AIBU to not want to commit to Christmas at in laws ? Yes, I know its the wrong topic ......

[Tillyscoutsmum]

but I'm too chicken hormonal to put it in AIBU

So, I am pg with dc2 and due date is 15th December. We usually alternate spending Christmas with mine and dh's families and this year its our turn to go to MIL's. We live about 100 miles apart and normally go for about 4-5 days before Christmas and come home on Boxing Day.

This year I have said that, providing ds arrives on or around due date and I am feeling ok (no c section or other complications), then I am happy to go to in laws from the 20th as normal. However, I have said there needs to be an element of flexibility, just in case. This is apparently not good enough as MIL needs to know whether she is to cater for us or not (which I do understand). She is however insistent that it is "her turn" to spend Christmas day with us and has said that if we can't commit 100% to going to them, then we can arrange for them to come to us instead (just for Christmas day).

I can't help thinking I am not going to be feeling up to catering for in laws etc. if I have a few day old baby or am overdue. I could potentially be in hospital being induced but MIL has that one covered (she can do the cooking apparently )

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable ? I normally get on really well with MIL. She is honestly lovely so I'm not sure if its just me being ......... I don't know what really.

Any thoughts ?

Oh god, what is it with that generation that they have to arrange Christmas nearly 3 months in advance? If I were in your shoes, having given birth under 2 weeks previously, I would neither want to travel 100 miles nor entertain anyone. I imagine you probably just want to live out of the freezer & the local deli counter. I don't get why your MiL can't understand that you want a 'wait & see' approach. Why does she need to know right now??! Is your DP an only child?

I went 9 days over with DC2 so that would put you at Christmas Eve. If I were you I would plan for a quiet christmas at home and maybe seeing your in laws at new year? This was late babies are catered for and no-one's plans have to change at the last minute.

What is wrong with that generation! You cannot make any plans, there is no way you will know how you will feel or if you have had the baby.

Tell them that as you do not know the situation this year you will have to give it a miss and they will have to like it or lump it!

I do feel that your stress levels, physical health and mental health have to take priority and worrying about giving birth in time to see inlaws will not help!!!

No way should you even consider catering for them or have them about when the baby is due. You will have enough on your plate.

Ok I have calmed down now!! I'll talk to them if you like!!!!!

I would tell her if she def needs to know in advance then I would call off the turns this xmas and return to them next xmas

i wouldnt go, you might be late giving birth, you dont need that worry.

Thanks all Glad to hear I'm not being precious about it. A quiet day at home, just us, would be perfect.

StayFrosty - that would very much be the plan if they were to come up for lunch - lots of pre prepared stuff from M&S or the like. It still feels like hassle though tbh

I could obviously feel fine - I could be early and ds could be nearly a month old or more - but I obviously just don't know ! MIL likes to be organised though and is really good to us, but this has pissed me off a bit.

What's the alternative?

Could you have Christmas on your own without inlaws or parents and declare it is no ones's turn this year but your own?

DuelingFanjo - yes - that's the alternative really but it would appear it will upset MIL and DH is reluctant to do it.

I think he thinks I'm looking at worst case scenario and looking for potential issues where there aren't any.

To be fair, it is very relaxing being at her house. We don't lift a finger and are well looked after and she's very hands on with the dc's - so it would be a break for us. There's just no way I'd want to be 100 miles away if I hadn't given birth and not sure if I'd feel up to travelling if ds was only a couple of days old

DC2 is due xmas day and we usually spend it at PIL (albeit 4 miles down the road). I told DP that it would be best to have it at SILs, as she lives next door, so I have somewhere to retreat to and relax if needed. We did this xmas 06. I was 6 days late with Tom, so may be late again.

On another note, I want to make sure I get proper roast potatoes. Last year MIL did mash, which I hate! She also does frozen roasties in a halogen cooker. Sometimes they are ok and other times they are rather mink. Just wish I could do them like my mum does! I'll be in charge of roast potatoes, lol.

Lovely how your MIL will do dinner at yours without you. Thats what will probably happen with me. Have them over for new year!

my tip is NEVER EVER HAVE "TURNS"

just be random

I think that once you have DCs you should just announce that you are staying at home and they can come to you.

I would say, 'actually this year we are staying at home and wont be up for any visitors, this may change depending on bubs arrival but that has to be my priority, it is just one year, and just one day, you will survive'

Breaking the cycle of 'turns' is a very good thing to do. In the last few years we've finally got PILs to reluctantly accept that although they are in the cycle of "this year at theirs, alternate years at SILs", it doesn't mean that we are in the same cycle.