Here it is… the debrief…
🎄 OPERATION: DECORATION 🎄
(A Boxing Day Rescue Mission)
I went in with no great plan. No backup. No exit strategy. Just vibes, determination, and a long drive.
The mission began with an hours-long journey from leafy Hertfordshire to the deepest, darkest reaches of Essex. Arrival time: Boxing Day, 1245hrs.
This was my moment.
Everyone scattered into their usual arrival chaos — bags being unloaded, DH checking tyre pressures, kids greeting Nanny, Grandad and Aunty. And that’s when I struck.
👀 Objective A: HOHO
I located HOHO on the tree almost immediately. Rear position. Low visibility. Poorly defended. A rookie mistake.
Swiftly secured and slipped into my coat pocket. No swap required. No witnesses.
Objective A complete.
Confidence rising.
🎯 Objective B: NOEL
More problematic.
NOEL was positioned by the door. High traffic. High risk. I aborted the initial attempt and left it in place.
After settling in and exchanging gifts, MIL called everyone through for food. Suddenly… I was alone in the lounge.
This was my window.
I moved fast. NOEL was rescued successfully — however, critical oversight: I had nowhere to put it.
I am wearing:
✔️woollen dress
✔️tights
✔️absolutely no pockets
I briefly considered hiding it in my DD’s bag, but didn’t fancy explaining why she’d discovered festive contraband later.
So… desperate times.
I secured NOEL inside my tights on my left hip.
MNetters, there was now a noticeable lump!!!
But I styled it out.
I then proceeded to:
✔️ eat dinner
✔️ make polite conversation
✔️ sit normally
✔️ AND pose for a family Boxing Day photo
…all while smuggling a festive word down my leggings.
Eventually, I made it to the utility room where my coat lived. By some miracle, I was alone. I extracted NOEL from my tights and transferred it safely into my coat pocket just as DH appeared asking, “You ok?”
“Yes my love,” I replied calmly, “just getting some Gaviscon and a tissue from my bag.”
Flawless.
Oscar-worthy.
Objectives A & B complete.
🎄 Objective C: The Plant
The final phase: returning the replacement NOEL to the tree.
I removed it from my bag, folded it discreetly, slid it up my sleeve, and casually re-entered the lounge. With the precision of a festive ninja, I placed it back on the exact same branch — although I’ve somehow managed to put it the opposite way round, so the white trim is now facing into the lounge rather than out towards the hall/kitchen area. I’ve since decided that attempting to swap it back to its original position would be far too risky and could compromise the entire operation.
SUCCESS. All missions complete!
Everyone returned to the sofas to watch Stranger Things. MIL began pottering around the tree, pointing out decorations, reminiscing sweetly about their origins.
I sat there, silent. Sweating slightly. Praying.
“Please don’t mention HOHO. Please don’t mention HOHO.”
She didn’t.
She made a cup of tea. Sat down. Peace restored.
Mission over.
Decorations safe.
Cover intact.
I am now celebrating with a glass of 0% sparkling wine, toasting the Decoration Gods, and wishing you all a very Happy Boxing Day and a wonderful New Year 🥂✨
Also for anyone wondering about MIL health - there has been absolutely no confusion recently and none reported by SIL or FIL. So any concerns DH had a few weeks ago of Dementia has significantly decreased!