Do your primary school aged dc buy their friends presents?

[redballerina]

DD has so many friends at primary school that it’d be impossible to buy them all something. She’d like to buy 2-3 of them Christmas presents this year from her pocket money but she is in a friendship group and that’d leave at least 5 close friends, more likely 8, that would feel left out/upset if she bought 2-3 a present and not them; they’re a tight gang (I know that can change any time). Do you buy your DC’s friends Christmas presents? Or just cards with a packet of sweets?

I wouldn’t encourage Christmas gifts in primary school unless it’s just some sweets in a card for all her friends. Just adds more pressure on the other parents to reciprocate.
I would help her buy something small though for all 8 friends if she really wanted to and she was being given gifts by her friends. Bit mean to expect her to fund this from pocket money.

Also it is August and a long way to Christmas….friendships change a lot in primary school so this may all be different in 4 months!

No. We just do cards. Throughout the year my DD and her friends might make each other things (bracelets, keyrings) or gift small bits and pieces that are likely to have been free with something, but we have never gone out and purchased anything at the shops with the intention of giving for Xmas.

And as already mentioned, girls change friends a lot!! My DD has changed who her close friend's are a lot over the last few years, so I wouldn't be doing anything til closer til the time.

If you don't know the friends parents then I also think it might be tricky if they then feel they need to get something in return.

Primary school no
high school yes but it got too expensive so my dd group of six friends did a secret Santa

Not until year 5&6 in my experience, then yes

No

I’d pay for it @user293948849167, it was just to emphasise how keen she is to do it. She’s going into year five @BusyDog.

In older primary years the dc really wanted to give gifts to friends, but they were kept really small. We bought a packed of candy canes and gave everyone in the group one, that sort of level.

I wouldn't think to do this.

If you do keep it small - could you encourage her to make something? Bracelets for example?

Yes. My older 2 it was a small group of friends to buy for and it was reciprocated. Youngest has a larger set of friends. Last year she invited 5 over for a Christmas party & sleepover they all got a gift. It was more of a nice Christmas themed party bag with bits and bobs in it, pocket hugs, Christmas hair ties, scrunhies, lip balm etc.. each one got an individual item just for them to make it more personal. We don’t accept it to be reciprocated.

We do a secret Santa with DDs friendship group for this reason. There's a massive group of them so we all draw names, each person buys a present for who they get and then we get together to do a present swap! Lots of fun and only one gift needs to be bought!

I would avoid getting into it, it means someone is left out, or she doesn't get a gift bought back and feels bad. She could make a friendship bracelet or you could buy some chocolate coins to slip into Christmas cards for the close little group. Dd has a "best" friend and a close group of 5, occasionally she would see something for the best friend (on holiday or a bauble at the garden centre etc) but not a proper present. Could you offer a Christmas trip for the 8 of them instead or a christmassy play date or film night so nobody is left out.

If you do go for it, find a way the gifts can be given elsewhere because rocking up at school with presents for 3 out of 8 friends is a recipe for problems Ime.

Nope no Xmas gifts here for either DC. We only do birthday gifts and even then only if there is a party invite. DS is older now so party’s are few and far between and DD is 8
so they’ve started to frizzle out too but still have the odd one here and there. I’d imagine in the next few years she may want to buy birthday gifts for her close friends she’s always picking them up little bits when we go
away like a bracelet or keyring.

Secret Santa here

depends on school age, when in year 5 onwards, my dd did a secret Santa with her friends (x4). So they were only buying one present each, spent around £10. Before that just haribo and card x

I don't think they did it in primary, but it was always secret santa in friendship groups. Most DC don't have enough money to buy for everyone in a friendship group.

Can't she buy some candy beads and letter beads and make them all a bracelet? I certainly wouldn't exclude some over others.