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Conception

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Original poster

Misbehaving mums on Ch3

22 replies

pigletmania · 27/04/2011 00:07

I have been watching this programe and was about the behaviour of the mums, especially the ones smoking. I have a dd who is 4, but we been ttc with 2 MC for 2.5 years, it makes me so to see these mums doing this to their babies, when I cant have another one and would give my right arm to have a dc2. The mum who smoked 20 a day, did not even try and her attitude was appealing. Sorry for the rant, some of these mums just do not deserve their babies. I am posting here instead of AIBU as i will get a right flaming, here are full of like minded people who I hope will be more gentle with me

OP posts:

MudPyes · 27/04/2011 00:17

Mums who smoke don't deserve their babies?

I smoked whilst PG.

I dropped smoking heavy Marly's to Ultra Silk Cuts. 20 down to 4 a day.

Which is what my midwife told me to do.

I am very sorry about your MC and TTC.

But their actions can't possibly influence your PG so I'm not sure why you are using they behavior "when I cant have another one and would give my right arm to have a dc2"

Againg I am very sorry but another's actions won't affect your chances of PG.

Original poster

pigletmania · 27/04/2011 00:20

Well I said that am being irrational . But if they don't give up or make no effort than that is the way I feel. The midwife basically said to the girl that she is suffocating her baby, and was shown the amount of carbon monoxide in her body, if that is not a good enough reason to stop, what is?

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MudPyes · 27/04/2011 00:23

Well, it's her baby, not yours.

You don't have jurisdiction over it

herethereandeverywhere · 27/04/2011 00:23

MudPyes my mum smoked when she was pregnant with me. It makes me feel like she didn't love me enough to bother to give up - in fact I'm sure it's because she wanted her nicotine fix more than she wanted me to be perfect. If you think your actions only matter for 9 months so long as the baby is okay, think again.

pigletmania I understand. When you do everything right but have no success and watch others squandering such a precious opportunity it's hard not to take it personally.

MudPyes · 27/04/2011 00:27

How old are you HereThere?

Original poster

pigletmania · 27/04/2011 00:28

exactly herethereandeverywhere. My SIL had twins (concieved by IVF), she smoked heavily in her pregnancy and they were 3 months early. Why the hell if they went through all that trouble conceive did she smoke . I know that I have no control over it Mudpyes but I cant help the way I feel, especially feel irrational when we are taking so long to ttc makes you even more so.

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herethereandeverywhere · 27/04/2011 00:29

? I'm 34. I'm also curious as to what's coming next.....

MudPyes · 27/04/2011 00:34

I only ask as it was common to smoke in PG 30+ years ago Here. That's all

Again, very sorry for your troubles. But to say other women don't deserve their babies. Low.

Low blow.

I don't deserve my beautiful DS? Because I smoked whilst PG?

Yes or no. Do I deserve him or not?

Original poster

pigletmania · 27/04/2011 00:35

I am 34 too, I am so thankful I have dd she has really helped me to come through it all, and at least I had a chance to be a mum.

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herethereandeverywhere · 27/04/2011 00:44

"Deserve or not" is a bit too black and white for me. I also wouldn't go with the concept of people somehow "earning" their children.

But if you were to ask me do smokers who give up during pregnancy care more about their children than those who don't, I'd say they do.

I'd have gone to the end of the earth and back for my DD when I was pg, to make sure she was okay and still would today. I'd never expect her to shoulder the burden of my personal life choices. Babies need parents to protect them from harm in this world, not to subject them to it.

Right, I'm off to bed.

crazyhead · 27/04/2011 08:26

I think that people are being a bit unfair about quite how addictive smoking is. Over the years since the anti-smoking campaigns, some people have been able to give up, but some haven't, even when they are desperate, even after lung cancer. It isn't like eating less chocolate.

That TV show also really pissed me off because those girls who smoke all had partners who did too. How the hell do you give up in pregnancy with your partner puffing smoke in your face? I thought it was sickeningly sexist those men weren't in the 'carbon monoxide' meetings too. Also, where was the NRT/support stuff actually proven to work to help these heavy smokers?

I don't smoke myself, but my friend who had awful ante-natal depression couldn't totally give up and I wouldn't blame her for a minute. I'm not religious either, but there is something about that saying to do with casting the first stone...

Dred · 27/04/2011 08:33

I was shocked how the one who's smoking thought that it's making her unborn childs heart stronger! WTF!

hairylights · 27/04/2011 08:51

It's not about "deserving" though is it? That's one of the silliest things I've (repetitively) heard said

juneau · 27/04/2011 08:51

I can't watch that programme. Those ignorant, selfish women just make me want to scream and throw things at the TV! But sadly the world is full of ignorant, selfish people and they're as capable of getting knocked up as anyone else and sadly babies don't get handed out to most deserving people or the ones who'll make the best parents.

susie100 · 27/04/2011 13:40

This is a conception thread so please try and be sensitive to the fact that the people posting on hear are longing for a baby so to see some ignorant fucker smoking whilst knowing what it does to your baby whilst you are desperately avoiding anything harmful, eating the right things, taking the right supplements and losing a baby or not conceiving is bloody galling.
I know it makes no difference to MY chance of having a baby but it still pisses me off, ok? I think those glas are appalling and frankly I am staggered anyone would risk smoking whilst pregnant, its utterly selfish

hairylights · 27/04/2011 13:55

suzie I m one if this people you refer to ... 3 mc in a year ... And I still think the original post is a silly post

susie100 · 27/04/2011 14:33

You are more gracious than me :)
Mind you I can't help but get judgey about most things when I am TTC

hairylights · 27/04/2011 14:47

I've been through the most traumatic events of my life, but I don't want to get eaten up by negativity, hate and jealousy so I choose not to.

What others do/ have has no bearing at all on what I want/don't have.

Original poster

pigletmania · 27/04/2011 18:52

hairy just because you dont agree with my post does not mean its silly. I totally agree with susie. The misinformation about smoking and pregnancy as displayed in the programme was . Fair enough smoke but don't inflict your lifestyle choices on your baby who has no choice, especially if that choice is going to do them significant harm. Those who are ttc and have been for a long time probably try to do things right, and still no baby, whereas these people get pg at the drop of a hat and do this to the life inside them. Not a silly post but quite rational really. My IVF and smoked heavily throughout her pg, it is certain that was one of the factors which caused them to be born 3 months early.

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Original poster

pigletmania · 27/04/2011 18:52

Meant my SIL who had IVF

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hairylights · 27/04/2011 18:58

I was just stating my opinion piglet. I'm entitled to it just as you are entitled to yours.

I think it's silly to use the word deserve, and a waste of energy to get wound up about it because it just doesn't make any difference.

Fwiw as I walked in to hospital to have my last medical mc, a very pregnant woman was standing outside smoking, telling someone on the phone "they don't think I'll go full term". Hard to see, but not about me deserving and her not.

Original poster

pigletmania · 27/04/2011 19:08

I know hairy I just got so wound up about it all. Of course you are entitled to your opinion . That is sad, poor baby of that lady

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