Freak out room for those newly updiffed after mc - Part VI

[CollieandPup]

Just found out you are pregnant after a previous miscarriage and too nervous to move over the to pregnancy boards? Freaking out about spotting, cramping, symptoms (or lack there of) and nervously awaiting your first scan? Here is a lovely place for lot's of support, hand holding and problem sharing.

Courtesy of owlbooty here are the Ten Commandments of the Freak Out Room.

1. Thou shalt check thy knickers to the point of insanity until the baby actually arrives.
2. Thou shalt also check the loo roll post-wipeage (sorry, gross, I know)
3. Thou shalt bore thy physician and midwife to tears with the mentalling.
4. And thy husband/boyfriend/family/neighbour's cat.
5. Thou shalt obsess over the absence of symptoms.
6. And the presence of symptoms.
7. And the fluctuation of symptoms.
8. Thou shalt pee on a vast number of sticks and keep ClearBlue and First Response in business.
9. The day before any scan extreme mentalling is permitted without recourse to the Haddock.

10. Self-diagnosis with Dr Google is Forbidden.

The Haddock will be applied liberally to all transgressors.

See here for the old thread.

Nope not seen the ads? I'm crap at cooking so buying one ready made would be great, will have a look about next time I'm near M&S.

knitter you take your time, you know that always a comfy cushion for you here whenever you want it. I have thought about you a lot, especially waiting for my NT results.

dachs are there are friends you can get to visit you hun just to keep your mind off things.

looking forward to seeing irene accidentally walk into shot on a Television set near me very soon!

I can't seem to type today - apologies for garble above..

Dachs it's totally not surprising your feeling down. You've been on an absolutely rollercoaster these last few days. You're not alone though - we are all here to keep you company. Sorry it's not in person.

Collie it may seem strange (I'm sure it does to my DH too), but I'm totally in your DH's camp. People who find out I'm pg now (nearly 24 weeks) keep saying 'ooooh it must have been so hard keeping it to yourself this long" to which I'm afraid my response is: " not really, if I could I wouldn't tell anyone until bub was safely here". I don't know why I feel that way. Self-defence maybe. The more I admit it to people the more it becomes real to me and the harder I fear the pain will be if it gooes wrong. Also, I prefer to deal with my pain in private rather than feel like I have to 'perform' or 'present a public face' with everyone knowing what's going on. My MC was early enough that no one knew and that was fine by me. I feel having to deal with another loss in a more public way if people know I'm pg. Does that make any sense at all...? Of course, now I'm getting bigger, anyone I see in person 'knows' and I've had to tell people who I haven't seen but I know would feel put out they hadn't been told if they later find out that others knew. So my hand is being forced.

argh - really should proof read my posts! I do have a brain really... I just hide it particularly well

Thanks Blackkat, I was going to ask about a fee. It has been so hard to get through to them and talk to a non-voicemail about it. I'm a bit fed up with them actually, they've been quite rude in keeping me in the dark about what's going on. I feel taken for granted a bit. The house looks lovely though, clean and fresh for a change even in our family bits. I've been cleaning so much this pregnancy I think I'll call the baby Flash, or Dettol perhaps.

Think I'm feeling a few kicks, am having a rest with a cuppa in the garden and I think baby is moving. I think I had a few false alarms earlier in the pregnancy.

Dachs every day is another day overcome, you are doing so well in what is an unbearable situation. I hope you have some friends that can come round and keep you company. Am thinking of all 4 of you ((()))

Just saw doc. Nothing much to report. More of the same lying here waiting for stuff to happen.

Anyone got any experience of UCH or St Mary's paddington? I'll prob be transferring to one of those if the insurance co carry on bring difficult or if I get as far as 23 weeks. Apparently UCH has a better neo-natal unit as St Mary's has just been downgraded, but St Mary's has a better gynae ward, which is where I would be transferring to. St Mary's would be more convenient travel wise for DH as we commute into Paddington but if UCH has a better neo-natal unit it might be the better place to be. Thoughts? Of course, the chances of making it to 23 weeks are very slim. Doc doesn't work for either of them as his NHS work is done at the Homerton in Hackney, but he said he's going to come visit me if I get transferred anyway.

..or....Dachs....waiting for stuff NOT to happen. If they really thought that was it and there was no chance of it being ok they would set things in motion. Whilst you are being left to wait, there is def still a chance for those two little pups.

Sending you a big hug...as Orange says, every day is another day the three of you have overcome...

xx

He also said that on Monday he would have said it would all be over in a week, but that he'd say the same today, so the situation is maintaining itself and might keep ticking over. But that the waters on the first twin will go at some point and then there are a few possibilities of what might happen - most of them negative. However, it is possible that the baby might just die and dry out, leaving the other twin ok in its sac, or that it might carry on growing, just not as well as in a sac. 99.9999% likely to trigger labour though

Dachs - my sister is 25 weeks pg and is extremely happy with the facilities at UCH. Her position obviously isn't the same as yours but she has had a fairly complicated pg. In fact, from everything she's told me, it seems far better there than St Georges (where I am). The care seems more personalised and there has been much more hand-holding whereas I am simply a hospital number (and they even get that wrong half the time).

xpost - to add, Dachs - the fact that the situation hasn't changed since Mon surely can only be positive.

dacha does your doc have a view on which hospital has lower infection rates and better consultants? Can you go to st Marys and then use someone else's neo natal unit?

I think he thinks either would be fine and that the people are ok at both. I got the sense that he thinks the people at St Mary's are better but that the neo- natal at UCH is theoretically better (although I got the sense that he thinks the one at St Mary's is fine)

Pink said what I was thinking.... can the pups not be transferred to better neo natal facilities? Or you if things start to happen? I know it's not ideal... I'd be inclined to be led by your consultant. Sodding Bupa......

Sorry dachs I don't know about either hospital. Doc offering to visit even though he doesn't work there is so generous and great news, although obv hope you don't have to transfer. His view that things are ticking over might not seem great, but as everyone has said, every day that ticks by is a day further. I really don't know much about the risks if the worst happens for baby 1, but wanted to post to say my mums work colleague found out recently at around 28weeks that one of her twins had low fluid and had died. They managed to avoid labour until week 36 when she was induced just this Monday gone. She had a healthy baby girl. I know she was further on than you, and your circumstances are no doubt different. But I thought it might help to hear a half positive story at least, which might give you hope for baby 2 at least, if it comes to that. I am so so sorry you're having to go through this. I can't imagine the stress and worry, but keep being string you're doing so well. Xxx

hugs dachs

Oh and I meant to say thanks to everyone for the advice re DH. I think know you're all right. No doubt he needs his time to process what's going on. The mc was very hard on us both. I am/was just worded he's just bottling something up. Hearing that many of you feel the same is reassuring. I'm just sorry that's how it has to be for us. X

Dachs so glad they're hanging in there, the waiting must be agony but every day that goes by without a change there is more chance of things turning out well. I'm not surprised you're feeling down anyone would feel the same if they were going through what you are, keep on chatting on here, at least it is something to do while you rest. x

Coconuts you've done so well to get this far and everything will be fine. This time tomorrow you will fee so much more confident.

Collie I can totally understand where you DH is coming from but am sure he will slowly come to terms with what is happening. We all know how painful it is to lose a baby and I think it's just a way of protecting yourself. I would love to stay at home and hide from everything until I actually have a baby in my arms. I waited until I was 15 weeks last time, I had a NT result of 1:50,000 (best possible outcome) and found out 5 days later that our baby had died (around the same time that we told people) I obviously know that telling people didn't cause the mc but it does make it very scary to think of ever telling anyone.

Harrassed I didn't have a NT scan with either of my 2DD, never even thought about it and they are just perfect.

Scan went well, beanie wriggling around and kicking arms and legs, the relief was so strong couldn't help but cry when we came out of the scan room. I seem to be getting worse each week! Consultant also asked me about NT scan and signed me up for one within the next couple of weeks which seemed rather quick as I am only 9 weeks. Last time I paid privately (and had to wait four days for results btw) but now they are offering this on the NHS so thought I should just put the wheels in motion and get as much mentallig done and over with as quickly as possible.

Sorry I also just want to say thank you to everyone wishing me well today x

Hi Dachs

I'm with St Mary's and had ds there as well. I tried UCH for the mc which was a bit of a disaster on many fronts but I never got near neonatal so can't comment on that. My friend had her dd at UCH and the advantage there was that they had a HDU where you could stay with the baby if they didn't need full neonatal but it sounds rather more likely that you'd need full SCBU than a half way house.

Both are well reputed London teaching hospitals.

I remember magic posting about this forum www.kanalen.org/prom/preemie.php - maybe you'd be better off posting on their list as they'll have more direct expertise on this? Also try putting a post in the childbirth/pregnancy forum here.

Good luck with your very difficult decision. I'm not sure if you've mentioned what hospital you are in now but if it's completely private I would recommend switching to an NHS hospital in any event, insurance issues aside. The best facilities in terms of care are found in the NHS not private hospitals.

Dachs I hope you don't mind but I just asked someone I work with your St Marys'/UCH question. The person is a Pediatrician and she trained at UCH and worked at St Mary's... Her view is that both are great in terms of care but that UCH is a bit cleaner. Obviously the best situations would be that you don't have to move... but I hope that info helps...

Lara etc... thanks for the offer of staying around to chat... without being weird I'll probably not generally post here in many ways it's quite a strong reminder of where I could/should have been. Posting for Dachs is a (very) special case. I do lurk and keep on top of all your news though... and I appreciate that there is a bean bag reserved for me ... soon... soon... soon...

dacha I think I'd go for st Marys then, if doc thinks both ok then you'll get more time each day with DH at st Marys. Colleague of mine used them and said they were fab (although he was private so not sure how different that would be)

Tiggersreturn (TTT) 21+2 EDD 26/09/11
mamapower 21+1 EDD 28/9/11
ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts 20+4 EDD 03/10/11 next scan 20/05/11
Emoo 19+6 EDD 7/10/11 next scan 19/5/11
Lovemysleep 19+2 EDD 11/10/11
Tunnocksteacake 17+4 EDD 24/10/11
IreneHeron 17+2 EDD 23/10/11 next scan 3/6/11
CEP 15+5 EDD 5/11/11 - 20 wk scan 22/6/11
Hils74 15+1 EDD 8/11/11
Katherine2008 15+0 EDD 10/11/11 next scan 23/6/11
Haffertee 14+5 EDD 14/11/11
Ninunina: 14+2 EDD 15/11/11
delilahbelle 14+0 EDD 22/11/11
Mattsmama 14+0 EDD 17/11/11
Collie 13+4 EDD 20/11/11
wombatinwaiting: 13+0 EDD 24/11/11 next scan 8/6/11
Banana87: 13+0 EDD 24/11/11 NT
LaraMi 12+6 EDD 25/11/11 Next scan - 20/07/11
IzzyWizzyletsgetbusy 12+3 EDD 26/11/11
Blackkat 11+3 EDD 5/12/11
Jigglebum 11+0 EDD 8/12/11
Lucky 9+2 Next scan - 19/5/11
Harassed 8+3 EDD 26/12/11
Hadrian 8+0 Next scan - 13/06/11
Updiffed 6+5
Hairylights 5+3
Lily06 5+0 Next scan - 02/06/11
Pigletmania 4+4

On the grads thread too:
Nickster 28+5 EDD 7/8/11
Orange 24+5 EDD 4/9/11
Wombat33 23+5 EDD 10/09/11 next scan 25/5/11
Daisybell 23+0 EDD 14/09/11
Pinkfondantfancy 21+4 EDD 25/09/11
DoubleDiffedDachs 20+1 EDD 5/10/11
Onions 17+3 EDD 24/10/11 Next Scan 07/06/11
Velvetcu 17+2 EDD 25/10/11 next scan 22/06/11
MummyAbroad 15+6 EDD 4/11/11

Thinking of.... ladybee; digi; A&R; barbie; MumTum; Knitter, Kat2504