Gifting vs secret Santa families

[ViaRia01]

With regards to your parents, adult siblings, and in-laws etc., are you a ‘gifts for everyone’ or a ‘secret Santa’ family?

I don’t believe that ‘Christmas is for children’. I think Christmas is for everyone (who wants it). I enjoy lots about Christmas including buying and receiving gifts between my adult relatives but I do recognise it is getting harder - families grow, the list gets longer, many people already have the things they actually want, some people are hard to buy for, money doesnt seems to stretch so far these days.

A few years ago I suggested to my mum, siblings and their partners, shall we switch to a secret Santa for the adults. I am starting to regret that now though as after a few years of this secret Santa exchange it was suggested that we scrap it and just buy for the children in the family. If that’s what everyone wants then of course I can’t insist on secret Santa or any other gift exchange. I just feel a bit deflated that I instigated something a few years ago that has now seemingly progressed to no gift exchanging for adults at all.

I am just trying to see the posisitive side of this which is that with the money we would have spent I can buy something a bit more substantial/ better quality for the nieces and nephews. And my husband and I will still exchange gifts so we still have that.

We're child free, there's no way I'd be agreeing to gift to children only. It would cost me an absolute fortune and I wouldn't receive anything. I know it's practically blasphemous to say this on Mumsnet but I do enjoy recieving gifts! (And giving them.)

I also don't see how that system would be at all fair anyway unless everyone has the exact same number of children.

We do secret Santa for the adults in the family. It makes it much easier and we set a larger budget than we would than if we were all buying for each other so we can buy better presents.

We use an app that does the draw so you can exclude partners and the name you drew last year, so no-one gets the hard to buy for person 2 years in a row! You can also add present ideas and the gift giver can tick them off without the receiver knowing.

Secret Santa on one side
children only on the other
immediate family go overboard / get exactly what we need and want

I try to spend time with all the family over Christmas. Let’s face it - if someone dies do you think “I wish I had bought that candle” or “I wish I had spent more time with them “

everyone has too much stuff, or is too picky and knows what they like and need better than others

@Blixem , what is this app? We have the same secret Santa scenario and its a nightmare to pull the names out of a hat.

I’m generally a fan, we do secret Santa for siblings and in-laws, it’s double the budget than you would do individually so you can buy something really nice. It’s sometimes a thoughtful gift, but often you ask their spouse and get what they really want.

Neither. We just meet up, have lots of nice food and drink and enjoy seeing people.

We might take special food/drink if we're visiting and others might bring it if we're hosting - I suppose that could be seen as a gift.

Most people these days buy what they want for themselves. This means that when other buy for them, they aren't grateful because it's not quite what they would have chosen. The alternative is people telling others exactly what to buy but that's not really gifting either - just dictating and often asking more of others than they would choose to give.

Same here. I'm the single childless one (with no parents, siblings, etc). Getting all the kids stuff would cost me about £300 a year and I'd literally get nothing back - I felt like a bank.

Now we do Secret Santa and we have a £50 limit. We are allowed to suggest a list of what we'd like, or just ask for a surprise. It's easier, more of a challenge to buy something really nice for just one person, and everyone really looks forward to it. Nuclear families still buy for each other, but for those of us who don't have that, it's nice to feel included rather than to feel left out or taken advantage of.

We're moving more and more to no gifting. You've said you wouldn't spoil yourself, but you could use the budget towards doing just that, now you're not buying gifts?

I know what you mean about nice thoughtful gifts, but in my experience 9/10 they get it wrong (even if they mean really well) and it's so wasteful! I hate the thought that they've spent all the money, then it just ends up in charity shop or whatever.

We buy for our 2 adult children, MIL, young niece and nephew and me and DH buy for each other. I’d hate walking up in Christmas Day without my Christmas sack of presents.

@Coatsoff42 it's called Drawnames. It's a great app. You can put kids wish lists on who aren't in the draw too so people can select gifts without duplicating.