I have no idea what to do on Christmas day....

[CMOTdibbler]

OK, so heres the situation:

me, DH, and DS, aged 3

my parents - live 1 1/2 hours away, refuse to go anywhere this year, even if we go and get them and return them. They are elderly, in poor health, and the house is not small child safe (medication everywhere, sharps bins, insulin pens, and just stuff everywhere). Mums cooking is not good these days as she forgets what she's doing

My db lives 4 hours away, and doesn't do a lot with them. No children, but engaged to someone whose parents live closish to ours

I can't work out whether not seeing my parents on Christmas day and trying to get my brother to go instead will work, or whether to go for a few hours.

I did look into taking them out for Christmas lunch, but the only places near to them who do it are v v pricey for a standard turkey lunch.

Any ideas ?

Could you do something like have Christmas breakfast with your DD and open some presents at home in the morning, then go to your Mums to arrive late morning - make it easy for yourselves and take a pre-roasted turkey or one of those boneless joints, M&S do a great one. You could even take (gasp!) frozen roast potatoes in a coolbox and some prepared veggies. Have lunch with them, then come home around tea time and have a nice cosy Christmas day evening at home with a glass of wine and a good film? That way you get to do family stuff with DD and see your parents as well. Or could you go and see them on Boxing Day instead? Would they be upset not to see you on Christmas Day?

I haven't spent a Christmas with my parents for about 12 years, but that's largely because we live in different countries, but I prefer to have Christmas ay itself with immediate family and see relatives over the Christmas period when expectations are less high and everyone's more relaxed.

Trouble is, mum doesn't realise how bad her cooking has got (she has early dementia, but won't admit to anything), so she won't let anyone help, let alone bring preprepared food.

I just can't get my head round it this year. Partly, I think, as I wonder whether either of them will be alive this time next year.

what does your mum want to do? have you asked her?she might prefer you to go on boxing day for a cuppa and presents

It sounds like you feel you should see them and indeed want to see them. Can you go for half the day (at either end) and be at home for the actual meal? Would your mum go out for a Christmas meal? If so I think you will just have to bite the bullet and pay.
You are in such a hard position but as you say they won't be around forever and you don't want any regrets.I would also be making sure my brother was doing his bit even if it wasn't on the day itself.
HTH

What about going for Christmas tea/supper?

The hotels were 90 quid each - which is just not doable.

We've not been with them on Christmas day previously, and they were fine with it (they don't do a lot for Christmas anyway).

Will try and get not-very-DB to tell me what he is doing, and maybe take it from there

Get yur DB to pop in on Christmas day,(if he's in the area) and go up on boxing day and take them out for a meal.(Should be much cheaper than christmas day)