ovulation/sex

[klou]

i have been ttc for 6 months now. the problem is my husband always seems to tired "at the right time" this has led to many tears and much upset. now it seems we only have sex to concieve - which is actually only 1 - 2 times a month!! no enough i know. i am also upset about trying to figure out when i ovulate - this month i tried the sticks and i only had the "surge line " for 1 day!!! how depressing. and yes that night he was too tired. we have a 3 yr old and i am getting stressed about the age gap. i am 34 and hubby is 41. i am getting obsessed with getting pregnant. can anyone help!!

i have been ttc for 6 months now. the problem is my husband always seems to tired "at the right time" this has led to many tears and much upset. now it seems we only have sex to concieve - which is actually only 1 - 2 times a month!! no enough i know. i am also upset about trying to figure out when i ovulate - this month i tried the sticks and i only had the "surge line " for 1 day!!! how depressing. and yes that night he was too tired. we have a 3 yr old and i am getting stressed about the age gap. i am 34 and hubby is 41. i am getting obsessed with getting pregnant. can anyone help!!

Klou, I am 30 and my hubby is 25, we have been ttc for just over 2 yrs now and still no luck. We also went through the stage of having sex to try and concieve but we quickly realised this was not helping. Just do what we are doing, try and relax, find the fun in your sex life again and most of all enjoy eachother whenever both of you feel like it.

Hope all goes well for you

Klou,

I am going to echo what Vaunda says as well.

You need to set aside for good any idea of timing intercourse because as you have seen with the upset caused it actually does more harm than good. Timing is often a mistake because it is all too easy to misjudge the fertile day. I would say to you to instead make love when you both feel like it even though you may feel it is not the "right" time.

Self predicting ovulation is damn nigh impossible to do if periods are irregular. Would chuck away the sticks also as these can give false readings; these also have their own set of problems.

You can have a blood test done to see what your hormone levels are like; this would give an accurate picture of what's happening re ovulation.

Would ask what your periods are like. If they are irregular in nature or are very painful please seek advice sooner rather than later.

HTH

Klou, have similiar problem to you, only it's been 11 cycles ttc now & dd1 was 4 in July, so age gap is gonna be huge . Myself & DH are 34 & I'm concious that the biological clock is counting down, especially as I have my heart set on 2 more children!

With regards to DH being tired at the right time, I started setting the alarm clock for 1/2 earlier in the morning on a couple of key days each month. Found it easier to get DH's interest when he first woke up as they always seem to be ready (ahem!) for a bit of BD-ing when they wake up, iykwim !!! I also made sure we were BD-ing at other times in the month too, so he didn't feel we were only doing it for ttc. They don't like feeling they are simply sperm donors!

With regards to length of time it's been taking you to get pg this time round, after 6 months I started worrying, so started temping & using opk's. You can buy a BBT thermometer from Boots, and cheap opk's from ebay (thenewyou is a good seller). By recording my temps & opk results on the fertilityfriend website, I discovered that I ovulated very late in my cycle & have what is known as a luteal phase defect (only 8 days between OV & AF - the average is 14 days, and below 10 days is a problem). So after seeing a couple of doctors (the 1st was useless but that's another story), I convinced him that things weren't right & that I had a LP defect, and therefore probably low progesterone levels. I'm now in the middle of having blood tests & I was right - my progesterone is too low for me to conceive/support an embroyo - so I am now awaiting some more blood test results & then a referral to an fertility consultant.

HTH, Iona x

Klou - just wanted to offer some support as know exactly what you are going through. I have been TTC for 8 months now after a m/c at the beginning of the year, it is sooo frustrating. I think there is some good advice in not just having sex when its ov time, mind you that is easier said than done!!
Best thing I found was to sit hubby down and explain how you feel, tell him about fertile times etc as you might be suprised that he doesn't fully understand.
I think the frustration comes from feeling that you are on your own.
I have started a course of acupuncture which I am finding helps so far as the guy I am seeing makes me feel like he is on the TTC journey with me. Might be worth looking into as it can help allay fears that there is a problem etc as he is keeping an eye on my temping chart which is a great indication as to what is going on.
I have one very good friend who took a year to get pregnant with her second child and am holding onto that thought as it proves that just because we don't conceive asap that there really is not a problem.
Hang in there and if you ever want to rant then please feel free to let of steam with me as I totally know what you are going through!!
Best of Luck xx

Klou - just wanted to pick up on your comment about only having the surge line for one day, as no-one else has commented on that yet. LH levels surge and die back very quickly. This is perfectly normal, and means that you should only get the surge for one day. In fact you're supposed to stop testing once you get it! It doesn't mean that that is the only day worth making love - carry on for the next day or two as well, as that will be your peak time.

ionaming did you get to see someone through your gp or did you go privately?

klou don't worry about the age gap. i think people are very hung up on it nowadays. My brother is almost 5 yrs older than me and we have always been very close.

Klou, have you tried with Persona ? it tells you when you are fertile, so maybe you are BD at the wrong time ? My friend tried for a year, borrowed my persona & conceived that month. her ovo days were different to her expectations, ie she ovo earlier in the month.

Will your hubby take zinc ? & apparently royal jelly is supposed to be good - not sure how it works though.

I am TTC this monthm using my persona AND the ovo sticks - also from ebay - simplyfertility. I used them in Aug after my miscarriage & we BD on the day of OVO, but no luck,so have poor DH driving over 100 miles to BD the last couple of nights He's on a course - would be this week...

Jane313 - I went through my GP as can't really afford to go privately. However, I had to get a 2nd opinion as the 1st GP just dismissed my concerns saying that an 8 day luteal phase is not a problem (!), that temping & OPKs are a waste of time & are widely inaccurate, and (worst of all) that because I'd already had one baby, of course I would have no problem conceiving again . She had obviously never heard of secondary infertility. The 2nd doctor wasn't very clued up either, but he at least agreed to start the ball rolling & do some blood tests. He was very surprised when I correctly predicted a progesterone deficiency! I go back to see him next week when he should hopefully do my referral. I have no idea how long the referral wait will be though...

Are you trying to get a referral yourself at the moment?

Did you change GPs? Or just go to a different one in the same practice? I haven't started yet but last month I got no +ves on my cheap ebay OPKs. Have bought clearblue digital this month so if I still get no +ves I will have something to actually report. (I did get a few +ves on my saliva test kit but the results were confusing). I just feel they might not refer me cos I'm 39, overweight, have a child and had gestational diabetes last time. But all that was true last time (well I was 36 then) and I got pregnant first time with no knowledge of ovulation times. The dr I liked the most at my practice has left so not sure who else would be good. Have only been trying for 4 months but just feel something is wrong.

Its good that you know what is wrong now. I hope your referal is nice and fast!

thank you everyone for advice.
Vaunda - good luck to you.

MeerkatsUnite - you are right. the sticks have confused me - i know i read the instructions and i still got wound up!

ionaming - i also ovulate late in the cycle - last month it was day 22 - but my full cycle was 37 days - but this was very unusual - it's more often 30-32- maybe it was the worry and as you can imagine i thought i was pregnant as AF was so late.

Bella23 - will talk to that husband tonight!!

Tabs - thanks for the advice re:the surge line. i got it on sunday and of course hubby was too tired. so we did it monday . then tuesday i tested again and NO surge line. so we did it again anyway on wednesday, then today i notice i AM ovulating!!! not by the sticks but by the egg white ( sorry to be graphic ) i am SO confused!!

thanks all!!

Jane313 - I went to a doc within my usual practice. I just phoned up & asked for a particular doc as you don't have to see the one you are registered with (I never do as he is awful). I would recommend buying a BBT thermometer (Boots do them) & keeping a record of your temps for a couple of cycles. I found this clearer than using OPK's (& far cheaper!). I was really surprised at how clear ovulation is on my temperature chart! Fertilityfriend.com is an excellent site to use to record your temps and any other info (opk results, when you BD, CM etc). If it then looks like you have a problem with your cycle, it gives you a headstart when you go & see your GP.

Klou, good luck with your ttc. It doesn't look like a LP defect is the issue with you, so that's good. I think it does take longer to conceive when you reach mid-30's unfortunately . Might be worth seeing your GP if you're worried you're not ovulating or something. Mine was willing to start doing tests after 9 or 10 months of ttc as he could see I might have a problem after I described my cycle pattern to him (from my temperature charts).

HI Kiou - have just skimmed the thread so forgive me if I'm repeating. Taking temp is good advice, but also check your cervical mucus - it will be clear and stretchy like egg white when you are ovulating. Doing both together should give a very vlear indication of when you are fertile. I can recommend an excellent book which explains everything very clearly - "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. Good luck.