How to plan Christmas with a newborn and a nearly three-year-old

[BeTaupeBear]

I was after advise for how to manage Christmas this year- i know its early!
I will have a nearly 3 year old and im pregnant with a due date early December.
If i go overdue/ need induction i will have a repeat c section if not im hoping to give birth vaginally but we will have to see!
My family and my husbands family both live locally.
I am trying to gage how much i can plan/ what a good day would look like.
It would be nice to see people but also im sure ill be knackered!
I dont find my in laws the easiest either which isnt helpful post partum

congratulations on your baby.

This is the perfect excuse to pair back the celebrations and just hibernate with your new family.

Your oldest will be very happy with their presents and being allowed to play for the day.

Make it easy with food or encourage family to bring you food that you can reheat on the day.

A lot of the postnatal support services do close over Xmas. If you’re planning to breastfeed it might help to investigate the helplines in advance. The BFN and NCT run lines that are open on Xmas day.

What are both sets of your families doing? How does it normally work? If I was your family I would be offering to do dinner, either at mine or bring it to yours so you didn't have to do anything, but a lot depends on what is the norm in you family?

Lazy start in the morning at home, go to someone's for dinner, chill!

We have tended to see in laws late morning and my side in the afternoon but honestly its always been a bit tight on time and im not sure its a realistic plan

oh that’s a lot. I’d say pick and either see one side on Xmas day (pref ones that will feed you) and the other on Boxing Day. If that will cause issues, say you are being just the four of you in the day and see everyone on other days

Oh what a lovely reason to see absolutely no one on the day 😂 see one set on Xmas eve and the other set on boxing day.

Or, one set visit you in the morning (maybe stay for lunch if they help but otherwise they head back for their own lunch) and the other set visit in the afternoon.

Basically, you stay put!

I'd make it an excuse that the four of you are staying at home for Christmas and I'd plan absolutely nothing except a chilled day at home. I would not plan to cook Christmas dinner. Soup and toast or pizza is fine. 3 year old will happily play with toys, watch a Christmas movie perhaps.

It will be lovely.

If you feel guilty about family I'd probably say both sides are welcome to drop in about 4pm for an hour for a cup of tea and a piece of Christmas cake but that is it. I'd make it clear I was NOT leaving the house, nor was I catering.

We've always done breakfast at our house xmas day with an open house policy before 12, super simple, just sausage and bacon cobs kept in a food warmer and our families all come round late morning and help themselves, we all open presents together then they all leave and we have the rest of the day to please ourselves.

We are normally the hosts for most things though, I love xmas and love hosting, but in some ways, even though it is hard work, the time is our own as we have 'done our bit'. if you visit other people, you can be out all day and the day is never your own.

My mum used to do a big xmas dinner for everyone on boxing day.

I am in a similar position although my elder DD will be 4 and I am due in November. My and DH families mostly live further away just my DM nearby.

Months ago I told everyone that I am not hosting. I am not having a traditional Christmas Dinner. If anyone wants to visit then I would be delighted to see them but they have to fit in to what suits us.

Last year I had an almost 3 year old and a 2
month old. We stayed home, we did roast potatoes and meat, families from both sides did some bits like sprouts with bacon and stuffing, others did the veg and puddings and then brought it round. We all ate together and then we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening playing with our 3 year old and cuddling up to the baby in our pjs on our own. Normally we traipse here, there and everywhere from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day and it was so nice to not have to leave the house with a 3 year old and tiny baby!

Once we had a child, our policy was one visit per day. One family got Christmas Eve, the other Christmas Day. No going to multiple houses or locations even with one side of the family.
also Christmas morning is at home.

it made things so pleasant for the adults as well to stop running around. I would use this year to set limits.

This year it could just be the 4 of you at home with a takeaway or something premade.

My little girl was born on the 16th December and my boy was just over 3, it was the best Christmas!
I was so organized with the presents which majorly helped with enjoying it all, everything was wrapped by the beginning of December which I've tried to carry on because it's so less stressful.
We had our in laws round for the morning and had bacon butties, then for Christmas dinner we had beef cooked in the slow cooker which is so easy! Then just did veg and roast potatoes.
I was 9 days post c section and managed fine, everyone helped and having a newborn at Christmas is so special!

Pace yourself! Perhaps see one set of family for a Christmas Eve tea and the other set of family on Boxing Day? Then keep Christmas Day just for the four of you, for you to rest and focus on making it special for your 3yo. It will also spread the present opening more evenly, which I found so helpful with young dc who want to open everything at once and get overwhelmed.

So this is what I would do:

• See no one on Christmas Day. Just chill.
• Make a fuss of the three year old, maybe something a bit special as a gift, maybe a special trip to see Santa before hand (that someone else takes them to). Some Santas in our area you can like tell them a bit about your kid, we had Santa tell our older kids what a good big brother and sister they were going to be and that he was so proud of them and oh my god they ate it up.
• Finally (and this is the most important bit) my husband would be doing everything. Decorate, dinner, ect. My husband isn’t an amazing cook, I do most of the kitchen because I am a good cook, so I’d probably say let’s dial back Christmas dinner, but my job would be baby and his job would be everything else. Tbh for me this was kind of hard when we had an our third but he did amazing and handled my control freak nature like a champ as ever.

I'm gonna kindly say dont pressure yourself to make strict plans and see how you feel closer to the time :)

Hope this is taken the right way, just as someone who had PND for sons 1st Xmas and post natal anxiety for my daughters, I would say to anyone dont stress out, go with the flow, if you have a quiet Xmas i'm sure family will understand ❤️

Why are taking this burden entirely on your shoulders and stressing this early? Tell your DH you'll be expecting to do nothing but nesting with the newborn so offer to chat through logistics, what visits you’ll be making (if any), and what he’s going to have to take on this year.

I’d use this as the perfect excuse to do absolutely nothing for Christmas. Just shut the door and enjoy your new baby bubble. If any of your family want to visit and actually help by cooking you a dinner, great! Otherwise just treat it like any other day. (That’s what I do every year anyway! Saves a WHOLE lot of bother!)

Reduce all expectations of how you would spend Christmas, especially don't put any pressure on yourself of SHOULDs. Communicate this to your family and friends.

Many people also have sniffles cold or flu around Christmas and you don't need to get that.

Don't make massive dinner or food plans, think what is manageable and fun such as pancakes or filled Yorkshire puddings. Think about COULDs. Treat yourself. Enjoy being awake feeding the baby on Christmas night

Take it easy and if you still want a traditional Christmas dinner order Christmas in a box from Cook Food or similar: https://www.cookfood.net/products/christmas-lunch-for-2

You be in control!
If you want a quiet day at home, make sure Husband is on the same hymn sheet and let him tell folk what you are doing.
But do it sooner rather than later, and be clear. Don't let anybody say 'oh but I thought you wouldn't mind!'
Good luck.

Stay at home

Relatives come to you for sherry in the morning

Husband and Mother do everything

Everyone goes away by 11.30 am

Husband does everything

My second was born in early December, my eldest was nearly three at the time. As I recall, we had the in laws over for dinner but not a traditional meal, I think we made mussels which is actually very low effort, and the baby had a monster sleep which I almost resented as it made him seem like the easiest baby ever which he most certainly was not!

I feel like you don't want to be dragging the whole circus out of the house so if you are going to see anyone they must absolutely come to you. Morning is pretty good - that's usually when they are both in the best mood and the toddler will be psyched with her presents and keen to show them off.

You would be fully justified in saying they need to bring food, but also you could do a brunch of something like oven-baked french toast and bacon or smoked salmon and scrambled eggs which is fairly low effort. Then send them on their way at toddler nap time if she still has one, and settle down for a relaxing afternoon of Christmas movies. If you aren't set on a traditional meal, maybe even make something special now to put in the freezer.

Have Christmas at home. Let them visit you on Boxing Day. You don't need to slave over Christmas dinner. Just have something easy. Christmas Day is for you and your family. Ask your parents and in-laws to visit for a short time on Boxing Day, say and hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. You.fongninow how you'll be feeling. Make it easy.

I was a single parent with an 18 month old and new born twins when I decided no more visiting people. I did a buffet on Christmas eve ready for next day and the kids loved it growing up as they got to stay home and enjoy their toys. I did Christmas dinner new years day and we did another gift 🎁 honestly my 3 loved it. When I met someone after about 5 years he said nope no more buffet ill do Christmas dinner I said ok but your doing everything im doing nothing he agreed. When we split 10 years ago my son asked for buffet on the next Christmas. He was 21 lol

I loved Xmas with a newborn! Alternate Christmas so you can just go to one house and be there for the day.

Edited to add go to your family's this year!

We had a newborn and a 19 month old one Christmas. Christmas dinner came from M&S and was a paint by numbers job. I sat on the sofa and fed the baby and did cook one thing that I’ve always cooked. DH did everything else - PIL came for lunch and didn’t stay much longer, my mum was there too and staying - but she’s a useful sort and wasn’t an effort,

You can decide how much you want to do- it’s easier to change your mind and do more closer to the time, rather than have to cancel things. DC2 was a very easy going baby tho!