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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

I need 4 more cracker jokes…

76 replies

CurlewKate · 27/11/2025 13:28

….my brain is fried! I’d like them to be bad but slightly different-my favourites of the 16 I’ve got already are What’s red and stands in the corner? A naughty strawberry and I was going to make an alligator stew but I’ve only got a croc pot. So my bar is very low!

OP posts:
hiredandsqueak · 27/11/2025 13:31

What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Doug
What do you call a man without a spade in his head? Douglas My grandson found it funny anyway.

Suednymph · 27/11/2025 13:32

What is red and invisible? No tomato.

How do you titilate an ocelot? Oscillate its titalot.

adcde123 · 27/11/2025 13:33

What is brown and sticky? - A stick!

Ankylosaur · 27/11/2025 13:33

Q. What do cannibals do at a wedding?
A. Toast the bride.

DelurkingAJ · 27/11/2025 13:34

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? Woolly jumpers
What do you get if you cross and elephant with a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia

Mumofteensandcats · 27/11/2025 13:34

What do you call a man with leaves up his bum? Russell!
Whats the difference between a snow man and a snow woman? Snow balls!
And my favourite-did you hear about the mummy they unearthed that was covered in nuts and chocolate? It was a pharaoh rocher!

Limer · 27/11/2025 13:35

Q: What's yellow and dangerous?
A: Shark-infested custard.

bitterexwife · 27/11/2025 13:36

A) look under there
B) under where?
A) haha, I just made you say underwear

i have three primary aged boys

oustedbymymate · 27/11/2025 13:51

What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence? Time to fix the fence! My 5 year olds favourite joke

Slinkyminky22 · 27/11/2025 13:51

What's the only type of bagel that can fly?

A plain bagel!

Myoldbear · 27/11/2025 13:54

I love elephant jokes!

How do you know when there's an elephant under your bed?

Your nose touches the ceiling.

Bowling4soup · 27/11/2025 13:54
  1. did you hear about the magical tractor? It turned into a field…

  2. theres a new movie out about a tractor. I haven’t seen it yet I’ve only seen the trailer

IsThisTheWaytoSlamMyPillow · 27/11/2025 13:55

How do you annoy Lady Gaga?

Poke her face

LondonToSurrey2024 · 27/11/2025 13:56

I got this in a fever tree cracker....

It's not my fault I have a double chin. When God was giving out chins. I thought he said Gin, so I said 'I'll have a double.'

BillieWiper · 27/11/2025 13:57

What's an orthodox Jew's favourite musical genre?

Hasid House.

aintnospringchicken · 27/11/2025 14:08

What do you call a woman with a coat on her head?

Peg

PInkyStarfish · 27/11/2025 14:09

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?
Deep pan, crisp and even...

PInkyStarfish · 27/11/2025 14:09

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose.

DarkEyedSailor · 27/11/2025 14:11

What do you get if you cross a duck with an avocado?

Quackamole.

TheChosenTwo · 27/11/2025 14:12

Why does the squirrel swim on its back?
to keep its nuts dry.

CharlotteFlax · 27/11/2025 14:12

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because she wasn't peeling very well...

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 27/11/2025 14:12

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?

Sister Matic

Pumpkinpuffin · 27/11/2025 14:13

Who looks after poorly elves?

The National Elf Service

AphroditesSeashell · 27/11/2025 14:13

What's pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife.

MagpiePi · 27/11/2025 14:15

How does an elephant hide in a tree?
He paints his toenails red so they look like cherries.

But I've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree!
Well that shows you what a good disguise it is