I lost my ability to think deeply

[FangBS02]

I'm a man 20 years old. I play chess. Some time ago I played in an arena on stream and when me and my opponent were in time trouble, playing on increment (+5s for every move) the person on stream called it "bullet" which is very fast time control but here it's not that fast, it's normal chess. From that point on, I feel like that person is literally prohibiting me from thinking and the feeling is so strong, I can't play well and I have no control over my decisions. It's not a mindset you want to have when playing in time trouble but generally I don't know why I feel that in my head he prohibits me from thinking and how to stop feeling like this.

In these kind of situations, I ask myself "what would Bono do?"

Failing that, Margaret Thatcher.

He shares or imposes some excuses to not think and then it's harder for me to think. If I didn't know these excuses then I couldn't focus on them. I need to have somebody say: Here, you have to think.

I also get hit with thoughts that I do nothing important when playing chess, just playing a game and then I can't play my best but there's no way to prove it wrong.

Do you mean that you're having thought insertions?

Yes

Something inside tells me to abandon my skills.

That sounds very confusing and difficult. Do you have someone you feel safe with who you can talk to and who might be able to support you to talk to a doctor about this? There can be lots of different causes like stress, not enough sleep, infections.

I don't think there's a real reason for that, it's just I can't access my skill when playing games where you think and I myself wonder why is that.

Like if someone looked at me and said what am I doing, I don't feel like I'm alone and that I can do whatever I want.

I need to stop feeling like someone from outside wants to say: what are you doing to my activity.

Oh hypnotherapy might be the solution, it can help you gain control of your thoughts

I think he presented time trouble as weird or unnatural by using weird expression to describe it, he probably didn't mean that because he also plays chess and needs to play in time trouble but I still feel like that, preferably it's this person in my head that wants to present my activities as unnatural but that means there are more people that could also do that if I had contact with them. I think sharing it might also help. I unnecessarily see it as weird when me and my opponent have seconds left on the clock and need to play faster than before.

Or I feel that thought process in general got offended and then it's harder for me to think.

Or impossible actually

He just straight up did insult of effort and I have this in my head at all times.

I feel like someone good (International Master) insulted my effort like if he had bad intentions towards me and now I can't have it at best.

Speak to a doctor?

Definitely do not ask Mumsnet for advice on issues like this.