Do you follow the want, need, wear and read Christmas present rhyme?

[ricketybeauty]

Does anyone else try to stick to the "Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read" rhyme/ theology (??) of presents? From Mum and Dad at least!

I've tried to the past couple of years - maybe gone for 2 x want presents and then a present from Santa and stocking as well. The year I was pregnant with my second, I went absolutely mad and got her tons of stuff and opening really felt like something we had to get through rather than enjoyable.

But, my point really is what do other people do for the "something they need element"?

My DD got a nice bag for her drum sticks last Christmas, she loves it and uses it every week.

Swimming bag is a similar gift surely?

I think people take it far too literally. The ‘need’ gift is not something that a parent is obligated to buy anyway and passed off as a gift. Obviously this stuff is bought throughout the year too. I can safely say in 18 years I have never given a pair of school shoes to my kids as a gift.

And why is so unfathomable that something that is needed can also be wanted?

In previous years my DS has received an electric guitar, a beautiful cricket bat, golf clubs, stuff for his gaming PC. These are things that he need to pursue his passions and things that he has said he has wanted too.

My DDs have received skincare, a Hollywood mirror, beautiful art supplies, waffle makers, a gorgeous bag, a styling head to practice hairdos, lovely things for their room. All things they have wanted but also more practical gifts.

Are these things really miserable and joyless and something a kid/teenager would be disappointed with? When I read threads of other kids’ wishlists, these kind of things are always on there anyway. But as soon as the rhyme is mentioned, suddenly it’s miserable and joyless!

I bought myself a nicer swim bag to carry the kids swimming stuff around once as a treat for ME. My kids wouldn't care if their swimming stuff was in a lidl bag.

They have absolutely zero interest in clothes - when I buy them new clothes they moan about having to try them on.

Maybe it's us that are unusual?

Of course, they love books. But they have fairly unlimited access to these. They have a Kindle unlimited subscription, and i buy them extra books basically whenever they ask (maybe one per month, like i do for myself). They read a lot. I don't ration books until Xmas.

Hobby equipment - I might buy that as a gift, if it was a case of them asking to upgrade some kit, for example.

Not to stereotype, but I get the sense you might have boy children? I run into a clothes shop with mine to return some vests and I'll be in the changing room with them for half an hour trying outfits they've picked.

From what you've just said, you are doing presents in pretty much the same way as me, some people prefer a structure approach to things (me) which is fine. Not everyone does.

But yes, my almost 6 year old absolutely would get a kick out of a new swimming bag with whatever character on she's into. A lidl bag or a mermaid bag, neither is any more noble than the other?

Ok, I'm not sure if you're deliberately misunderstanding or not now. But sure, you win, you obviously must love your children the most because you've made sure they have a huge pile of stuff to open. Congratulations.

I'll just continue my terrible ways with my "ungreatful" children.

We do broadly stick to this for Christmas (stocking excluded) as they get loads from family so it all starts to get a bit silly. The "need" one is always the hardest, normally ends up being clothes, dressing gown, new slippers or something like that. My son got a personalised boot bag for football one year, my daughter got her first pair of ballet shoes and a new school bag (shockingly stereotypical I know!). But if they really needed them we wouldn't make them wait until Christmas!! It's always the hardest category!

Some people do get in a fuss about the number of gifts and the "tree pile" but sometimes if a gift is actually several matching things I personally would count it as ONE gift.
For example a Baby Born doll, 2 outfits for the doll, a toy cot for the doll and one of those pretend changing bags.
Some might say that's 5 gifts.
But you don't need 4 of them unless you have the doll and you can't do much with the doll without the other 4.
So if following the poem I would count that as ONE gift coming under the "want" section.

I am always reminded of my ancient and now mostly dead aunts when I read how people things such and such is joyless

they lived through WW2 and rationing and to the end a nice bar of soap brought them great joy

I think it must be a happier life to be someone who gets joy from simple things than disappointment that the gift isn’t special enough

I just buy what I want to that's within my budget, I don't see the need for their to be rules around it.

I definitely buy more than 4 gifts though!

I definitely include more practical items within the gifts, not just toys. I like that part of it.

No because life is short and miserable enough. I wanted mine to have some magic when they were smaller.

I always have bought things like chocolate clothes, books.
They have always tended to go in the stocking. I remember when Dd was 3 or 4 and she was obsessed with bears, she got a Lindt chocolate bear, some bear shaped cookies, and a fluffy hat with bear ears, and bear socks, and some books featuring bears in her stocking, alongside soft toys and plastic figures of … yes, more bears.

As teens they are very nostalgic about Christmas, so still absolutely want things like Lindt figures and novelty socks in there - I always get Dd a bear Lindt chocolate, can’t imagine I’ll ever be able to stop!

3 presents under the tree, always things they want - with my teenagers, this is often clothes and cosmetics, but could be anything.

I tried but it just doesn't seem to work for us tbh. Most things they 'need' hit in September when we go back to school, we've usually got more clothes than we want or need by the end of the year, DS often wants books, so the something you want and something to read categories overlap.

I really like the concept but we tend to do one big or two/three smaller pressies from us as parents, siblings buy eachother a gift, FC does the stocking and one present and that's it.

I do like the magazine/Comic suggestion though as those are a big treat for us!

I do something similar and have done since DS first Christmas was crazy (from everyone in the family)! It isn't necessarily just one present for each but we try to follow the categories and it really helps to rein in the overspending of rubbish the kids actually don't want.
We do:
Wear
Need
Read
Want
Extra Special

What goes in them can be really subjective and depends on the year and age of each child -
Wear - always clothing or shoes. What can depend on what is going on. Last year the kids had been asking for matching football kits for a while and then they got new football boots too. This year we are going for Disney themed clothes as next year we are doing to DL Paris.
Need - sometimes new bags, sometimes water bottles, sometimes clothes or shoes, sometimes idea for a future trip planned. This year is suitcases for our trip next year.
Read - always more than one. Usually a box set of books or multiply books. We are a big book reading household so its never just one!
Want - whatever their ask from Santa was - scooters, kindles, roller skates, dolls house, DVD, more books, a specific toy, sport related item, lego, duplo etc
Extra Special - usually this is the most expensive gift they have asked santa for - very interchangeable with the want category. Usually something we also want to get the kids.

I really found over the years its stops the needless spending on toys that actually they don't need and wouldn't play with. It stops me constantly picking up things with the comment this would be great when actually it wouldn't.

We have Sept and Jan birthday so I usually plan out those as well as Christmas at the same time.

I don't like "Need" as I feel if my child needs something then I see it as my duty as a parent to provide it, it's not a gift. Like hobby equipment she can't do without or school stuff.

Unless people see "Need" as something like an addition to make a toy even nicer like when my mum bought 2 Playmobil sets to add to the castle we gave her. Or something useful like a new bag even if the existing one still works but gets a bit grubby.

DD got "wear" but it was normally an item I wouldn't really buy like the Taylor Swift cardigan (even if that thing is really good quality) or character clothing when she was younger.
We read a book one year where the children would get underpants as gifts and she only looked at me and "I better not get that" so obviously I had to do something and put a crop top in her stocking. It was a great laugh when she pulled it out. But I wouldn't just add socks etc as a present.

Read - that's part of want for her, books are not-negotiable.

I try to use the ethos of the poem without sticking to four actual things. But keeping it in mind has helped me to curb the overbuying temptation.

Need depends on the year but sometimes it’s new winter coats, one year it was mini suitcases because the main present was a family weekend away. I try to think of it as something you would probably need to buy them anyway that they wouldn’t consider a present, but if it falls around Christmas then you can make it a slightly nicer or more fun version of whatever it is.

We follow the poem. They also have a stocking with sweets but no other further gifts.

But we interpret it quite freely. So something they need is something they do need (like a backpack) but a pretty version, that would otherwise be out of budget. And something to wear might well be a princess dress-up set.

Four gifts times five family members is 20 in one event, that is plenty to go around!

No, Christmas is an exciting time for kids, full of wonder and promise, and 'worthy' presents don't really have a place in it imo.

We do it. Was always told jesus had 4 gifts (3 wise menbriugjt 1 wash the the shepherds) so it's enough for me too! Now a bit like you say it keeps it more enjoyable and relaxed and stop one of my kids getting overwhelmed. It also means I can put a lot of thought into them as not loads to sort.

Something they need, usually spent more than we otherwise could on a costume for dance competitions, but driving lessons when older, bag for school etc.

Something they want has always been 6toy from Santa.

Something to read isn't always a story. We've also had Kindle, music book, cookery book...

Good luck! 😉

Yes of course

its lovely to buy books and clothes for kids for xmas as well as the plastic tat/ toys they want

Yes Op i mostly do with a bit of flexibility plus a stocking of small bits too and a santa gift

we have a large family and so kids have plenty once you include grandparents and aunts and uncles and its overwhelming with too much stuff. so I have found this approach helps keep it im check, manage costs for us and they have always been happy. might change as they get older though. but for now it works.

need tends to be something they would enjoy but I would have got anyway e.g. for hobby or something that makes life easier (new headphones or bag)
daughter loves clothes anyway, so thats easy for her. for son it might be another book instead.

stocking has a similar approach. a few fun bits, some fluffy socks, bath stuff and face mask, chocolate and orange.

you are not the only one. costs are high. kids dont need loads of stuff and you are not a meany!

I don’t do it for presents from us but I do do it for Santa presents!!

In 2024 (3 years old) he got:
Want: Domino train
Need: LUSH shower gel
Wear: Thomas and Percy pyjamas
Read: Paw Patrol book with a torch set

Last year (4 years old) he got:
Want: Leapfrog Globe
Need: Night Light
Wear: Mario pyjamas
Read: Busy train book with a little train to go around the engraved tracks in the book

Goodness I can’t believe all these replies
this is the first thread I have ever replied to on mumsnet.
I think something I…….is a great system.
I have three children and we’ve done it for years. But this is to make their Santa lists manageable.
so they write big (huge) lists but then using a template from Pinterest they fill in the blanks dear Santa here is something I want, need, I’ll wear, read, something I really really want.
sp they get 5 presents from Santa and a stocking.
then they also get presents from family and from us (mum and dad).
nothing Scrooge like about it.
very generous and full of joy.
but honestly just do what you want and what works for your family. Xxx

This is the first im hearing of it and I shall follow it from now on 😆 thank you!

Nope not at all, only little for such a short about of time. I get what they ask for from Santa and extras within our budget, all about the magic of toys and exciting presents. Stocking does usually include what you could class as need gifts like toothbrush, pants, socks. And some new books always included too.

No, because we provide what they need, wear and read anyway year round as a matter of course.

For Christmas they get treats that they want.

I guess if you are struggling with money (or just plain tight), it's a way of justifying spending little/less.