Thou shalt check thy knickers to the point of insanity until the baby actually arrives.
2. Thou shalt also check the loo roll post-wipeage (sorry, gross, I know)
3. Thou shalt bore thy physician and midwife to tears with the mentalling.
4. And thy husband/boyfriend/family/neighbour's cat.
5. Thou shalt obsess over the absence of symptoms.
6. And the presence of symptoms.
7. And the fluctuation of symptoms.
8. Thou shalt pee on a vast number of sticks and keep ClearBlue and First Response in business.
9. The day before any scan extreme mentalling is permitted without recourse to the Haddock.

10. Self-diagnosis with Dr Google is Forbidden.

The Haddock will be applied liberally to all transgressors.

See here for the old thread.

thanks everyone i will just take it as an extra scan then wich is quite lucky i suppose, ill be keeping that bobble trick in mind though thanks harrassed

Missed you Harassed!

I too have blinding headaches (have one now in fact). My head is just boom-boom-booming and I can't concentrate on anything besides how much it is hurting me.

I woke up this AM with a new symptom - nipples that are pure agony. Upon closer examination, they have tiny raised nodules on them. DH (the nipple expert) said it is where the milk is produced (love the fact he took so much interest in my breast-related symptoms).

Make sure you use decent bobbles Layla, my primark cheapies weren't up for the job . Thank goodness I found this out at home......

Lara my nipples are like that and have been for a few weeks, and your dh is right. Are you hoping to breast feed? Head is feeling a bit better, but it's still there in the background iykwim.

Hi Harassed - hope that saying this on the thread won't result in an online attack, but I am not putting myself under any pressure to breast feed. BTW - when is the milk actually produced?

Might well have to try that hair bobble trick harrased but would fear it would break at a bad moment!

I have had quite a few headaches too - I find it hard only taking paracetemol - have never found it particularly effective for headaches.

Had a hectic weekend - one day of work and one of socialising and not early enough nights and suffering for it now. Think I will be in bed very early tonight.

Lara you should never put yourself under pressure to breast feed. I was lucky and managed ok with DS but I still wouldn't presume I could do it this time too. I have some friends who really struggled to BF and felt guilty but I really feel it is whatever works best for both you and the baby and should not matter and noone should judge either

Hope everyone else is ok.

Lovely to hear from you harassed good luck with the move. Glad you took a days rest, and that you're feeling a bit better.

Laylas i know you've seen my replies on the other thread, i think its a good decision to go for the scan.

lara I plan to breast feed and give it my best shot, hoping all going well to do it for at least 6 months or so. BUT I support you and have a serious problem with the way healthcare professionals (an other pro-breast feeding mums) not only ram it down your throat making you feel like an inadequate, uncaring mother for a) not wanting to b)not being able to. I've seen many a friend/relative not be able to breast feed due to sever nipple cracking, bleeding and infection, only to be told, don't stock any formula in it will tempt you to give up (better to starve your baby then?), keep trying and don't give up, its the most natural thing in the world (again, even if it means starving your baby and causing sleepless night after night because they are just not getting enough). AND then healthcare professionals refusing to even talk about formula options, thus dis-empowering mums who can't/don't want to breast feed to make the best informed decisions about what to feed their babies. Aghh, ok, I?ll get of my soap box now.

LaraMi my nipples are doing the same thing. Ouchy with little bobbles on them.

Personally I can't see why anyone wouldn't by default breast feed (albeit that some can't) as to me it seems the most logical (and easiest most convenient way to do it) - I find it odd that people see it as a second somehow 'right on' choice when actually it's the way humans have fed their babies for millenia... but I am un-judgey on the topic, and believe each person should choose what's right for them. Good feeding consultants/advisors shouldn't put any pressure on but should help those who want to if they are having problems, and should encourage people not to give up IMHO.

I do worry about going back to work (which will be somewhere around 3-6 months) but will cross that bridge when I come to it with a breast pump or something.

Ooh look at me actually allowing myself to think this pregnancy might go ok!

I had my miscarriage counselling today - it was good and it was good to let a lot of stuff out about how I feel/have been feeling. We have agreed I'll try to take each day at a time, rather than looking at the long srawling set of possibilities ahead, and I will go back next week for a second session.

I am feeling exhausted most of the time at the moment. Am trying hard not to 'count down' to eight weeks and the impending scan - I really feel quite reviled by the thought of a scan, having had such horrid ones in the past.

PS: What do people think about the idea of waiting til 12 weeks to scan?

Lara - I'd really recommend reading "how not to be a perfect mother" by Libby Purves - my absolute favourite parenting book. Her view on parenting is that there are perfect mothers who are self-sacrificing and do everything right the entire time and then there's the rest of us. The key is to take the sergeant bilko approach which may end up with you doing some of the same things as the perfect mothers but for purely self-interested reasons. Breast-feeding is one of those examples.

Hairy entirely up to you - I know I couldn't have waited that long!

Exhaustion, I have never been so knackered in my life, I can hardly drag myself out of the house to do anything at the moment. And eeuch nipples, mine are covered in white crust, YUK - my mum says it's them trying out working.

Lara I've got some funny tummy pains too, I'm thinking it's stretching bcs my tummy is hard and has started to stick out and I can't do my jeans up anymore. jiggle I know what you mean about needing to buy some new clothes.

Wombat so pleased all was ok on Saturday

Laylas good to see you on the list, think Wombat's advice is good about the scans.

Banana hope you're doing ok?

Scooby hope you can get an early night and get your feet up - it might be worth giving the gym a miss for a couple of weeks?

Irene how did the filming go??

Right off for a nap before DH gets home, early start tomorrow as finally to my booking in appt at midwife...yes finally.

to Collie, Cep, Bump HiHP, WIW, Izzy, Ninu, Pink, Katherine and to everyone else.

Thoughts to Dachs and DH and hoping silver gets good news at scan tomorrow.

Hi Hairy (now I have outed myself as a lurker, I feel like I might as well post every now and again..!)

I waited till 12 weeks to scan this time and am glad I did. I've had 4 early MCs, including one where they saw a heartbeat at 7 weeks, and this time I just thought...I'm going to pretend to be "normal" and do things the way everyone else does instead of giving in to the panic. So I waited and waited and waited and when at last I did have my scan, I was nearly 13 weeks and it was a huge relief. Am obviously still paranoid and mental, but not as much as I would have been if the good scan had been at only 9 or 10 weeks.

Also, over the last few years, I have developed a slight phobia of hospitals and EPUs and the horrible dildo-cam and just couldn't bear the thought of any of those things, or arguing with the NHS to get more scans. I just wanted them to leave me alone, really. It has been really nice to NOT be treated as a "special case" to be honest. Helped me repress my fear a bit.

So it was the right decision for me - BUT I know most people are the other way and would much rather have lots of early reassurance scans. And I think that is completely understandable...maybe more understandable.

Basically, I think it's a balancing act between how stressful it is going to those places/having early scans/persuading the NHS to let you have them vs. how stressful it is not knowing what's going on in there/finding out at 12 weeks that there's a problem.

Also just wanted to put it out there that in Lesley Regan's book she says that until you've had 5 (5!!) MCs in a row, chances of your next PG being successful are still higher than not.

Hello Starkadder - thanks for replying and advising. And congratulations! How far along are you now?

I have a friend who waited to 12 weeks after three MMC, and all was well, and I'm kind of tempted to do the same. I am trying my hardest to ignore this pregnancy .

I also have a terrible phobia of hospitals - particulary the EPU - and when I do have a scan it will be private - I literally shake and feel terribly ill at the thought of going to EPU.

Me too!! I am sorry you have it but selfishly glad I am not the only one. I hate the bloody places. I hate the smell, I hate going in to the building, I hate the waiting room, I hate the little room where they do the scan. I even hate the sympathetic looks they give you. It makes me into not a very nice person, going into those places.

So - I also tried my hardest to ignore being pregnant and just pretended I wasn't as much as possible (apart from taking shedloads of folic acid and being sick every now and again). I seriously think a good healthy dose of old fashioned repression can be quite helpful in these circumstances...

I should be 15 wks tomorrow...fingers crossed! Am now in the weird twilight zone where I don't feel that sick any more but can't feel any movement yet either.

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I feel just the same. The walk in to the hospital, the lift, entering the unit and giving your name, waiting in that bloody waiting room by a lift, all in a row, drinking water, all there because there's been a problem before :( and the scan room, where they look and look and you know what they are going to say before they say it :( and the room I have had to wait in to see a consultant with no pictures on the walls shudder

I'm with you on the repression - I'm not planning anything to do with this pregnancy (am at serious risk, I think, of being totally unprepared when the time comes - if this works out, that is).

I know...the awful room with no pictures...exactly!

Although this time, at my 12 week scan, she also looked and looked, with that horrible "no expression at all" face, and it was AWFUL, and then it turned out she was just concentrating and it was all fine. Also in my crazy mind what actually took about 1 minute felt like 30.

Unprepared is best. Haha, we can be in a club. Seriously. I actually do have a DS already - he's 3 - and he was after my first 2 MCs. I think we did manage to buy the pram when I was about 30 weeks, and about 3 babygros to take to the hospital, but certainly no nursery, or toys, or anything like that. Because I was just way too paranoid. And it really didn't matter at all. In fact, I think being unprepared is quite good, because you don't have any big expectations of baby bliss - and when your baby refuses to sleep anywhere except your chest/his pram, you don't get annoyed that his beautiful crib is going to waste ;-)

Yup! I really can't imagine buying any baby stuff at all until I have her/him safely delivered. There are shops within easy reach if the hospital, so surely dp or my mum will be able to pop out and collect what the baby needs lol! And there's online shopping for everything else.

Starkadder I only lurk here too to see how some old pals are doing - most recently for news from Dachs. I thought your post earlier was lovely and really fitting. Perfectly sums up what lots of us are thinking, none of us will forget about Dachs' little ones. Good luck with your own pregnancy.

Just a quick post to wave hello to all and see how you're doing.

dachs if you're reading, you, MrDachs, Alexander and Felicia have been in my thoughts and prayers. As so many others have so eloquently said, we are all here if you need anything xx

silver I hope things are going ok for you, I'll be keeping my fx for a reassuring scan tomorrow.

Sorry for a crap catch-up, will get my act together tomorrow!

So very gutted for you Dach. Lots of love & hugs to you & DH ((()))

I have just realised how insensitive some of my comments may have seemed in light of such sad recent events. No offence intended. Just caught up in my own freaking out.

hairy don't be daft! Thread available for all manner of freaking out, that's what we're here for

I haven't had time to do much more than skim the last few pages but hopefully the pain's gone? Fwiw I think the to scan or not decision isn't easy - scan great for short-term reassurance but no longer an enjoyable experience for me. I very nearly cancelled my 8 wk one as I felt quite ill thinking about it. It did help slightly to go private - would really hate to face epu again and that quiet room!!

Sorry, the list is bugging me!
I am going to change it with reference to Dachs recent losses. I hope no one minds

Monday 23rd May

Tiggersreturn (TTT) 21+6 EDD 26/09/11
mamapower 21+5 EDD 28/9/11
ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts 21+2 EDD 01/10/11
Lovemysleep 19+6 EDD 11/10/11
Tunnocksteacake 18+1 EDD 24/10/11
IreneHeron 17+6 EDD 23/10/11 next scan 3/6/11
CEP 16+2 EDD 5/11/11 - 20 wk scan 22/6/11
Hils74 15+5 EDD 8/11/11
Katherine2008 15+4 EDD 10/11/11 next scan 23/6/11
Haffertee 15+2 EDD 14/11/11
Ninunina: 14+6 EDD 15/11/11
delilahbelle 14+4 EDD 22/11/11
Mattsmama 14+4 EDD 17/11/11
Collie 14+1 EDD 20/11/11
wombatinwaiting: 13+4 EDD 24/11/11 next scan 8/6/11
Banana87: 13+4 EDD 24/11/11 NT
LaraMi 13+3 EDD 25/11/11 Next scan 20/07/11
IzzyWizzyletsgetbusy 13+0 EDD 26/11/11
Blackkat 12+0 EDD 5/12/11
Jigglebum 11+4 EDD 8/12/11
Lucky 10+0 Next scan - 19/5/11
Harassed 9+0 EDD 26/12/11
Hadrian 8+4 Next scan - 13/06/11
Updiffed 7+2
Hairylights 6+0
Lily06 5+4 Next scan - 02/06/11
Pigletmania 5+1
Laylasmummy09 5+1

On the grads thread too:
Nickster 29+2 EDD 7/8/11
Orange 25+2 EDD 4/9/11
Wombat33 24+2 EDD 10/09/11 next scan 25/5/11
Daisybell 23+4 EDD 14/09/11
Pinkfondantfancy 22+1 EDD 25/09/11
Emoo 20+3 EDD 7/10/11
Onions 18+0 EDD 24/10/11 Next Scan 07/06/11
Velvetcu 17+6 EDD 25/10/11 next scan 22/06/11
MummyAbroad 16+3 EDD 4/11/11

In our thoughts and prayers
Dachs whose beautiful little babies Alexander & Felicia left this world sleeping

Thinking of.... ladybee; digi; A&R; barbie; MumTum; Knitter, Kat2504,

Hope no one minds... just seems a bit more fitting!

Ps thanks Moof for the wording.... :)

Perfectly done Nickster

Hi all

Hope everyone is ok :)

Starkadder - The twilight zone you speak of was the hardest part for me. That was when I became full blown freak-out-obsessive and bought a doppler. Saved my sanity that did!

Hairy - the choice of scan or not to scan is such a hard one. Had I not been admitted to hospital at 7 weeks for HG I wouldn't have been scanned until 12weeks. I completely ignored the pregnancy as much as I could and pretended I was so ill from something completely different. So I saw a heartbeat at 7weeks and the 4 weeks until the next scan was murderous for me. At the time I'd have rather not have had a scan, but now I know things are ok I'm glad I got those extra pics and that extra chance to see it/him (struggling to say him ) Only you and DH can decide but either way I really hope it works out for you :)

Am also with you on buying nothing until baby is here. DH says he's happy to pop to asda if/when I give birth to get essentials. Might buy a buggy/car seat so we can get home but otherwise I'm still in a bit of denial.