Freak out room for those newly updiffed after mc - Part VI

[CollieandPup]

Just found out you are pregnant after a previous miscarriage and too nervous to move over the to pregnancy boards? Freaking out about spotting, cramping, symptoms (or lack there of) and nervously awaiting your first scan? Here is a lovely place for lot's of support, hand holding and problem sharing.

Courtesy of owlbooty here are the Ten Commandments of the Freak Out Room.

1. Thou shalt check thy knickers to the point of insanity until the baby actually arrives.
2. Thou shalt also check the loo roll post-wipeage (sorry, gross, I know)
3. Thou shalt bore thy physician and midwife to tears with the mentalling.
4. And thy husband/boyfriend/family/neighbour's cat.
5. Thou shalt obsess over the absence of symptoms.
6. And the presence of symptoms.
7. And the fluctuation of symptoms.
8. Thou shalt pee on a vast number of sticks and keep ClearBlue and First Response in business.
9. The day before any scan extreme mentalling is permitted without recourse to the Haddock.

10. Self-diagnosis with Dr Google is Forbidden.

The Haddock will be applied liberally to all transgressors.

See here for the old thread.

Hmmm, that's a bit better Dachs, we'll let you off this time....

I can't believe your insurance company, what a load of bollocks. I really hope you get it sorted, but you'd better warn them that if they don't change their mind pronto, they'll have 20+ hormonal mentalling women to contend with!

PS, beautiful, gorgeous names chick x

Dachs that's a bit better....... I'm praying those pups hang on in there. My dd's middle name is also Sophia and she's very pig headed tenacious.....I hope it's the name!!!

Bump I'm not sure how your system would work, My own has changed in the 5 yrs since I had dd! Why don't you give the gp's surgery a ring and ask the receptionist, they normally know everything

Morning ladies. Good luck to today's scanees. And well done Lara on telling work and getting out of the Dubai trip.

Dachs glad the twins are still in situ this morning. I'm sending lots of luck to Mr Dachs for battling with BUPA today. New name no.2 is a slight improvement on the first one. Huge hugs coming your way - try to stay positive if you can - they're little fighters! xxx

Hi all, sorry just a quickie as totally manic and still working 18 hour days, yes I know!! That's the perils of owning your business!
dachs thinking of you xxx
Newbies welcome
Bump just let your doc know your diffed and they'll contact you re booking in apt and your scans but I had to chase mine; you should be booked in by 10-12 weeks to see your MW and you should have your 12 week scan between 12 - 14 weeks, they'll write to you.

hi everybody im just de lurking to say good luck to dachs ive been reading and keeping everything crossed for you, what an awful time for the insurance company to start acting the t!a*,
i thought this thread was lovely as i know some of you from other threads, im about 4+4 and totally bricking it after 2 mc august and jan, no morning sickness yet so im stupidly mentalling and dont get me started on those cb digis! anyone who has done a conception indicator did it go to 3+ when it was supposed to?

Hi Laylasmummy congrats on the BFP and nice to see you here. Understand the mentalling but I'm sure you already know the sickness etc. is unlikely to appear for at least a couple of weeks. x

Thinking of you today Dachs. Hoping there is still plenty of fluid abound to hold the twins in for 8 more weeks at least. Shame on BUPA, I think they need to outed publically if they don't clean up their act and realize this is an emergency. I remember when I had my first mmc, they wouldn't cover the ERPC because it "wasn't an emergency". We ended up paying for it. :(

I have complained via email and don't plan to hear anything back but will be writing a more formal complaint letter today and copying the Fetal Medicene Centre who support them.

Is it Daisy who lives on a farm? Can we rustle up a muck spreader to go and pay a visit to the insurance company headquarters? Could even take a detour and visit Banana 's hospital.

Hello Laylasmummy - those things are evil; do not trust them :) I never had proper morning sickness so don't trust that either!

good luck today Dachs. everything still crossed. good luck scanners and welcome laylasmummy. Watch out for waving haddocks - way too soon for ms!

Ooh Owl like your thinking!

Yes, I have access to a lurvely shiny Massey Fergusson tractor which can be hitched to a really stinky muck spreader

We'd best do a trial run at Banana's scan place first, then on to BUPA

keeping all crossed for you today Dachs x

Daisy - can I have a ride on the tractor? Never been on one before!

Hi everyone, Have been searching for this thread for ages. Thought it was in Pregnancy section. Dur!

Some of you may recognise me from other threads, I certainly recognise some of the names here.

Dachs - Thinking of you at this horribly scary time. Have read all of this thread so far and have had tears in my eyes everytime I read one of your posts.

Just want to introduce myself. Have started my own thread in pregnancy section as I'm freaking out and losing the plot. I really need a wet fish slap! Am 20 weeks, scan tomorrow. two previous MCs, PCOS, bicornuate uterus, 3yo DD. This will be DC2 if all goes ok.

I'm such a panicky mess. Have been in tears this morn. Convinced something will be wrong at the scan. We declined the NT, so now I'm convinced this scan will flag up soft markers. I was in such denial at 12 weeks I didn't think there would be much point in having it done. Now I know I made the wrong decision. Something is wrong. I am so irrational.

It's irrational because I have a doppler that I use, I can feel kicks. I know there is a baby in there I just can't put that with the baby ever coming out or being able to come home. Nobody in RL knows, so nobody to talk to. Parents/ILs know that is all. I refuse to talk about names, clothes, anything.

I'm driving myself mad.

.

Only kidding... Come here for a big hug, you crazy LovelyBunchOfNerves. You are in the very best company, m'lady - we're all loopy loo in this room.

I am only at the NT scan stage and was a pile of nerves before my scan yesterday. You need to recite our mantra (can't remember precise words, basically about the odds massively being that everything will be fine). Remember, you can FEEL kicks - there is a baby there! A big well done on getting so far and not getting swamped in scan obsession like the rest of us.

Can you try and keep yourself busy today? You know, I think that after your scan tomorrow you feel like such a huge weight has been lifted and once you pluck up the courage to share your good news, it will feel more real. You've done it once with DD - there is no reason why it won't happen again with DC2.

ps - my sister has a bicornate uterus and she's at 24 weeks and doing absolutely fine

HUGS....

pps - she has PCOS too (as do I)

congratulations on your bfp hun!! Lovely to see you here! CB didgis are the devil. Mine did go up, but waited until about 5 days after i thought it should have gone up....just in case.

coconuts glad you found us. Being scared is natural, but its really very unlikely you'll have bad news tomorrow. I can understand your worry after not having a NT scan, but even with that, the odds are on your side, test or no test. It must be hard for you being 20weeks and having no one in RL knowing. Do you not have at least one close friend or a colleage you can confide in? Maybe someone who has been through a mc themselves? I think some RL support coud really help you. I know telling people is hard - i'm 13+4 today and only told close friends (5 of them) yesterday. everyone else will evetually find ouf on the grapevine I suppose. I just can face everyone knowing yet. But having my close friends knowing is scary, but very reassuring.

Following on from the theme of coconuts having not told anyone (hope you don't mind coconuts) i wouldn't mind some advice please? As i've said bcs of the mc we've not really told anyone about this pg yet. Initally like me Dh was going to tell friends etc after yesterdays scan, but now he's changed his mind and doesn't want to tell anyone, at all ever . He's said he's going to tell his boss in a couple of weeks, but isn't going to tell anyone at work (new job from last dec) saying, they'll find out when i go on paternity leave. I don't really know what to do. I just don't feel his reaction is normal, but maybe thats unfair??? He keeps saying he is happy and content enough and doesn't need gratification from anyone else. Am i over reacting and should i leave him be? I feel the need to keep trying to talk to him about it, but i end up getting frustrated because he just says he doesn't want to. Am very

Thanks Lara :)

Haven't really got much to do today. DD is at playschool I have to fetch her in 20mins. Have been counting down the days for weeks and been trying keep busy most of that time now I have nothing left to do. I'm a mess.

I feel like I can't tell anyone or acknowledge it to anyone because that will jinx it all.

And believe me, i have been this mad and obsessed for the last 16 weeks.

I think because DD was not planned and this one was (we TTC for over a year) there is so much mor epressure for things to work out ok. I feel like all the pressure is on me to grow this baby and if it goes wrong it'll be my fault. I have had HG too, it only really lifted for the last two weeks so trying to build myself up and gain some of the weight I lost in the ealry days.

I find myself just sitting thinking and that's the worst thing. I'm going to be a mess tomorrow. I need valium!!

Congrats Layla !! Good to see you on here!

Coconuts I am a million miles behind you on the no of weeks pregnant but am a freaking out mess so you've done very well to get this far. Collie is right - I am sure the scan will be great tomorrow and you will feel much more reassured. You need to find something to try and take your mind off it for the rest of the day. We're all food obsessed on here so make us a list of your current favs...this week we've have alphabites, alphabet spagetti, potat waffles and the age old fav Monster Much. Yum.

Collie hun I understand how strange it must seem but at the mo I am in your husbands shoes. I don't want to tell anyone. If I think about even making it to 12 weeks and everything being fine, I still don't want to tell anyone. I think its just a way of trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. What I will say though is the more people I tell, the easier it gets to just tell one more person. I suspect your DH will tell his boss and afterwards will think it wasn't so bad and then a week later will end up telling one more person and the week after that another and so on. He may say he won't tell anyone now but I suspect in a month from now he will have actually told a lot more people than he intended. I wouldn't worry too much about it for the mo and just see how he goes.

xxx

Xposts Collie. Nope nobody in RL to talk to. Nobody has had fertility issues. I have one friend I have told but she has enough on her plate and I'm not one for talking really. I'm one of these people that like to hear of other people's problems and help with those so I can pretend mine don't exist.

Re your DH I think he should tell his boss. My DH's work know, just in case I ever have to go in for any reason they will know what for and won't kick up a fuss if he has to leave work in a rush. But otherwise, my DH is quite happy to tell nobody and to buy all the baby things on the way home from hospital! I told him that is a very impractical idea!

Bump - Having HG has dampened my love of food but the last couple of weeks I have been loving stir fries, bacon rolls, OJ (constipated!), and tomatoes. Yum!

Oh coconuts darling, you are putting so much pressure on yourself. You cannot blame yourself for things that can go wrong in a pregnancy(unless of course you are drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney, both of which i am sure you are not). Putting all that pressure on yourself to have a sucessful pg will not help. As unhelpful as it is to say this, its out of your hands. I know that is what is so scary, but please try not to make it harder for yourself by expecting yourself to control things that are out of your control. xx

((hugs)) for you today and tomorrow. what time is your scan?

Coconuts this is a lovely supportive thread but you are also v.welcome to join us in the Totally's Grads thread too - that one is under Pregnancy. It's where those who are a bit further along lurk so there are a bunch of us in there who also completely understand the mentalling. I am now 29 weeks or thereabouts and I promise you, the mentalling gets significantly better after the 20 week scan. I didn't start buying things until very recently and it still makes me a bit nervous. And, Collie , I didn't tell anyone really until after the 20 week scan and when I did it was one at a time like Bump says.

And now, missus, your very much deserved haddock in the chops

It's at 10.25. So quite early. Not too much waiting hopefully. Thank you for being so nice to me :)

We can't offer valium but we can offer banana cake, monster munch, alphabet spaghetti and salt and vinegar hula hoops.....!

You have done so well over the past 20 weeks - you WILL be fine over the next 24 hours or so. You are welcome to spend all your time mentalling here. I have done virtually no work this week through pre-scan mentalling and post-scan lack of concentration.

Collie - my DH was acting like a weird after our scan yesterday. In the scan he was acting all cool and tough and annoying (but I know he was secretly pleased) and when we came out, I couldn't stop acting joyful for the rest of the day whereas he was just a boring, if not slightly cynical, sarcastic and miserable sod. He was acting happy FOR me, but not visibly sharing in my joy. Anyways - left him to it for a few hours and then he told me that yes, he was / is delighted but tends to internalise it more and just needed some quiet time to process the enormity of it all (we've wanted this for ages). I think it all digested yesterday afternoon and then in the evening he told is best friend and told some colleagues at work this AM. I'd advise you to leave DH to process it in his own time. Remember too, that (sorry for sounding stereotypical) some / many blokes don't like to show weakness or failure and like you, he will have been gutted by the last experience and worried about anything going wrong (which is totally out of his control). I am confident he will come round, he perhaps just needs to in his own time. I saw the email DH wrote to his colleagues (yes, an email) and it was written in a very different way to how I would but I put it down to male behaviour being so different to ours. He WILL tell people, just give him some space... xx

Thanks Owl

Can I add myself to the list? what info do I need to put down? How often do you update? might have a wander to look at the grads thread but don't want to make it hard for myself to keep up with anyone.

Sorry for hijacking.

Thinking of Dachs still xx