Come up with the best/worst Channel 5-style 1-star Christmas movie title!

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It's difficult, as the actual real ones present such solid competition; but hit me with your best/worst suggestions for films that are crying out to be made.

Feel free to just give titles, or add synopses too if you believe this will help to sell your pitch to all of the budding MN film-makers on austere budgets out there.

I'll start:

A Pot Noodle Christmas
When both the Aga and the chest freezer pack up at 9pm on Christmas Eve, it looks like Christmas is certainly ruined... but dishy bachelor Colin who runs the corner shop comes to the rescue and saves Christmas for single mum Lettice and her family with his extensive range of convenient, tasty, calorific microwave snacks, which he delivers with speed and his infectious cheeky grin.

Total Eclipse of the Christmas
Kate is a driven, hard-nosed, successful, wealthy businesswoman, who works 18-hour days, 7 days a week, out of choice, and simply doesn't have time or patience for any of this pathetic schmaltzy festive nonsense... but she has a surprise heartwarming encounter one cold December evening with somebody who truly embodies the real spirit of the season, and she vows to change her outlook on life forever.

Reading, Writing and A-Christmas-tic
Nigel is a dedicated early years teacher, and is bordering on obsessive in his passion to make sure that his young charges learn exemplary language skills that will set them up for academic success throughout their whole lives... but when Bauble - a tiny, shivering, starving, abandoned puppy whom he meets outside the railway station on Christmas Eve after the last train has just faded into the distance - melts his heart, he learns a lesson about true hope, friendship and love that could never be taught in the classroom.

The Gingerbread Latte Christmas Eve At The Christmas Tree Pumpkin Patch Struggling Library And Independent Coffee Shop For Attractive Widowers.

Based on a novel, of course. Written by someone called Paige or Laurie or something.

A Christmas Carol - a woman called Carol celebrates Christmas

The Christmas Hard - some people face a challenging Christmas

Christmas Career Change
The high flying businessman who goes back to her childhood town, is collected from the airport from a childhood friend/sweetheart who is working as an uber driving and also at the inn where she is staying plus secretly an architect too, they hate each other and then start liking each other when she helps at the children’s charity event and they bond over hot chocolate, he reveals he is an architect and at a Christmas Eve gala he decides to build an amazing children’s hospital and she decides to give up her job she has spent the last 10 years training for, then it snows.

The Nutcracker (or, Jingle Balls) : a disillusioned surgeon is working Christmas eve at the vasectomy clinic when the "one that got away" comes in for the procedure. Flashback to him declaring his love and her packing her bags on a rainy Christmas eve as she just isn't ready to settle down and have kids, she needs to put herself through medical school and focus on her career. One that got away has come in after his downtrodden wife has insisted that baby number 12 is the Last One but he's just not sure, and as their eyes meet over the surgical instruments, they realise what's been missing all along is eachother...

Christmas Shopping - Holly goes to Tesco on Christmas Eve, only to find that she and Nicholas are grappling for the last free range turkey on the shelf.
They decide to go halves and fall in love over a cinnamon latte in the upstairs cafe.
Several years later Nicholas buys Holly a set of Christmas themed tea-towels for their anniversary, she tells him to go back and live with his mum, she gets a cat and lives happily ever after.
Oh and she works in Marketing in the city. Nicholas took over his dad's business but has more or less run it into the ground.

United Christmas

It's not a happy meeting when Derek first encounters Priya after falling on her while attempting to put up a Union flag on a lamp-post! But after she reluctantly gives him a lift to hospital on Christmas eve, maybe they can learn to put aside their differences and learn the joy of sharing at Christmas!

Love In A Holiday Inn
Melissa is forced to go home to her small town for Christmas rather than staying in the big city. She has to close down the towns hotel. It's run by her life long friend, Claire, that she has kept in touch with all these years. On arriving her car breaks down and the hunky Glen takes it to his garage to fix, but won't be fixed till after Christmas. There is a series of clashing heads and meetings wiith Glen along the way. Christmas Eve Melissa has an appithany, she's in love, and always has been, with Claire. They kiss under the mistletoe as the first flakes of snow start falling and vow to save the hotel together.

I love a Hallmark/Channel 5 Christmas film.

Serial Santa

About a serial killer disguised as Santa Claus

They're certainly very special, aren't they?! Do they ever dump any of the old ones to make room, or do they just start the period when they begin showing them earlier and earlier every year?!

I'd love to know if the people who make them revel in how schmaltzy they are, or whether they just love them and soldier on completely oblivious? I often think similar about the people who write for Take A Break, Pick Me Up and all the rest - do they just dutifully provide what they know their audience wants, or are they passionate, dedicated fangirls/boys in the genre themselves as well?!

I know Channel on Sky in the summer does a period of showing Christmas films, think is movies24 or something.
I often put a Christmas channel 5 film on a afternoon and do my pottering about and it’s just on in the background ( because it’s always a happy ending.