Thank you all for the kind thoughts, hugs etc they were very much appreciated and just what I needed to kick my arse out of that low mood! So I'm back on the wagon even though I'm still waiting for the wicked witch to return from her holiday (the evil cows probably holed up in some 6 resort where the weather's gorgeous and the cocktails are flowing!! Harumph). The miscarriage clinic was brilliantly thorough and very understanding. If when I get a bfp I've got to ring the EPU to get an immediate scan that day, woohoo that's made me happy! They're running loads of tests Inc genetic blood tests which they need 9, yes nine vials of blood for!! She tried a few times to get blood but it wouldn't come so I've still got that to look forward to! You should've seen DHs face when he was told HE had to have blood tests!!!!! 
He was mortified. Mind you the funniest part was when she asked for our history, then looked at DH and asked if he'd* had any miscarriages. He replied, in a serious tone, "No, you'd have heard if I had as I'd have been in all the papers with being a man that was pregnant!" The dr wasn't impressed as she flatly explained she meant with previous partners whilst we peed ourselves laughing!!!!! They've also arranged day 2 and day 21 blood tests. The genetics tests will take 3 months to come back and she said we couldn't try for a baby in that time! Yeah right - we'll be having an 'accident' then if we concieve before 3 months! Sorry but no way I could stop trying for 3 whole months, the 2ww feels like an eternity let alone 12+ weeks! I've also been prescribed super duper strength folic acid. The great thing is though that I'm too fat apparently because I'm a size 16 (it's alright for her the skinny bitch!) and DH has crap quality sperm (she knows this even without a sample) because he smokes sometimes. So she reckons the 3 month break will be enough time for me to loose 50 stone and DH to quit smoking even though the stop smoking clinic's packed out and he can't get in!
Anyway I got a bit of cm that looked a bit like ewcm yesterday so did an opk test and a 'squint hard enough and you'll see it' line showed and today it was a bit darker so I've told DH that we're at it like rabbits for the next few days (accidentally of course......).
Assassin how are you going to cope with no computer? I'd be lost without it! Think you need to invest in an iPhone then you can Mumsnet whilst shopping. I was Mumsnetting whilst waiting at the hospital and got a few funny lookings when I was laughing my head off reading Arthur's classic 'sodding geyser/clots like liver' out loud to DH!!!!
Arthur you're posts always cheer me up no matter how crappy I feel. I love your dry, warped and twisted SOH!
Hope everyone's doing ok and keeping warm and snug as the cold, wet nights draw in. Perfect time to close the curtains, put the kids to bed early and get down to some serious BDing with DP/H. I think that's the only thing winter's good for - cosy nights in with your loved one.
Welcome Birdie please don't feel guilty or that you're being punished for having a TOP when you were younger. I'm sure you had you're reasons and that it was the right thing to do at the time. Although I've never been in your situation I do think you need to give yourself a break. As I said earlier I was told there was no chance of pregnancy ever for me and I got pregnant first time with my DS so there's always hope until there's absolutely no chance ie menopause or hysterectomy etc. Good luck I hope it's your month.