I need 4 more cracker jokes…

[CurlewKate]

….my brain is fried! I’d like them to be bad but slightly different-my favourites of the 16 I’ve got already are What’s red and stands in the corner? A naughty strawberry and I was going to make an alligator stew but I’ve only got a croc pot. So my bar is very low!

What's the difference between male and female snowmen?

Snowballs

What do you call a superhero that loves sandwiches?

Bap Man

What's a sheep's favourite Christmas song?
Fleece Navidad

What do you call a French man wearing sandals?

Philippe Pholoppe

What's a Freudian slip?

Saying one thing when you mean a mother.

Got my mam a fridge for Christmas, can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

What lies on the sea bed and shakes?
A nervous wreck.

I sold my old hoover on eBay. Well, it was only collecting dust.

I met Joe Pasquale the other day and I asked him what he thought about you. He spoke very highly.

My wife asked me to pass her lipstick and I accidentally handed her a stick of super glue. She hasn't spoken to me for two days.

My husband and I watched four feature films back to back on Saturday. Luckily, I was the one facing the telly.

What's yellow and swings through the trees?
Tarzipan.

What's got 16 wheels and flies?
A dustcart.

where do snowmen keep their money? In a snowbank
Why do mushrooms always tell jokes? Because they're fun guys

What goes green... bzzzzzz... red?
Kermit in a blender.

What goes black/white/black/white/black/white?
A zebra rolling down a hill.

Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneaded a poo.

What's white and fluffy and swings through the trees?
A meringue-utan.

What do Snowmen eat for breakfast? (Snowflakes)

What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
(Father Christmas walking backwards)

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas
(Santa Jaws)

What do you call a reindeer who can’t see? (No-eye deer)

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?
(He could feel his presents).

My favourite Milton Jones one

What has two eyes and smokes ?
Pompeii

A dragon would never explode. A dino might.

I went to the zoo yesterday and there was only one animal – a dog!
It was a Shih Tzu

How do you know an elephant's been in your fridge ?
Footprints in the butter

Why do elephants wear crepe soled shoes ?
To give the ants a 50-50 chance

Why do elephants pain their toenails red ?
So that they can hide in cherry trees

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree ?
No ? It works, doesn't it !

Why are elephants wrinkled ?
Have you ever tried to iron one ?

Why are elephants grey and wrinkled ?
Because if they were white and smooth they'd be an aspirin

How do you get an elephant up an oak tree ?
Sit it on an acorn and wait 50 years...

Some of these are genius.
Where does Kylie get her kebabs?
Jason’s Donovan

How do you know when there's an elephant in your bed?
By the "E" on his pyjamas.

What did the first snowman say to the second snowman? "Can you smell carrots?"

What do you call a hippopotamus with a cold?
A hippoSNOTamus.

(You're welcome) 😌

What's the difference between a Kangaroo and a kangaroot?

One's a marsupial, the other's a Geordie stuck in a lift.