Funny Christmas disasters

[SamJohnsMum]

I'm sure there must already be a thread like this, but I couldn't find it and I'm sure that there are some hilarious stories out there!!

The first things that springs to mind for me is the year I got a new cooker and didn't read the instruction booklet properly. The turkey took 2 hours longer than expected (fortunately it had one of those cooking popper things) and DH and I were getting very drunk (this was before DS was born!!). We discovered later we had GRILLED the turkey. By the time we ate it, I was far too drunk to care!

I grilled the turkey too! haven't had xmas cooking duties since as a result

The door fell off my brother's oven one year - they had to take the turkey around to someone else's house to finish cooking it!

We had an almost disasterous christmas last year - got flooded a few days before Christmas, whole house smelled, contents of cellar were piled up everywhere but somehow we muddled through!

mine wasnt funny at the time and still is bit but ds1 decided that the roller skates santa had given him were magic.after skating down the stairs he was rushed to a and e dressed in his tartan pjs looking like the boy from the snow man.i sat with 6 day old ds2 recovering from cs and trying to keep up christmas spirit with dd whilst trying not to panic about ds1.

funnily enough hes hated the skates since.

Ordered a beautifully prepared turkey crown one year, for delivery on Christmas eve. (Doing Christmas dinner for 13 people)

The turkey crown was substituted by supermarket with 8 turkey steaks!

But can, and do, laugh about it now.

DH and I carefully prepared the chicken - beautifully stuffed, etc - and turned on the oven to preheat. Worked out how long it would need in there and then set off for a crisp morning walk with guests to work up an appetite ready for lunch at 1 pm. Came home - and there was the chicken, still on the side in its dish where we'd left it. Each of us thought the other had actually put it in the oven...

Lunch was a touch late that year...

which supermarket slimmer!

my sister once decided to turn veggie so mum had to do her something other than the turkey. Anyway dinner time comes and mum had forgotten to put sis' nutroast in the oven, pmsl! She was not amused. Apparently mum did it on purpose! so she ate veg until it was cooked, luckily not very long

We had a goose one year that mum's friend brought from her farm, packed in a carrier bag. Mum popped it in the (cold) oven just as somewhere to store until the next morning to cook it.... then pre-heated the oven for dinner on Christmas eve, melting the carrier bag onto the goose in the process!

And last year she decided to make a proper trifle, custard from scratch and everything. So 9 organic egg yolks and some very expensive vanilla extract go into the pan to make..... very expensive, sweet scrambled eggs

Poor mum. It's not really fair me telling her stories but I haven't really done Christmas yet - always been to the in-laws or parents. I'm sure my time will come!

on Christams eve some years ago my cat got up on the bathroom windowsill and knocked a glass bottle of perfume down onto the loo.the bottle managed to knock a massive hole in the loo bowl.LOL Had to get a plumber on Christmas eve at 11pm to fit a new loo at enormous cost. I was expecting 18 for lunch the next day.
Anyway got up on Christmas morning only to discover there was no loo roll.Had to get my sister to bring some with herShe gift wrapped it for me.tee hee.

Another Christmas we had THE ROAST POTATO INCIDENT. Dad took the roast spuds out of the oven One dropped on the floor and he skidded landing badly on the whole pan of boiling hot potatoes. Spent the rest of the day in casualty.

Bet I can guess which supermarket, slimmer!!

The time everyone was round my aunt's house for christmas dinner and the oven broke.

My aunt isn't the kind of person who keeps y'know food in the house on a regular basis (or wasn't then) so there was nothing else to eat.

Finally managed to eat about 5pm I think.

Why my parents didn't take me and my sis home (both very young and whinging at the time) feed us and bring us back I don't know.

Turkey fat spilled over and blocked the gas jets. Cooking for about 20 people, so we started to send cars off all round town to aunties/cousins with trays of potatoes for roasting.

My uncle arrived just as a car loaded up with roasters left the house. He famously remarked "well that's the first time I've passed my Christmas dinner before I ate it".

Our first christmas with DD1 we decided to cook our own dinner for the first time. Everything was going swimmingly, i had taken the turkey out of the oven and filled the roasting tin with soapy water. I then strained the sprouts and dropped them in the soapy water AARRGGHHH Christmas dinner without sprouts just aint the same LOL.

We realised our 32 lb turkey was not going to defrost in time so dh put it in the bath.
he then proceded to light candles all around the bath and dim the lights to give our Xmas turkey a real treat before he got roasted !

Alos 1 year at my mums an elderly neighbour got locked out of house-we didn`t even know them but ended up cooking dinner for her her son and daughter in law while they waited 6 + hours for relative with spare key to arrive !
The son got drunk and proceeded to tell me his life story and how depressed he was.

Last year, first christmas dinner cooked by me for family, spent forever preparing everything as had to work christmas eve night shift. Anyway felt a bit coldey christmas eve, told DH can't phone in sick no-one will believe me. Worked the night, cough getting worse, temperature up. Got home spent all morning cooking, no time for sleep, feeling increasingly ill. Managed to get dinner on the table, felt terrible, couldn't eat a thing. Ds' also had temperatures, DS1 threw up in his dinner, everyone else ate and me and the boys went to bed, all of us high temps. We had to keep swapping beds so the boys didn't get too hot, they both had to have tepid baths, I felt like I was dying. Horrible. And our bloody family didn't leave until 11pm at night.

Took me 3 weeks to get over that virus.

mine was the year I was pregnant with DS2.

morning sickness hit on xmas day (I think all the stress swayed it off until I was ready and relaxed!).

did dinner.....and everyone wanted something or other all thro dinner so I was up and down like a sodding yoyo.

anyway, DH's aunt and uncle were due after dinner, and I had just sat down as they walked thro the door. As I got up to say hello and for uncle to give me a xmas kiss on my cheek, I turned green and literally ran and promptly vomited everywhere, and then spent the day hugging the toilet.

of course, his aunt and uncle thought it was them as we hadn;t announced to them that I was pregnant yet.

they have never once come back for xmas!

Sick of turkey, I decided to do beef wellington one year for DH (then BF) and I. I made the chicken liver pate to go around the beef, and the mushroom bit all from scratch as well as my own pastry and was feeling really smug about it. But, being A) a cheapskate and B) not really clued up on cuts of meat, I just bought a bit of topside or silverside, and a big bit as DH is a big meat eater.

So, I followed the recipe to the letter and in the oven it went, due to come out just before titanic started. Out it came, we had our starter while it rested, then when DH cut it open it was still cold in the middle never mind rare . It should have been made with beef fillet which is about 5-6cms in diameter rather than a hulking great bit of beef that I'd bought that was about 20cms diameter.

Off came the pastry and back in the oven it went, to be ready about an hour after titanic finished (and that is a looooooong film), by which time DH and I were too pissed on the wine to care and our christmas dinner ended up being smoked salmon followed by raspberry pavlova. Not the most substantial meal we have ever eaten. The beef went down well next day at our family boxing day gathering though

My first christmas with my now ex was spent apart as on christmas eve her mum called and said her brother was spewing up everywhere and her mum has a sick phobia. I couldn't go as I had to work on boxing day , not that I would have wanted to be part of the marathon throwing up session they ended up having!!

the second year was the first with my son, we went to her mums and her 2 brothers were there. the eldest brothers g/f doesn't do christmas so she stayed at home. 2 brothers said they would take care of christmas. they forgot to get the tree so dug up a plant from the garden and shoved it in a pot by the fireplace. they lit a fire to warm the house (no GCH) and wondered why several hours later all the decs had fallen off and the branches and leaves were drooping badly!! they prepared a fine spread of 8 courses for dinner. the sprouts came along first, the carrots came 10 mins later, the turkey came along 30 mins after that with the roast potatoes another 20 mins later. the mashed potatoes came in cold at some point, (by now I had had a few drinks so really wasn't clock watching and really didn't care anyway!!) the stuffing came along about 3 hours after the sprouts well I think it was stuffing, made a good door stop though . after this fine fayre, about another hour after we were presented with a brown liquid that was suspected of being custard but to this day we still don't know for sure, along with this liquid was a bowl of splodge or jam roly poly as it said on the box. just as we were deciding whether to tuck into this we were also presented with a plate of cheese and biscuits, you know the ones that go with cheese, custard creams and bourbons I think they are called . twas a wonderful first effort by the boys, one of 16 and one of 26, both never cooked before and I doubt ever will again

way back long ago when I was but a nipper of 10 or so... mum made a christmas cake- and iced it, all according to a "new" recipe for a snowy look cake, with peaks of hard frosting rather than a smooth finish.
It looked lovely, until I dropped it. The frosting shattered into dust. we had semi naked christmas cake and icing dust on our ice cream on boxing day.

Misi

My worst christmas was when every one was ill, Ds opened his presents with sick bucket in one hand DD didn't even oopen presents. Me and MIL spent christmas day in Boots the emergency chemist getting supplies in.

MY best disaster was last year first christmas after exH left. I invited him for Christmas eve and day. I did the super mum thing with everything done properly. Including potatoes roasted in goose fat, I shouted exH through to give me a hand to serve up and as we transfered to serving dishes the oven trays were piled up. The goose fat tray was dumped on top by me, then as I walked out the kitchen the whole lot trays collapsed at splattered exH in goose fat. He was asking his mum how to get goosefat out of his trousers and I said to myself "same way as you get it out of your shirt matey" Sorry but I couldn't help a snigger and at that point I realised what an idiot I had been trying to do the perfect lunch when things were still so tense.

The first time i cooked christmas dinner for everyone i left the giblets in the plastic bag inside the turkey, only realising later on when i was taking all the meat off!!! was so pleased with myself as well, thank god no-one got sick!