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Original poster

Stocking for new MIL - yea or nay?

63 replies

Notthehill · 30/11/2025 17:19

34 year old son and his newish wife have invited family to their new home for Christmas: me, my other (very adult) children, and son's MIL (his wife's mother). This is the first time we will all be spending Christmas with MIL.

I always do big stockings for my kids, and in recent years for DIL too. It's a massive tradition in our family. So, I will be bringing stuffed stockings to my son's home this year (I'm arriving a couple of days before Xmas) which will be there for them to open on Christmas morning.

Question: should I do a stocking for the MIL? I had been planning to, and had started buying a few bits and pieces for it. But am now thinking it might be a bit odd and could embarrass her? What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Notthehill · 30/11/2025 19:33

bibbadee · 30/11/2025 19:19

If you insist on doing this then I think you must include everyone. Imagine one person not receiving a stocking when everyone else is. That would not be nice!

cant you just give gifts under the tree without the ‘show’ of stockings?

Show?

OP posts:
Americasfavouritefightingfrenchman · 30/11/2025 20:38

I would think it was really lovely if someone did this for me. If I hadn’t thought to do something that year I’d do something for next time we were together. Stockings are fun and honestly easier for someone you don’t know well as you can find a nice selection of small things and even if the recipient doesn’t like them all they will likely get some things they enjoy

lxn889121 · 01/12/2025 02:01

I think it is lovely and special, but I also think it might be a good time to chat with your son.

He has just hit a big milestone - hosting Christmas in his own home.. that might inspire change in how he wants the roles in the family to be.

What if he has a child next? Will you keep doing big stockings for the parents then? Personally for me, I'd find it strange if I was giving a big stocking to my son, and my mum was still giving a big stocking to me etc.

I wouldn't be shocked if you had a chat with him, and you reached something like: you keep doing lovely surprises for your kids + partners, but they are in a less stocking-like manner.. under the tree etc.

I would look at it like this - That is then setting the stage for your son and his wife to be the main stocking-givers, if they want children in the future.

Tryingatleast · 01/12/2025 02:26

Sounds lovely to me and I’d love it! You sound lovely op!

Blablibladirladada · 01/12/2025 18:15

verycloakanddaggers · 30/11/2025 17:26

Although I see you are at THEIR house, in which case your traditions don't really apply so much.

That,

it isn’t their house so you should ask and respect their traditions. You can have stockings at yours and people can come and get it before you go or after when you are back.

purpleygrey · 01/12/2025 18:18

I think you should give the stockings a miss this year as it’s not at your house.
my mum would be so embarrassed if my MiL made her a stocking.

MrsPrendergast · 01/12/2025 18:20

Notthehill · 30/11/2025 18:39

Ha ha! I'm sure you're right re the DIL on Mumsnet in the future! But, just to say, I had only thought of doing this as a one-off. If we continue to congregate at son and DIL's home in future years, then I would definitely talk to them about whether they'd prefer I give it a rest!

Show quote history

Talk to them now. Not in the future. Your son and DIL might not want or require you to swan in taking over stocking giving. Or they might love for you to do it.

But whatever you do, don't make decisions about Christmas at THEIR home without asking them first

Ever

MannersAreAll · 01/12/2025 18:24

Definitely speak to your DIL and son.

MIL is the stocking doer in DH's family. My first year hosting with him she super politely asked about the stockings and it really made me feel that she respected me as an adult (whereas before I honestly felt some of their traditions were quite childish and a real parent-child thing, rather than adult child). It's now one of my favourite parts of Christmas!

This year she'll have 14 stockings to do at my house! She has a couple of generic stockings each year in case of extra guests unexpectedly.

FastTurtle · 01/12/2025 18:24

I’d do no stockings for anyone as you are visiting (only presents) and a small gift for MIL such as M&S chocolates.

WindyBeech · 01/12/2025 18:34

Checking that stockings are acceptable is sensible, beyond that yes MIL should be included but hers is probably going to be a few bits of nice food/smellies rather than the level for family.

When we have visitors they always get a stocking but it will be more general, the aim is to ensure they're included.

Often, stockings are the only thing opened in the morning, as presents are generally after lunch, so to leave one person empty-handed would be very strange.

tripleginandtonic · 01/12/2025 18:42

Time to ditch the stockings OP. Just give presents, it's for your son and dil to host them way they want to in their house

LuckyNumberFive · 01/12/2025 19:10

WindyBeech · 01/12/2025 18:34

Checking that stockings are acceptable is sensible, beyond that yes MIL should be included but hers is probably going to be a few bits of nice food/smellies rather than the level for family.

When we have visitors they always get a stocking but it will be more general, the aim is to ensure they're included.

Often, stockings are the only thing opened in the morning, as presents are generally after lunch, so to leave one person empty-handed would be very strange.

But surely this is when you have visitors, not when you are also visitors in someone else's home?

lazyarse123 · 01/12/2025 19:19

Is there a law that people can only have one stocking? It's a lovely idea op. I think i would just mention it to son and dil as a pp said dil can tell her mum so she isn't embarrassed if she hasn't reciprocated.

ShodAndShadySenators · 01/12/2025 19:22

But you're a visitor, not the host. Surely it's for hosts to do stockings or not in their home? You do need to talk to your son and DIL about it, as it's their Christmas that they are hosting, and they may have plans to do it their way. They may be delighted and say yes please, but what if they don't really want this? It wouldn't be respectful to just assume that it's welcome.

DIL will have a better idea regarding her mother's opinion, so you do need to ask before you go too far. Ostensibly it sounds a great idea, I do love a stocking myself as long as my sister has filled it because she knows but it's not for everyone, some people "just don't see the point".

NeedSomeM · 01/12/2025 19:25

I do stockings for my adult DCs, but as our family has grown (new partners, adult step-children, and two sets of parents), we’ve mixed things up and introduced “Secret Stocking.”
I still put together all the little bits for the stockings—tiny gifts, sweets, nuts and each family member is randomly assigned (electronically and emailed) one person to buy a secret stocking gift for. There’s a set budget, and the item has to fit into the stocking.
It’s been a great way to make sure everyone feels included and avoids anyone being left out. Saves money too and addressed the ‘who buys for who - oops I didn't buy for anyone embarrassments😳).

Of course, you’d need to chat with your DS and DIL to see if they’re happy to host this in their home. But it could be a lovely new tradition for your newly extended family—and it saves them one more task during the holidays!

Forthelov · 01/12/2025 19:25

Don’t do a stocking for the mil. Just give her a present like a normal person.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 01/12/2025 19:26

I think it is lovely to include everyone but I would check with your son and DIL, would be different if you were hosting.

CharlotteFlax · 01/12/2025 19:27

I think it would still be a nice thing to do even if it's not their tradition. Like a PP says - who doesn't love a stocking?

Pinkissmart · 01/12/2025 19:42

Absolutely- what a nice idea.
People on MN are weird about doing nice things for adult children - you know your family best.
And how nice to include the MIL ☺️

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 01/12/2025 19:48

I think it sounds really nice!!!

my 2p...

Dont operate in a vacuum.

firstly, Check "stockings are welcome" by hosts.

Then ask the two hosting adult children for guidance on if she'd be up for a stocking.
if yes...what gifts "would she like x znd y? Or is z more her thing?" Buy things they recommend that way you establish consensus and then on the off chamce she takes offense at some gift you.got... you didnt pick it - it was recommended by x...

StruggleFlourish · 01/12/2025 20:03

I think three kind of you to want to include your new daughter-in-law and her mother, your son's mother-in-law to this time honored family tradition of Christmas stocking treat. True, everyone has their own traditions, but I would think that if everybody had a stocking but her, that would make her feel very excluded, I think it's better to feel included than excluded.

She may not do stockings, she might feel a little bad if she doesn't have a gift to reciprocate with, one way you can get around that is the old trick of saying that the stockings are from Santa Claus, not from you, so if she's a little bit embarrassed at having a stocking for herself, you just say well, it's from Santa Claus...
With a wink and a smile

You're just getting to know this new side of your extended family, perhaps you'll find out more about them with time, but for now, you're trying to accept them with open arms and I think that's really kind

pteromum · 01/12/2025 20:39

Yes you should. If it is a “massive” tradition in your family then DS and DIL will already expect and I’m sure a quick call will save MN worrying she will be offended.

For us, Christmas embraces everyone who is here. We have had over the years so many strangers join and become friends. We are very rural, and often lost souls appear. Be it a lonely elderly person we know whose plans have fallen through, a lost hill walker, or foreign students who find us via a friend of a friend of a friend. So always have a spare stocking box. As the kids have grown from the various families they bring a gift for each and one for the box.

I see no reason why you should change your inclusive tradition, indeed she may have her own. Or not, but surely that’s what Christmas is about

firstofallimadelight · 01/12/2025 20:46

Lovely and thoughtful but I would check with ds /dil firstly if they are happy for stockings (they may have their own plans) and secondly whether to include mil. Presumably you don’t make a big thing about stockings being from you so if they are communal mil wouldn’t feel awkward about them being from a specific person.

maxslice · 01/12/2025 21:21

Go ahead and do it. It would be more weird if she were the only one without a stocking. It’s lovely to include her in your traditions. Ask her to tell you about some of their traditions too.

WindyBeech · 01/12/2025 21:21

LuckyNumberFive · 01/12/2025 19:10

But surely this is when you have visitors, not when you are also visitors in someone else's home?

Show quote history

The stockings move with us to whichever family member is hosting - I wouldn't take them to non-family; then they'd come out on whichever was our family 'Christmas Day' but within the family, they travel. They are not huge - think a bit bigger than a long sports sock so have 4-5 small presents, a bit of fruit, some chocolate money, often something small e.g. lego or a game for the youngsters; they have been part of our family traditions for decades and are loved.

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