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Original poster

Stocking for new MIL - yea or nay?

63 replies

Notthehill · 30/11/2025 17:19

34 year old son and his newish wife have invited family to their new home for Christmas: me, my other (very adult) children, and son's MIL (his wife's mother). This is the first time we will all be spending Christmas with MIL.

I always do big stockings for my kids, and in recent years for DIL too. It's a massive tradition in our family. So, I will be bringing stuffed stockings to my son's home this year (I'm arriving a couple of days before Xmas) which will be there for them to open on Christmas morning.

Question: should I do a stocking for the MIL? I had been planning to, and had started buying a few bits and pieces for it. But am now thinking it might be a bit odd and could embarrass her? What do you think?

OP posts:
verycloakanddaggers · 30/11/2025 17:24

Maybe ask your DIL if she a) thinks it's a good idea and b) can help with ideas.

It's nice to include your MIL but don't go overboard because she might feel awkward if she hasn't returned the favour.

verycloakanddaggers · 30/11/2025 17:26

Although I see you are at THEIR house, in which case your traditions don't really apply so much.

Prelim · 30/11/2025 17:26

Yes, agree with the above

Original poster
Notthehill · 30/11/2025 17:31

Thanks for responding. You bring up a really good point, which I've thought about, which is that it's their home and they will of course want their own traditions. The awkward thing is that stockings in our family are always a bit hush-hush and meant to be a surprise every year. It's silly but it's a sort of running joke. So it's awkward to bring it up for discussion. But I guess I must!

OP posts:
PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 30/11/2025 17:33

I don't think you should do stockings for your almost middle aged kids in their house. Put the wrapped gifts under the tree.

edited as you replied while I was typing - just tell them your gifts are all going under the tree this year. You can do stockings again when they come to you.

ChristmasHug · 30/11/2025 17:36

Ask. Say that you love doing stockings and is it OK to still do them at their house and if not you get it and will give it a miss.

If ds holds this tradition as dearly as you do it'll be a yes. If not it should be a your home thing. Maybe do gift boxes for the rotary instead.

JoeTheDrummer · 30/11/2025 17:36

No, she’ll feel really awkward as she won’t have done the same for you.

MayaPinion · 30/11/2025 17:37

I would ask your DS, though if you’re doing them for others in the interests of everyone feeling included, but I’d keep it relatively lighthearted and inexpensive - a Terry’s chocolate orange, little manicure set, socks - that sort of thing. It would be odd to include bottles of Chanel No. 5

AxolotlEars · 30/11/2025 17:39

Yes! Although do ask. I'd love to find you had been so thoughtful as to provide me with one. We have always provided stockings for people staying with us over Christmas

Greenfinch7 · 30/11/2025 17:40

I think it sounds really sweet and fun. The fact that all these people are gathering together without undue fuss is a good sign that a family tradition and kindhearted gesture will very likely be taken in the spirit it is meant. If I were the new MIL I would be touched and pleased to be included.

Owly11 · 30/11/2025 17:42

Everyone loves a stocking! But it depends on her personality. If it was me i would love it but i can also see that a different personality type might feel embarrassed or even upstaged.

LuckyNumberFive · 30/11/2025 17:43

I wouldn't. I think it would make most people (MIL) in this situation feel awkward. Do the stockings for your kids/their partners, and maybe have a lovely box of biscuits and a nice scarf wrapped for MIL put to one side. If she's got your something, great, you're sorted. If not, you won't make her feel awkward.

You're not the host, you wouldn't usually buy for each other, just take a back seat and let your son and his wife host their day.

cornflourblue · 30/11/2025 17:43

Notthehill · 30/11/2025 17:31

Thanks for responding. You bring up a really good point, which I've thought about, which is that it's their home and they will of course want their own traditions. The awkward thing is that stockings in our family are always a bit hush-hush and meant to be a surprise every year. It's silly but it's a sort of running joke. So it's awkward to bring it up for discussion. But I guess I must!

I think as adults your DS and DIL can cope with discussing the secret stockings. I would absolutely be mindful they are hosting their first Christmas in their home and MIL may have some traditions of her own.

Bluejaysforthewin · 30/11/2025 17:45

I think that would be a lovely gesture.

Gazelda · 30/11/2025 17:46

You sound very thoughtful.

but maybe it’s time to adjust the tradition? Perhaps the stockings are for your home only, they can be opened when family members visit.

that may sound a bit bah humbug. And maybe impractical if distance means the family won’t be visiting for a while.

But I think that if I were MIL, I’d be embarrassed to receive a stocking unexpectedly. And, if your DS and his wife become parents, your DIL could find herself on MN in years to come asking how she stops her well-meaning MIL from hogging the stocking tradition as she’d like to do her kids stockings herself but is afraid to upset anyone.

Whatwouldnanado · 30/11/2025 17:49

Check with your son and daughter in law if they’d like you to bring stocking for everyone as your way of contributing. I bet they’ll like to have them. If they do agree make them same value etc for everyone including Mil. Wrapped more personal gifts under the tree x

Whatwouldnanado · 30/11/2025 17:51

Gazelda - excellent point about potential future issues with grandkids! Can’t edit my post.
OP Just bring presents. Dil and son will probably do stockings themselves.

ExperiencedContractor · 30/11/2025 17:56

The gifts for your kids and now their spouses is fine, whoever’s house you are in, you are just giving gifts and it happens to be that you put yours in a stocking.
For the other MIL, I would not fill a stocking for her, that seems a bit OTT. But as you are celebrating Christmas with her I would get her a small gift. Ask your DIL for an idea of what her mother might like. Asking your DIL also plants the idea that you will be buying a gift and she can pass that on to her mother, so that there will be no awkward surprise.

LongDistanceClara44 · 30/11/2025 18:22

I think it's a lovely idea and you should just do one for her. You don't need to ask, it spoils the surprise. You don't need to ask permission to buy people gifts, I would feel so touched by a surprise gift, how can anyone be offended by a gift? It's just one little nice thing at Christmas, it's not like you're trying to take over the whole day. I think you should just do it, it's a nice thing

Original poster
Notthehill · 30/11/2025 18:39

Gazelda · 30/11/2025 17:46

You sound very thoughtful.

but maybe it’s time to adjust the tradition? Perhaps the stockings are for your home only, they can be opened when family members visit.

that may sound a bit bah humbug. And maybe impractical if distance means the family won’t be visiting for a while.

But I think that if I were MIL, I’d be embarrassed to receive a stocking unexpectedly. And, if your DS and his wife become parents, your DIL could find herself on MN in years to come asking how she stops her well-meaning MIL from hogging the stocking tradition as she’d like to do her kids stockings herself but is afraid to upset anyone.

Ha ha! I'm sure you're right re the DIL on Mumsnet in the future! But, just to say, I had only thought of doing this as a one-off. If we continue to congregate at son and DIL's home in future years, then I would definitely talk to them about whether they'd prefer I give it a rest!

OP posts:
Original poster
Notthehill · 30/11/2025 18:52

Wow, so many different views - super helpful to see it from different angles. Who needs to pay for a therapist?!!!!

OP posts:
Ygfrhj · 30/11/2025 18:56

Nooo! I'm projecting hard here, but my MIL steamrollers anything I want to establish for my kids with her own family traditions including her giant spectacular OTT ugly stockings 😅

QuaintCat · 30/11/2025 19:08

You sound very kind. I think it would be awkward and excluding if everybody got a stocking, except MIL. I would bring a stocking for her, if you have the time and cash to do so, and buy not too expensive things to put in it.
Maybe ask DIL if she would like to add something special or more expensive?

I would be extatic if I got a stocking with chocolates and a mini bottle of whiskey or prosecco from a relative. Very thoughtful of you.

Aligirlbear · 30/11/2025 19:17

Sounds Lovely and thoughtful, but please check with your DS and DIL first. It’s their home and they may want to establish their own traditions or provide the stockings in their home. More than likely they will be delighted but you don’t want to be that overbearing MIL / DM moaned about on Mumsnet who won’t let us do our own thing in our own home and doesn’t ask, just assumes !

bibbadee · 30/11/2025 19:19

If you insist on doing this then I think you must include everyone. Imagine one person not receiving a stocking when everyone else is. That would not be nice!

cant you just give gifts under the tree without the ‘show’ of stockings?