TTC while breastfeeding - Part 2

[silkenladder]

This is the place to come to share the frustrations of ttc while still nursing.

Many of us are sleep-deprived, some of us don't even know if we're ovulating and none of us know whether taking agnus castus is a good idea or not. We all just want to do the best by the children we already have, but would really like to be pregnant again. Quickly.

Part 1 had plenty of graduates . Here's hoping Part 2 will be equally successful and supportive!

Agree that Politics of Breastfeeding is a great book. I originally planned to stop at a year but still going at 15months and no immediate plans to stop though i think I would like to finish by around 2years. Don't really know why but I would like to be pregnant by then and not sure I could cope with tandem feeding. I guess only time will tell if this is another date that gets deferred...

On some days, I think that it might be nice to have a break with no bf between babies but I am not sure I want to force the issue as DS still seems quite dependent on it emotionally. So my plan/hope is for him to self-wean if/when I get pregnant as I understand milk supply diminishes around 4-5months causing some toddlers to lose interest. If this happened now, he would be around 20months then but as there is still no sign of AF he is likely to be much older.

That is the obvious flaw in my TTC approach! I had a tiny amount of brown spotting on the 12th Jan which I got excited about thinking it was the start of AF but no. I then thought/hoped it might be implantation bleeding but two preg tests on Monday and today suggest it is not that either so I guess it may just be one of those things. Any other ideas or similar experiences?

Oh I feel a bit impatient as I would have loved a two year gap between children and that would mean getting pregnant right now, sigh.

Agree that Politics of Breastfeeding is a great book. I originally planned to stop at a year but still going at 15months and no immediate plans to stop though i think I would like to finish by around 2years. Don't really know why but I would like to be pregnant by then and not sure I could cope with tandem feeding. I guess only time will tell if this is another date that gets deferred...

On some days, I think that it might be nice to have a break with no bf between babies but I am not sure I want to force the issue as DS still seems quite dependent on it emotionally. So my plan/hope is for him to self-wean if/when I get pregnant as I understand milk supply diminishes around 4-5months causing some toddlers to lose interest. If this happened now, he would be around 20months then but as there is still no sign of AF he is likely to be much older.

That is the obvious flaw in my TTC approach! I had a tiny amount of brown spotting on the 12th Jan which I got excited about thinking it was the start of AF but no. I then thought/hoped it might be implantation bleeding but two preg tests on Monday and today suggest it is not that either so I guess it may just be one of those things. Any other ideas or similar experiences?

Oh I feel a bit impatient as I would have loved a two year gap between children and that would mean getting pregnant right now, sigh.

Another Politics of Breastfeeding fan here. Thankfully I have some lovely mum friends still BFing their 17 month olds - including one awesome lady with twins! DH is also largely very supportive although when I complain about not being able to go away for a night etc he does turn it round to 'well you're the one that wants to feed DS' which can be irritating. Even my twin sister finds the extended feeding a bit odd, but as her genetic double image, I'm absolutely certain she'll feel the way I do when she has kids :o The mother-in-law is the most irritating every conversation we have about DS feeding ends with her telling me in a mock light-hearted, passive aggressive fashion just how much it reminds her of that bitty scene from Little Britain. Cheers for that
Well no AF or any sign of her despite us night weaning. I do hope I'm not going to be one of that minority of women who has to fully wean to get her fertility back. I just realised I didn't have a period for the whole of 2009 and 2010... and it felt very odd.
Still I should probably confess that I'm still trying to persuade DH to pick a date for when we can start trying again. This is actually big progress because at one point he was adamant he didn't want another, even though before conceiving DS we agreed to try for two babies. This is because we had a tough first year after having DS what with me ending up in a high dependency unit after a fairly traumatic delivery, DH left holding the baby and genuinely worrying he was going to lose me, then colic and the incredible non sleeping baby, and frankly me not being the easiest person in the world to live with :o Any way fingers crossed he picks a date soon. Hmmmm sorry for the epic ramble.

LBP probably not very reassuring, but I had a very similar experience in Sept. Started spotting, thought 'yay, af is back', then it stopped and I thought, 'ooh, maybe implantation'. Hpt and lack of any other symptoms convinced me otherwise. It was 8 weeks until the next bleed for me, but at least it was more substantial than the first. I've waited another 8 weeks for this af as well.

It presumably isn't the same for everyone, but Dita's experience sounds like it was similar.

Scientific explanation (from TCOYF) the body produces oestrogen causing increase in cm, but not enough to ovulate. This happens more and more frequently, until the oestrogen level reaches a level where ovulation is possible. Each time oestrogen is produced the uterine lining thickens and eventually becomes unsustainable, causing a bleed. It's also possible to have a withdrawal bleed if the oestrogen level falls very suddenly, but less common than a lining breakthrough. When you finally ovulate you will have an af about 14 days later unless you are pregnant .

Some people on the last thread didn't have to wait very long for first af after spotting. Mamafoof even got pregnant before afaik, but sadly mc.

Btw, has anyone heard from mamafoof recently? Hope she's doing all right. Hulla too. Dita have you heard anything?

so a friend is a GP; and mentioned Clomid. What is the generally accepted opinion on this here?

got my own answer... that 'friend' is not very pro-bf and may not have understood my situation as apparently Clomid 'SUPPRESSES LACTATION' not exactly helpful then.

Had hospital appointment today, I have to have a colonoscopy in about 4 weeks so undecided as to whether we should be TTC now. They think I might have ulcerative colitis, but because I had food poisoning, all the damage seen on the sigmoidoscopy could have been due to that instead.

I have to not eat for about 30 hours and take some really powerful laxatives, so need to contact breastfeeding network about whether it is ok to still feed (nurse was a bit skeptical but I think over cautious).

I said to DH 'I'm not sure we should try this month' and he said 'oh are we trying now?'

Yes dear, that's what it's called when you quit using contraception!

Lol at your dh, Yank, but hope you don't have ulcerative colitis and that it is just related to your food poisoning.

Gauntlet your friend does seem to have got the wrong end of the stick. I thought Clomid was given to women with fertility problems, but not menstruating while bf is normal, surely?

If you really want to get cracking with ttc, then there's no shame in stopping bf, especially when you're back at work. A friend in rl is a dentist and plans to stop bf when she goes back to work (dd will be 18m) as she is worried about working with amalgam and bf. I don't know if that affects you (my friend is the sort to overreact about these things) but you could always use it as a reason if you were looking for reasons to stop.

Its a difficult one YNC - I mean if you've just come on your period, you won't ov until 2 weeks at the earliest or know you are pg until 4 wks... and if your cycles are longer than that would obviously be all delayed. My general opinion is that not much damage can be done until you know you are pg, as before that there is no blood supply to the embryo. But you may also want the peace of mind of knowing you definitely aren't pg! I also hope things go well

I agree about Clomid, suppression of ovulation is just a normal consquence of breastfeeding. I don't think I'd take anything that messed with hormones while breastfeeding.

I think you need to think about whether you really want the chance to conceive now, or whether you'd be happy to wait a little longer. It took probably a couple of months for my first AF after night weaning/cutting down feeds. Your LO is so young, its totally normal that AF hasn't returned, and really its just a waiting game now. In the whole scheme of things, a few months isn't a long time, honest!

p.s. YNC kellymom has info on BF and laxatives

Cheers Isla, kellymom didn't have the stuff I am going to take, but googled the brand name and breastfeeding and found this on the electronic Medicines Compendium:

For CitraFleet neither clinical data on exposed pregnancy nor reproductive toxicity are available. As picosulfate is a stimulant laxative, for safety measure, it is preferable to avoid the use of CitraFleet during pregnancy.

There is no experience with the use of CitraFleet in nursing mothers. However, due to the pharmacokinetic properties of the active ingredients, treatment with CitraFleet may be considered for females who are breastfeeding.

So I guess breastfeeding is ok, but unclear about pregnancy. But as you say, I wouldn't even know if I was pregnant if the colonoscopy is happening in the next 4 weeks. So am going to quit worrying about it!

Sorry, that dentist thing probably wasn't relevant. Isla said what I was trying to much better. Just wanted to add, I know it's a difficult decision and that you probably do feel the pressure of time with your plans to go to Mozambique, but you won't be failing your current or future dcs whatever you decide.

silken was that me I am a peer supporter who had a 14 month old who self weaned lol yeah she really did ds1 weaned at 16 months but that was by accident as I was really ill.
However we are still going strong at 19 months with ds2 ironic when I could do with weaning for ttc!
Due to test this week not holding my breath though as not much swi going on here this month.
There was a good website for safety of drugs whilst bf trying to remember what it was. Will try and find it when on pc later.

silkenladder- and others; thank you so much! i feel Loved can't say i have ever thought of amalgam as a problem- esp. since I worked until 40 weeks pg( i DID look into the research, and DID use a double mask!)

Well; I have to report that we had a 7pm-630am sleep ( yes, wooooo) on Thursday; horrendous last night- but it seems quite hopeful; when all she had managed before was 4hrs. She's got another tooth and had a bad cold now- so could be why...

DH is pretty keen on me stopping now. I am a peer supported too- but not actually going to any groups (apart from my own Christian mum's group)at the moment due to work. I am just finding all the pro's and cons difficult to assimilate.

I find cake is the answer ( which is nicely offset by bf - another Pro)

that was meant to be peer supporter- not supported! ( but i am supported too)

Gauntlet glad you feel loved

The Germans seem to base lots of policies on avoiding the one in a million chance of something bad happening. I know two dental nurses as well as a dentist who were all signed off work/on admin duties only for the duration of their pregnancies.

They also say you shouldn't sit a baby up until it can sit itself up (could damage the spine), let a baby walk before it can crawl (crawling is necessary for proper hip and brain development), put a baby in a sling facing out (bad for spine and will overstimulate the baby), let a baby suck its thumb (will deform the jaw), etc. I could go on and on!

QF I will admit to being guilty of assuming no baby can be all that different to my pfb, who I can't remember ever refusing a feed when offered. All the reductions in feeds have come from me and so I am rather jealous sceptical of anyone who says their dc weaned under 18m. I would put money on my friend bfing her dc2 (now 9m) longer than the first though

It's interesting I must admit I look back now I have one that won't wean and wonder how on earth she did it. However she did just drop down to one feed at that stage which I just changed for a cup of cows milk. She was quite happy with that. I would say I was less attachment parenting with her, and she was always a very independant child anyway. I also think with subsequent children it is easier to feed them than get other types of snack. Oh well I am sure ds will wean at sometime :)
I have to admit secretly I am putting down Ds lack of feeds to early pregnancy hormones but perhaps that is wishfull thinking.

Well I think I'm going to have to drop out of this thread for fraud because DH has decided we won't be trying for another DC in the future... and dubbed NTNS as just aimlessly drifting along. Apparently I've changed completely since DS, we don't have sex as often as we did or go out and do as much fun stuff just the two of us (we have no family nearby to babysit) and until we do these things again for a couple of years he's not interested. :(

poppet you sound totally normal having a baby changes you irrevocably as far as I am concerned. Dh is also trying to say no more here after a bad few days with the kids :(

My theory was that by having the kids close together the sooner we would 'get our life back' as I think that it is harder when they were small

Hope you sort things out

Bless you QF thanks for that. I think I'm on the spectrum of pretty normal too, but because some days the house is a tip, others I haven't got tea ready, or we have words about ooh I dunno him leaving his DIY stuff on the floor so DS can play with it, or never remembering to shut the stairgate, then I'm not coping with one so we definitely shouldn't have another. I think with no help at all - other than his mum helping us out for the first two weeks of DS's life and DS still not sleeping through at 17 months - we're doing more than coping, we're doing really blurry well. He however wants us to do badminton or something together as a couple in the evenings.... FFS.
I'm totally with you in that I want to get this stage over with so our family can grow up together, not space it out as long as possible. I'd like to retrain when DS and hopefully another DC are old enough and I'd like to do that before I'm in my 40s. I also want the DCs to be able to play with each other. We'd both agreed before I got pregnant that we'd aim for two kids, now he keeps pushing for DS to be an only, as if that will somehow miraculously turn us back into the single couple we were a few years ago and get him his old sex life back again . I'm just so sad because I would have to have thought so long about having an only as I don't think it's fair. Thanks for letting me whinge.

Poppet sorry to hear that you're having such a horrible argument with your dh . I agree with QF that he's on cloud cuckoo land if he thinks life with a baby can be the same as without.

What exactly is the sleep situation at the moment? I know first hand how difficult it is to cope when you are sleep-deprived and how it makes DHs you think twice about having more. Maybe if you could reclaim the nights, you could get your dh back on side by reminding him that ttc means three times a week for a few months .

Thanks Silkenladder. To be honest the nights are getting better since we nightweaned at xmas. DS now wakes only once or twice and goes back to sleep with a shush and a pat from his dad, or after a brief tantrum then a shush and a pat from me. I think the relationship damage is from the months of more serious sleep deprivation. I just feel in limbo a few months ago when he finally appreciated how much sticking to our original agreement of two kids meant to me, we had a chat where I asked him to tell me when we could start ttc and for him to decide, and instead he's gone back to one child again. I really feel this could be an absolute deal breaker for me but he will take it as an ultimatum. I don't plan to be a long term SAHM but he now wants a few years of us doing coupley things then to do it all again. I want the chaos years to be done with once and once only!

Hi poppet, that's sad to have that reaction from your DH. I think he's mistaken, really! I would totally agree with you that it's important to get these 'tiny baby years' over with in one short burst, rather than dragging it out over say, 7 - 10 years. That's very hard. I hope that he starts to see it - good luck.

My DH is very nervous about going through it all again but he's aware that although I want to be at home with my babies I don't want to be doing it for a whole decade, maybe just half. I think we can both see the benefits. I hope that he doesn't change his mind!

I'm now on the 2ww. I still feel that this month is just not my month though. SWI a couple of times but I'm not entirely convinced that I even ovd. We'll wait and see I guess.

As an aside, and because there's no one answering on the bfing topics has anyone got experience of suddenly painful bfing with an older baby? Suddenly my boobs are very painful, I think because DS is taking less into his mouth and pulling his head back - ouch! I think it might be teeth as we're waiting on the final four molars, and sadly I know it's not a pregnancy as I tested because they were sore, which kicked off this whole delightful discussion with DH.

Thanks Marthamay and good luck! At least you're in with a shot!!