Time for a bad/ bizarre Christmas food thread

[SantaHasABigYuleLog]

Inspired by the shit presents thread tell us about your horror food stories.

I’m from the southern hemisphere, Christmas was all about bbqs, lots of MASSIVE fancy salads, grilled/roasted veg, roasts (mainly lamb), curries, grilled seafood and a million and one desserts. Usually by the beach or in someone’s garden. Huge family and friends gathering together.

My first ‘family’ Christmas in the UK was with my British boyfriend’s family I was expecting the charming, cosy TV scene (I don’t know why, I had visited their house before) It was his parents and sibling, starter was prawn cocktail - a couple prawns were still frozen, one small just cooked chicken (the fat was still jiggly), boiled potatoes and boiled brussels sprouts. No music was playing, no one said anything and the heating wasn’t on either (they were rich by the way so not a money thing) No seasoning at all - not even salt or pepper. After we were done b/f’s father picked the chicken skin and fat from everyone’s plate and ate them.

It was a massive culture shock for me.

I'm with Tarkan it's got to be stewing steak for stovies ,bit of beetroot and oatcakes.😋

One year my parents and siblings had some sort of bug so I was invited to my friends house for Christmas dinner. The food was served in pasta bowls and non of the veg was drained so everything was just swimming in water. My friends mum had read about using the veg water for gravy, so she'd sprinkled bisto on top of the Christmas dinner soup... I don't think she got to the part where you're supposed to mix the gravy separately. I pretended I was coming down with something and asked to go home.

My god haggis Stovies 🤢 although I bet some pretentious scottish reasturants would try and pass them off as authentic.

The worse stovies was a friends, we were on holiday with the kids and she was on tea she made. Corned beef stovies with beans in them <shudder>

OMG that's hilarious. I hope you had some better UK Christmases since
My worst is kinda standard. Planned to go away. Boyfriend got gastroenteritis on Christmas day. We cancelled, had no food in, no shops open. Beans on toast.

I know this NOW. At the time it was ‘what are we going to eat?’

Agreed. My late husband was from Aberdeenshire and was appalled that Fifers make stovies with corned beef.

Nigella advocates cooking turkeys upside down.

First Christmas with future in laws. Christmas lunch was turkey, stuffing, roast potatoes and sprouts with gravy. All fine. Small portions but ok. But then FMIL announced “it’ll be good to get back to normal food”. What? The meal was not even a normal roast dinner to me, lacking a variety of veg and leaving me hungry. This was the woman who, on my first visit to them, served neck of lamb stew on the bone, so it was all sitting in globules of fat, served with plain boiled potatoes and cabbage. I ate what I could but couldn’t really stomach it. So I was forever labelled as having a small appetite!!!

My Christmas dinners are tried and tested Delia. They always work, and are scoffed within 15 minutes - so much for two days of prep.

However, one year, as a geeky joke (that only a Chemistry teacher would do), I made gravy using red cabbage water. I think this was a different day and it was pork.

As all of you will remember from Y7 Science, red cabbage is a good pH indicator. I added a few drops of vinegar into the gravy and it turned pink. It looked like blancmange, but tasted like a fine gravy. No one would eat it, or even indulge my geekiness.

@CraftyGin - I saw a post on a thread of advice for someone cooking Christmas dinner for the first time, recommending that you don’t steam the red cabbage over the potatoes, unless you want pink mash/roasties!

I read here one year about a family who cook the entire Christmas lunch on Christmas Eve, plate up and then wrap them in cling film. On Christmas day each person just puts one in the microwave when they feel like eating.

I gasped aloud reading it.

The worst Christmas meal I've eaten was the first Christmas with the in laws. It was all plated up on the kitchen and tomato ketchup drizzled all over every single one.

I then took over hosting, and it was done properly with everything presented on the dining table for people to heap their own plates. And no ketchup in sight. A few years ago I had to put my foot down after a decade of hosting as in laws come as a package deal with sil who is the worst guest ever. Never contributing to either food, drink, clearing up after and just ignores me. The final year she was asked to bring some tin foil with her. She pulled off a small square then his the roll back in her handbag.

I think it was a 70s 'delicacy' 🤮

Cheeseboard chicken with roasted grapes in port gravy. Not me. This years Good Housekeeping Christmas mains.

Home made ginger wine! We had that too. I was born 1960 and we had it every Xmas. I made it for my DC born in the 80s. Chemists used to sell the cordial, you added water and a scary amount of sugar, boiled then bottled it. Delicious! I wonder if you can still buy it? I can't remember the brand.

Wasn't Nigella's idea tbf. But yes, do it with chickens too. Self bastes. Turn them over for the final bit of cooking to brown the skin.

Found it!

www.northumbriangifts.co.uk/products/ginger-wine-essence-100ml?variant=54770103320953&country=GB&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&tw_source=google&tw_adid=&tw_campaign=18310365510&tw_kwdid=&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17510472469&gbraid=0AAAAAB-BKc0JNV8Hf0G7WoNHnogs2ASYr&gclid=CjwKCAiAlMHIBhAcEiwAZhZBUgkuXiOYp7u0O9SeiMm2uR9OZ1oBcZk5z39SET_YJ2N7ii9P-hw7JBoCXA0QAvD_BwE

Very minty cabbage at a family member's house. 'Did you put mint in the cabbage Sally, it tastes very minty?' 'No I didn't, you're imagining it.' A little while later - 'are you sure Sally, I'm certain in tastes minty?' 'No!' Then a few minutes later, I picked up another cabbage leaf and stuck to the underneath of it was some melted chewing gum. It turned out she had been chewing it, STUCK IT ON THE COUNTERTOP when done with it as she was busy cooking, then obviously accidentally shoved the cabbage on top of it. So, so awful. She blamed me 😂

Xmas with my PIL was a tedious affair - we usually host now to avoid this. Get up, normal breakfasts, bide time until presents at 11. Read new books quietly until lunch 1pm. Very Minimal roast with sliver of Xmas pud to end. No choice, condiments, extras etc. Wash up. Then they ALWAYS watch Casablanca. (Why???). 7pm get a cup of tea and one mince pie. Then quiet occupations til bed. Go to bed slightly hungry!
Always exactly like this.

i caused a storm once by suggesting I could bring some cheese and crackers, chocolates for the evening….

Neither my daughter or my DDiL can cook. They both have ADHD .

I possibly have ADHD., suggested by DDs doctor and have a tendency to get distracted. Ive burnt boiles eggs on the past. However, once timers get used I'm fine.
I can't drive though.

Had the reverse experience to you, @SantaHasABigYuleLog on a rare Xmas visit to Kiwi in-laws ( usually went in Feb). Looking forward to reliving my DH’s nostalgic memories of a big roasted ham and salad picnic on the beach by his childhood home. Instead had my SIL trying to cook a lot of stuffed pork on a BBQ at their fancy bach, resulting in burnt outer and raw inner ie totally inedible and salad heavily based on green peppers. With no back up food. Ended up driving the next day to try and find a dairy open with some kind of food. Famous in our family as The Hungry Year.

That is so bizarre. Did they realise on the day when eating it that it was a bad idea to prepare food that way?

Some of these are so gross, makes me feel better about the dry turkey I’ll be having 😂

Well, they’ve come to us for Christmas dinner every year since, so I presume they realised.

Wheezing here.

What a great thread. Reminds me why we never, ever go away from home at Christmas and how lovely it is to have just my husband and adult children here.

Well arguably a lot of people can't do any of the things you have mentioned either....