Cant afford to get my parents a gift for Christmas

[hl8]

I have an 8yo daughter and have brought her quite allot of presents this year. Moneys been really tight but still managed to get her pretty much everything she wanted, but that meant I ran out of money and I don’t get paid again until Boxing Day. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have brought her so much and feeling really guilty that I can’t buy my parents a gift.

Is anyone else in the same situation where they can’t buy someone they love a gift this year?

Are you sure you’re not going to get paid on the 23rd instead of the 26th? Because I’m supposed to be paid on the 26th but as it’s a bank holiday, we are getting paid on the 23rd, just wondering if it might be the same for you

I’m honestly so confused by this … I would much prefer my ( future ) grandchildren receive some nice gifts than worry about that I didn’t receive anything.

This is a good point ..

Loving daughter? She will go there and eat the food and not bring one present? Sounds like entitlement to me.

how many presents you buy your child does not make you a good mother either.

This. It's not about you buying expensive gifts @hl8 , it's about showing that you care for them. Even with a tight budget surely you could have fitted in 20£ of chocolate or something else they like for your parents? Your child is your priority ofcourse but other people like to feel seen and valued, especially as I take it it's them hosting.

Why are you spoiling your DD? I know you mean well but all you’re doing is creating an entitled human who will ruin your finances. It’s already happening isn’t it? This kind of thing is where it starts and believe me when I say I know what I’m talking about. It’s ok to say no. In fact, it’s vital for her (and your) future happiness. Is it possible to send a couple of her presents back (or resell them) so you can get your parents a small gift? It’s the thought that counts, after all.

I'm surprised at the first few posts. As the parent of an adult child, who I know is struggling this year (had surgery, had the flu in last few weeks and only works bank as still in third year uni) the first thing I did was tell her not to even think about getting us a present..

As an adult, I couldn't care less if I got a present. I'm happier to give and get more joy from that. I certainely wouldn't want someone stressing or worrying because they couldn't afford to buy me something. Speak to them op, tell them you're struggling for cash and due to getting dd all her things don't have lots left and can you get something in the boxing day sales. I'm sure theyl tell you not to worry about it. Like any decent parent would.

Really? You would host your child, cook all day, make a nice Christmas dinner and be happy getting nothing? Not even a box of chocolates?
If the child had presents worth £170 that wouldn’t be enough?

Even if it wasn’t Christmas, coming to someone’s house for a nice meal and bringing nothing is rude.

That’s very poor OP. You need to learn to budget . How hard is it to split £200 . Daughter £180 Parents £20 . Job done .

This . I dont get why parents are trying to be martyres here . Giving and receiving should be for everyone as a token of appreciation. Teaching a child to turn up empty handed when others are hosting is not going to make her popular in the future .

I’m honestly so confused by this … I would much prefer my ( future ) grandchildren receive some nice gifts than worry about that I didn’t receive anything.

Really? The thing is, an 8 year old is old enough to notice she’s got lots of presents while her grandparents have received nothing. Those saying they’d rather the money was spent on the DC are missing the point about the vital life lesson to be learnt here: that they’re not ENTITLED to have everything they want and that other family members are important too and deserve to be shown appreciation with a gift, however ‘small’.

How about some home-baked biscuits from your DD? It’s not too late to teach good values.

Not sure what you want folk to say? Your poor budgeting means your folks who will be hosting you and DD at their expense don’t even get a small token of appreciation? It’s poor but you don’t get a pass from being considerate by not planning and thinking ahead like many of us have had to just because your income is low. Many of us have been there too without anyone missing out, +Christmas is the same day every year…so imho no excuses. On the day you might be lucky and they’ll be really gracious about it but it’s just as well you don’t have all the dinner etc to do too.

It’s incorrect and unfair to say ‘as any decent parent would’. This poster is missing the point. OP did have a gift budget and spent it mostly on DD. Teaching that Christmas is for all and giving a token appreciation present to parents is not unreasonable. Good for this poster if they feel better saying don’t worry about it, for others it can be extremely hurtful to again not be considered when they maybe do a lot to support and the message giving nothing conveys is I don’t give AF about you.

Are you baking or making something
That is a kind & thoughtful gesture
And cheaper

You can’t be paid in 26th because it’s a bank holiday. You will be paid either Tuesday or Wednesday.

100 this
My kids never got everything they asked for - more than anything they don’t appreciate it all but also they assume that in future years they will always get everything they want and no one knows what their financial position will be in the future !
If it was me , I would return what you can to get your parents a gift ! Although you may have limited choices as to which you can return (exchange / return dates )

If there’s anything of your DD’s gifts you can return do that. You can re-buy later. You can’t stay with your parents and enjoy their hospitality and not give them a gift.

If you give examples of your parents’ likes and interests I’m sure people could suggest some thoughtful and affordable gifts.

But you are looking at it only from one angle . What about the angle of the adult daughter who will be fed and catered for by her parents but she can’t think to have the decency to buy a small token . Surely some consideration should come her regardless what the grandparents think .

Can someone tell me what OP wants from this thread?

As a mum, I’ve been there before. It’s not ideal, but short of taking back a couple of items you’ve most recently bought for your daughter, there is not a lot you can do.
If you’ve got food in, and petrol in the car/means to travel, I’d wait until Xmas Eve, and if you’ve not needed to spend the £20, go to a supermarket/B&M or a charity shop and buy a frame. Have a picture printed out of your daughter/your daughter and your parents, and wrap that up as a gift from here.
Maybe also look at gifting an “experience” to your parents. Something you don’t actually have to pay for until they’ve decided on a date to go/you need to book.
FWIW though, if my kids didn’t buy me a present, I’d not be fussed. I remember how hard it can be juggle it all.

As PPs have said, do a festive IOU gift, that you pay for after Christmas, Make some sort of gift card with it on.

This, also if you receive any benefits over Christmas they will be paid early

Granted I’m not a grandparent yet so my views may change, but as a parent to young children who still are in the Santa stage of Christmas, I want them to see me buy presents for other loved ones, I want them to help me bake things for neighbours, help older neighbours with shopping, donate toys and food to others in need at Christmas, I take them to buy presents for their dad and grandparents, I sit them down to write cards for their friends. Because I want them to learn that this season is not just about them but about giving and togetherness.

I firmly believe that any parent who indulges their child at Christmas and other times at the expense of other loved ones, just teaches them to be selfish and spoilt. If I was a parent to an adult child, I would be embarrassed if they turned up to my house without a gift or food contribution - not because I need it, but because it speaks to their character. I would wonder how else they present as a guest at others’ houses. And that’s with the least expectation since they’re family not guests in the formal sense (so should muck in).

If my child was genuinely struggling, I might help financially so they could get some gifts for their child (or buy a few items on Santas list), but would still expect them to think of me. That’s basic manners and shouldn’t cost anything.

Martyrdom as a parent is just a one way ticket to hell and I’m not doing that, not to myself but also not to my kids as I don’t want them to be self centered adults.

In your case I’d pre warn them. They’re adults and don’t need surprises at Christmas. I’d also say you should bake and or make them a gift. Do you have a really nice photo of them that you frame? Can you use an app to put together several photos to music, give them a video of your time together over the years? Also a voucher for a meal at yours, day out, coffee & cake will help

I don’t think £200 is a lot.

I’ve spent $110 (so far) and it’s not a lot of presents. I was planning on buying something very expensive before Christmas.

My child doesn’t ask for much.

We aren’t giving presents to adults this year. Quite frankly I’m fine with it.