Cant afford to get my parents a gift for Christmas

[hl8]

I have an 8yo daughter and have brought her quite allot of presents this year. Moneys been really tight but still managed to get her pretty much everything she wanted, but that meant I ran out of money and I don’t get paid again until Boxing Day. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have brought her so much and feeling really guilty that I can’t buy my parents a gift.

Is anyone else in the same situation where they can’t buy someone they love a gift this year?

Are they hosting you for Christmas? Feeding you and your daughter?
you can’t give them nothing at all. Can you make them something? What about making a promise to take them somewhere (written in a card), and buy tickets when you are paid. They won’t know that you don’t have the tickets already.

If you are short of money you are not really doing your daughter any favours by getting her everything she wanted. Children do need to learn that money is hard earned, and sometimes people cannot afford everything they want. Maybe you could make something for your parents, because I am not sure overindulging your daughter is much of an excuse for having nothing at all to give them.

FFS stop suggesting Op gets into debt to buy her parents a Xmas present - it is ridiculous! Just explain what has happened and buy them something on Boxing Day as a gift! Xmas is not just about presents and they will understand - at least I would if I was them. SnugglesandHuggles is one of the sensible people on this thread - the rest of you are arseholes! Weirdle is especially stupid despite her/his emojis!🙄Get yourself into debt - what a great idea!!!

Would you not want to involve your daughter in buying or making her grandparents something to teach her about giving to those she cares about? Maybe you can both make them some cookies or biscuits and wrap them up nicely, and get your daughter to draw them a card? Gift them a framed photo of her? (Maybe one you have already and you can replace in the new year). Gifts don’t have to be expensive.

And if they’re hosting you then all the more reason… add in a bunch of £4 flowers??

Can you not get your daughter to make something? What craft supplies do you already have? There are loads of ideas online for Christmas decorations.

No sets to make pictures, bracelets, diamond dot art etc that she hasn't yet completed and could do for granny? She hasn't made anything nice at school?

Do you have photos of your daughter you could put in a charity shop frame? No change in an old coat pocket or bag that would stretch to a couple of quid?

Do you have a candle and could make a lovely table centre piece and take your daughter out to forage for greenery?

If you can't spend money, show some thought and effort. I think for most people it would be the lack of consideration rather than the lack of gift that would hurt.

As a grandmother, I would want my grandchild to have a great Christmas and wouldn’t care one bit if I didn’t get a present. Could you just write a card to them with a special message telling them how much you love and appreciate the things they do/have done for you. My adult children have done this and I value these cards more than any present.

This. And then when you have the money and is the occasion you can give it to them.

Going against the grain here, but I think thats fine. £200 on your daughter isnt excessive imo and you started in August to budget best you could with what you had.

At a time I was in similar situation as yourself, and was tight with christmas spending money after paying food and bills, and every penny I had spare went on my kids presents.

In fact, my parents would have been cross at me if id spent any of my tiny budget on them, on some silly token gift they didnt need just for the sake of it, when I'd so little available for my children. As would I if in the future my children find themselves in the same circumstances, id much rather they spend the money on my grandchildren and id be very happy just getting to spend the day with them.

I agree with many others.

You have spent £200 on your daughter and of course she is your priority, but not even being able to manage £10 on a token present seems very mean, especially as you are spending the day with them and presumably they are paying for all food and drink.

If I were your mother, I wouldn’t expect much, but I would be disappointed if I didn’t receive anything at all.

Could you make some fudge or some biscuits?

The people telling you to get in to debt are ridiculous, but so are the ones telling you to do nothing. To be honest at the start of December you should have been saying to your DD, what do you want to do for grandparents. Do you want to bake them something, make a picture etc? Obvs you pay for it. Thats a whole other thread about making the kid pay for their family gifts 🤣 It could only cost £5 but it is putting thought in that counts. Why are you only thinking about it now?

Ok so you have nothing for your parents and only £20 in your bank. Can you regift anything or make a food or home made gift? Going forward maybe this is a good time to try and reframe your thinking. Ive also had times with very little money. Sometimes in these cases we end up spending disproportionately on children out of a kind of guilt/to make things seem ‘better’ (and not just at Christmas). It struck me that your daughter has 3 coats and loads of shoes. It could be that you have been given lots of these but if not, what about reducing the amount of ‘stuff’ you buy (i feel annoyed with myself till now for the money I wasted in some shops when my children were little!). We can all manage with a couple of pairs of shoes and 1 coat a year for example. Why not set yourself a goal to have x amount of money saved up in a jar at home for example by this time next year? Not to spend, but to build on. Wishing you a good Christmas!

Ive only read the first page but mumsnet is crazy. There’s thread after thread of people struggling including what i consider to be v high earners. Theres threads of people boasting sorry listing the insane amounts of xmas gifts they’ve spent on there darlings ( much more than £200!!) and that’s ok. Then the op @hl8 gets ripped to shreds instantly: should of budgeted, you’ve spent too much on your daughter, you are bad with money…. honestly what happened to just offering advice or a bit of support. This time of year is hard for many reasons for many people.

Haven’t read the full thread @hl8 but i hope you got some useful advise along with the crap from the perfect people.

Your thread title is "Cant afford to get my parents a gift for Christmas".
Well obviously you could have afforded it but you spent it all on your dd. And your parents are hosting you both for Christmas and presumably will get you something.

This is shitty behaviour and you know it.

Can you give a gift of time? Make some little coupons for things to do ib the new year? Lunch, coffee, maybe cinema or an activity they like? Or an offer to have them round for a Roast dinner?
If you could find maybe £4 down the back of the sofa you could even get a calendar or diary and write a few activities in it already?

Print out a photo of your dd and put it in a cheap frame. You cant go empty handed if your parents are hosting.

Then return something you got for her and use the money for your parents' gift. Getting her EVERYTHING she wants anyhow will just produce an entitled spoiled princess that will make your life a misery in years to come.

I only read the first few answers and was like wtf? Some are so quick to get the boots in on every thread these days. It was deemed acceptable on AIBU but it’s all over the site now.

If you had stopped for one moment to think, before all your explosive fulminating, you would have realised that I am not encouraging the OP to get into debt.

I am questioning how someone apparently struggling for money would claim ignorance of all these sources. (Particularly when that person has said they are paying off debts.)

Anyone who is finding it hard to stretch their money scrabbles to find every possible way of getting credit. Everyone who has experienced it knows this.

The typo or involuntary AI insert in the OP’s response to a poster asking her whether she had an overdraft or credit card was … telling.

She isn't struggling , she just spent a ridiculous amount on her daughter and has nothing left. That is poor budgeting. If she has been buying things over the last few months then one of those purchases could have been for her parents rather than her daughter. She has debts. Paying off debts comes before everything.

If you have a candle in a jar you can regift and someone with access to a work printer (needs to be laser so the office type), this looks good

https://www.itsalwaysautumn.com/25-easy-homemade-christmas-gifts-can-make-15-minutes.html

Edited to say the personalised candle photo - link brings up the whole thing and it's after all the food ideas.

I just don’t understand how you can be so badly organised tbh. You’ve spent £200 on your child, you could have easily carved £40 out of that to buy something for your parents, buying throughout the year isn’t an excuse. You know when Christmas is.

How about using part of that £20 on Tuesday to pick up ingredients to make these:

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/gingerbread-stained-glass-biscuits

It would be a nice activity tor you and your 8 year old to do together Christmas Eve and then you can put them in a tin/tub and make it festive with whatever wrapping you have?

£200 on an 8 year old child? I think that’s completely ridiculous if this isn’t in some form proportionate to your earnings.

I budget £50 for each of my kids and that’s it. They are mid teens and know that it’s not about the big spend but getting time together over the festive days.

As others have pointed out (which you’re quite clearly unable to accept): your budgeting skills were poor. Could you bake some biscuits or make a cake that your parents might love? A voucher for a day out in the future or a little voucher booklet (home made) that they can tear tickets off for a lift, a massage, a picnic out, etc

This is why they should formally teach budgeting in schools. I used to work on the fringes of rentals. It shocked me how many people seemingly had no idea that your rent is one the first bills to pay - not if you have anything left over from personal wants.

As other have said - it’s not a good look to turn up with nothing. It also isn’t teaching your child good budgeting herself.