Organising Christmas dinner

[Mamma292939]

Last year I had a newborn who couldn’t travel far so DH and I hosted a Christmas dinner for the first time (both of us cooking different parts of the dinner), not on Christmas itself but a couple weeks earlier. Food was fine but the nerves resulted in a huge argument between me and my parents.

This year DD is older but still not a great traveller. I think we’ll have to host my family again but I really don’t want to put ourselves through the stress of cooking again. We also do another dinner for Christmas for just ourselves that is very relaxed and I don’t fancy doing it twice in December.

I’m thinking whether I should invite family over but we should eat out and get a Christmas pub lunch instead. But then is everyone expected to pay for themselves. It would be a stretch for DH and I to pay for everyone. Also when my family has get togethers my parents always pay when we eat out even when we offer, and I expect they would insist on paying this time too. I just feel presumptuous, inviting family over, but not hosting dinner, eating out and looking to my parents to pay for it.

Any thoughts on how to handle this?

Food was fine but the nerves resulted in a huge argument between me and my parents.

You had a newborn and your parents had a huge argument about the day/dinner/something?

You don’t have to have a big dinner with anyone, how about just invite people for mince pies and ice cream, then on the 25th just stay at home and cook for yourselves (3 of you)?

Parents want the big turkey dinner. They are also travelling a long distance so we need to feed them something.

Order the meal from ‘ Cook’. They do everything and provide you with a timetable to ensure everything is ready at the same time . I really recommend .

https://www.cookfood.net/menu/christmas/christmas-day

You want to go out together not to invite them to yours. They might be happy with this but they will probably still pop to yours and some food will be needed anyway.
Can you just simplify the dinner as much as possible ?
E.g delegate them part of duties - ask them to bring a dessert. Use as much shop bought/ prepared in advance as possible. Most sides are freezable, coming in oven ready trays and require the same temperature.

Who are the 'family'? Just your parents? Siblings? Siblings plus partner plus more children??? Why can't your parents or siblings host this year if you did it last year? Is anyone also staying overnight at yours?

IF people must come to you, I'd suggest:
-everyone bring part of the meal. Sarah bring an entree, Bob a dessert, mum/dad drinks and we will provide turkey/beef whatever
-If your parents are finding it a struggle to host due to all the cooking, then suggest you and siblings do similar by bringing along parts of the meal to theirs or cooking at their house
-See if any pubs/restaurants nearby are doing Christmas lunch, have availability and get the menu/prices. Maybe send the menu around and say you are thinking of going here and if anyone would like to join us, we will be buying the first bottle of wine, otherwise, Sarah or Bob could host this year.

Could you ask everyone to bring a side/dessert and prep as much as possible in advance? M&S do a frozen stuffed turkey breast that you cook straight from frozen and pretty much sorts itself out. You could have that on one oven shelf, potatoes below it (use frozen roasties) and then airfry the rest. M&S British Oakham Turkey Breast Joint Boneless Frozen - Ocado

I think this is the best option. We've done Xmas in a pub and couldn't hear ourselves think though the food was delicious.

Would also recommend doing the big dinner in the evening on Xmas Eve. It's less stressful cooking such a big meal for an evening serving.

I've just realised that the turkey I linked needs defrosted, I'm sure M&S do one in store atm that doesn't need to be, but iceland do one with great reviews Iceland Luxury Perfect Turkey Joint 1kg | Iceland Foods

Iceland are doing a Christmas dinner box that feeds 4 people for £25. Turkey joint, roast potatoes, pigs in blankets, broccoli, carrots and peas. Gravy as well....

I've ordered mine from cook this year....my sons are doing the cooking 😁

Turkey crown, stuffing, pigs in blankets, roast potatoes roast parsnips and gravy from M&S ready made, then it’s just down to oven timings and steam some sprouts and veg to go with it. If anyone wants 3 types of meat, 2 sorts of potato and 20 different side dishes they can off. Do drinks and nibbles (olives, crisps, charcuterie type stuff) before you sit down for the roast instead of making a starter as well. Cheese or Xmas pudding later once the roast is cleared up and people have had chance to digest their turkey.

Think about what caused the argument last time. And avoid it if possible.
This thing with families having to get together causes so much stress.
If cooking the meal was the root of the row it might be helpful to know what that means ? Was it just doing things differently, or two women over one oven. Which sounds a recipe for disaster. No matter how well you know them. And they you.
Mum needs to keep out of the kitchen if she comes to you. Not everyone likes people ‘helping’. And you need to agree that she does that. If she was the cause.
Or was it the time of the dinner that caused a problem ?

If you go to a restaurant which I would avoid ( unless you really know the pub etc very very well) I would agree how you pay upfront. Perhaps you pay for food they pay for drink ? Something like that. But I suspect they will want to be at yours.

Do as much ‘ready’ in. If cooking is not your thing or you do not want to do loads of it. And if they do not like that too bad. Marks and Spencer is your hero there.

I used to work in a chain restaurant and last year, the Christmas 3 course meal was £61pp. I’m certain it will have gone up again this year. It is basically the Sunday lunch menu slightly tweaked to be festive, all pre-done and frozen.

If this is what you’re looking for, I’d advise you to book early - as once December 1st rolls round, the time slots fill up very quickly.

Hopefully you’ve somewhere independent near you that would do something a little better, more homely than the chain restaurant!

Your parents sound rather difficult. Tell them they can stay at home on Christmas Day and they can have their turkey dinner on their own. Maybe invite them for Boxing Day or on the Sunday instead.

Is this on Christmas day?

Sorry that would really piss me off, OP! Just because parents “want” the full Christmas dinner it doesn’t mean they should get it no matter how far they travel, ffs!
Do what you can and no more. You’re entitled to enjoy yourself.

Another one for Cook or go out and save the hassle!

Why were you feeling nervous last time? Do your parents expect perfection or something?

If you feel nervous in front of your own family why put yourself through the stress of doing it all again??

Why not go to the in laws
instead this year?

Could you just go to a carvery, so eating out but not too expensive? Or just tell people that you don't feel up for travelling or cooking for everyone and see what the suggestion are?

What do you and DH want?

You don’t have to host anything at all.

In your shoes with a young child, I’d be putting things on hold until she was a bit older and telling my parents we won’t be hosting for a couple of years.

Is that an option?

If host a bring a plate event at your house and ask everyone to bring something to share all together

“I’d host” not “if”

I'd do as much as possible the day before. A microwave is a wonderful thing!

What was the argument about, @Mamma292939 , so you can hopefully avoid the same again?

Put yourself first. They can have their big turkey dinner on Christmas day itself, there is no need for them to eat it in your presence. You can serve whatever is easiest for you to make/will cause the least amount of stress.