I need 4 more cracker jokes…

[CurlewKate]

….my brain is fried! I’d like them to be bad but slightly different-my favourites of the 16 I’ve got already are What’s red and stands in the corner? A naughty strawberry and I was going to make an alligator stew but I’ve only got a croc pot. So my bar is very low!

What’s a duck’s favourite thing to eat?

Quackers.

What do you call a woman in the distance?
Dot

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.

What do you call a woman setting fire to her bills?
Bernadette

Why did the Turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chickens day off :)

Slightly Christmas related!

@CurlewKate I'd love to know which jokes you've chosen!

Why have elephants got yellow soles on their feet?
So you can’t see them when they’re floating upside down in custard.

How do you know if there’s an elephant in the fridge?
Footprints in the butter.

How do you know if you’ve got two elephants in the fridge?
If you stand by the door, you can hear them whispering.

How do you get four elephants in a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back.

How do you know if you have four elephants in your fridge?
There’s a Mini parked outside.

How do you get two whales in a Mini?
Along the M4 and across the Severn bridge.

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador !

Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.

Where does a pirate go to get his hook?
The second hand store.

What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Gooooulash

What's the best cheese to get a bear out of a tree?
Come on bear (camembert)

What's the difference between an elephant and a postbox?
Dunno!
Well I'm not sending you to post my letter then.

What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt.

What do you call someone who used to like tractors? An ex-tractor fan.

What do you call cheese that’s not yours?

nacho cheese!! 🧀

What cheese can you use to hide a small horse?
Mascarpone

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto

What do you call a man with no shins?
Tony

Why did the lobster blush?
Because the seaweed.

Why were all the numbers scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9

What do you get if you eat too many Christmas decorations?
Tinselitus

What did thd cheese say when it looked in the mirror?
Hallo me!

I've met the most wonderful guy, he treats me really well. He works at the local zoo
He's a keeper

Lots of great jokes on this thread but I can’t stop giggling about the ocelot!

How do you get Pikachu to get on the bus ?
You Pokémon.

What’s ET short for?
because he’s got little legs

Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they'd be bagels.

Why do the Norwegians put bar codes on the sides of their ships?
So they can Scandinavian

Who hides in the pantry at Christmas?
mince spies!!

it’s my favourite Christmas joke and still makes me giggle.

Why do we plant bulbs in the garden?

So worms can see where they are going 😂

Why did the scarecrow win an award
Because he was outstanding in his field

What is the difference between a duck?

One of its legs is both the same.

That is one of my dad’s more - unusual - jokes.

What is yellow and dangerous?

Shark-infested custard.

Why did the quality control manager get fired from the toy factory?

She gave Elmo two test tickles.