"Adults buy themselves what they want throughout the year" does anyone else not!?

[ChristmasCookie1]

I always see this on threads about adult gifts.

Does anyone else actually NOT buy themselves everything they want (not need) during the year? I absolutely wouldn't just buy myself a fancy cosmetic/toiletry/food item during the year and neither would any of my immediate family. All financially stable.

I've probably not received a gift from dh for 5/6 years at Christmas/ birthdays and the same for him . Reason being just that , if we see something we like we buy it .
He will also buy me something if we are out together and I umm and ahh about getting it ( this week it was a scarf & gloves )
My Amazon account is paid for by him and I order stuff regularly .
We are just not birthday/ Christmas exchangers .

I tend to buy myself whatever I want, so there’s nothing to get me as a present!

We do so never give presents to each other

I treat myself sometimes, but if I brought everything I saw and liked we would be on one of those hoarder programmes. And there are so many things I don't see but I also like when someone gives them to me (thanks Secret Santa from the company do!) .

People who literally buy everything they would like for themselves must have more money than anyone I know combined with a very regimented approach to life/lack of imagination/friends who buy terrible gifts imho

I buy myself things throughout the year - without sounding wanky, I try to buy from ethical companies, from small independent makers or second hand wherever possible. The people who buy gifts for me think that I'm just being difficult! My mum in particular is a "value for money" gifter so if I asked for a shower gel that was £10 she'd think that was pointless and she'd get 10 x £1 ones instead. I just get myself what I want now.

I don’t tend to buy that shit tbh. I do just usually get them Xmas or birthday. I’m more tempted by house stuff through the year but even then I wait to Xmas to get diffusers and fancy candles. I just kind of like waiting and it adds to the Christmas treat. Some folks like immediate gratifications I guess.

Or they don't want lots of stuff.

Within reason I do buy myself stuff that's not necessary -nice foods, clothes (mostly secondhand), cosmetics and skincare, random other bits and bobs. Not extravagant stuff, but then I am single and live alone so literally nobody else is going to buy me a bar of chocolate really outside of my birthday/Xmas.

Your DS sounds like a truly lovely, kind, considerate person.

I genuinely don't, any spare money goes on things for the kids or towards family holidays etc.

Well, it's a symbolic gesture of kindness and consideration if they actually want you to buy them things. But this is where it gets complex, because some people genuinely don't welcome it. Which is when it becomes not any of those things.

I do agree with Martin Lewis on his excellent 'Pre-NUP' agreement suggestion - meaning No Unnecessary Presents (for adults), when it just becomes another chore for everybody. It's a huge unwelcome faff when you have a long list of often-not-especially-close people for whom you feel you have to buy something, just 'because it's Christmas'. They probably feel likewise, and you're on their list; hence the Pre-NUP is ideal.

That said, surely it's a different matter when it's a very close, loved one - unless family finances are very tight or similar and it's a conscious agreement?

It's a question of where people draw the line really. Value judgement. So eg close siblings or best friends might love and value getting naice body lotion from and for each other every year, or view organising it as a pointless chore. I don't think either attitude is wrong. Some people just value swapping presents more than others, in the same way some of us attach more importance to the social aspects of Christmas whilst others like to be cosy at home with their little family.

I too am a Martin Lewis advocate on this point. But the problems kick in when people's feelings are mismatched!

I hope at 17 your son buys you a Christmas gift, unprompted, anyway?! It’s not a matter of feeling ‘obliged’ - he should want to give you something because he loves you.

Thing is, if I've found a particular thing I want on Vinted, I need to either buy it pretty much immediately or I will never get it. No point putting something on a Vinted favourites list and hoping that somebody will buy it for me months later. How would they even know I wanted it? And it'll be long gone by then, anyway.

Likewise with clothing; I'm very particular about what I like to wear and tend to buy the same styles from the same brands over and over. I get new stuff when a particular print that I really like is released. As I'm buying generally from small, ethical clothing companies, again I need to get things when they are released or miss out. If somebody releases a particular dress in a particular cute print in March, there's no way anybody will be able to buy it for me by the time my birthday rolls around and it'll definitely be long gone by Christmas.

The only things that I wouldn't buy for myself but consider a treat and are usually always available are certain alcoholic drinks, maybe perfume. All of which, again, I'm quite particular about and don't really want someone else to choose for me. So I get accused of being too difficult to buy for, because I only want 'boring' gifts.

And I definitely don't want to give somebody a vague idea of something that I want and leave them to buy me the wrong thing. It'll be the wrong style/size/colour/flavour etc.

TBH I'm strongly in favour of removing obligatory gift-exchanging amongst adults entirely! Just buy for kids. And buy things for people you love randomly, across the year, just because you've seen something you are certain they will love but might not have seen themselves. Or something they've just told you about that they'd love, but can't afford right now. Keep it spontaneous - I think it means so much more that way, anyway.

There is a sobering thread elsewhere here today, from someone whose adult offspring, now they have small children, have decided that family gifting should only be for children. Her other relatives have agreed to this. So she will not be given any gift by any of her family.

It’s an appalling attitude. Christmas is a time for showing love to all ages, not just children.

It's not appalling in and of itself.

Our family decided long ago that gifting would be for children, but some of us still do a small gift for some people who dont have children at home, like MIL.

But more importantly, we don't equate love with gifts, and everyone feels loved year round, not because they got bath bombs and chocolates once a year.

No I don't because theres five of us so our house is already pretty cluttered with stuff we need and already have. We would burst at the seams if I just bought everything we fancied for no reason + its not financially healthy.

I'm lucky enough that if I'm in Asda and fancy some donuts or a Yo Sushi ready meal or something I could whack it in to my weekly shop etc... but I'm not out buying actual 'gifts' like jewellery, perfume, make up, ornaments, fancy candles etc... for just no reason other than 'treat yourself'.

I often see cute quirky decor things in charity shops that I like and DH is always like 'just buy it, its only a few pound and you might regret not' but we simply don't have the space to be so impulsive randomly because once we get it home, where is it going to live?

Part of being an adult is being able to exercising self control, I do wonder where people who buy stuff constantly keep it all?

I bet they have a high household item turn over and that several of them are the same ones that talk about 'commercialism' and 'tat' or 'dumping stuff at charity shops' and 'landfills' when anyone mentions giving gifts on these threads. Surely they must be hard to buy for (need no presents as they bought themselves everything and more) and must just be constantly throwing stuff away all year round as to not drown in all the unnecessary bits they buy themselves (unless they hoard). I think people like that assume everyone else has their same 'waste' output too, so assume Christmas gifts is then more on top of what they buy themselves not realizing most don't do that all year round.

I receive a couple of gifts off my DH (usually a piece of jewellery from the kids, tickets somewhere, either chocolate/alcohol, an item of clothing and something else thats a surprise) and usually a jumper off my IL. No one else gives me stuff since my mam passed. It's certainly not 'tat' or going to end up in 'landfills' and certainly far, far, far less than it would be if I was also buying myself little gifts all year long whenever I fancy.

I dont actually buy myself things I want or even need Soemtimes - I like buying for others as I am a people pleaser and have irrationally ingrained it in myself that buying for others is something I need to do. (Several
reasons why I think like that but I am in the process of spectrum diagnosis)
I can never decide what I want for myself - and I liked the things I already have even if my shoes are falling apart lol. DH and my family however are very good at buying for me things that are comfortable and I am happy to wear and generally things that I need that will don’t realise I need or like.

i m so I’m an exception though

Christmas is whatever people want it to be. It sounds like the other relatives agreed so if they’re all happy it’s fine, not appalling. If someone isn’t happy, they should speak up.

Most of our family just bought for children when there were lots of young children as they were the focus of Christmas for us. It’s quite a common way of doing things. If they didn’t want to but for the kids they didn’t have to obviously.

I buy myself whatever I want throughout the year. I have the money, I work hard for my money so why wouldn’t I? I like lots of things though so I’m still easy to buy for.

I do buy myself whatever I want but as we come towards Christmas I may hold off so if I’m asked for an idea I can offer a couple of suggestions

I declutter regularly, so I find it hard to see small gifts as anything but shite I’ve got to rehome at a later date. I’m sick of stuff and I hate choosing presents for adults. I’d rather meet up for a drink or a meal or a walk rather than buy each other tat. Our house is bursting at the seams even though I regularly declutter. The house stays tidier the less stuff I have so I’d rather not exchange presents. Plus it’s all on me to get stuff for everyone and we know a lot of people. I hate the consumerism.

He does. 😊

When I wasn't financially stable, then no - I wouldn't. But I also wouldn't expect to get the item for Christmas because everyone around me was skint too.

Now, yes - if there is something I want, I tend to buy it. I might wait, save up, decide whether it's really worthwhile having etc... that being said, I don't want lots of things.

Where the main statement resonates with me ("adults buy what they want"): it's not like I now, as an adult, have a "list" of wants waiting to be fulfilled by someone else (e.g. clothes, make up, jewellery) like I might have when I was a teen and asked my parents to buy me these things at Christmas due to no job/pocket money. Now, if there is an item of clothing, make up, jewellery etc that I really really want, I buy it myself. I don't wait and ask someone else to buy it for me at xmas/birthday - that just feels odd.