AIBU for not inviting family after being treated as a fallback at Christmas

[HumbugTurkey]

Even though it’s Aug, I’m getting in there early.

PiL for the past 3 years have been invited for Christmas (live quite locally). Each time they said they weren’t sure what they were doing, if their other DC was inviting them and they would let us know. Then went with DH's siblings offer. Expected us to be available Boxing Day.

My parents - again wait out a better offer and only come when other offers don’t materialise. Often let me know a week before and I have to rush round sorting out rooms. No one offers them, and they come to me.

I work Christmas Eve.

This year I’m not inviting anyone and I don’t care what they think. Not inviting Christmas or Boxing Day. My family is not the 2nd or 3rd choice when no one else offers. My siblings can put themselves out for a change.

AIBU?

YANBU. Nothing wrong with having a nice quiet Christmas with just your own immediate family if that's what you want.

Good for you!

A quiet family xmas is a lovely idea! Focus on the people who matter!

Do what you want at Christmas! Id hate to feel like folk were only coming to mine if they didn't get a better offer.

YANBU. I’ve dumped people for doing this to me.

YANBU. You don't have to be anyone's last resort.

Do it.

With kids I'd put up with it because I'd rather they have extended family around. Just me, nope.

YANBU.

YANBU. Things like this can only go on for as long as you allow them to.

Absolutely YANBU. A breezy “no, it’s just us this Christmas, no visitors” should suffice.

Oh wow, that is such poor form from your families! I dont blame you at all.

How will you do it? Not mention anything and see what they say? Be overt and announce that you are not available? Or play them at their game...'I'll let you know closer to the time?'

Set the scene with them now though, drop it lightly into conversation.
”We won’t be around at Christmas this year, DH is treating me”
no need to elaborate what the treat is, justbthat you won’t be around….

Not unreasonable at all OP, how rude and hurtful of them.

Also going nowhere. DH’s family book up so much so early that mine don’t get a look in. Putting my foot down this year and we are at home and that’s that. My family will be invited, his won’t after a dreadful time with them last year. Weren’t even allowed to watch Xmas TV as they’re so pious about ‘drivel on the box’.

You don't need to say anything do you?
Just don't issue any invitations. If anything is said, use their tactic. "Oh, we're not sure what we're doing this year, might go away, might not". 😉

PIL treated us like this for years and the year they did come were so unbelievably entitled we declared never again. They are now elderly and quite frankly the chosen ones can either go to them or ferry them around, my DH and DC deserve better.

YANBU. Just have Christmas at home by yourselves.

YANBU.

Of course YANBU but will you stick to it?

Good for you, and stick to your guns.

Agree with you. Even if you dress it up as wanting a quiet Christmas just with husband and DC.

YANBU. I'm sure I've seen a post from you last Christmas about this very thing?! If not you, it's clearly not a one off issue with selfish PiLs and DPs!

Plan your lovely Christmas and let the other buggers sort themselves out.

I wouldn't even mention Christmas plans to them. If they bring it up just say "we are not making plans yet"
Leave them hanging.
Since get married 16yrs ago we have always stayed at home even when it was just dh and I.
The first year I put the invite out, heard nothing back. 2 years later we had ds and we were asked what our plans were so family were basically told "we are doing Christmas the way we have done it the last 2 years ALONE"
Nobody has asked since

YANBU. My family were the same and it's so hurtful. In the end I decided to only have Christmas with people who see it as their first choice. That doesn't mean they always come, but I know they would if they could.

Yanbu