Tricky family dynamics at Christmas
I'm worried about family dynamics this year to the point where I just want to almost opt of Christmas altogether or at least just have a v lazy day at home with Dh and dc. I'm pregnant as well so have little energy.
We usually host my mum who drives from a different part of the country to stay with us. DH parents live even further away so we generally don't travel to them for Christmas itself because we always want to have Christmas day at home for young dc. We will visit them in between Xmas and NY generally or sometimes they come to us.
My mum doesn't like Christmas historically due to family historical traumas - and I've spent last few years trying to make it nice for when she's here with us as I want to have nice new customs and traditions for my family and for my mum to be part of that.
The reason I'm worried is my mum and I grate on each other when we're together to the point of it becoming quite stressful - she's quite emotionally needy and if she perceives that you are annoyed by her, she will either burst into tears or go into a sulk about it. She's also increasingly immobile / can't walk any distance so it means we won't be able to do a walk etc. Or we could but she'd be here on her own. She can't have silence, she perceives there's a problem so she talks incessantly about people we don't know or random topics to fill the void even though I've tried to gently - and not so gently - say to her many times over the years that we're tired and just want to relax sometimes and watch telly without talking. My DH struggles with this more than me as he gets a bit overwhelmed with all the talking on top of having to cook, parent etc. If I get irritated and snap she gets upset rather than accepting that she was being annoying, etc. It's always my fault.
It is not the sort of dynamic where she gets stuck in and helps with dc or cooking etc. She's very much there to be hosted.
Also, I feel I want to visit DH family over Christmas as I enjoy it there but my mum has been jealous of this in the past. To point where she calls me when I'm there and makes me feel guilty about being there. They have invited her there multiple times in the past and she's always said no.
It's sad but the whole thing making me want to opt out of Christmas this year.